The Best Motto

Gd, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannon change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

You woke up this morning - Congratulations! You got another chance!

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

EVEN THE CYBERSPACE IS AGAINST ME!

It is not enough that my family and friends are forever trying to rectify my single state, or that I constantly get condescending stares and pitying glances to the tune of “what is wrong with this girl” from the pillars and half-pillars of our community – now cyberspace it going into all frontal assault!


I get e-mails suggesting Jewish singles, Christian singles, Black singles, White singles, Conservative singles, free-thinking singles, professional singles, hip singles, and, for whatever reason, disappointed housewives. My blog gets ads for romantic getaways for two, romantic wedding gowns, professing your love with flowers, professing your love with chocolates, professing your love with diamonds, professing your love with love. And just now I got Mormon wedding gowns! Oh, for goodness sakes! I get the point!!


So, here is my counter-ad: “A nice Jewish girl, on the wan side of 30s, bestowed by the Creator with many riches (but not the monetary ones); never been married before; kind; loves children; a fairly decent cook, non-smoker and practically non-drinker, very family oriented; brown hair, brown eyes, short, fat, prefers comfortable clothes and shoes, loves travel, reading, classical music, works of art created by dead white males (and females); loves cats, but does not like dogs; likes perfume, but does not like diamonds; stubborn and opinionated; NRA member; classified as “right wing angry bitch”; does not suffer fools easily (especially the ones of the male persuasion); loves the Holy Land (but has no tolerance for the stupidity and anti-Semitism of its rules and does not consider aliyah); committed to Judaism (but abhors the foolishness, misogyny, snobbery, and ignorance that passes for it); loves USA ( and is not willing to compromise on it as well); currently residing in New York (and not really willing to re-locate).”


Do you hear or see the male stampede?  Yea, somehow neither do I.

5 comments:

La Poutine Cachere said...

Barb, I <3 u. Great summary of the salient points.

As for those emails, I know that I'm personally ready to pursue them. Anything to date outside that shadchanim/yeshivish box.

Sally Hazel said...

The best summary to date!

Jim Fister said...

It's the cats. If you liked dogs, everythign would be cool.

Barb Chansky said...

Heck, Jim, I also thought cats were a deal breaker - but only because I like to have a pet, period.

Moshe said...

I can hear the stampede, it's running the other way! ;)

Now this is the proper behavior for a lady:
Хочется дурой набитою стать,
Чтоб не уметь ни писать, ни читать,
Чтобы валяться круглые сутки...
Чтобы смеяться на глупые шутки...
Чтобы переться от розовой шмотки,
Чтобы подруги - одни идиотки,
Чтоб в ридикюле духи и жЫвачка,
Чтоб Петросян смешил до ус ...ки.
Чтобы компьютер - большой калькулятор,
Чтобы с ашипкай писать "гиниратор",
Чтобы Дом2 - "зашибись передача",
Кучу любовников и побогаче..
Чтобы в наушниках - "Шпильки" с Биланом,
Чтобы трусы - только "Дольче Габана",
Чтоб "кибернетика" - страшное слово,
Чтобы "политика - это не клёво".
В общем, хочу быть набитою дурой,
Брать не умом, а лицом и фигурой,
Всё достигать, раздвигая коленки...
Стать бы такой... И убица ап стенку.
(с) Череп два Костя