ALMOST BY THE WATERCOOLER

Closer to the conclusion to one of the slower/end of the year workdays, I overheard two of my co-workers (one young and American born, another not so young and recently naturalized, being born in one of the South American countries famous for its drug cartels) laughing madly and droning something to the tunes of Americans being stupid. Yours truly, being her usual strange self, could not let the insult to her people pass, hence decided to join in this exchange of ideas.

So, I politely inquired as to the source of this levity and was informed that the above source is general American stupidity. I tried to explain to them that Americans are by far not stupid – just the victims of a broken educational system, for which we can profusely thank Jimmy Carter, among many others. In response I was asked if I watch “are you smarter than a fifth grader”; I usually watch only stuff on Channel 38 and even that when it usually appears on hulu. But I do have a passing acquaintance with this show, which only proves my point – there is a difference between the absence of a working grey matter and the absence of decent, well-rounded general knowledge.

Alas, the levity did not stop, my arguments fell on deaf ears, and the stupidity of the general American public was firmly established in the eyes of those two. Somehow, I did not feel to just politely agreeing to disagree, and I hit them with this parting volley: “You know – you are right. If 64 million Americans could vote Barak Obama into Presidency, Americans are indeed stupid.”

The resulting general effect was simply priceless.

THANKSGIVING/MEME

As always, very belated, but most sincere

Back in the summer, Moshe tugged me for a “7 things I love” meme. Since that was the “dry period” for my blog due to the necessity of actually working during work hours, I never got to do it (even though meme’s are harmless fun in general, and that looked like enjoyable task in particular). Then, on Thanksgiving, I just wanted to post a list of things I am grateful for. Since I am very late for both entries, I am going to combine them and post things I love (which incidentally I am grateful for).


Fun list:

1. Books.
2. Great works of art by dead white males and females and great books by (hopefully) very much alive white females.
3. Delicious food and drink – especially fruits, anything with real whipped cream, and coffee.
4. Beautiful nature – especially when it is highlighted by warm sun and gentle breezes.
5. Vacations, vacations, vacations – that includes Disney (my first and enduring love), doing all idiotic tourist-y things, exploring strange places, and soaking in the turquoise waters of the magnificent ocean.
6. Comfortable clothes (especially night shirts) and the ability to stay in them as long as possible.
7. Gorgeous smells, especially flowers and perfume (hey, the sense of smell is the only one not affected by “original sin”).


Serious list:


1. My parents, my siblings (even when they are being a pain in the gluteus maximums - hopefully, I can always return the favor), and my nieces and nephew
2. My friends
3. My health (you can guess my age by that one)
4. Being a Jewess
5. Being a woman
6. My freedom
7. USA


Needless to say, all of those are the gifts from The Heavenly Father, and I know that He loves me even when I grouch and grumble (I am human, after all).

VALIDATION OF MY “MADNESS”

There are many things that I do in performance of my everyday boring activities that garner raised eyebrows from the passers-by, good natured jokes from my friends, and snide comments from my so-called well-wishers. One prime example is my choice of footwear.


Anyone who knows me personally can vouch that I wear flip-flops around nine months out of twelve – lately around eight months (due to the results of catastrophic man-made global warming). Surprise of surprises – I actually do that for purely practical reasons, and not to reinforce my nonsensical non-conformism.


Anyway, a few weeks ago I forced myself to go to podiatrist – this time due to my innate klutziness that results in my frequent walking into walls and assorted furniture. While making an appointment, I was asked to make sure and prepare a list of all different kinds of footwear I use for different purposes. “Oh, brother,” – was my mental exclamation – “another lecture by a medical professional coming my way”. To further the irony, it rained cats and dogs on the morning of my appointment, so, instead of wearing my derided flip-flops, I borrowed a pair of sneakers from my baby brother and trotted off.


The doctor was punctual and friendly, and he reassured me that my klutziness produced no lasting damage. He was also duly impressed with the general condition of my feet; and then the conversation turned to the dreaded topic – the footwear. He asked me if I were sneakers as a matter of course; I explained to him the reason for the Nikes and my obsession with the “beach shoes”. “So, you wear flip-flips most of the time?” “Yes; even when it gets cold outside, I keep a pair at work to change into.” “And at home?” “Then I just go barefoot”. Guess what his response was to my dreadful confession? “That’s very impressive! I wish all my patients did this – it’s healthy for the feet to be exposed to sun and air for most of the time.”


The second episode occurred about three weeks later when I went for my infrequent hair-cut. To hair salon which I frequent is pretty friendly and informal, which suits me just fine. So, while my hairdresser began on my head, she continued chatting with her previous client. In the middle of this chat, the other lady complimented my hair, telling me that it looks very healthy. The hairdresser got really excited and confirmed that my tresses were very silky to touch (thanks, ladies, you are making me blush). “You know why?” – She continued – “It’s because Barb does not put anything in her hair. All she does is shampoo, condition, and get them cut; no chemicals, no dies, no blow-drying – zip!” The other client was duly surprised and impressed at the same time.


Now I have a slight dilemma – should I submit this story to Glamour, Vogue, In Style, Lucky, and a few other choice publications offering beauty advice to women? Nah, just kidding.

SOME MORE WISDOM FROM BELOVED NEPHEW

As previously mentioned, MBS and MNM know me as Papi. MBS, being a big girl, understands that her cool aunt also goes by another name; for MNM it is a bit of a different story.


So, a few days ago, a family friend, who, in the best traditions of our community, also happens to be the mother of MBS’s favorite classmate, came to Beloved Sibling’s house to pick up her progeny. In the process of doing this, she also informed Blondie that she knows his aunt Barb – which information was completely indigestible to our big boy. After being informed of this amusing incident, I asked him if he knows who Barb is – blank stare. “It’s I, SiM”. With a superior, I-do-not-have-patience-for-this-nonsense-young-lady-look, Beloved Nephew very firmly told me “you Papi!”; case closed.


A little while before that, he was playing with my wallet and came upon my NRA membership card. “Ducky” –was his exited observation. “No, sweetie, that’s an eagle.” “No, ducky!” “No, big boy, that birdie does not look like a ducky at all”. “Ducky!” Now I just have to inform NRA that apparently their seal was changed.


And, in slightly related news, a love seat in the living room received a serious kicking yesterday after Golden Delicious bumped herself on it. “You no hurt Eh, you bad boy!” – were the admonishing words that accompanied the kicks.

WHY I CAN NOT BE A RELIABLE WITNESS IN COURT

The following story also took place shortly after MMM made her glorious entrance into this world.

Yours truly was walking back to the office after a satisfying meal when she got a phone call from Beloved Sibling. The Very Important Matter of Shopping for Mini Mini Me was discussed. All of the sudden, in the middle of the conversation, I saw a familiar face attached to a familiar hairdo that was approaching me from the opposite direction. The hand attached to the body with the familiar face waved at me and the mouth on the familiar face cracked a smile.

I got really excited. “Nechama – I thought – so happy to see her since she moved to New Jersey a donkey’s age ago!” :”Uh, uh, uh, guess whom I just met on the street!” – was my happy squeal into the receiver. Of course, my poor sister was at sea, so I just wished her well and hang up. Nechama stopped, but did not hang up on her phone call. I just stood there, smiling like an idiot – I really was that happy to see her. She continued chatting and after a first polite smile did not really pay attention to me.

OK, she did not see me or hear from me in a long while, but she was my sister’s friend, for goodness sake! What happened to her? Finally, she reluctantly finished her call and decided to waste some rudimentary conversation on yours truly. And, boy oh boy, it was way beyond rudimentary; it was stifled and cold. We wished each other Shana Tova, of course, and then I, in very exuberant tones, told her about the MMM’ arrival; very un-exited reception. Then I asked her if she was working in the area; she just looked at me with a slight disdain before confirming the fact. I offered to exchange phone numbers (so we could stay in touch somewhat); again some kind of very cold and put-down compliance.

Finally, after about two minutes of this nonsense (and her offer of meeting for lunch one day, which I knew would never materialize), we wished each other the best for the remainder of Sukkot and the coming year, and I returned to the office. Her behavior continued to baffle me, though; again, granted, I did not see her for a very long time; but such drastic change? What the heck happened to a warm, exuberant, down to earth, wonderful Nechama? Needless to say, I did not say anything to my sister; she, of course, did not ask, being busy with the new baby and all.

I, on the other hand, while relegating this dumb incident to the back of my mind, could not give it a complete and proper rest. Another disappointment, in a long line of disappointments; well, people do change, and usually not for the better. And only after about two or three weeks of those musings the condemned by enviro-wacos invention of Thomas Edison flickered to bright light in my head. OMG (as the modern generation likes to summarize it), it was not Nechama at all! It was Odette, or Violette, or whatever Frenchified nonsense name her parents gave her! The girl who was introduced to me by my friend Ellie; and which friendship left me nonplussed, since Ellie is a very warm and sweet person, and Odette is so clearly not! If my fried brain would have recognized her as Odette, it would have steered my body to the opposite side of the street, and only then commended to one of my hands to wave in a non-committal greeting! At that point I did share the story with my sister – and man, did we laugh!

And that is why, Boys and Girls, Ladies and Things, your humble servant would never make a reliable eye-witness in court!

8 DAYS OF HANUKKAH - Senator ORIN HATCH

G-d bless this country!

Happy Chanukah!

To all my Jewish brothers and sisters, regardless of your religious affiliation (or the lack of such) I wish a happy and joyous Chanukah (however you would like to spell it)!


Here is to remembering the true meaning of this wonderful holiday, to miracles, to our spiritual survival, to the peaceful light of the Menorot, and to the fantastic taste of sufganiyot and anything fried in olive oil!

Mozart - Symphony No 25 (Remix)

Another dabble with the classics that I found enjoyable (picture including)