MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 28

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather seem to be rocking for the last day of February. George and Sniffles decided to make themselves nests in the plastic bags last night. The crazy upstairs was quite for 2 days in a row - should I call the police in concern? Today the current Pope is making his final speech as the Pope. Kanye West is in the news again: it looks like he produced "a lengthy rant onstage in London", once again attacking Taylor Swift, and this time adding his friend Jay-Z to the mix for collaborating with Justin Timberlake. He also "slammed corporations who use art to make money". I wonder if the people he was ranting at demanded their money returned. I also wonder since when are the noises that Kanye, Jay-Z, and Beyonce produce are considered art? And, finally, I wonder if he would relinquish all his personal gains that the evil corporations helped him acquire. The researches in Finland and the UK found out that having a boy can shave off about 8.5 months off mother's life (no effect on the father) - nice! Not only husbands, but now sons also?!! And speaking of husbands - Marc Anthony, not to be outdone by his ex-wife, took his kids to Disneyland while accompanied by "a much younger girlfriend". SJP is under fire again for her fashion faux pa - this time she put on socks with sandals - "a trend that did not yet translate from the runaway to the streets". As long as she is not making dinners in support of Hussein, I don't care what she put on, frankly speaking. Speaking of Hussein: a new car was supposed to be "a staple" for American middle class families - but not anymore, for which we can all thank him and his many policies. Carmen Electra put on her Baywatch swimsuit once more to be photographed for In Touch magazine - which makes me wonder about how many men got in touch with their younger selves. And a couple decided to have a Shrek-themed wedding because the story "represents true love", and they even used grin paint - and here I thought that we have crazily overboard weddings right here in Brooklyn! Russia and Egypt are among the 10 places you can now afford to travel to (as opposed to few years ago) - thanks, but no thanks! I can find all the adventures and entertainment I want right here, in the US - without risking life and limb. Not one, but hairdos made the news! Ellen DeGeneres claimed that she wanted to go wild, and part her hair on a different side, and Jennifer Lawrence got brunette right after Oscars for her role in the latest Hunger Games movie - wow, stop the presses! All quiet on Kardashian front. Coffee this morning in my green mug from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 27

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is pretty sucky, but not terrible - hoping spring will come soon. Fresh air acted like an upper on Sniffles this morning - the crazy cat got extra crazy and was running around the apartment at the triple of his usual speed. This is what's currently trending at # 2 - a man in Indiana was arrested after calling 911 for nine times and trying to order a cheeseburger; well, I guess serious hunger does constitute an emergency situation. According to parteigenosse Michelle, her dear husband is not getting gray hair because of the stress of his job (yea, no kidding, what stress?) - he is getting it because he is a father of 2 teenage daughters. Aw...how could I put in printable words all I can say on the matter? Also, I assume that this is a hint that they are just like any other parents in America - it's just that their darlings are protected by armed security 24/7, and we have to fight for our right to protect our kids. And speaking of weapons: the head of Family Tree Entertainment sent a following proposal to NYPD: offer tickets to Beyonce's concert (instead of money) in exchange for firearms. Well, considering the demographics of the NYC's toughest criminals and the members of the street gangs, they might just go for it; then again - I think the entertainment mogul is putting too much faith into Beyonce's appeal, even to young black and hispanic thugs. Guess what Lindsey Lohan, Jason Alexander, Lance Armstrong, and Jenny McCarthy have in common? They all refused to be on DWTS - wow! And here is an attention-grabbing headline "Hathaway's dress crisis" - I kid you not! What was the crisis? Well, she wanted to wear a dress from Valentino, her "long-time friend", to the Oscars, but changed her mind at the last minute and hopes that nobody was offended - crisis indeed! Way worse than our national debt, folks! A physicist in Australia asked his girlfriend to marry him by publishing a scientific paper - who said nerdy?! That's hot, man! Also in Australia - another dude brewed beer for about 1 G a bottle by using the water from the iceberg - interesting folk lives there Down Under. Kim K. is back in the news - she started her mommy blog and wrote about fabulous maternity jeans; well, at least everyone remains dressed in this story - and Kim can actually write! Ditto for Prince Harry - no more nude photos of him, of his sister-in-law. And it's quite on Bieber's front as well - no gas masks or testicular kidnappings. Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug - hello to the crazy district of Nancy Pelosi.

HAPPY PURIM!

For a number of years now I have been guilty of not getting into proper Purim spirit. Sure, there were reasons aplenty: our family is not together anymore, no money, no job, munchkins are not here, friends turned out to be radishes (non-translatable Russian jargon), Hussein is the President, our community is rotting and stinking from the head, our people are not using their gray matter and behaving like water buffaloes (especially during the Holidays) – well, the list is long, painful, and emotionally exhausting.

Add to this the fact that our enemies like to keep our wounds fresh; they love to make sure that each day of celebration is market by somebody's sorrow – and a very recent one, at that. I would never forget the Seder where one of the guests remarked right before the Shvach Hamatcho “remember the parents of Shalhevet Pass who are just getting up from Shiva”. And when it comes to Purim, we have the massacre at Merkaz Harav, which occurred on Rosh Chodesh Adar, and the murders of the Fogel family, may Hashem avenge their blood, which happened shortly before Purim. Yes, all this definitely adds to a lovely celebration and merriment.

But this year, about a week before Purim, it suddenly dawned on me: we celebrate despite all that! Because in every generation, heck, almost every decade, we have a new Haman who rises and thinks it would be a great idea to get rid of this one “people scattered and separate among the peoples throughout all the” nations. Safety is only a temporary illusion; we are constantly in danger (sometimes more, sometimes less) because we are still in galut – mainly due to our ignorance and sinat chinam. On Purim we remember that an evil bastard wanted to exterminate us all, with the full cooperation of the governing body (who did not even care about the loss of revenue to the treasury); only through the hidden miracles from the Almighty were we saved, and the wheels of fortune turned in our favor. We celebrate the simple fact of remaining alive despite the unbelievable odds! And we also remember once more that “united we stand, divided we fall” - a simple phrase, repeated so many times by so many different people in so many different circumstances – but not loosing its validity none-the-less. We eat, drink, enjoy life, and give gifts to each other; it really is the most joyous day of the year.

And so, this Purim, that's what I did – tried to celebrate it in the proper spirit. I am still jobless, money-less, and lonely; our community is still, well, by far not perfect; our people still behave like water buffaloes and still propagate idiocy and sinat chinam; our enemies are more powerful than ever and are coming at us from all sides; and the wounds from loosing our brothers and sisters to unending hatred are very fresh – but I smiled, sang, and danced regardless. Granted, I was costume-less (due to poor planning last fall), but as half of my wardrobe and accessories are “strange” and “funny” anyway (or the results of manic shopping choices), they did it instead of a real costume.

Also, went to my by now usual Purim meal in Riverdale. The food was great (I even ate and enjoyed turkey!!!), the company pretty good, and I had a great excuse to escape Brooklyn. Finally tally on the emptied bottles – 8!!! Americans can't drink properly, man!

I hope your Purim also rocked, peeps – because, hey, we are still alive and kicking! Am Yisrael Chai! Le'Chaim!

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 26

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is still warm and relatively nice for February. The crazy upstairs did not disappoint and produced double amount of noise - probably to make up for yesterday's silence. Ladies and Gentlemen - rejoice! The long wait is over and the new cast of DWTS is announced! Kim Kardashian is all over the net today - the famous preggo did attend the Oscars and twitted her pictures. Yay, hurray - what would the world come to without seeing her face and figure every day?!! Parteigenosse Michelle, that inspiring figure from humble beginnings and the champion of the poor, wore a very modest dress for her guest appearance at the Oscars - it costs less than 9 Gs, folks! And speaking of that nice, sparkly dress - Iranian TV somehow photo-shopped it to cover her famous arms and over stuff. Also, she recently announced during one of her very rare TV appearances that she misses cooking for her family and even walks to the kitchen sometimes - aw...Oh, for effs sake! Nobody is stopping you - go and cook; incidentally, maybe you will save a bit on the chef's fee, especially considering the insanely obscene amount of money that is spent on your family every blessed day! Oh, yea, and the amount of time spent on cooking would equal the amount of time you don't tell the rest of us how to live, breath, eat, feed our kids, etc. And Snooki is back in the news as well - she sold her "tacky" SUV for more money than the new car would cost - gee, what a huge surprise! It looks like Prince Harry kept his clothes on during his latest vaca, and there are no news from his sister-in-law. But Bieber is back!!! It looks like during his recent trip to the mall he decided to hide behind a gas mask to avoid the paparazzi - novel, that. Coffee this morning in my sad/smiley faces mug.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 25

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Happy Shushan Purim! The weather rocks - for the end of February :) Sniffles got up around 5 am, fluffed his tail, ran all over the house (scraping his claws off the floor), overturned my trash can under the desk, chased George, overturned their food bowl, made a mess of the plastic bags in the kitchen, and is now sleeping in the cat house. The crazy upstairs is quiet so far. The biggest news, dominating everyone's mind this morning, are, of course: the plight of our troops in Afghanistan, the dismal state of our economy, Iran's and North Korea's nuclear capabilities, our horrendous national debt, and the President who openly hates our country and is hell bent on legalizing the millions of barbarians who invaded our borders and denying us our 2nd Amendment rights. Just kidding, peeps! The biggest news are the Oscars - aka a bunch of rich, spoiled, America-hating brats patting each other on the back for imagined artistic achievements. First, of course, there is a huge debate of who was best or worst dressed - and the opinions of the experts do not necessarily match. Then there is Kristen Stewart (currently trending at # 10) - who attended the Oscars without R-Patz, but with crutches; I guess she is the first person in known history to use crutches, and that's why everyone is talking about it. In related news - it looks like Jennifer Lawrence stumbled and blamed it on her dress - duh! And, of course, the biggest "wow" from last night was parteigenosse Michelle showing up to announce the winner of the best picture award - aw..where is that dratted spittoon again?!! Also, it looks like Republicans found some balls - they launched "a snarky new Oscar-themed ad" against the Dems - good for you, people! Then there is a list of America's 10 richest cities, with DC on the third place - wonder why this is; our fair city of New York in only on the 5th. But, but, but - we serve the world's most expensive omelette - for a mere thousand bucks a serving! Why so much - it has 1G worth on caviar in it - and the restaurant serves it for "fun, not to make money" - nice!! Also, there is a list of 8 vaccines that every guy needs - the shots against stupidity or mommy issues, unfortunately, are not on the list. Celeb preggos are mum, and so is Bieber - I guess recovering from the attempt at his testicles. Coffee this morning in my Disney Dalmatian Spots mug. Oh, yea, and Baby Bro drunk my coffee with his morning cig - hurray for my cooking skills!

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 22

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is beginning to improve slightly - it's warmer, and the winds died down, thank Gd! Got effin scared last night when I heard someone walking around the apartment when I knew that baby bro was asleep. Turned out it was George - blessed kitty made that much noise! And, mind you, I don't read horror stories or suspense - ever, not just at night. The crazy upstairs did not disappoint and started her routine as I was typing this update. There is a casino in NYC (strictly speaking, next to JFK), which is threatening the business in Atlantic City and at Mohigan Sun, because NYers can just hop on the subway and be where they want to be - go, Queens!! This just in - young adults eat more fast food than older people, blacks eat more of it than whites, and young black adults are the biggest consumers of whoppers and fried chicken - I am sure the researches and statisticians that participated in this study were racists. Japanese women are making money by putting ads on their thighs and posting pictures online - interesting, that. Star Wars fans can take lightsaber lessons and get special tips from Darth Vader himself - ah, the beauty of the free market. J.Lo.'s twins are turning 5, and she is throwing a rainbow-themed b-day party for them, completed with homemade cupcakes frosted with pink and blue - aw, happy birthday kids! With mommy and daddy like yours - good luck! "Rural communities of Dull, Scotland, and Boring, Oregon, formed an international partnership last year to build cultural and commercial connections" to attract tourists, despite their luck-luster names - personally, I would be hesitant to visit liberal-infested Oregon and muslim-infested Britain, but that's just me. Also, our fair city of New York escaped being among America's worst cities to find love - how, I have no idea. Some posh psychologist listed 10 biggest wedding fears and how to conquer them - surprisingly, the fear of "he will never get over his mommy issues and take it out on me" was not on the list; got to give that woman a call and tell her to brush up. Just as I was complaining about Windsors - Harry is in the news again, but all he is doing is having a romantic getaway with his new girlfriend - no orgies and everyone stayed dressed (so far); BORING! Also, thanks to a tip from a concerned citizen, I found out that there was a plot to kidnap Bieber and chop off his testicles! Thankfully, the perpetrators were stopped by the Canadian border - whew! The national treasure was saved! Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

SALAD NICOISE A LA MOSCOW

Few years ago my friends served me salad which they officially call Ivanovs' salad (Ivanovs being our mutual friends). Upon gazing at the ingredients I was compelled to ask why they dubbed this particular dish thusly, and they explained that they were never served this salad before they came to Ivanovs for a meal. This little story made me laugh, because everyone in Moscow (from whence both Ivanovs and yours truly originally hail) made this salad (providing, of course, that the ingredients were available); my friends, on the other hand, came from Leningrad and Kiev, where, I guess, this culinary offering was not in vogue.

That, as Sir Percy would say, was just the title. Fast-forward to today; I decided to make myself a salad to break my fast, and for whatever reasons, decided to make “Ivanonvs'” salad – or, as we called it, radish salad, the ingredients for which are radishes, cucumbers, scallions, hard-boiled eggs, and mayo. And that's how fun started.

First, I realized that I was too lazy to go back for scallions when I was in the story, so I had to substitute it with an onion. Second, I saw a beautiful package of mushrooms in my shopping bag – well, it's winter, and we need extra vitamin D, so mushrooms followed. Steps 3 and 4 were uneventful: a bunch of radishes and 4 cucumbers. Then I realized that I was very low on eggs, and only had 3 instead of 5 I usually put. In order to compensate for the lack of protein, I decided to add 3 little cans of tuna which were hanging around since summer and munchkins' visit. And as I was opening tuna, making sure that Sniffles does not get into it (for his own protection), I remembered that a few kosher establishments served something vaguely similar (minus the radishes) and called it nicoise salad. Of course, kosher establishments usually use loose interpretations of the original recipe, but who cares. So, I topped my creation with a jar of black olives, and on top of the generous helping of the mayonnaise added the horse radish sauce.

The results, my friends, were surprisingly good, and I decided to share with you the recipe of this particular cooking experiment.   

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 21

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's effin cold again - hate it, but still prefer that to the triple H we will have in a few months. Crazy upstairs is surprisingly quite - vacuum broke down again? Sniffles is sleeping in the cat house - at least this time his back is not hanging off like yesterday. Got wine for Purim - and for the fridge as well! Britain would not return Koh-i-Noor diamond to India - which pressing problem is a major concern for both British and (especially) Indian citizens, I am sure. Kim K. is back! She will show her baby bump in a very tasteful picture spread in a magazine - considering how much class she and her boyfriend Kanye have together, I envision great things for this kid. Michelle O.'s official 2013 portrait is out - it shows her much-talked-about-bangs, but hides her "trademark" arms - it also hides her trademark hatred for USA and her trademark love of food. Speaking of royals - the House of Windsor is really not exiting for the past few months - nobody runs around naked, nobody cheats on their spouse, and that envirowaco mutton-head Prince Charles did not advise anyone to abandon modern technology in some time as well - Bess, did you finally manage to control your family and make them boring? Of course, now Kate's sister is in the news due to a new boyfriend - I guess because it's so rare for an attractive young woman to date and to have a boyfriend. And speaking of boyfriends - Rihanna is celebrating her 25th birthday with her bf Chris Brown in Hawaii; I assume that psychiatric help is available in resort areas. And Bieber is seriously beginning to worry me (and, I am sure, millions of giddy teens) with his continued absence. No coffee today due to fast.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 20

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is again NY February - at least it's sunny. Sniffles is laying on top of my chair and gently breathing in my ear. Scholastic ordered new illustrations for Harry Potter - the old expression of not gilding the lily comes to mind, and, in my opinion, both old and new illustrations stink. There are 7 bad habits that are good for you! Of course, the idiots only listed 5, but here they are: procrastination, coffee drinking, chocolate eating, napping, and alcohol consumption - yes!!! Going back to bed, then waking up, having another coffee, and chasing it with a nice chardonnay and nice piece of Godiva - oh, heck, procrastinated last month and did not get my freebies! Guess what is trending at # 1 right now? The speculation on whatever or not Victoria Beckham is preggers again - heck, what is it with the water and the air lately?! Celebs expecting right and left - and most of them are due this summer! USPS will launch a new clothing line in 2014 titled "Rain Heat & Snow" - good job, guys! While you are busy designing, could you please make sure to lose a piece of mail only once? Thanks! There is also a case of raising the salary for our dear comrade Hussein, because he is underpaid and maybe needs incentives - and no, this is not a line from The Onion. And the Academy decided not to call the event of the year 85th Academy Awards, but instead just call it the Oscars (to get rid of "musty" alternative title) - this is also not a line from The Onion. "Higgs Boson Particle May Spell Doom For the Universe" - I beg to differ; it's human stupidity that spells doom for the universe. In the fashion news: "ugly" 90's trend of wearing coveralls is coming back - well, at least people are still dressed. And on the hairdo front: parteigenosse Michelle claims that her bangs was her way of dealing with mid-life crisis - where is the spittoon when you need one, I ask you! No peep from either Windsors or Bieber today - bummer! Coffee this morning in my HP mug.

המן הרשע | קינדרלעך haman harasha kinderlach

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 19

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! It's overcast outside of my window, but much warmer than yesterday. Just saw somewhere that, according to some big shot's opinion people can't achieve anything after 46 - but history proofs him wrong. Interesting, that. Sniffles is running around with his tile 5 times the usual size. The crazy upstairs did not disappoint for the past few mornings - her vacuum was heard loud and clear. J.K. Rowling is trending at #6 right now - because she beat both the Queen and her granddaughter-in-law as the most inspiring woman. I understand how she is way more inspiring than Kate, but Bess - people's lack of historical knowledge is glaring. Kardashians are back in the news with a vengeance: Khloe was fired from the X-factor, and Kourtney had a "violent outburst" during their show - classy and profound, I know; but all I can think of - still prefer to hear about them as opposed to parteigenosse Michelle. And this is trending at #2: some kind of award-winning author (of whom, frankly, I never heard before) criticized Kate as "machine-made doll with plastic smile" who lacks Diana's personality and "human frailty" - wow, being mentally stable is a crime? Woman, honestly, get a life! And guess what is trending at #9? Never mind, you can't! It's - drum roll please - Britney Spears' grocery list! Yea, it looks like she goes to the supermarket in her sweats and buys stuff that ordinary moms buy too - WOW! Jeez Louise, speechless!!!! And yet another celebrity announced her pregnancy - this time it's Fergie; can't find her due date - but it it's this summer, people, we will have bigger problems than global warming. Michael Phelps is dating another model - apparently, he is a quick operator: just broke up and already has "another squeeze" - again, why is young philandering male such big news? And in the world of fashion: peekaboo dresses are very much in, and Ashley Olsen was accused of stealing a coat from Chewbacca - in her defense, I have seen the pictures, and the accusation is over the top. Surprisingly, no one's hairdo got in the news - and bloody Bieber is still in hiding. Coffee this morning in my Do a Kahlua mug.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather continues to be NY February. In honor of President's day, our dear Hussein is golfing in Florida with Tiger Woods, and his lady fair is skiing in Aspen - well, they work so hard on destroying our country; poor dears deserve a little break from all their hard work (on taxpayer's dime, of course). Rihanna's bloody knee is now trending at #1 - I kid you not! It turns out that an angry fan in London threw a bottle at her because she seemed to have reunited with Kris Brown - the question, of course, begs as to who needs therapy most in this particular case. And Katy Perry's ring is trending at #6 - well, she got this heart-shaped ruby ring from her boyfriend, and now "the rumor mill is crazy" wondering if they are engaged; I am sure the majority of the country has other things to be crazy about, but what do I know. Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra are "faced off" by wearing the same mini dress - I will leave the discussion on their "hotness" to the guys, because to me they both look slightly plastic. Then there is a long advice on how to deal with "shrunken 2013 paycheck" - well, I think it was Doug Powers who outlined the solution a while back. He said that if the Founding Fathers came to DC today, they would hang the President, his Cabinet, some of the Supreme Court judges, and most of the Congress for treason right there on the National Mall. Maker's Mark "drew a storm of complains" when the company announced the plan to dilute their whiskey - no joke, that! Of course, the complains stopped that evil plan - if only the evil plans of our elected official would be that easily stopped. All the famous preggos are absent again - hiding from the cold? Ditto Bieber - same thing? Coffee this morning in my FL mug.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 17

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! The weather is, once again, NY February, darn it! Also have to come to grips with the fact that until the weather improves, I will be hit with a different strain of rhinovirus every other week. Memo to professional chefs: it's easy to cook when you have a bunch of expensive dishes; but to fry 3 onions in an omelette pan designed for 2 eggs - that's cooking, baby! This is the beginning of an article that's trending at #2 right now: " Beyoncé's new documentary about Beyoncé co-directed by Beyoncé..." - well, at least she is not visiting Hussein in the situation room. Kevin Federline owns IRS 57Gs - big effin deal! Every other member of the Congress, and most of Obama's cabinet owe way more than that! Why is IRS even bothering with small potatoes? "More than 75 percent of sponges and dishrags may carry disease-causing bacteria" - memo to you, envirowacos! What's why we, disgusting humans, like to clean with paper towels! Chimps have better short term memory than humans - well, judging by the last elections, they have better long term memory as well. And Rihanna debuted a new clothing line that was dubbed "Sassy chic or Friday Night at K-Mart?" - the clothes are not to my taste either, but I am sure the critics did not really visit K-Mart at Friday night or any other time. And earthquake "rattled Rome" - also over the Pope's resignation? No new celebrity pregnancies announced - whew? Coffee this morning in my musical notes mug.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 15

First, a little introduction: one of my very dear friends has a great coffee mug collection. So, every morning she posts her mug choice on facebook, together with few sentences about her day plans, family news, or something else to that extant. After being unemployed for a number of months, I decided to enter into a friendly competition with her – because between my own shopping, and my Beloved Sibling never claiming some of her stuff after getting married, and yours truly somehow ending up with family stuff after our parents split up...To make the long story short, I got my own decent mug collection.

It started with my mug choices, to which I decided to add the weather report as seen from my window, to which I decided to add occasional pet news, to which I eventually decided to add some pithy comments about “current events” - because, let's face it – the celebrity obsession is, well, idiotic. Low and behold, I got a little “following” - my friends kept telling me that my silly updates made them smile, made their days, offered them something to look forward to. So, I started doing it almost religiously.

And then I thought “why not post them on my blog?”. Of course, being a neurotic Jewess with OCD, I usually have set rules on what goes where and then. But, heck, it's my blog! And while I am trying to simultaneously write about ten “serious” pieces to post here ( and am not able to finish one), my decision to post my morning updates here solidified. Below is the one I wrote on Friday, February 15:

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather, once again, is nice for a February day. Actually tempted to go and check out post-valentine sales. George decided to snack on some napkins yesterday because they came from a burger joint - I guess they smelled like chicken wings and burgers to him. Megyn Kelly is pregnant - which happy occasion is trending at #2. Good luck, Megyn, from the bottom of my heart - because this time it won't just be pictures of baby bumps in cute maternity clothes; it will be a full-blown attack from the self-proclaimed defenders of human rights in general, and female rights in particular. Meteor struck Russia, reportedly injuring more than 500 hundred people - basically, doing only a fraction of the damage that the Russian government does to its citizens on a daily basis. Malia Obama might be dating - I am sure the guy loves his veggies and quinoa; also wondering how much additional security that particular young love would entail. There is also a list of 5 careers to avoid - they forgot to mention any job at the "frum" company, especially if you are a woman. Some celebrities have "strange hobbies": Nicholas Cage collects dinosaur bones, William Shatner likes archery, Mila Kunis is heavy into WarCraft, and Tom Hanks collects old typewriters - I honestly don't give a flying banana on what they spend their money, as long as they keep their (mostly uneducated) traps shot and don't involve themselves in anti-American activities, politics, and envirowacoism. Speaking of which, Jolie and Pitt are about to release their first wine next month - the previous statement applies. "Kris Humphries' lawyer reportedly sacked the star as his client" - because according to the lawyer, there were no legal grounds for the annulment of his marriage to Kim K.; and, in case you were wondering, this is your latest in Kardashain news. Kate, on the other hand, seems to be hiding again from the public - can't say I blame her. Bieber is, once again, absent - is he quietly searching for a new girlfriend? Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.