FREEDOM OF SPEECH?

One of my all time favorite comedians, Michael Zhvanetsky, once said something which was brilliant and very funny and sad at the same time. Of course, it loses something in the translation, but the gist is pretty clear. He joked that people always ask him if satire, in his opinion, is a weapon of offence or defense. He said that for him it is always defense: "I leave my home, go somewhere on the trolley, somebody is extremely rude to me, so I come home and write a response..." I do not claim to possess a talent even closely coming to Zhvanetsky's, but here goes.

Today I decided to spend my lunch at my absolutely favorite lunch spot: the book store. Today, somebody resembling a traveling salesman was hanging by the entrance. Now, one of my besetting weaknesses is that I absolutely cannot just tell somebody to go fish and leave me alone; I always have to be polite about it. Moron! The traveling salesman saw me and started his pitch: "Excuse me, do you have a moment for the environment?" I already knew exactly what it meant, so I politely told him that I am a Republican. For this crowd that usually works like a matador's cape to the bull, but that I have forgotten. "So?" with growing resentment. "So, I do not believe in global warming", said I and went to the store. 20 minutes later I emerged to see the traveling salesman with his assistant. They looked at each other, smirking, and then the first guy yelled after me: "George Bush believes in global warming!" "Then he is an idiot!" was my graceless response, which was probably what he was aiming at in the first place. How many times do I have to remind myself not to engage in verbal altercations with these people? They are not interested in exchange of ideas; they just need to yell you down and have the last word.

Now, the truth is, George Bush is not an idiot, and he definitely does not believe in global warming. What he does believe in, for some reason, is the fact that if he is going to ponder to the opposite side on all the domestic issues, somehow everything else is going to fall into places. Oh, George, George! Didn't you learn by now that you can never expose your fear or your jugular to the jackals? Because that is what these people are: jackals, morons, or useful idiots. They do not really care about the troops, illegal immigrants or the environment. They love to tell everyone else what to do, but never follow their own advice. The day after Al Gore won his Oscar, the information about his own living arrangements came to light. Now, I do not remember the exact figures, but rest assured they were astronomical. Plus, do not forget the private jets all those "green" people fly on. The list goes on and on and on.

Which reminds me of another two episodes, which took place a couple of years ago (2004 to be precise, the election year), when I was working in Carrol Gardens section of Brooklyn. Carroll Gardens used to be Italian blue collar neighborhood, but couple of years ago it became very expensive, hip and "it" place for well to do professionals, which in New York usually translates into another hotbed for extreme left elements. One time, when I got off the train, I was accosted by another wide eyed activist, this time a girl, who started by saying: "You are registered as a Democrat..." That was not a question, but a statement of facts. I replied that no, I was a Republican. I do not think she believed me, just though that I wanted to get rid of her and therefor invented such an implausible lie. Then, couple of weeks later, some enterprising soul went around and put the whole bunch of graffiti around the sidewalks that read: "Osama votes Kerri". Now, whoever did this was very brave, but very foolish. I sincerely hope that he or she was not caught, because going openly against that loud "pro-human rights" crowd is not very conducive to anybody's health. But, never the less, I enjoyed them: not only was it a nice change, it was the truth! The euphoria did not last long: somebody from the opposition painstakingly worked on every single graffiti to change them into: "vote Kerri". And to cap it off, a pair of twenty-something local girls looked at that and remarked that they were very happy somebody did that. Oh, what a wonderfully clear illustration!!! They yell till they are horse about the freedom of speech and the First Amendment (even though the majority of these yellers have never read the original text of the First Amendment), but then somebody exercises the right to free speech against these self-proclaimed human rights activists... Well, the opposition is not just silenced, it's gagged.