MORNING UPDATE, November 26, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is sunny, but cold - well, sunny is good. My mornings now include either Curry, whose idea of cuddling is swiping at you with his open-claw paw and/or biting, or the vacuuming from the crazy upstairs. The whereabouts of the ketchup bottle remain a mystery. 

Well, it's Cyber Monday - so, happy shopping. A man was arrested in Canada for dressing up as a devil and telling the kids that Santa does not exist - jackass! At least he refrained from pro-homosexual propaganda...Then there is a question as to which luxury sedan is the top one in USA - Cadillac or Lincoln? People still have money to buy luxury sedans? Also, since Lindsay Lohan is playing Liz Taylor, there is a whole list of "eerie similarities" between them - proving once again how low Hollywood has fallen. And men have a whole list of "secret moves" that supposedly make women swoon - really? You want to know our real secret list? Well, here it is: use your brains, grow up, stop being selfish, and learn some really decent manners - swoon guaranteed. 
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE, November 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is again yucky-y and blah-y - oh, well, it's November.

Justin Bieber is in the news again - this time because he went to meet his own Prime Minister in overalls; hell, my eyes! Jeb Bush is trending at #1 because he attacked teacher's union - way to go, Jeb! Just went through the most popular names for cats - George and Curry are not on the list; but the name Belle is the most popular for the female kittens - thanks to Twilight; why not Bella or Isabella then? And Buffet wants the rich to pay higher taxes once again, but disagrees with Obama on who the rich are - how about both of those assholes voluntarily surrender ALL their assets to IRS and henceforth direct all their income directly to that benevolent entity? Among 8 reasons not to get married: married men live longer because their wives make sure they go to the doctors, but married women DO NOT live longer than their single counterparts - hum, something to think about long and hard. And Spielberg claims that he asked to direct a Bond movie, but was denied the pleasure - Steve, how about making a movie about the Gush Katiff expulsion, and the aftereffects it had on the former residents, the soldiers forced to do it, and how it feels in today's Haifa and Ashkelon? 
Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE, November 28, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! It's cold, but sunny - sunny is good.

Crazy parents gave their daughter a Twitter-themed name - at least they did not name her after parteigenosse Michelle, like one of my former co-workers did. Jessica Simpson did not yet loose all of her baby weight, but she is pregnant again - gee, our lifestyle has far-reaching and positive effects! The new Dancing With The Stars winner was, apparently, announced - unfortunately, I can't fake the interest in that one. Starbucks announced it's new "rare Costa-Rican" coffee blend that would cost 6 greenbacks for a tall cup and 7 for a grande - for reasons unknown the blend is called Geisha. The newest movie rendition of Superman will be missing Superman's red underwear - and, judging from the posters I saw, it would not be such a great idea. Out of top 10 foods to make you beautiful, chocolate is the last - come on, it should be the first! Brad Pitt announced that his wedding to Angelina will happen "soon", and that he has a "good feeling about it" - sheesh, Brad, took you long enough! Just a little suggestion - get a damn haircut and a shave before the big day, because right now you look like a bloody scarecrow! Not that I ever understood how women ever found him attractive in the first place...And Oprah "opened up about why she refused to speak to David Letterman from 1989 to 2005" - not only do I profoundly not give a rat's patootie about that one, but also feel a mild derision towards anyone who does. And, finally, there are "13 Fast Food Menu Items that have fanatical cult followings" - frankly, I prefer the cult of McRib to the cult of Hussein. 
Coffee this morning in my personalized Hershey Park mug that Debbie gave me.

MORNING UPDATE November 29, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is pretty decent for November - sun is always good. 

Did not see any mention of Bieber or Gomez in the news for the past 2 days - must have been agonizing for news reporters. But guess who got into the news again? It you said Lindsay Lohan, you get a star - she got arrested again for punching a woman in a bar in our fair city. And another hairdo also makes news - this time it's Duchess Kate; she got bangs, so, to quote one of my fave movies, "her hair is so "now"! Another one from across the pond - last week someone called Lily Allen (looks to be a singer) who is pregnant, fainted at Harrods, but was very happy that she got her nephew Snape's wand - wow, that's what I call devotion to Harry Potter. And yet another hairdo makes waves - Evangeline Lilly got "shaggy" cut; as I have never been as Lost fan, that somehow does not do anything to my blood pressure. And Egypt condemns Terry Jones to death (in absentia) - I think it's time to follow Ann Barnhardt's example; unfortunately, unlike her, we are not "armed better than the French army"; bummer! And a phrase "it is what it is" is on the list of 10 phrases that are never to be used at work again - another bummer! I have a whole list of former bosses to rub their nose in that particular suggestion. And last, but not least - Mariah Carey performed together with Santa - but her dress was definitely not suitable for the North Pole. Ordinarily, such displays make me a little sad - but this time: "First cousins, eat it!" 

Coffee this morning in my huge Winnie and Friends mug - gosh, I miss the original Disney store!

MORNING UPDATE November 30, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is seasonal, but not so bad. 

Justin Bieber is still suspiciously absent from the news - what gives? Our fair city of New York is the second holiday destination for the country; the first - Orlando; heck, I wouldn't mind going to Orlando for the holidays myself - mainly to escape the crowds in the second holiday destination. And America is only #16 country out of best places to be born - please tell this to all the invading human trash at our Southern border! Let them invade somewhere else - and we could have children in more peace, without being taxed to support anchor babies, gangs, and criminals. And here is from Forbes: "Red states may have lost the elections, but they are gaining residents." Well, color me surprised! Really?!! You don't say! Out of the five metro areas that are steadily gaining residents, 3 are in Texas and 2 in Florida - wow, I am simply stunned! Tempted to go to Houston myself, come to think of it. Then we have chocolate that we can eat "with less guilt" - oh, go to the warm basement! Why do we have to feel guilty for eating, hell and damn?!! Food is a gift from the Almighty - eat and enjoy, bless your innards!! 

Coffee this morning will probably be in disposable cup from the local DD.

MORNING UPDATE December 2, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing you all a great week filled with His Blessings! Happy December! The weather is..seasonal. 

Bieber is still suspiciously absent from the news; so is Timberlake with his new wife, and Katie Holmes without her old husband - what gives?!! But, fear not - Kim Kardashian did make the news! She of the big bust and little brain decided to take her sexy derriere to Bahrain, of all places! Hell, why not Saudi Arabia, while she is at it? The genius simply boggles the mind - both hers and her fans'. And there is also a list of the best airlines for extra legroom in coach - people still have money to fly? TSA did not yet put them off flying completely? And there are also Holiday guidelines for the "newly single", and, surprise, surprise, they are all for women - oh, for pete's sake! Forget the effin bastard - he did not deserve you anyway! Just move on with your life and enjoy! And, finally, Kate Gosselin "opened up", claiming that her kids have "unconventional" Holidays - really?! You don't say! 

Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE December 3, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather rocks - hurray for solar flares! 

Congrats to Will and Kate - they are expecting! Poor woman - admitted to the hospital with severe morning sickness, and that's how everyone finds out; being royal is not fun - unless, of course, you are Hussein and Michelle Obama. Lohan made the news again for two reasons - her ill-fitting dress and her accounts being seized by IRS; I like the fact that its on the same level. According to Yahoo, the top 1 search for this year was Elections - which is surprise to one and all; at #2 is Iphone 5 and at # 3 Kim Kardashian - now, both of those do not surprise me at all; Olympics were at #7, Lohan was at #9, and J Lo closed the ranks at # 10 - again, no surprises here; circuses rule because for now we still have plenty of bread, thank Gd. Heidi Klum is trending at # 5 right now because she dressed up as Cleopatra in a "belated Halloween bash" - well, at least her and her former husband not bashing each other, which is already good news. There is also a whole bunch of news about football which I do not understand, and, frankly, have no desire to understand. And, drum roll please, - no peep about Bieber! 

Coffee this morning in my Get A Grip mug; another picture on it - Paradise is a State of Mind.

MORNING UPDATE December 4, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is still warm - yay, solar flares! 

The big news, is, of course, the upcoming royal baby - and now the speculation points out to Kate's recent new hairdo, which supposedly hinted at her pregnancy. Some enterprising souls also run projections at what the kid would look like (both male and female version), and concluded that it would look adorable - yea, hopefully, Charles's ugly mug would not interfere. And there is also a discussion about her upcoming maternity style - sheesh! Eddy Murphy is currently trending at #5 as the most overpaid actor - no disagreement from this side of the aisle. And there is a government blog trying to reassure people re: doomsday at the end of this month - are Democrats voluntarily surrendering their positions and going home? Is Hussein admitting to the election fraud and all his other crimes and surrendering himself to the department of corrections? And Daniel Radcliffe is delighted that people know his real name and don't call him Harry Potter anymore - aw! 

Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE December 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is cooler, but still sunny - yay! The crazy upstairs got me worried for about a week, as I did not hear her vacuum - I guess it was broken, as I heard her loud and clear yesterday. Curry decided that it might be fun to come and snuggle with me in the morning, breathe heavily into my ear, and generally make a nuisance of himself. Also, this morning he wanted to get into my coffee - judging by his behavior, he does not really need extra caffeine running through his system. George just comes whenever he feels me turning in bed - the time of night or morning does not matter. 

Newly pregnant Kate Middleton seems to have taken the place of Justin Bieber in the news - the latest now is that she probably won't have a baby shower (why would she need one), but may give birth at the Buckingham Palace - well, considering the appalling state of the English hospitals, that might not be such a bad idea. On the bright site, Duchess Katherine is definitely easier on the eye than Bieber, and, unlike him, she has class. Jennifer Aniston thew in a "star-studded bash" with her fiancee to show off her xmus tree; her old rival Angelina is currently trending at #2, because she is thinking of quitting acting and dedicating herself to her kids and the charity work - please, spare me both her acting and her charity work. Heff's latest engagement is back on - I guess Viagra of Cialis or whatever he is taking is working again. There are also a whole bunch of sports news, which are totally incomprehensible, hence no comment on that. And, finally, Snooki decided to offer some parental advice to Will and Kate - which, as embarrassing as it is, still is far removed from embarrassed and humiliation caused by our dear comrade Hussein and parteigenosse Michelle on the front of American-English diplomatic relations. 

Coffee this morning in my Chanukah mug that Debbie gave me.

MORNING UPDATE December 6, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's cold and sunny again - well, yay for the sun! 

Well, both Kate and Bieber are back in the news - Kate was discharged from the hospital, and Bieber was not nominated for a Grammy; we, of course, could not go on with our day without knowing both. Then were was another long article on the theme of "men have feelings too" -boy, don't I know it. And Jane Fonda was talking about her secrets of staying sexy at 74 - well, being a traitor to your country definitely works. The sorority from Pen State is "under fire" because of their "racist" party photo - it looks like making fun of Mexicans is "extremely insensitive", but within their First Amendment rights - gee, thanks! Attacking Jews, Christians, and any kind of "whites', meanwhile, is not insensitive and does not draw any kind of fire. And the stars of Grease were reunited at the Ellen show after 30 years - another earth-shattering event. Amanda Seyfried showed up for the London premiere of the Les Mis in a dress made out of the wet suit material - basically, the poor woman got cold and was seen shivering; somebody forgot to remind her stylist that London in December does not have the same weather as Malibu. And, finally, guess who, or, rather, what, is trending at #5 right now? Will Ferrell's mustache! Not even a hairdo, just a mustache - sheesh! 

Coffee this morning in my glass Cappuccino mug.

MORNING UPDATE December 7, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's rainy, but not cold - so, pretty tolerable. George quietly climbed into my bed, and I was pleasantly surprised to to see a mound of ginger fur on my blanket. Curry is making a nuisance of himself by investigating my trash can and trying to hunt the fauna outside. 

Today is the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor - not surprisingly, it is not trending at the top ten. Jessica Alba is trending at # 5 because she turned out not to be pregnant, and there are no news on Kate's pregnancy, although it is still very much on everyone's mind. Bieber is eerily absent again. And, what's more, since the famous Jolie/Pitt engagement, there were practically no news on impending wedding and other trappings - did Brad get cold feet? Lindsay Lohan managed to get to #7, because she is selling her designer wardrobe to the second-hand store in order to raise cash - I honestly feel sorry for her. Gisele and hubby just welcomed their second child into the world - hummm, did they calculate the carbon footprint of that one? Jane Fonda cursed out Faye Dunaway because she wanted to play Bonnie - yea, lady, I am sure the Vietnam vets on whom you spat repeatedly really feel your pain. And, finally, "The Man Who Invented The Frappuccino Has Total Disdain For What American Coffee Culture Has Become" - dude, we should all have your problems!  
Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug - ah, the naive time when I couldn't figure out why there were some many male couples around that fair city.

MORNING UPDATE December 9, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Happy First Day of Chanukah! The weather is, once again, yuk and blah - oh, well, December in our fair city. George was demanding attention the entire Shabat and all of last night; Curry again decided to breathe heavily in my ear early in the morning, and now he is running around the place with his tail four times its usual size.

Incidentally, it's the first day of religious Jewish Holiday - so, it is not trending at the top ten - heck, am I surprised! There are no news about Kate's pregnancy per se - darn it, Bess, fess up! Public has a right to know and needs to know! Still no news about Bieber - is he OK?!! Kim Kardashian is trending at #3 right now - but this time because her cat passed away; that is truly sad, and something I can totally relate too. Desperate Housewives is among the shows that got cancelled this year - giving Eva Longoria an unlimited time to campaign for the rights of illegals. And - drum roll please - Jessica Biel reveals a delicious tidbit about her husband Justin: he is an amazing baker! Aw, how sweet - pun not intended. Finally, yet another celebrity is under fire for her "fashion flub" - this time it is Jennifer Hudson. Well, after taking a peak at her outfit in question, this time I have to agree with the self-proclaimed arbiters of fashion - it did look like she got dressed in the dark.

Coffee this morning in my Chanukah mug that my friend Debbie gave me.

MORNING UPDATE December 10, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is a bit bla-y, but warm - we will take what we can. Curry decided not to breathe heavily in my ear last night - thank you, kitty! 

FB suggested that I like Dr. Oz's page and get slim - parteigenosse Michelle, go to the mirror and check your own butt; then go to hell! Incidentally, there is a similar story that is currently trending at #5 - when 3 friends got a check in the restaurant, they saw that the bartender dubbed them "fat girls" for the ease of recognition. What really amuses me in this story is the usual double standards of the media - I mean, if the embarrassment of the First Lady we have calls obese people the biggest threat to our national security, what the hell do you expect from the rest of the population? 

And BBC decided to make TV series out of JK Rowling's latest book - but as the nice Obama supporters at the local library still did not let me lay my hands on a copy of this book, I can't offer any personal remarks on this subject. 

Bieber is still absent from the news! WOW! Kate got another bout of severe sickness. Also, Brad, when the heck are you going to tie the knot already? I mean, after a thorough diamond discussion - crickets. New Mrs. Timberlake is in the news again - this time because her new movie flopped. I am sure Justin is busy baking her something to lessen the blow. 

And on the fashion front - Shania Twain and J Lo are in serious competition as to who wore the cat suit better. Well, do you want an honest judgement? Bring a bunch of our first cousins and show them one picture at a time - whichever image causes them to have a heart attack first...Well, you get my drift. Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Bag mug with the seven dwarfs.

MORNING UPDATE December 11, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Happy Third Day of Chanukah! The weather is pretty decent for December - hopefully, will still be able to wear flippies today. 

Still no mention of Bieber - wow! No news on royal pregnancy as well - bummer. 

Also, there is a whole list of what not to do at an office holiday party - how about just not to get roaring drunk and not to photocopy your butt? 

News on the fashion front - Carrie Underwood and her short peach number - well, it sure was sparkly. And Ann Hathaway decided that the best way to avoid paparazzi at her wedding day is just to flip them - I really don't know who has more class in this particular scenario. 

And yet another bunch of suggestions as to what is age appropriate and what is not (only for women, of course) - a pox on the suggestors! 

Also, more suggestions on how to make kids smarter - well, how about using those strange collections of paper in between cardboard? What are they called again? Oh, yes, books!! 

And couples are rushing to get married on 12-12-12, as it happens once in a century, and nobody will forget the anniversary - bwahaha! Leave it to men - they will forget, no matter what! Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.

MORNING UPDATE December 12, 2012

Good Afternoon, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Happy Fourth Day of Chanukah! The weather rocks (for December)! Curry finally left the ranks of freeloaders yesterday - and Benny finished the second round of his claw-clipping at the same day.


Britney Spears beat Taylor Swift as the top-earning musician - yippee for both! 

Bieber is finally in the news - yay!! He turned out to be the most "re-twitted" celebrity - my heart weeps for our youth. 

No news on Kate's pregnancy as of yet, but now Jenna Bush is pregnant - congrats! And Channel 176 (style) is promising faithful reports on Kate's wardrobe - from "bump to baby"; sheesh, can't wait! 

This time J Lo is under fire for her "fashion flub" - it looks like she showed up in stained white leather pants; I guess she decided that she is a regular mom at around 8 am. 

Tom Cruise has "very special plans for Christmas" - he is going to have all his kids with him; aw - the beauty of being twice divorced. 

 And new reports show American 8th graders "lagging behind" yet again - thank you, teachers unions and The Teacher's College! 

 And Obama chia head is on the least of the worst holiday gifts, according to Marie Claire - guess why? Not because it shows the cult of personality gone made, but because it's "controversial" - go figure. 

Coffee will be in white glass from Target. And, on the separate note, this will be my last news and mug report for a while. Live long and prosper!

MORNING UPDATE December 18, 2012

Hello, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is nice, warm, and sunny, although it gets cold at night.

As usual, the liberals, independents, left-wingers, progressives, pinkos, and other assorted self-righteous big mouths did not disappoint; they are extremely predictable in the virulence and moronism of their vitriol, but never disappointing. Another funny thing about arguing with that cabal is that they do not accept any data that comes from Fox, Rush Limbaugh, etc, but expect you to accept as a valid argument anything that comes out of MSNBC, ABC, NBC, Politico, HuffPo, and other propaganda machines. 

On the more serious news front - "the sexiest man alive is about to become the sexiest dad alive"! - Channing Tatum's wife is pregnant; well, congratulations! 

Britney Spears is currently trending at #4 due to the rumors of possible split from her fiancee - well, better to break up before the wedding and 2 kids. 

There are also only 3 days left to apocalypse, and so far only 5 myths were debunked - well, we don't have a lot of time to wait and see. Also, it looks like you are supposed to go so some kind of little village in France for the said apocalypse - well, the village is already full. 

Bieber is again suspiciously absent from the news - I guess he is also preparing. 

And some kind of astrologer predicted big year for Brad Pitt, Christina Aguilera, and Katie Holmes - as long as Obama is impeached, indited, and convicted in 2013 together with his entire kabal, I don't begrudge any celebrity a fantastic year. 

No coffee - only delicious lychee flavored green tea.

MORNING UPDATE December 20, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is nice and sunny, though very windy - today there is a sand storm. Tomorrow is supposed to be the end of the world, which Jewish women will not notice because they would be busy with cooking, shopping, cleaning, running after the kids, and trying to make their husbands at least partially useful.

And now for the news: an American was crowned Miss Universe - expect a lot of annoyed non-American.

Bieber is still quite - well, we only have to wait till Sunday (provided there is no end of the Earth as we know it). 

Kate debuted what some dubbed a maternity dress - I think it was just something strange looking, but what do I know.

Jenny McCarty is rocking age defying bikini body - to quote Batgirl, chicks like her give women bad name. Also, how about rocking age defying brains and kindness? 

And Obama produced the "cutest photo yet" - where is the spittoon when you need one? 

Angelina Jolie to direct the movie version of "Unbroken" - another spittoon moment. 

And, finally, Suri Cruise received a 24 G playhouse from her mommy as a holiday gift - these people definitely love scale.

No coffee, just Wysotsky tea of unrecognizable taste - quite good, actually.

MORNING UPDATE December 24, 2012

Hello, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is sunny and beautiful for the second day, although at night it gets cold. A few days ago I was told "Hello", followed by assertion that I look exactly like my little niece. Also, my wardrobe is making tiny waves in strange places - although I am flippie-less, damn it!


And now, for our regular broadcast: no news on Kate's pregnancy, but she and Will are spending the birth of the Jewish boy with her family - well, who wants to spend any amount of time with Charles and Camilla, unless they absolutely have to. 

Chelsea Clinton is trending on #4 right now because "she might step into bigger political shoes" - oh, Gd help us! 

In the fashion news: Katy Perry's ugly sweater - at least she was dressed, and did not campaign for Hussein O. 

Also, my friends from "pro-gun" groups are signing the petition to deport Piers Morgan - as much as I detest that weasel, I think we should get our deportation priorities straight: illegal rabble first, legal ungrateful swine second, potential terrorists third, liberals, Democrats, and Obama voters - fourth, and then we can start on the media bastards.

And, last, but not least - Kutcher and Kunis are spending the Special Birthday in his home town - I am sure the locals were thrilled about the news. 

Instant hazelnut coffee in the bigger mug.

MORNING UPDATE December 26, 2012

Hello, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Happy Boxing Day! The weather is mix of sun and clouds, with dew in the evening and really cold nights. Was recently informed, with grins and giggles, that I don't look scary at all.

Peter Parker's death is trending at #1 right now - oh, hell, even SpyderMan can't survive the current regime! 
Jessica Simpson will suspend being a sponsor of Weight Watches while pregnant - duh! 
Lady Gaga is #4 of "the most charitable celebrities" because of her support of LGBT group - triple barf.
Kirsten Stewart is a strawberry blond in real life - I am officially surprised. 
Jennifer Aniston spent the holiday in Mexico - could she please stay there?! 
No news on Kate and Will - I think they are still hiding by her parents. And speaking of Kate - it looks that I mentioned her so much that FB keeps offering me to join the group that diligently follows all the news about her - spare me! At least they stopped offering me the Dr. Oz group for loosing weight - some progress. And Bieber is probably still hiding in that French village waiting for the end of the world - as there are no news on him. 

Instant coffee in the smaller mug in the morning, green lychee tea in the big mug now.

WE BUY FLOWERS

This year, just like many years before, August 2^nd came and went without any special fanfare, sandwiched between other days and weeks of working drudgery, worrying about money, getting headaches from the news, etc, etc, etc.

But once upon a time, August 2^nd was a very special day – because it was our parents’ wedding anniversary; and as far as I could remember, I always tried to make it special.

August of the year 1988 saw our entire family in Italy – and not in any romantic way.  We were in the middle of our longish road from the Communist USSR to the blessed free soil of the United States.  At that moment we were stateless and poor like the proverbial church mice – because the Communists, in their benevolence, made sure that anyone crossing the Iron Curtain did so as unburdened by personal possessions as possible.

But it was our parents’ wedding anniversary!  We had to do something special for them, no matter what!  So, finally, we hatched a plan – we will pull our ice cream money and buy them flowers; but not just any flowers – a fancy bouquet from the flower shop, wrapped in the clear cellophane, enhanced with Baby’s Breath and decorated with curly ribbons! (yes, in the glorious country of the developed Socialism such flower arrangements were absolutely unheard of).

Going without ice cream in order to make a nice surprise for our parents was not a problem – but actually getting the blessed bouquet was.  You see, our fellow immigrants being, well, homo soveticus, behaved in a manner of non Kosher animals to the point of completely antagonizing the usually warm-hearted and friendly Italians (to a point that nobody, especially in a fancy store, wanted to serve anyone Russian-speaking).  So, yours truly, being an older sibling and the only one speaking a language other than Russian (at that point I was actually pretty fluent in German), was designated to perform an actual purchase.

August 2^nd arrived, and we all trooped to the fanciest street in Ladispoli for the fancy flower store.  I breached the castle and pretended to be an Austrian; in retrospect, I don’t think the Italian chick was fooled, but she answered all my questions, and then proceeded to take my selection (three gorgeous flowers whose name completely escapes me in any language) to be wrapped.  While I was waiting for her to finish curling the ribbons, my beloved sister (who probably lost patience waiting for me outside) burst in and completely blew my cover by yelling in Russian “It didn’t work, did it?!”

Don’t despair, oh gentle readers.  We did end up presenting that magnificent bouquet to our parents; if the memory serves me right, Baby Bro was the official bouquet-bearer.  Ah, the strange memories that pop into one’s head….