MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 8

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is perfect for a November day - still went out in flippies. 
Sniff was hugging the warming pipe in the kitchen for the whole morning, and George requested an extra helping of chicken - they are definitely in the cold weather mode.
Tea kettle finally arrived; ditto for the key.
The list of noted children's book authors also includes such intellectual giants as Jessica Lange and Jim Carey.
Liberals manage to make even great places like public libraries stink to high heavens.
Currently trending at #6 is Portia de Rossi - who "opened up" about her "coming out"; fascinating and, most importantly, unique.
Trending at #2 is Mariah Carey - who "Hits New High on Social 50 Chart". I have no idea what social 50 chart means, but something tell me it's not something akin to Mensa.
"Why Holmes left Cruise" - big deal. Why she married him to begin with would be a more interesting topic, as the dude is clearly deficient in the upper story.
"New J. Lo Barbie doll slims her famous curves" - it looks like Mattel reached a new low: not in "slimming curves", but in producing a J. Lo doll.
"Kaley Cuoco's ex opens up" - wow, Leonard and Penny used to be an item in real life?
"How to look better in photos" - to quote Zhvanetzky, "the reflection in the mirror needs changing".
A boy in Kansas was suspend from school for schlepping around with a Vera Bradley bag - seriously?!!! The school administration has nothing better to do than to police the way students carry their stuff around?!!
In the news of hairdos: Pamela Anderson told Ellen that she "stole her hairdo" - well, she is safe in doing it, as, according to Men's Health survey, more than 58% of men admitted that she was their first sexual fantasy - ergo nobody would accuse her of being a lesbian.
Another jackass from the clothing industry opened his big yup - this time it is someone called Dennis Wilson, whose company produces yoga pants. In response to complains about the quality of his product, he claimed that "some women's bodies...don't work in the pants". They are exercise pants, you moronic asshole! What the hell is there to work?!!!
The latest Star Wars movie would be released in the summer of 2015 - I wonder how many fans are dusting their outfits and when will they starts to get in line for the tickets.
"How to join Twitter" - this is a joke, right?
"What to do in a shooting" - pull out your gun and shoot back! Unless, of course, you are deprived of your Second Amendment rights by the well-meaning moronic bastards. In which case, pray for your life.
Coffee this morning in my funky clear glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - SEPTEMBER 9

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Shavua Tov! Shana Tova! I hope all of you had great Holiday and wish all of you a great, happy, healthy, sweet, prosperous, and blessed New Year! The weather is almost rocking for this time of the year - and I don't remember the last time I was able to deal without A/C on Rosh Hashana.
For the inquiring minds - there are sixty five Barbies in my collection.
Both George and Sniffles are enjoying the fresh air that comes from the open kitchen window; they also enjoy observing the local fauna. However, George gets scared when he sees someone on the outside (Baby Bro claims that he sees ghosts); Sniff, however, recognizes us through the window and tries to snuggle through the mesh.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual stuff.
Currently trending at #2 is Taylor Swift, because she is producing a new single with J Lo - oh, golly! Really don't want to see this one.
Reese Witherspoon supposedly "stunned" at the premiere of her new movie - OK, the dress was cute and she usually looks adorable, but I would not call it "stunning".
Some kind of experts claim that Whole Foods, Walmart, Costco, and Target make mayo that's as good as Hellman's, or that we would be "hard pressed to taste the difference" - scurrilous lies! Hellman's can't be beat!
"What to expect from Apple's iPhone event" - a lot of crazy Apple junkies, what else?
Rodman is making his third trip to North Korea - can he stay there already?
Sandra Bullock claims that she feels she does not deserve her Oscar for the Blind Side and she will be trying to prove herself for the rest of her life - chill, Sandra! Just look at James Cameron - he definitely did not deserve his, yet it did not prevent him from preening like a peacock and yelling that he is the king of the world.
"Justin Bieber debuts new 'mustache'" - spare me!
Prince Andrew accepted an apology from police after he was mistaken for an intruder in the Buckingham Palace - should have just shouted allah akbar, and the police would have stood down right away.
And, finally, according to Vanity Fair, Kate, backed by Will, defied the royal orders regarding Georgie, and made her own decisions - good for her! Considering how well her father in law turned out to be, I totally don't blame her.
Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh and Friends mugs.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 8

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is rainy and blah-y, but at least it's not very hot. Feline companions are both quietly snoozing on my bed.
After observing some people in the laundromat, I am not so worried about my neurosis and OCD anymore.
Despite her starring role in Sharknado, Tara Reid does not know much about whale sharks - at least she does not want to teach biology in a major university, unlike Martin Sheen, who wanted to advise President Bush on how to be a President.
In the news of hairdos: Beyonce got a short haircut - will that stop her from being a disgusting human being she is now?
For the first time ever Barbie is going to be carrying a Coach purse - and, no, I don't want this one for my birthday, thank you very much.
"Upton felt 'terrible' after first swimsuit cover" - no comment.
Lady Gaga performed "in the buff" to make some kind of point - I really don't want to know what kind of point she was trying to make, and please spare me the pictures.
Esquire Magazine printed detailed instructions for men on how to correctly roll up their pants - and, no, I am not making it up.
"How much water do you really need to drink" - allow me to demystify this topic: if you are thirsty, you drink; if you are hungry, you eat; if you are not sure if you are hungry or thirsty, take a drink first; and, finally, if you are not thirsty, there is no need to drink.
"Algae: The Secret Ingredient in Beauty Products" - as long as people are not forced to run their cars on it, we are good.
Justin Bieber reportedly brought home two hot cocktail waitresses after brawling in the night club - nice multitasking.
And, finally, Will is planning to get Kate a customized gift in honor of Georgie's birth - the people in the know claim that it is going to be a brooch. Funny, for some reason I don't see a brooch as an ideal accessory for Kate, but then I am not married to her.
Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 17

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! It's officially heat wave # 10 or so in our fair city, @#%&!
Feline companions got new, fancier litter box; right now they are battling heat by sleeping in my room in their usual places - ergo my bed and the cat house.
Ina claims that adding mushrooms to mac and cheese makes it elegant - I just think adding mushrooms to almost anything makes it tastier; plus, you get a shot of Vitamin D 
Whoever repaired TVs in the local laundromat and switched them from Channel 7 to Channel 4 so I am not tortured with The View anymore - thank you, oh dear fellow human!
Speaking of The View - Jenny McCarthy is slated to join that gaggle of clucking hens, and it seems like a lot of people complained. Why? She is pure perfection there!
And speaking of laundromat: a nice, very civic minded young lady there confessed to all and sundry that she never knows if Amber Alert is usually for a car or a child - oh, Gd help us!
Jennifer Hudson is the latest celebrity who wants to melt all the swords into the plow shears: she instagramed a picture of herself wearing a t-shirt that spells "love" out of different weapons. Lady, I can almost forgive you the Weight Watchers, but this really is beyond the pale.
"Rihanna flashes diamond-encrusted teeth" - how ghetto of her.
Goth Barbie is currently trending at #1 because she is now the second bestselling doll - second only to Barbie doll (whatever that means) - well, I looked at the pictures and I can assure you that Goth Barbie would not be a part of my collection.
Trending at #9 - Olympic boycott. Apparently, Senator Lindsay Graham, he of Gang of 8 Amnesty and muslim butt kissing, proposed to boycott Olympics in Sochi if Russia grants asylum to Snowden. Uh, Lindsay, the time to act was before Snowden flew the coop and blabbed our secrets to Chinese and Russians! Now try to do your primary job by at least making believe you want to protect US citizens against the barbarians!
CNN will air "Will and Kate plus One" this Thursday night, regardless of whatever the baby will actually appear or not by that point - at least that will give them an hour off kissing Hussein's behind and attacking America and its patriots.
Meanwhile, the Queen admitted that she is anxious for the baby to arrive as she is going on holiday - grandma, go and enjoy! Will will call you with the news as soon he or she will arrive!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 3

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is beautiful - enjoying it as much as possible! The effin Food Network is doing their cinco de maya special - flipped a bird, waved my American flag, and turned them off. This morning my dear pet, aka Sniff, hissed at me 3 times while I was trying to free his claws from my sheet. George is making circles around windows - he can't figure which one he loves the most, as his fave one is blocked by the a/c. This morning I was trying to violate Bloomberg's edicts in the laundromat - was blasting the soundtrack from Batman Begins and some classical numbers in order to drown The View blaring from the laundry's TV. Daniel Radcliffe claimed that Frankenstein was the best script he ever read - I don't know which one he read, but HP scripts definitely sucked, so almost anything could be better than that. Barbie is attacked again for not looking like real women - why attack the poor doll?!! Just look at any magazine cover, movie, commercial, tv show, what have you - do any of these women look real?!! Only in the eyes of men. So, let the kids play, for pete's sake! Unemployment rate is at 4 year low - who run their stats, Penny from the Bin Bang Theory? Actually, my apologies to Penny - she is at least honest, unlike the politicians and their flunkies, who lie without any concept of embarrassment. Jennifer Lawrence risked it and went on the red carpet without make up - congrats, Jennifer! You are a real hero - more so than our ladies serving in the military! Poor Gwyneth - apparently, it's difficult for ordinary people to relate to her because of her lifestyle - duh!!! She also had a lot of terrible times in her marriage, suffered a lot, but kept quiet - till she spilled it all in an interview for the entire world to see and emphasize with her. Virgin is going to go high fashion with their uniforms in order to bring glamour back to flying - how about just bringing more leg and butt room, and less money for the tickets? I would take this over stuard in a three-piece suite any day. Bieber stopped his concert in Istanbul in time for the muslim prayer - why the hell is in he playing in a muslim country to begin with? Nothing new on the Kate front. Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 12

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Tomorrow is Baby Bro's Bar Mitzva parsha - man, time flies! The weather is rainy and blah-y, but they threatened with sunshine and 60 degrees tomorrow. Ladies, I hope you had a fantastic Rosh Chodesh, did not kill yourselves with housework, and got something sweet from your husbands - sarcasm inserted only partially as yours truly is an eternal optimist. George decided once gain that my bed is a fun place to be and came in this morning to snuggle. Sniff, on the other hand, decided to ignore me - will, at least I was not leaked with his incredibly scratchy tongue. A new French study suggests that wearing a bra is not good for you - I guess the study was sponsored by the 60s feminists who thought it would be more interesting not to burn them, but put a "scientific" stink on them. Gwyneth Paltrow claims that she tried Botox and it made her look like Joan Rivers - just looking at Joan Rivers did not stop her? Somebody who describes herself as "Mexican-American" (an oxymoron in itself) was complaining about the latest issue of Mexican Barbie, claiming that the doll's outfit is not authentic - here is a lesson for you, Mattel designers! Next time you add to your Dolls of the World collection, strive to produce only dolls from the civilized parts of the world - because no matter how much you genuflect to barbarians, they are never satisfied and just attack and belly-ache instead. Another so-called artist produces artistic projection of what our country would look like as a result of global warming - hell, what courage! How about photographing the people in Africa who suffer from malaria as a result of DDT ban? I triple-dare you! "Jay-z, White House at odds over Cuba Trip" - well, as despicable as Jay-Z is, my money is on Hussein lying, not him. "Beers to Drink if You Are Watching Your Weight" - oh, go to the warm basement! Selena Gomez is "hanging out" with Bieber's friends in order to annoy him - they really do deserve each other. And Kate Middleton enjoys watching "Keeping up with Kardashians" - I guess our similar tastes end up with color emerald. Coffee this morning in my green Target mug.