MORNING UPDATE - May 28, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! It's cool and cloudy once again - no complains here. Cats are asleep. Earlier Sniff tried to eat some of my melted butter, and George was licking the defrosting chicken.
Yesterday had to venture into the parts of Brooklyn that I don't usually venture into - and remembered once again why I don't, well, venture there; and yes, hipster Billy Bourgh is on the list as well.
The news that are still on everyone's mind - Kanye and Kim wed over the weekend, and embarked on their honeymoon! The Post summarized it the best, ending with "The republic still stands."
Currently trending at #1 is Leah Remini who claimed that her family is stronger since leaving Scientology - duh!
Trending at #2 is Robert Pattinson - who revealed whenever he is still in contact with Kristen Stewart. Judging by the fact that that tidbit went to #2, some people are still interested in this.
"Qatar Urges Tourists to Dress Modestly When Coming to Town for the World Cup" - aside from the obvious question as to who is idiotic enough to go to Qatar for anything, I would like to suggest a counter-proposal: could we please "urge" the visitors to our shores to bath and use deodorant?
Some enterprising dude ordered himself a Starbucks drink which included 60 shots of espresso and would have set him back for almost 55 bucks - how sleepy was he?!!
Justin Bieber "hooked up" with some kind of Victoria's Secret model named Adriana Lima - a perfect combination of beauty and brains.
Elle photoshoped Kate Upton's armpits - one of the many reasons I cancelled my subscription to Elle.
And, finally, there is an online quiz that will tell you exactly how big of a fan of Jennifer Lawrence are you - just in case you are interested.
Coffee this morning in my glass mug from LA's Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.

MORNING UPDATE - May 23, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is still cloudy and strange, but bearable.
George thinks that the only reason I enter my room is to get in bed with him to pet and snuggle. Sniff, meanwhile, just sits by the door and looks at me with an almost adoring expression.
Two TVs were blessedly silent, and the third on had Telemundo on - on one hand, just a meaningless chatter; on the other hand - in freaking Spanish.
Meanwhile, in the parking lot, there was a huge white SUV with plates that read something like MAKEMAGIC and two oldish bearded Jews inside.
Currently trending at #2 is Gwen Stefani - because she took her son to some kind of baby class. Making sure her progeny develops brains that are absent in parents?
Trending at #4 is Jennifer Lawrence - because she admitted to bringing Slim Jims to the Oscars. My question is - where the heck was she hiding them?
Trending at #10 is someone called Katharine McPhee - because she filed for a divorce. Considering the commonality of celeb divorces, I totally understand why it's only on the 10th place.
"How a great vacation can change your life" - you actually had to write a whole article about it?!
"Completely giving up plastic products sounds great for the environment, but the reality is different" - duh!!!
"Foods that are good for you - and the planet" - oh, hell, here we go again!
"Man takes a moose to the coffee shop" - very original (although the article claims that it's normal in Canada).
"Using ancient myths to help modern warriors heal" - how about privatizing VA instead?
A huge turtle crushed wedding ceremony in St. Croix - but this wedding crusher was more than welcome.
The latest on Bieber is not to be repeated for the small children and the faint of heart.
The Queen, Will, and Kate will travel to France for the 70th Anniversary of the D-Day - at least one head of state who actually wore the uniform during the war and assisted in the war efforts.
Coffee this morning in the disposable cup from the usual overpriced place.

MORNING UPDATE - May 8, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's overcast and rainy outside once again, but not terrible - especially if I don't have to go to work today smile emoticon
The battle for the supremacy of the cat house is raging on. Also, Baby Bro had a brilliant idea of loaning George to CPA - if people can take care of him for about two weeks, they can proof that they are fit parents. Sniff, meanwhile, just entertained himself with a crumpled piece of foil that he liberated from the recycling pile.
The ongoing entertainment in my life - people periodically hinting and/or telling me that as I have no kids, I don't understand something, or don't get it, or can't really have an opinion on it. I can't really call it being smug-married - so, Bridget aficionados, please get me a proper term smile emoticon
Yesterday got a customer who could not find one single author whose last name begins with a letter F in the young readers section.
Currently trending at #3 is Leo DiCaprio - because he bought an apartment in Greenwich Village; well, he is going to fit right in with all the other envirowacos residing there; I am just wondering at how often he is going to take a subway as opposed to riding in a limo.
Trending at #8 is Willow Smith - because of some "controversial photos". Nice going, what can I say.
"Kim K. says the racism is alive" - of course it is! You know who tops the list, Kim? The current love of your life - despite his lowering himself to shack up with a white girl.
Jennifer Lawrence claims that fame made her rude - OK, Jennifer, acknowledging the problem is the first step.
"Mother's Day gift ideas" - how about not forgetting Mother's Day?
"Why Katie Couric wants you to give up sugar" - how about Katie Couric remembers what a journalist is really supposed to do and starts candid reports on her idol in the White House and leaves our sugar consumption the hell alone?
"Cheap protein sources" - yea, the economy is getting better every day.
Justin Bieber "is in trouble again" because he got a parking ticket - OK, that is just overdoing it; parking ticket is only "trouble" for ordinary folk.
"Kutcher was.. photographed leaving The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf with two iced coffees in Studio City, Calif." - wow, I have something in common with Ashton and Mila! We all love iced coffee from Coffee Bean!
Speaking of which, coffee today in my glass Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf mug from my trip to L.A. - and, no, it was not in honor of Ashton and/or Mila.

MORNING UPDATE - February 5, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Our fair city is plagues by both the results of the catastrophic global warming and the latest mayoral elections. I was also informed yesterday that by denying global climate change I am denying science.
Sniff is not hugging the pipe yet, which means it's not so cold. George got a hefty doze of catnip last night in order to make him pipe down. He still complained for about an hour, after which we realized that it was his OCD striking again - his fountain was not filled to the brim, hence George was thirsty.
The crazy upstairs is at her post.
Snooki's new baby book is out.
Jennifer Lawrence used to be a model for Abercrombie - interesting, very interesting.
A professor in Austin sold his possessions and is relocating to a dumpster in order to teach environmental science - um, dude, there are pills available for what ails you.
Zuckerberg is not planning to have kids in the near future - sigh of relief for the kids.
"Really bad advice from romantic comedies" - who the hell is taking advice from that?!!
The Queen ordered Kate to "lower her hemlines" - wow! When did she visit BP?
Coffee this morning in my white glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 19

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather took a cold turn, but still sunny - and still flip flop appropriate.
Our cats, especially Sniffy, get the most amusing facial expressions while they are in the litter box - akin to politicians making a speech.
Another dude yesterday asked for a copy of Catching Fire without the picture of Jennifer Lawrence on it. Also, those effin Hunger Games are sort of getting to me - because when someone else asked where they could find To Kill A Mockingbird, I almost directed them to a copy of Mockingjay.
While watching the Food Network, it occurred to me that I can have a little fun show of mine own arm-wrestling all those chefs, because while it takes them a whole hand to squeeze a lemon, it only takes me two fingers.
Shopping at Stop & Shop is still fun.
Selfie is currently trending at #5 - because it "tops twerk as Oxford's word of the year". What a bloody achievement - both for the word, and for our level of education and refinement!
Trending at #6 is Jerry Seinfeld - because he threw a "bat mitzvah bash for his daughter". Mazal Tov!
"Jennifer Lawrence shows off an edgy look - and plenty of leg - at the L.A. "Catching Fire" premiere" - unspoiled by Hollywood, my coccyx!
"Kim K. turns vixen for wild Kanye video" - hum, to quote a fave movie, "something new and original for her"!
Also, a recent study found that "Breakfast Club" got "teen life wrong" - an academic achievement for sure, on the par of finding cure for cancer.
A couple of enterprising souls want to build a pool in the middle of the East River - you go, guys!
Eva Longoria is in a relationship - with some kind of "Latin American media giant". Great - expect more of her bloviating regarding the civil rights of the illegals.
Hollywood decided to ruin another classic and film a sequel to "It's A Wonderful Life" - I can only imagine how the modern interpretation of a guardian angel would look like! Yuk!
Snooki and JWoww decided to channel Paris and Nicole - now, who would have guessed while watching Paris and Nicole that something much worse would come on the scene a scant few years later?
"Justin Bieber releases sexy ballad "PYD" featuring R. Kelly" - all I want to say is that "Bieber" and "ballad" do not go together in one sentence.
Coffee this morning in my huge Disney Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather seem to be affected by global warming.
Sniffy and I had to decide who is going to sit in my chair - friendship won, as I am sitting in it right now, and he is sort of snoozing in the cat house. George is strangely quite somewhere.
I enjoy interacting with people who read the book reviews in the Times - simply priceless!
Both Bruce and Kylie Jenner are flitting around top ten for about 24 hours now - because Kylie does not "remember life before fame", and Bruce celebrated his birthday with a pony tail. Needless to say, both pieces are profound and earth-shattering.
Trending at #8 is Jennifer Lawrence, who is supposedly "untouched by Hollywood" - I'll believe it when I stop seeing the headlines about her "sexy" or "edgy" outfits. On a side note, last week a woman asked for a copy of the book that had "different cover" - meaning the one without Jennifer Lawrence on it.
Meanwhile, someone named Kim Zolciak (keep forgetting who it is) is currently trending at #1 because she showed off "enormous baby bump" - bid dratted deal! Just walk into any neighborhood in Brooklyn where "poor and disenfranchised" live, and you will see baby bumps that are way more impressive than Kim's.
"Hollywood Royalty at gala" - spare me!
"Mickey Mouse turns 85" - happy birthday, Mickey! Many happy returns! Just make sure your present handlers take their head out of their behinds and stop bowing to the gods of political correctness.
Bieber's fans are wondering if he shaved his head after he appeared in a baseball cap - needless to say, Bieber's fans should get a life.
Then, of course, there is an obscene amount of sports-related news that mean pretty much zip to me as I have no idea of what they are talking about.
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 7

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's rainy, yuk-y, and blah-y - well, it's November. According to Baby Bro, Jews have only themselves to blame for this weather, as have been praying for rain three times a day for the past month and a half.
Sniff is extremely amusing to observe during his food consumption. George got yet another nice box - this time from Brawny paper towels.
Yesterday dude came all bunched up and prepared for an altercation as he asked for the new Rush Limbaugh book - little did he know 
Crazy upstairs got another competition from somewhere else upstairs in the form of incessant banging.
Breaking News! Both Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lawrence cut their hair! Stop the presses, ladies and gents!
"Kate Upton knocks off Kate Middleton look" - as it had nothing to do with "jiggling" breasts, Upton looked simply ridiculous. Sports Illustrated did not comment one way or another.
FDA, eager to prove that they are pretty essential, came back in full steam and banned the trans fats - thanks, guys and gals! What would we do without your wise guidance as to what we are supposed to put or not put inside us?!
"Supperrich Klum drives modest car" - she is not a guy, for pete's sake!
"Marvel comics introduces Muslim superhero" - suicide belt not included.
Some enterprising soul bought Napoleon's will for half a million bucks - interesting investment of money.
Our esteemed Vice President congratulated the wrong person on being a mayor-elect of Boston - since when is this news? If, on the other hand, he would have called the right person - that would be front-page material.
"Bieber allegedly filmed sleeping by girl in Brazil" - what is so film-worthy in any adult sleeping, especially Bieber?!!
And, finally, speaking of hair, there was a whole article dedicated to Tom Brady's "hair evolution" - oh, give me a break! Now we are interested in the guy's hair?!!
Coffee this morning in my funky glass Cappuccino mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 2

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is usual for July in New York - which is: if you can walk on the street without suffocating or being drenched by torrential rain, you are fine.
Sniff went on a walk yesterday, but only stayed in the hallway - the great big outdoors scare him. George abandoned his amazon box and is now occupying a more snug box from the toilet paper.
The main fun of watching any kind of Western is to see women having shotguns at the ready and firing them at different kind of human scum.
Alicia Silverstone is trending at #3 because she launched a breast milk sharing program for vegan moms - how about launching a common sense initiative?
Jennifer Lawrence has committed her first fashion faux pas - and at a fashion show, of all places! Well, her pants were ridiculous, but at least she was dressed.
Kristen Stewart, on the other hand, was supposedly dazzling when she showed up "after keeping a low profile for months", while R-Patz was "spotted with a redhead" - twi-hearts definitely got their final hopes dashed.
Selena Gomez "got emotional" when she found out that her single became #1 - I am also emotional at the thought of horrible taste that our youth has.
Kaley Cuoco is dating the latest Superman, otherwise known as Henry Cavill - I don't know if this is funny for anyone not watching The Big Bang Theory, but it's hilarious to me.
Avril Lavingne's wedding festivities went on all night - did not know that she or her husband are chassidish.
No coffee yet as we mysteriously run out of milk last night.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 19

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week! It's rainy today - but not torrentially, so me happy.
Feline companions, though, are not that thrilled about the rain. Couple of days ago Sniff made another strategic error in attacking George on my bed - after which he climbed on top of the toiled and proceeded to meditate while staring at the fish on the shower curtain.
In Best Thing I Ever Made they were talking about fried stuff - yum!
Jennifer Lawrence "dazzled" in a Dior gown - a spectacular achievement, indeed. In related news: Jennifer Aniston and Kate Moss ended up wearing the same dress, and the "people in the know" concluded that it's impossible to compete with the ultimate "chic" of The Kate Moss - people, once again, go the Met! It costs almost nothing, but the refresher course on what is really chic and elegant is priceless!
Then there is a list of spring trends in clothes to avoid - ladies, you like it, you wear it! A photographer from New York traveled through deserts in order to photograph the abandoned sets of the the Star Wars movies - which only shows that nothing lasts forever, not even Star Wars.
Falling in love has five recorded health benefits - as long as you don't fall for "the goat", as the old Russian saying goes.
The list of 10 most dangerous jobs in the US omitted one that really is The Most Dangerous - a right-wing journalist trying to expose the truth about comrade Hussein and his administration.
"Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Reunite And Get Cozy In Las Vegas" - is Jelena back on, or what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?
And, finally, some publication called Mamas Latinas, was raving about Kate's new hair style - which turned out to be (are you ready for this?) a ponytail!
Coffee this morning in my white glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 3

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is beautiful - enjoying it as much as possible! The effin Food Network is doing their cinco de maya special - flipped a bird, waved my American flag, and turned them off. This morning my dear pet, aka Sniff, hissed at me 3 times while I was trying to free his claws from my sheet. George is making circles around windows - he can't figure which one he loves the most, as his fave one is blocked by the a/c. This morning I was trying to violate Bloomberg's edicts in the laundromat - was blasting the soundtrack from Batman Begins and some classical numbers in order to drown The View blaring from the laundry's TV. Daniel Radcliffe claimed that Frankenstein was the best script he ever read - I don't know which one he read, but HP scripts definitely sucked, so almost anything could be better than that. Barbie is attacked again for not looking like real women - why attack the poor doll?!! Just look at any magazine cover, movie, commercial, tv show, what have you - do any of these women look real?!! Only in the eyes of men. So, let the kids play, for pete's sake! Unemployment rate is at 4 year low - who run their stats, Penny from the Bin Bang Theory? Actually, my apologies to Penny - she is at least honest, unlike the politicians and their flunkies, who lie without any concept of embarrassment. Jennifer Lawrence risked it and went on the red carpet without make up - congrats, Jennifer! You are a real hero - more so than our ladies serving in the military! Poor Gwyneth - apparently, it's difficult for ordinary people to relate to her because of her lifestyle - duh!!! She also had a lot of terrible times in her marriage, suffered a lot, but kept quiet - till she spilled it all in an interview for the entire world to see and emphasize with her. Virgin is going to go high fashion with their uniforms in order to bring glamour back to flying - how about just bringing more leg and butt room, and less money for the tickets? I would take this over stuard in a three-piece suite any day. Bieber stopped his concert in Istanbul in time for the muslim prayer - why the hell is in he playing in a muslim country to begin with? Nothing new on the Kate front. Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 1

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather continues to rock - yay, sun! Even though George is officially Baby Bro's kitty, and Sniff is officially mine, Sniff prefers his bed and George - mine. Cantankerous psychotic pets! Last night, while flipping the channels, I got to Grimm and discovered that now the sword of Mohamed is also considered a special and powerful object in the lore of supernatural/fantasy/horror shows - oy, gevalt! Rejoice, of fans of Downton Abbey - Lily James was chosen as Disney's Cinderella since Emma Watson turned down this role. Jennifer Lawrence is trending at #1 because she is dating! Um, she is an adult past the age of consent - why is this news? Demi Moore is trending at #5: she reunited with her daughter Rumer during and after yoga class - serenity now! Photos of young Angelina Jolie resurfaced and are making waves: not only because she was "breathtaking", but also because her younger version is a dead ringer for Mila Kunis - same plastic surgeon? For the love of all that's holy, people, just go to the museum of "white art" and rediscover for yourselves what truly beautiful looks like! Sara Jessica Parker refuses to own a cell phone - that affects me how, exactly? "Movie studio hires a trainer for Carrie Fisher" - grandma Leia in a bikini chasing grandkids over Mikonos together with currently vacationing there Kardashians? That's going to be one heck of a movie! NASA apparently has a "huge tab" with Russia - why the hell are our own space shuttles in the bloody museums while we are paying huge tabs to those degenerates?!! Lack of friends can shorten your life span - duh! "Has Justin Bieber's Latest Reunion with Selena Gomez Put Her Pals in Crisis Mode?" - as the old Jewish saying goes, I should have such problems! And rumors are flying that Kate is already planning a second baby - good luck, Your Highness! Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the newer version.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 23

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is cold and dreary, but, as I told before - no rain, no complain. Sniff was very lazy today and did not come to great his greatest fan. George decided to hide in the closet and not show up even for the breakfast bell. He also abandoned his old amazon box, and was issued a new one. The crazy upstairs is doing her stuff. Ina's show is dedicated to cakes and desserts - paging you know whom. 8 ways to be happy - unfortunately, the main one: staying the hell away from morons, was omitted from the list. But, on the other hand, interesting tidbit: the happiness is highest at 65! So, friends, rejoice - we got lots of hope yet! In the light of Witherspoon's recent antics, OMG compiled a list of celebrities "bizarre" responses to being arrested. Lohan, in my estimation, takes the cake: she was stunned at being arrested after she punched a psychic in a nightclub. Bieber deleted his "cozy" picture with Selena off twitter after twitting it - oh, for pete's sake, make up your minds already! "5 secrets men keep from women": #5 being that he would like to jump in the sack on the first date - since when is this a secret? A dude wanted to jump in the sack with me after lecturing me on weight loss, for eff's sake! "The best pools in Vegas" - how many people go to Vegas for the pools?!! Halle Berry's new X-Men costume is designed to hide her baby bump - interesting twist in the X-Men saga! A bride in Australia walked down the aisle in a dress made out of 10,000 bread tags - and here I thought that beading, petticoats, and long train make a wedding dress uncomfortable! "Jennifer Lawrence debuts short hairdo" - stop the presses, ladies and gents! Kris Jenner borrowed Kim's red lacy dress, trying to prove that she can do anything better and that she is "the queen of f-king everything" - and here I thought that usually daughters played with their mothers' dresses and make up (never mind the classiness of the whole clan). And, finally, people are very exited that Kate finally looks like she is pregnant - ladies and germs, if you are so busy bump-watching, how about combining business with pleasure and making sure all preggos get seats on our subways and buses? Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 22

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather seems to be improving, but Sniffles was still hugging his pipe - which means it is still pretty cold. Also, yesterday he had an opportunity to sneak stuff from the Chinese take out - and he went for snap pea and a piece of broccoli! Well, I guess as a Democrat, it behooves him to listen to the edicts of parteigenosse Michelle. And speaking of food - Passover napkins are, ahem, not up to par. Happy Earth Day! Enviros - your many victims bear witness to your sins against humanity! The gun control advocates claim that "NRA is more powerful than ever" - up yours, bastards! That's what happens when you step on the jugular of American citizens! And now, to important stuff. Reese Witherspoon is trending at #3 right now: her hubby was arrested yesterday for DUI, and she - for disorderly conduct. Basically, when police stopped their car, she decided to "stand by her man" and asked the police if they knew who she was - which, of course, they did not. To give her credit, she apologized this morning - but, come on! As the host of Today show very nicely pointed out - if you are drunk, just call for a cab! Trending at # 5: Delta terminal at our very own JFK was evacuated yesterday because, yes, you guessed it - someone managed to avoid TSA's watchful eyes yet again, and a passenger raised an alarm. Good job, TSA, exceptional job! And yet another picture of Jesus was perceived by another faithful - this time in spilled fabric softener. Wow! I mean, I enjoy doing laundry - but I never realized it could give someone such sublime bliss as to see a face of deity in fabric softener! And Jennifer Lawrence is trending at #10 right now: at GLAAD Media award she "flubbed" Clinton's name and called him Gil. Honestly, I am more disgusted by her appearance at anything related to GLAAD than her mixing up Sleek Billy's name. Bieber "cuddled" with Gomez in instagram photo - once again, if they really are together, they are an ideal couple. And on Kate's front: her mulberry coat "showed off her baby bump" during the scouts visit - are they more concerned with her wardrobe or her figure, I wonder? No decision on coffee mug yet.