MORNING UPDATE - September 9, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather finally got to a perfectly enjoyable point.
Both cats decided that it's not worth it to take advantage of an early breakfast, and opted for sleeping in instead.
Yesterday had a customer who was looking for books for 3- and 5-year old boys with "strong female lead in them".
Debating it it's actually worth the money to restock on booze.
Google reminded me that today is Tolstoy's birthday - thanks, Brin, because otherwise I would have gone the whole day completely oblivious of such an important fact.
Princeton, Harvard, and Yale are considered to be the best colleges in America (in that order) - well, if you take into account the number of liberal brown shirts teaching there, I can only conclude that the people compiling the list recently visited Colorado.
Diet high in protein will lower your blood pressure - not paying attention to any news regarding benefits and/or harm of any kind of food will have the same effect.
"Reese Witherspoon Talks Female Empowerment" - "total liberation" to think that it's OK, I was meant to sleep with all those guys. Any other meaning of empowerment, aside from going naked, having sex, having abortion, or being a proud lesbian?
"Taylor Swift's wet and wild Rolling Stone cover" - another asset of "empowerment" , I guess.
"Kendall Jenner hits the runway" - man, I thought she already did that.
"Megan Fox and her shorter hairstyle hit red carpet" - what's with all those "hitting" of the carpets and runways and such?
Ray Nagin began his prison sentence today - hopefully, Obama, Holder, Rangel, Pelosi, and a long string of others to follow.
"Kim Kardashian completes Ice Bucket challenge on Ellen show" - I am so happy that I don't watch the Ellen show.
"Beyonce shows bikini body with Jay Z and parents in Cannes" - finally! The moment we have all been waiting for! Our summer would have been so bereft without looking at this touching family portrait!
"Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are exclusive" - yea, whatever.
Coffee this morning in my black glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - May 6, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather continues to be almost appropriate for May - enjoying all we can get. 
George decided that once the cat house is his, he can safely snooze on my bed. Sniff was guarding 8 boxes of my romances, and my attempt to pet him was greeted with an attempt to bite me and a nice hiss.
The crazy upstairs is...well, she is.
The fact that it is the beginning of the month made me realize that once again I missed my Godiva freebies.
Some kind of a new chick on the FoodNetwork is claiming that after you tried the fries with aioli, you will forget ketchup - well, duh!
Why am I getting personal e-mails from Rand Paul?
Just found out yesterday that our dear parteigenosse Michelle was here, in New York, cutting the ribbon at the Met - have to give myself time to avoid the Met before the stench disappears a bit.
Taylor Swift almost lost her gown for that Met Gala to her her cat's claws - damn! And here I thought that Sniffles was a menace for destroying my Disney sheets.
Trending at #8 is Kendall Jenner - because she "documented her first Met Gala on Instagram". Longer wait to visit the Met, although little slime left by Kendall and her attempts to oversexualize herself is nothing compared to our pathetic excuse of a First Lady.
Brad Pitt is trending at #7 - because he and Angelina "will re-unite on the big screen". Well, at least they can't cheat on anyone this time.
Angry Birds are trending at #9 - because their creator "developed preschool program to promote learning through fun". The best program to promote learning is reading - and, yes, it's loads of fun!
Once again, America is one of the worst countries to be a mother in - unless, of course, you are an illegal alien (which fact was, of course, removed from the study).
Seth Rogen "is not a Belieber" - my respect for him just grew!
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the new version.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 13

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is November cold - but as it's above freezing, I can still wear flippies.
Sniff is on the kitchen window sill, patiently hunting the local two-legged fauna. George did minimal complaining, ate old food, and went back to sleep in his huge Amazon box.
Currently trending at #3 is Kim K. - for being cited for speeding on LA freeway. That's it?!!! Of, for crying out loud! Who does not speed on those stinking freeways - assuming, of course, that they are not stuck in traffic. Seriously, what a letdown!
Immediately after her is Kate Hudson - who "admitted" that she can't afford designer clothes. She claims that she splurges sometimes, but with two kids and school tuition, she can't really afford all those glamours "dudes". Heck, I did not know Kate's children attended yeshiva.
Bunch of idiots in California stole a credit card, went to the burger joint, ordered a mountain of food, and asked the worker to take pictures of them and the food, after which they proceeded to upload it on Instagram. Needless to say, they got nabbed. Serves them right for having absolutely no imagination!
Then there is a whole article dedicated to Avril Lavigne's "unusual" wedding. Oh, come on! There was already a whole discussion of it, especially her black gown! Apparently, now the whole subject was resurrected because her ring did not receive sufficient attention. I wonder if Modern Bride would dedicate a whole issue to this topic as well.
"Coffee prices fall, but not at Starbucks" - duh! Just stop patronizing their burnt coffee! There are plenty of other places where you can get a great cup of java!
You can also see a new trailer starring Angelina Jolie as Maleficent - man, does she look the part!
"Swift lands off-key Victoria's Secret gig" - et tu, Taylor?!!
A computer glitch at the University in Dresden sent a email to all its students, informing them that they were unenrolled! And you thought Germans did not have a sense of humor!
No news on Bieber - I guess he is still recovering from his food poisoning.
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 6

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is nice and mild for November. Sniff is also unusually mild. George is sitting on the windowsill in front of me and watching the leaves fall.
Congratulations to our fair city on electing a new mayor who represents the best that our worst have to offer - I wonder if in four years we would still be popular with tourists.
Speaking of mayors - Men's Health gave our esteemed Mayor Bloomberg some kind of health innovator award, and the latest issue of Glamour is featuring an interview with his daughter, in which she waxes poetical about the things she learned from her dear daddy. To paraphrase Forrest's mother, stupid is as stupid does.
The crazy upstairs started late yesterday, but made up for it in the noise and the length departments.
Currently trending at #2 is Vivien Leigh - who would have turned 100 just about now. A nice reminder of what a beautiful, talented, and classy actress looked like.
"What your pet is thinking" - if you really know the inner workings of the minds of my pets, I suggest you see a human doctor, usually referred to as "psychiatrist".
Lady Gaga splits with her long-time manager - my heart bleeds borsch for both of them.
"Red carpet looks Swift loves and regrets the most" - oh, give me a break! She is young and extremely photogenic - so the males of the species gobble it all up; and females usually get blinded by the red carpet itself.
LA customs agents found a motorcycle that was stolen in 1967 - my confidence in our law enforcement just skyrocketed.
New trend in wedding gowns - a bikini; still white or off- white, decorated, beaded, embroidered - you name it; plus - the requisite veil! Would be really interesting to show to grandkiddies.
"Justin Bieber Releases Movie Poster for His Fragrance 'The Key'" - I wonder if the brothel sheet is present in that poster.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - OCTOBER 23

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is getting into October mode, but still pleasant enough.
Kitties are on the sleepy side again, although in the morning there was another flurry of activity. Sniffles was in a fighting mood, and George was loudly complaining under the door while I was in the shower. Now he is snoozing on my bed, and Sniff is in the big closet.
Yesterday I was complimented on my "terrific Russian" - phooey!
Kanye proposed with a 15-karat ring worth 2.5 million greenbacks - I think we can safely assume that this particular diamond is way beyond "tastefully large".
A new study points out that the oldest kids perform better in school not because they are smarter, but because "their parents are tougher on them" - duh! I would have told it to you for free.
"Taylor Swift goes brunette for movie roll" - it's just a wig, but she still looks strange in it.
"How Miley Saved Career" - prostituting herself to save her career? Where are the blankety blank blank self-proclaimed defenders of women's rights when you need them?
"Why (Melissa) McCarthy were on oversize coat on mag cover" - I really don't give a flying banana.
An art thief is planning to sue a Dutch museum for "making a heist too easy" - OK, now I have heard everything.
The Capitol Building needs repairs to the tune of 59.6 million UDSs! I totally support preserving the national monuments, but can we please deduct this from the salaries of the stuffed up popinjays that occupy it?
No glaring news about Bieber - cause for concern?
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - SEPTEMBER 10

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is a bit iffy, but still not bad. George wanted to complain in the morning, but then ate and drank what he had, and is now sleeping on my bed. Sniff was hiding under Baby Bro's bike, and is now sleeping on his pillow and impersonating a sausage.
Street cleaning machines took on the mantel from the crazy upstairs this morning.
Ina was doing two shows in a row on grilling - come on, lady, it's fall already!
Currently trending at #1 is Sharon Osbourne, because she "revealed an old fling with Jay Leno" - juicy and earth-shattering.
Trending at #2 is Miley Cyrus, because "'Wrecking Ball' breaks most-viewed video record" - I don't even want to know what it is and who wrecked it.
Taylor Swift is denying the rumors about the video with J Lo - I really don't care one way or the other.
Yet another celebrity baby entered the world: Mario Lopez and his wife had a baby boy. Mazal Tov to them and good luck to the poor kid!
Another Victoria's Secret model came out to claim that she is "no size 0" and has the body "of a real woman" - yea, right! Every single VS model has a body of a real woman, my aching coccyx!
70% of all online porn access happens between 9 am and 5 pm - wow! Go, guys! I also wonder who was collecting this interesting data.
And, finally, Kate dropped by McDonald's on her way to the Kensington Palace, " turning every diner's experience into a Happy Meal" - nice.
Coffee this morning in my black glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - SEPTEMBER 9

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Shavua Tov! Shana Tova! I hope all of you had great Holiday and wish all of you a great, happy, healthy, sweet, prosperous, and blessed New Year! The weather is almost rocking for this time of the year - and I don't remember the last time I was able to deal without A/C on Rosh Hashana.
For the inquiring minds - there are sixty five Barbies in my collection.
Both George and Sniffles are enjoying the fresh air that comes from the open kitchen window; they also enjoy observing the local fauna. However, George gets scared when he sees someone on the outside (Baby Bro claims that he sees ghosts); Sniff, however, recognizes us through the window and tries to snuggle through the mesh.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual stuff.
Currently trending at #2 is Taylor Swift, because she is producing a new single with J Lo - oh, golly! Really don't want to see this one.
Reese Witherspoon supposedly "stunned" at the premiere of her new movie - OK, the dress was cute and she usually looks adorable, but I would not call it "stunning".
Some kind of experts claim that Whole Foods, Walmart, Costco, and Target make mayo that's as good as Hellman's, or that we would be "hard pressed to taste the difference" - scurrilous lies! Hellman's can't be beat!
"What to expect from Apple's iPhone event" - a lot of crazy Apple junkies, what else?
Rodman is making his third trip to North Korea - can he stay there already?
Sandra Bullock claims that she feels she does not deserve her Oscar for the Blind Side and she will be trying to prove herself for the rest of her life - chill, Sandra! Just look at James Cameron - he definitely did not deserve his, yet it did not prevent him from preening like a peacock and yelling that he is the king of the world.
"Justin Bieber debuts new 'mustache'" - spare me!
Prince Andrew accepted an apology from police after he was mistaken for an intruder in the Buckingham Palace - should have just shouted allah akbar, and the police would have stood down right away.
And, finally, according to Vanity Fair, Kate, backed by Will, defied the royal orders regarding Georgie, and made her own decisions - good for her! Considering how well her father in law turned out to be, I totally don't blame her.
Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh and Friends mugs.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 15

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather rocks once again! It looks like a miracle will happen this year, and the Con Ed bill for August will be lower than the one for July. Cats, of course, are enjoying the weather to the fullest, especially Sniff - he is running around like crazy with his tail fluffed and altogether being a cute young kitty. George finally finished his pill course last night - by the last pill he got the whole process down pat. Both of them take periodic advantage of the open window in the kitchen. By the way, if you need a great person to take care of a slightly ailing cat, Baby Bro is your man!
Trending at #10: Cat DNA readings - I was curious as to what exactly can the DNA of my furry friends offer society, but this story is about a guy in Britain convicted of manslaughter because the DNA from the cat hair found on victim matched his pet. Scary and fascinating at the same time.
Jennifer Aniston "swapped" her usual black for a "flirty floral" - Jen, I could have sworn you were not hanging out in Brooklyn; why is black your signature color?
"Oprah Winfrey opens up about her man" - anything to gloss up the fact of falsely accusing a store clerk of racism. Good job, Oprah!
"Mama June picks her wedding dress" - "after trying on a few duds, (including a look-alike Kate Middleton gown), the reality star finds a winner." Spare me!
JC Penny is under attack for their back to school ad which, supposedly, promotes bullying of people who do not wear the "right" kind of clothes - it does not promote anything, just states the bleeding obvious - but then, I assume, truth usually hurts.
Lisa Kudrow just started trending at #1, but I can't see why - maybe because she gave some kind of an interview?
"Best places for rich and single" - what is this, gold-diggers of both sexes unite and conquer?
According to a new book by a political science professor, people who read all of HP 7 books "tend to be "more open to diversity; politically tolerant; less authoritarian; less likely to support the use of deadly force or torture; more politically active; and are more likely to have a negative view of the Bush administration." - really? Harry Potter is a tool that helps produce politically correct morons with Bush derangement syndrome? It think they arrived there despite the boy wizard.
Taylor Swift "hates" Justin Bieber, "feuding" with Selena Gomez - um, why the heck can't they just sing?!!!
And, finally, Kate, who is now staying with the baby by her mother, is considering a prolonged visit of about 6 months - wise move, lady!
Coffee this morning in my smiley faces mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 25

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is actually half-decent, thank Gd! The said occurrence feline companions are enjoying to the fullest, especially Sniff, who did his usual battle cry-huge tail-lots of crazy running routine - which he did not perform since the first heat wave. Both of them also decided to try and have a fight on the edge of the kitchen sink, but then George thought better of it. He, in turn, complained in the morning, sat on the window sill with the newly "adjusted" shade, then on the sill next to my desk, and finally both of them decided to take a nap on my bed.
Joke of the day #1 comes from our building manager, who, apparently, did not read the notice telling everyone that the intercom would be out of commission for the next 2 weeks. This morning he decided to press the bell and was completely flabbergasted when he realized that nothing was working.
Joke of the day #2 comes from someone in the PR Department of the MTA, a representative of which uttered something to the extend of people taking it for granted that there are no fires on the subways.
Rinsing your head with beer right after shampoo is good for your hair - and if you don't rinse it on time, I guess it would be a perfect distraction from ESPN for a man of your life.
Among the 10 best places in USA to live in, there is Anchorage - which proves one more time that Sara Palin knew what she was doing.
On the other hand, Washington, DC, was just pronounced the least honest city in the USA - surprised much?
Taylor Swift left a nice tip plus concert tickets at the restaurant that impressed her with a nice service - take that, Kanye!
Chris Brown always makes sure that his car matches his shoes - no comment.
MTV.com is offering to take a pick inside Justin Bieber's jewelry box - please spare me!
Shakira is currently trending at #1 because she just "unveiled" a "slim bikini body" mere 6 months after giving birth - big deal! I know some local ladies who can give her a run for her money!
Blake Lively is currently trending at #2 because her representative just went public claiming that she is not pregnant - hum, thank Gd?
And, finally, royal baby is already stimulating the economy - the company that produced the swaddling blanket in which he left the hospital has no more of these blankets in stock! Way to go, Georgie!
Coffee this morning in my glass Cappuccino mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 11

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Happy Rosh Chodesh! Ladies, again - LIGHT housework and presents from your husbands! The weather is still crazy and much colder - no word on Ohio prosecutor filing new charges against Phil. The crazy upstairs is alive and kicking. George still prefers his amazon box to my bed, unless he wants to be petted - in which case it has to be done on my bed. Sniffles dropped Survival Cracker box from the top of the book case, then fluffed his tail 6 times its usual size and ran around the place like crazy. Last night Baby Bro re-arranged the canned goods in the pantry - because my neurotic arrangement of them was irritating his neurosis. Argentina's President will not be invited to Iron Lady's funeral, which "political snub" will further diplomatic antagonism between 2 countries - who needs good diplomatic relations with Argentina anyway? Back in 2010 Taylor Swift claimed that black eyeliner is one "beauty tool" she can't live without - and yet she appeared on the latest issue of Wonderland magazine without it! Kelly Clarkson, on the other hand, appeared with a bunch of black dots on her face - 18th century fashion taken to idiotic extreme. Ellen Pompeo showed up in pants strongly resembling pajamas - and here I thought only guys rolled out of bed and went straight to their destination. Karlie Kloss (some kind of Victoria's Secret supermodel) got an "it" hairdo which VS fans do not appreciate - somehow I never envisioned Victoria's fans concerned with hairdos. Basically, there are so many fashion-related news - stop the presses! Charlie Sheen appeared on Leno and talked about doing an episode of his show with Lindsay Lohan - all I can say is, I can't figure out who has more class, Charlie or Lindsay. PETA is trying to scare kids off milk by claiming on their billboards that drinking milk increases zits - why don't you starve yourselves and leave the kids alone, you jackals?!! In California police arrested 5 men who were rubbing banks "Hollywood style" - big whoop; if they robbed the bank Obama-style, that would have been a height of skill! Kim Kardashian is sticking to all black outfits for the third trimester - I guess her stylist was dispatched to Jewish Brooklyn for style tips. "Justin Bieber is only half as popular as he seems on Twitter" - there is still hope for the younger generation. And last, but not least in the fashion news - "Kate Middleton Helped Make Emerald the Color of 2013". Wow, did not know that the duchess and I have similar taste - at least in colors. Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Bag Plush with Mickey and Friends mug.