MORNING UPDATE - October 24, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy First Day of Rosh Chodesh! Ladies, I know that it's Erev Shabat, so it's pointless to remind you to keep it light on the housework - but please make sure hubbies give you gifts!
The weather is improved somehow and is actually pretty decent for the end of October. 
The heat is on, so Sniff returned to his ninja sleeping position - half on the radiator, and half in the cat house. George also has a fave relaxation pose - he assumes the phoenix pose on the Baby Bro's bed and sticks exactly one claw into the curtain.
Yet another celeb who decided to write a picture book - Bethenny Frankel.
Yesterday had to assist two space cadets simultaneously with Percy Jackson books - but if one was nice, smile-y, and grateful, the other one took it upon himself to prove that I am a moron (proving instead that he is a water buffalo).
Big announcement - although the original Singing Slavs retired for no apparent reason, their baton was recently picked up by a younger group!
The crazy upstairs is really scaring me into thinking of calling the police and checking on her.
Currently trending at #2 is North West - because, according to her mommy, she "will have a job". Afraid to find out the details.
Trending at #3 is Jessica Simpson - because her one year old son "is killing us with cuteness." Gun control enthusiasts rest.
Trending at #8 is Pippa Middleton - because of her claim of not dieting. Yea, lady, pull another one.
On the other hand, "Selena Gomez shares her elaborate beauty rituals" - spare me!
"Honey Boo Boo cancelled" - people with taste, rejoice!
And speaking of gun control - Rihanna is in hot water for her recent appearance with a purse shaped like a gun! This time common sense rests, once again.
"Why Lena Dunhan died her hair mint green" - who exactly gives a flying banana?
"Adult treats for Halloween" - what, raiding your kids' stash is now passe?
Coffee this morning in a disposable cup from a bagel shop located next to a barbarian-overrun laundromat.

MORNING UPDATE, June 30, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! It's hot again. Snow jumped over the neighbor's fence - to eat her rival's Friskies?
Idiot-proof stuff eludes me - after being unable to remember how to make videos on my camera, switched the phone to camera mode. Now have to take pictures with camera only as still don't remember how to switch to video, and use the phone for videos only as unable to figure out how to switch back to pictures.
Currently trending at # 1 is Kendall Jenner - because it looks like she was drinking at her sister's Khloe birthday party. Big deal - at least she was dressed.
"Choosing the perfect brush for your hair" - you go to the drug store or Target, look at brushes, get the cheapest one, and you are done. You don't need a whole article on this!
Jessica Simpson was "sizzling" again - please, save it for the winter! Too effin hot right now!
"Uproar over Hilary Clinton's speaking fees" - just the fees? Not her deeds and not the fact that she is still not in jail and is invited to speak at college campuses instead?
"Challenges for Washington's legal pot industry" - what effin challenges? Just run a bunch of ads in New York to the tune of "come and smoke MJ legally". Challenges, my foot.
"Celebs who defy aging" - oh, please! Find me "real people" who defy aging, then we will talk.
"Delectable desserts across the U.S." - did parteigenosse Michelle approve of any of them?
If you have an extra 25 mil stashed somewhere, you can buy Heidi Klum's LA house.
And, finally, it looks like I totally mastered the art of using the coffee maker.

MORNING UPDATE - June 23, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is nice and hot. Snow managed to get up close and personal with her favorite human.
Going to a library that's located inside a community center is an interesting experience.
Tom Hanks is currently trending at # 1 because he is producing a new film that will be directed by Meg Ryan - I guess they missed each other since the Mail.
Mariah Carey is at # 2 - as she was "accused of tweeting 1997 photo as present-day selfie". Ah, give her a break! So, she wanted to delight her fans, big deal.
Sofia Vergara is at # 5 - because her friendship with Ellen is making Portia jealous. Um, Portia, if your side is to be believed, people are born straight or otherwise, so, no need to be jealous.
Michael Douglas was "spotted" in King David hotel in Jerusalem this weekend, as he and his wife were celebrating their son's Bar Mitzvah - drat, the festivities were only a bus ride away!
"Sizzling Jessica Simpson" - I hope nobody got burned.
"How to keep cool without air conditioning" - by getting rid of all the environmentalists and their idiocy.
"Celebrities and their pregnancy cravings" - most of the listed ones claim to crave fruits, veggies, and fish. Give me a break!
It's been five years since Jon and Kate split up, but they still "hurl insults on each other" - class all the way.
North West had a first birthday "bash" that included Ferris wheel and a concert stage - I wonder what kind of enjoyment a one year old would derive from this nonsense.
And, finally, "The Guy Who Married Kate Middleton Turns 32" and his grandma gave him a helicopter for this occasion - happy birthday, Will!

MORNING UPDATE - June 22, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week! The weather is beautiful - it's nice, sunny, and breezy, and not a cloud in sight.
Snow rejected chicken for reasons unknown, but happily consumed the yogurt that was spiced up with Super Snack by my darling niece and later pronounced moldy. 
Currently trending at # 2 is Matt Damon - who would not be back for the next installment of the Bourne saga. The said sorry tidings are indeed a stain on the history of art - together with the entire Bourne saga.
"Best ways to eat lobster" - um, the way you like it?
Pope excommunicated Sicilian mafia - how about Nancy Pelosi?
"Why extreme diets are fundamentally flawed" - you actually need an explanation for that one?!
"Jessica Simpson Wears Little Black Dress, Continues Having Toned Calves" - a load off our chests! Since she "continues having toned calves", the Earth can continue spinning around the sun.
Bieber and Gomez had another date night - once again paging local psychiatric help.
"Buckingham Palace defends spending 4m (pounds) on refurbishing Kate and Will's flat" - seriously?!! Big deal! What's like a little weekend date night for Hussein and Michelle!

MORNING UPDATE - DECEMBER 5

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Happy Eight Day of Chanukah! Ladies, I hope this Rosh Chodesh was very nice, and hubbies remembered it as well 
It's dreary outside, but still pretty warm for December. 
Sniff did not overturn his bowl this morning - he just stirred the contents around, and then decided to have breakfast. George was so hungry for chicken that he continued eating despite all the noises that usually spook him.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual stuff, plus she added some kind of on again, off again banging to her repertoire.
According to Men's Health, 85% of men admitted to ogling women in the gym - I guess the other 15% are either not honest or are batting for the other team, so to speak.
Currently trending at #9 is little black dress - probably because it's a popular item on the shopping list; definitely top page news.
A new initiative in Amsterdam that offers alcoholics beer in lieu of payment for cleaning the streets is gaining popularity - may we take a page from the same book and start paying politicians in manure?
Our Dear Leader is not allowed to use an Iphone for "security reasons" and is stuck with Blackberry - aw, poor Hussein!
Krispy Krems are the top donuts of this year - well done! Could you please come to NY already?!!!
A color called "radiant orchid" will the be the color of the year for 2014 - did you hear that, Building Management? Start stacking up on it - and maybe re-paint the hallway?
New trend in bathroom appliances - vitamin C shower filters. Building Management, get to work!
"Jessica Simpson looks to hot to handle" - so don't handle! She is not your wife anyway.
"Justin Bieber's video vixen claims Selena Gomez dissed her" - oh, get a life, lady. Why would you care about Selena, or get mixed up with Bieber anyway?!
And, finally, there is a whole discussion about the history of the tiara that Kate wore recently - fascinating, that one.
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the new version.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 12

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! We had snow earlier - so, no flippies today. 
Sniff decided to wake me up by walking on my hair, and then I was greeted by his Egyptian god expression coming from the cat house. George was unusually quiet almost the whole morning, and then he decided to make up for it a bit. For now he is snoozing on my bed.
Seeing people with strollers in Greenwich Village is very strange.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual, and this time some kind of Morse code coming through the kitchen wall is adding to her noise.
Among the things that Brits in America miss are tea and bacon - tea I understand, but bacon?!!! What an insult!
Currently trending at #1 is Robert Downey Jr. - because of the "birthday bash" he threw for his wife's 40th birthday. Well, at least he is being a decent husband, so, I guess that deserves the top spot.
Trending at #5 is the New Batsuit, that's "designed to impress" - instead of the Batman himself, I guess. Sad, that.
A lot of people are "rushing to get married" today as it's 11/12/13 - according to one reporter, it was initiated by men: because this way they will never forget their anniversary. Poor sods!
Trending at #6 is Jessica Simpson - because she is "slimming down". Well, duh!
Justin Timberlake was, apparently, honored by GQ as their "man of the year", and he "used this occasion to blast critics" and tell them that "none of your opinions counts" - you keep it classy, Justin.
Venezuela's "women dominate Miss Universe" - oh, what a great accomplishment that is!
And, finally, Bieber walked off the stage during his concert again, this time blaming it on food poisoning - not brain poisoning?
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 28

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is on the rainy side, but still not bad for August.
Russian neighbours rock - they play music at interesting hours and entertain with their everyday conversations.
George, as usual, is sleeping on my bed.
Sniff was looking at his food a bit too intently this morning, and I was wondering if he started to question the freshness of it as well as his roommate. But Baby Bro postulated that he is probably taken to emulating his mistress and praying before partaking of a meal.
Currently trending at #1: Matthew McConaughey, because he "shines in Dallas Buyers Club Trailer" - a worthy reason to shot up to the top.
Trending at #2: Lamar Odom. The latest on this worthy individual: he is not missing; he is in hiding; there are also speculations about his NBA career - all extremely fascinating stuff, I tell you.
Amber Valetta "credits her entire career to haircut" - at least it was something above her neck, and not below.
Jessica Simpson showed off first two pictures of her new baby - and so the trend continues.
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are separated - I feel old, because I still remember them getting married, and that was 13 years ago.
"Rare $2,500 chicken is the "Lamborghini of Poultry" - oh, holy mackerel! I really don't want to know anymore.
Gwyneth Paltrow exercises with a broom, and that's what keeps her in that terrific shape she is in - oh, what an insult to witches that is!
The newest picture of Kate is now making different waves, claiming that she is just another celebrity who got her figure back after only one month of having a baby, and that sends negative message to women everywhere - if women everywhere, and especially their significant others, place that much stock in celebrity photos, I pity them and their progeny.
Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Bag mug with Mickey and Friends - not to be confused with Disney Mini Bean Bag mug with Pooh and Friends.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 26

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's warming up again, dang it! Feline companions are not too happy about that one, and are sleeping in their fave spots (cat house and on top of a box). In the morning they both came to snuggle, then fought over breakfast, then fought just because, and finally settled down.
Guess who is trending at #1? Nope, wrong! It's Kim Kardashian! You thought she is going to stay quiet? Ha! Anyway, she is in the news because she is loosing baby weight and because her and her magnificent baby-daddy did not want to give their poor offspring a traditional "K" name because they did not want (I am not kidding here) any associations with KKK - genius galore from both of them, what can I say?
You want to know who is trending at #2? DMX. Why? Because the genius got arrested for DUI. Surprised much?
Trending at #7 - someone vandalized the Lincoln memorial; well, considering all the other garbage taking place in DC, this is not surprising.
Jessica Simpson was "spotted" for the first time after giving birth - well, she had to emerge from her house sometime.
Latest on Selena Gomez - this morning she spoke of her "ex-boyfriend", claiming that she will "always care" for him - Jelena was not resuscitated? Aw, shucks!
"Is Kate Middleton's 'mummy tummy' coverage disrespectful to women?" - oh, get a life, people! Did you ever see a woman 2 days after giving birth?!!
And, finally, "Prince George Already Has It All...Except His Own Website" - ah, the dude is less than a week old, people. Give him at least till crawling time.
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING REPORT - JULY 1

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Happy first day of July! It's raining outside, but at least not so stifling inside - man, do I love the summer in New York!
Dad is continuing his attempts to put the harness on Sniff and take him for a walk. Incidentally, yesterday one of our heighbours was duly impress with his (Sniff's) size. George is sleeping in his amazon box.
Marc Summers was showing the production of turkish toffee somewhere in PA - and you could clearly see OU-D on the boxes and wrappers - I love this country! Ina was making Texas chili with her friend and getting a kick out of the fact that 2 Jewish girls were cooking chili.
Justin Theroux is currently trending at #1 - and not because he hates LA, while his fiancee, Jennifer Aniston, hates NY. No, the reason he is trending at #1 is because, apparently, he goes commando while jogging in his beloved New York - really need to know where he likes to do that in order to avoid seeing it - because the mental image alone is spittoon worthy.
Congratulations to Jessica Simpson on the birth of a son on Sunday - and congratulations to the baby boy who is stuck with her as a mother and the name Ace Knute Johnson!
The study of Chilean mummies revealed that in pre-colonial times people of all incomes had "nicotine habit" and also enjoyed hallucinogens - nothing is new under the sun.
Tomatoes are a "superfood" that can improve your skin, protect you from cancer, and even "promote healthy sleep" - so, next time you can't fall asleep, just munch on tomato instead of drinking alcoholic beverages; I can so see it becoming a trend (not).
Justin Bieber was seen in Vegas with "ANOTHER New Mystery Girl" - I wonder what name this couple is going to get.
Coffee this morning in my clear glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's cloudy and not so cold outside. The crazy upstairs is pacing herself - meds do work! Both psychotic cats came in to snuggle this morning; now they are in peaceful slumber: George on my bed, and Sniff in the cat house - he got lucky again. According to Ina, anyone who makes brownies without butter should be arrested - beware, the owners of kosher bakeries! Also, she gave a whole lecture about how cooking with different alcoholic beverages adds a "depth of flavor" to your cooking and baking - music to my ears! Speaking of which - Cat Cora was arrested for DUI yesterday, which is trending at #7 right now - too much cooking with wine? Happy Birthday to Suri Cruise! According to her crazy daddy, her name means "princess" in Hebrew - spare us your idiocy, Tom! Trending at #3 are "Rihanna rumors": she cancelled a few of her shows, and people are now speculating on her being pregnant - if she is, I wonder if she will design her own maternity clothes, and if they will get a much criticism as her jeans. And speaking of preggos: guests at Jessica Simpson's shower got contraceptives as party favors - why?!! As in "don't repeat my mistakes" stuff? Pamela Anderson claimed that she never really felt beautiful - SOS! Baywatch fans to the rescue! According to the cast of Temptation, Kim Kardashian can really act - I guess that comes as a surprise to more people than the members of the cast of Temptation. Justin Bieber cancelled his concert in Oman due to low ticket sales - why did he want to perform there to begin with?!! And Kate ended up on Time's list of 100 most influential people - considering the others on this list (like parteigenosse Michelle), the honor is dubious at best. Coffee this morning in my smiley faces mug.