For the record, among my relatives, friends, and close acquaintances, I am the only one who has never been married. One of my closest friends is divorced; the rest of the ladies in my circle are married. So, between my unending dating horrors, and recent (or not so recent) dating sagas of my relatives and friends, plus my observations of the people that are sort of passing through my life and my general field of vision, certain patterns and conclusions are beginning to emerge in my brain.
Mr. Darcy is the personification of our romantic dreams. He is the classical tall, dark and handsome, although that phrase always annoyed me. It is so damn shallow! Yes, it may be a tad annoying if your significant other is shorter than you, but it is not the end of the world. Preference between dark or blond is a matter of personal taste: I personally think redheads are the sexiest. As to handsome, it is my deep personal conviction, confirmed by observation and experience, that guys that are, or considered, handsome, are usually vain, conceited, and posses the highly elevated sense of entitlement; but I digress.
You see, Darcy is a kind of dude we are all hoping to marry one day. He is not just rich and handsome; he is also very kind, honorable, responsible, has high moral principals to which he actually sticks, and even open to criticism to a certain extent. Now, thanks to the barracudas from NOW, extremely loudmouthed gay lobby, and others of their ilk, guys like Darcy are supposed to be un-cool and outlawed, and for women to hope to one day meet someone like this is considered extremely un-PC. The whole meaning of the word "decent" got distorted, and the word "honorable" became obsolete. Despite all this, for any girl with at least one romantic bone in her body, hope springs eternal. Unfortunately, for overwhelming majority of us, meeting and marrying somebody like Fitzwilliam Darcy remains just that: a nice but impossible romantic dream.
The best we can usually hope for, and usually get, is Bingley. He is a nice and decent guy, warm, friendly, and not too high on the instep. Let us just not forget that when Darcy pointed out the general unsuitability of the Bennet family, Bingley dropped Jane like a hot potato (forgive the cliche), and only when his friend retracted that opinion, was Bingley comfortable to continue his courtship and eventually propose. Again, somebody like him would make a great husband; but how far will his loyalty stretch when the road will get a bit bumpy?
And how many women you know who have followed the path of Charlotte Lucas and have married a Mr. Collins? I actually know a few (fortunately, not close friends). At a certain point in their lives they all have decided that for whatever reason their prospects of marrying somebody who would be their equal are small or non-existent, so they settled for somebody who was their inferior on many levels, intellect usually being one of them. A girl has to eventually face the hard facts of live: she does not have spectacular looks, or fortune, or social connections. If she wants to have a marriage and family, she absolutely has to settle! So she is going to settle for a guy who just needs to get married soon, and any woman who looks like she is going to become a "comfortable wife" will do. Charlotte married a person who not only was intellectually inferior to her, but also happened to be a pompous jerk and a boot liker; but he gave her a husband, a child, a certain place in society and, most importantly, a status of a married woman. What more do you need?
For that matter, how many women you know that ended up just as Lydia did? Young, naive, flirtatious, a bit dumb, they end up falling for a dashing, handsome, absolutely devoid of honor womanizer, and end up connected to a prize like this for life. And how many are in the position of Mrs. Bennet? Very attractive, but intellectually inferior to her husband, she initially attracts him with her youth and beauty, but in the course of their shared lives loses his respect . He becomes eccentric, reclusive, and mostly ignores the rearing of their children and the concerns for their future. The saddest fact of all: how many of us were repeatedly instructed to be a Lydia or a Mrs. Bennet in a sense that a woman should be pretty and not very bright, for a man loves with his eyes, but is not stupid enough to marry a girl who is smarter than him?
Let's be fair: a lot of us do not deserve Mr. Darcy; and how many of us will have Elizabeth's courage to reject a proposal made to us "despite better judgement" or show the proverbial door to the likes of Lady Catherine? On the other hand, a quote keeps popping into my mind. I am not sure where I have heard it, but I think it was a Russian movie version of "Ideal Husband". It went something along the lines of "If we married the women we deserve.."
As I type this, another thing pops into my mind. An image of somebody very wise, a matron, most probably, but any man will do also. "OK, Barbie", he or she would say very kindly (or not so kindly), "you have a couple of problems. First of all, a green monster of jealousy is eating you alive. After all, even your younger sister is married, never mind all your friends. You just admitted that! Plus, you are unrealistic, unwise, your head is stuck in the proverbial clouds, and, most probably, you are unable to commit to a mature relationship, or (gasp), you totally do not comprehend the noble institution of marriage. You also forget that you are not eighteen anymore (twice that much, actually). You are short and fat (which is considered unattractive by about 95 % of our population). Your wardrobe is atrocious, your limited supply of make-up usually ends up in the trash because you use it about twice a year, you are not very rich, your family is kooky, you are interested in things most normal people do not give a fig about, you argue with your books on the train, and, for that matter, buy them instead of clothes. So, dearie, if you do not face reality and settle, you will end up an old maid!
To which I will raise my glass of chardonnay and propose two toasts. One, to the noble institution of marriage, to my married sister and all my married friends: may G-d bless all your marriages and all your children. May He rain good health, happiness and prosperity on you all! (Special honorable mention to my friend CW and her husband: continue to behave like newlyweds, you two are so perfect together!) Two, to every hopeful romantic single girl out there, and to every single romantic bone in my un-attractive body and every single strand of my hair that's stuck in the clouds! I may be a strange girl, but, even if only 50% of me deserves a Mr. Darcy, I know I will meet him. Wise gentlemen and wise matrons out there: just take care of your own boring lives.
1 comment:
And sometimes you think you are marrying Mr. Darcy only to realize (sometimes well into the marriage) that you would be tremendously lucky if he, in fact, is Mr. Bingley. This is just an observation, not a reflection on Lohkankin.
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