Wearing a strange half-goth outfit, which consists of black skirt and black coat, balanced out by yellow t-shirt and lemon-yellow flip-flops. The goth motif is re-enforced by the strong smokiness of my clothes (compliments of dear rommie) and the absence of "Twilight" which I finished last week; hope Macy's will hurry with my shoes, as this look is a bit strange even by my standards.
Monday, August 31, 2020
Last night, the laundromat was overflowing with males - the effin world series was on! "Honey, I always help - here, I am going to do laundry without you even asking me!"; of course, few of them just came in for free cable - without any excuses.
Just wandered to DHS website; the threat level is yellow in general and orange for air; apparently, when a muslin lunatic in uniform murders 14 people on the army base it's not enough to raise it; orange for the air - still allow suspected terrorist to board our airliners and not "profile" the members of the religion of peace; that's from the same people who consider returning veterans a threat! Curse their hides!
While perusing some of my old posts on Facebook, I realized that sometimes I actually said some worthwhile stuffs once in a blue moon.
So, I decided to repost them here, because I am that full of hubris. Henceforth, if you see is post with just an old date as a topic, feel free to skip it.
Thursday, July 02, 2020
One of the latest stories: Plombir. Granted, while living in Moscow, I enjoyed the said delicacy many times; but that was in Moscow! Since moving away from that paradise on Earth, I sampled a variety of ice creams, many of them either equal or superior. But the abundant availability of frozen treats never stopped almost every Russian-speaking American I know from their Plombir worship.
At one Shavuot celebration, that coveted dessert was served at the meal hosted by a good friend of mine. The anticipated, but still nausea-inducing monologue from one of the grandparents’ generation ensued: “Oh, look, kids, prombir! Wow! That’s real ice cream for you, not the American junk! Real, delicious ice cream! Not American!”, etc, along the same lines, while serving the blessed frozen delicacy.
Since by the time of that meal a long while passed since I sampled that avowed ice cream, I was at least curious - is it really that good, or I am right in persisting that American offerings are at least on the par? After getting my plate, I impersonated a gourmet taster to the best of the knowledge gained through watching countless cooking shows. You want to know what I concluded? There is a vanilla flavored Target brand ice cream that you can get for two ninety nine for a Quart and a half at your local Target that tastes exactly the same! Real, delicious ice cream, my aching coccyx!
Sunday, June 28, 2020
I enjoy cooking, so my friend attached me to one of the numerous cooking groups on Facebook. This particular one was composed of all kinds of Russian-speaking individuals, living in different countries, practicing different religions, not practicing anything, young, old, single, married, women, men, etc….needless to say, it was pretty diverse. And for a while I was really enjoying it - the colorful photos, the varied recipes, the great food suggestions, the humor that only former Soviet citizens would understand, and, most importantly, the general lightness and the polite tone of the whole enterprise. Till the International Holocaust Memorial Day, that is….
Since Facebook is, after all, a social media platform, people occasionally used the group for non-cooking posts (especially in cases of emergency). Seeing this, one of the admins created an offshoot group - specifically for any kinds of posts of the non-culinary variety. Simple rule: food posts in the main group, non-food posts - in the secondary. So, on The International Holocaust Memorial Day, one lady posted an article about FOOD during the Holocaust - and “the fun” began….
First, of course, the usual groaning - “this is a food group; why the heavy and depressing subject of the Holocaust?!!” Well, the post WAS about food! Next, very polite and caring comment, informing the poster that the Holocaust numbers are severely exaggerated, and maybe, possibly ONLY ONE million Jews was killed, and not six - that produced a somewhat fierce battle in which, of course, the arguments against Holocaust denial were ignored and shouted down. The final argument was simply a poetry in motion that completely floored me.
A true Russian patriot, in a true Russian patriot fashion produced a masterpiece that, roughly translated, sounded as following: “They are really tiring with their Holocaust! Holocaust, Holocaust, that’s all you hear from them! Enough milking it already! Who cares! We knew true hardships, tragedy, and Holocaust: 1941-1945! That was real suffering!”
So, let me get this straight: the biggest mass murder in history is, apparently, a tiresome exaggeration, but a result of the war YOUR mass murdering dictator started in partnership with the one who perpetrated the said “exaggeration” is A-OK? Please note how you conveniently forget when the war was actually started, but only note the part that resulted when your blood-thirsty comrade preempted the strike on him and attacked first; you also choose not to remember the criminal ineptitude of your own beloved dictator, instead claiming victimhood and undeserved accolades.
The admins and moderators of the group (most of whom were Jews, by the way), decided simply to remove the offending post in the end. I, for my part, simply could not envision sharing recipes and dinner photos with these people, so I just left the group - because in the end, even the most benign group you could possibly imagine, and the mutual love of cooking and baking could not protect me from their virulent hatred.
Next time, when someone would like to know why I hate Russians so much, just re-read what I wrote.
Thursday, June 25, 2020
Coffee this morning in my Philadelphia mug with cute cartoonish pictures, one of them of Betty Ross thinking of different flag designs.
Apparently, they just concluded a new study that proves that overwhelming number of adults prefer to have children as opposed to having peace and leisure - gosh, what wheel will they re-invent next time?! Also, comrade Barak Hussein forgot his lady fair while trying to disembark from the plain...Last Thursday was national prayer day - which is a bit of a quandary for the current regime as the only religions they recognize are Islam, atheism, socialism, the infallibility of the the government, and the church of anthropogenic global warming.
My coffee maker was brewing Gevalia for the first time since I cancelled my membership there. Coffee this morning in my Henry VIII and his disappearing wives mugs.
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
It seems there was a rush of burglaries on Capitol Hill - well, you showed the way, ladies and gents. In other news - Al Gore got a new girlfriend; hopefully, she drives a Prius or a Volt, has not pets, does not eat meat, does not take baths, does not enter grocery store without reusable schlepper, lives next door to her work, and did not have any children who used disposable diapers (a short list that should actually be much longer, but, I guess, Al was not that choosy this time around). On the morning show they had a segment about "dating wines" - apparently, chardonnay and rose are best for the first few dates; around engagement you absolutely have to have overpriced French bubbly, and after marriage and children you can graduate to cheap red. Marc Summers was featuring Dylan's Candy Shoppe on the Unwrapped!
Coffee this morning in my musical notes mug that I inherited from my sis.
Over the weekend, Mark Zuckerberg changed his status to "married" - aww, congratulations! People Magazine is threatening to supply all the minute details on his wife's wedding dress. In other news, al-Megrahi left this world over the weekend - surrounded by family, to which his victims were not entitled. Marc Summers is hosting a segment about peanut butter - which delicacy I still do not appreciate, even after all the years in this magnificent country.
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.
This just out: NY is only #4 among the cities with the worst traffic congestion; surprisingly, LA took second place...#1? Honolulu! My guess is that has something to do with Comrade Barak Hussein's birth certificate...Prince William admitted that he was not really able to sleep on the night before the wedding - due partially to nerves and partially to all the crowds singing on the streets. Here is a picture - bobbies going around those crowds with megaphones and asking people to be silent so that the bridegroom can sleep...
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target - drinking it cold.
Cynthia Nixon's wedding was big news - aw...the whole special announcement about the pictures being released...In other wedding news, Prince William told Katie Couric that he was presented with a list of 777 people as potential wedding guests - and he did not know a soul; so, he consulted his grandma, and she told him to forget the list and think of whom he and Kate would like to invite first...but she gave him an ultimatum on what he was going to wear to the ceremony. Whenever I peruse this nonsense, I am always reminded of bread and circuses. Achtung, Parteigenosse Michelle! Paula Dean was making New Orleans' beignets with her brother in law! And now Ina is doing a whole segment on desserts!!!
Coffee this morning in my stripped glass from Target.
The big news - Jessica Simpson's body after the baby - how much weight she gained and what she plans to do about it. If memory serves me right, Beyoncé did not make waves with her weight as much due to her bodyguards antiques in the hospital - but now HuffPo also reported on her baby weight loss. In related news, a rubenesque blogger posted pictures of her in a bikini with a simple message - all bodies are sexy and are entitled to be in a bikini; and our esteemed Mayor is working on new eating laws - now limiting the amount of soda sold. The first makes me want to unearth my bathing suits purchased for the Aruba trip and also post my pictures (granted, they are not bikinis); and the second one clearly demonstrates what happens when you think that government bureaucrats can do anything better. And on the more related news - a boy in Colorado was suspended from school for wearing anti-Obama t-shirt. Liberals, progressives, independent defenders of the First Amendment? Anyone?
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.
The latest issue of National Geographic Traveler is offering to celebrate Jeanne D'Arc's 600th birthday with champagne on the tour that will cover all the major points of her journey - my bags are officially packed! Leisure Magazine named the residents of Anchorage, Alaska the worst dressed...uh, did they visit Brighton Beach and the surrounding areas before pronouncing their judgement? Alton Brown was talking about barley, and all I could think of was cholent - thank you, my Ashkenazi brothers and sisters!
Coffee this morning in my black glass from Target.
Brits are renaming Big Ben into Elizabeth Tower in honor of queen's jubilee. Really hoping that the spirit of the first Elizabeth will get into them. Was re-reading an old copy of Domino magazine - they were suggesting eggplants in clay pots as centerpieces; which still would not prevent my pets from trying to eat the said centerpiece.
Coffee this morning in white Target glass.
In world news - Chinese authorities are cracking down on activists marking the 23rd anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre - Gd bless this country and protect it from domestic ungrateful swine! And in domestic news - we just got a new Miss USA, who, despite strict PC guidelines, is white and blond.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.
Today is the anniversary of the beginning of the 67 war - gosh, I can only hope that the spirit of that victory will infuse the current Israeli government! Prayers with Governor Walker - may he prevail over the union thugs! Brits are celebrating the Queen's Jubilee - long list of wishes there. A young contender on Millionaire does not recognize Reagan's quote, but knows Google+ - no comment. Paltrow is in hot water because she supposedly called her buddies Jay-Z and Beyoncé n-word - couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people all around.
Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass.
In other news - Manhattan, NY and Brooklyn, NY are the cities with the most spoiled kids! First of all, I take umbrage at Brooklyn being a separate city; second of all, I am sure they did not mean the persecuted minorities - who, of course, graduated from just spoiled to public menace - in which case, all 5 NY boroughs are leading the country. Drew Barrymore just released the pictures from her wedding - "full of meaning Jewish ceremony" at which she wore 14 karats in diamonds; and Miley Cyrus is engaged - Mazal tovs all around!
Coffee this morning in clear plastic cup from local Dunkin Donuts.
Two hot topics of the day: Jewel's newly straightened teeth and Miley's engagement ring...as I don't really listen to modern music all that much, never knew that Jewel had crooked teeth to begin with; and Miley's ring is diamond in yellow gold, which went out of style just about the time of my seminary graduation, so, I guess she is trying to create a new trend, er, bring back something forgotten. Parteigenose Michelle, Marc Summers is talking about foods that remind us of the zoo - i.e, the dreaded school lunch chicken nuggets!!! Never mind crunchy gummy bears and animal crackers in fudge!! The nerve! Oh, and official announcement - after a long hiatus The Bag will ride again!
Coffee this morning in my funky clear glass from Target.
They were talking about gift ideas for Father's Day: you can sent in couple of pictures to the company, and receive a personalized superhero (in Dad's image); or you can get him a 10 gallon jar of hot sauce; or personalized money clips or bottle openers. Two huge pieces of news: Ellen's partner, otherwise known as Portia De Rossi, got a new haircut! I got a new haircut after Pesach - my hairdresser gave me a bob for the first time in my life! How come it did not make the news? The second piece: Emma Stone's red leather dress! Well, I hate to wear leather for two reasons: feels hot and reminds me of red comissars; so, I guess no chance of me making news in this department...
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.
Ice T is defending Paltrow and her use of the n-word, which was basically a quote from a song - go figure. The newest issue of the Cosmo came out with a report of, uh, best junk, by the state. AZ is #5, our own Empire State is #3, and number one - drum roll - New Hampshire! Katie Couric, meanwhile, was re-inventing the wheel together with some kind of nutritionist dudess at the supermarket - all the chips are bad for you, air popcorn's best part is the kernel that gets stuck in our teeth, blah, blah, blah - so, the best snacks are fruits, vegetables, yogurt, nuts, and string cheese; thanks a lot, ladies - we so did not know it without you! Curry was the star of the show yesterday simply by sitting on the window and looking outside - and delighting the children and adults alike.
Coffee this morning in my white Target glass.
Matthew McConaughey is off the market - aw, mazal tov to him and condolences to his female fans. Madagascar 3 got more money over weekend than Prometheus - people wanted to go to the movies with kiddies? Watergate reporters return with a new story claiming that Nixon's White House was much worse than previously believed - have they checked the present occupant? Another ladies mag - this time Lucky - claims that the outfit the guys love most on a woman is jeans with white t-shirt; did you hear that, non-believers who criticized my wardrobe?!! A professor from Columbia and Nobel Laureate (of course) published a new book claiming that American Dream is a myth - dear professor, could you please, please, please relocate to my step-mama country and apply for the job at Moscow University?
Coffee this morning in my black Target mug.
George Clooney took time off his busy schedule of campaigning for Comrade Barak Hussein to whisk his current girlfriend to his love nest in Italy. A couple of tortoise had to be separated after 115 years as she started biting his shell and the aphrodisiacs did not work. R-Patz hates to be called R-Patz - my heart goes out to him! Charlize Theron shaved her head for a role - can she insert some working brain in the process? Casey Anthony is reading Hunger Games - and this interests me how? And this breaking piece of news just in - French women are much better at planning their meals than the American ones; I would really love to see their meal planning wisdom at work when they will be forced to work as hard as us.
Coffee this morning in my striped Target glass.
Our fair city did not make it to the top 5 most dangerous cities in US - Gd bless you, Rudy Giuliani! In the related news, my step-mama city of Moscow is the 4th most expensive city in the world! Some kind of up and coming young actress had to put on weight for the Rock of Ages, because, what do you know, in the 80s curves were in, not the sticks. Apparently, some big celebrities never graduated high school - wow, big surprise there; among them are Mark Wahlberg, Whoopi Goldberg (you could have knocked me down with an F), and Gisele Bundchen! So, Al Gore, who almost failed science in school, and Gisele, who never graduated from school, are the face of the environmentalist fight - I rest my case.
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.
A new study is out that claims you can tell a person's personality by their shoes - but I could not find the conclusion about a person who likes to wear flip flops for 9 months out of 12. An independent panel of judges came up with the best purse verdict - a turquoise clutch that costs only $875! Phooey! My Bag can dance circles around your little clutch - never mind give the liberals whiplash and heart palpitations! A UFO was spotted yesterday on DC Beltway - which turned out to be a drone. Brad Pitt, in his younger days before wife cheating, had a party pal - Jason Priestly; awwww. A margarita maker is supposed to be a kitchen gadget you don't need - who came up with this conclusion, MADD? Foods that make you smarter - berries, dark chocolate, leafy greens, and - lard!! That probably explains the stupidity rampant among some of our brothers and sisters. Jim Carrey just put his Malibu home on the market - for mere 14 mil you can own a slice of heaven in a fantastic climate! Anyone tired of rain - you got dibs!
Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass.
Snooki's pregnant belly is getting so big that she is getting around in a scooter - the nation can sleep peacefully after learning this piece of breaking news. Oklahoma City was pronounced the most manly city in the USA, and San Diego - the least; I am surprised that San Francisco did not claim that honor; and our fair city of New York missed the mark for both 5 most and 5 least. LiLo was explaining the paramedics visit to her house - again, now we can rest easily at night. And Jay-Z claims that he discovered a softer side after becoming a father - awww; too bad he never apologized for the hospital shenanigans when that daughter was being born; his softer side will also, apparently, not cure his blatant racism.
Coffee this morning in my white Target glass.
In other news - Rielle Hunter's book is due to come out next week; I suggest arresting everyone willing to buy it for wasteful use of their money. Muslim Brotherhood won Egyptian elections - I am officially surprised! Woody Allen thinks LiLo is a very "talented girl" and he would hire her - I guess crazies gravitate towards each other. Fathers who stay home with sick children dramatically increase their bond - duh! People often mistake migraines for sinus headaches - on the other hand, the tension headaches from surrounding stupidity can not be mistaken for anything else.
Coffee this morning in my black Target glass.
Parteigenosse Michelle was on Live with Kelly yesterday - where she claimed that when few months into living in DC her daughter came from school and said that she licked it here, Michelle finally let out a breath - because she was concerned for her kids (and nothing more) - awww..pee a bit more on our legs and tell us it's raining. Tiger Woods is not the highest paid athlete anymore - my heart bleeds borsch. Due to the week economy, there are new rules out there for buying the engagement diamonds - how about this: be a decent human being, love and respect me, and be half-decent to my family - and you don't have to buy me any jewelry. And British Royals were showing off their magnificent hats at the annual Order of the Garter service - how about honoring the tradition of personal freedom and protecting the members of EDL from constant persecution?
Coffee this morning in disposable DD cup.
Our fair city is now #3 as bed bug infested - Philly takes number one spot; this is what happens when you outlaw stuff that fights pests of the animal variety and allow pests of the human variety from barbarian places to occupy us with impunity. Johnny Depp split with his long time girlfriend - my heart bleeds borsch, as usual. Kid Rock is scheduled to perform at the Republican National Convention - depending on your political views, begin to support or boycott. The new trailer for the second Breaking Dawn came out - watch out for shrieking and fainting teens. Plus, it looks like Kristen Stewart's asking price is higher than Cameron Diaz's, Sandra Bullock's, and Angelina Jolie's - well, as long as the young whipper snapper would refrain from offering political advice, bad mouth our country, or promote envirowacoism - more power to her.
Coffee this morning in my white Target glass.
Breaking news of the hour - Mena Suvari's "daring" black dress and J. Lo's new hair style - how would we survive without knowing it? Or seeing the pictures of Snooki's animal print covered house? Or the prolonged discussion about Johnny Depp's love interests? Shudders!! The results of the new study are in - birds love to poop on the red cars more than on any other colored cars! Also, Alec Baldwin dropped his pants on Letterman - and Letterman followed suit! Ah, the things I miss due to my crazy list of TV programs I boycott due to my radical political views! And our fantastic, gracious, classy First Lady claimed that her desire to give her girls the foundation for their dreams is what drives her - along with concern for all our children; that is probably why her dear hubby saddled our grandchildren with unimaginable debt and is working tirelessly on dismantling the security of our country. And speaking of Parteigenosse Michelle - I am very concerned for the employees of the Travel Channel! I mean, they keep running hour-long specials on donuts, stakes, hot dogs, ice cream!!!!
Coffee this morning in my funky clear glass from Target.
Octomom was explaining why she made naughty movie - I wonder how many people are interested. Two girls in Tacoma school district came home with sunburns, because, according to the state law, the teacher was not allowed to put sunscreen on them! Re-cap of Prince William's 30th Birthday Party, which was very low-key, as he tuned down debauchery with maturing years: "knighthood, commissioned art, a multi-million-dollar birthday check and and a party at dad's massive country house" - hey, he is a Prince, after all. And, it looks like I missed a massive yoga party in Times Square that celebrated summer solstice - gosh, why am I living in NY and not paying attention?
Coffee in my clear funky glass from Target.
Huge discussion about Britney Spears and some other celebrity who wore the same dress and how they wore it - and I show my disconnect from current events by only recognizing Brit and not the other contender. Reese Weatherspoon is pregnant and hungry - taking a break off the movies as she wants to eat anything in site - she should definitely visit our neighborhood and have a pow wow with all the local preggies. Another "nightmare scenario" about rising East Coast waters just came about - it would have more of a nightmare feel if it wasn't repeated so often for the past 20 or so years. And then there is a whole article on how to buy bikini - you want it short and sweet? Buy whatever you like as long as it fits! And there is also a list of good white wines for the summer - is there such a thing as bad white wine?
And here come the headlines: Octomom has a younger boyfriend - spittoon, please. Jenny McCarthy shot another Playboy cover - be still, my heart. Jimmy Carter! criticized the White House - the response would require an essay; suffice it to say that pictures of him with the caption" thanks, now I am not the worst" were floating around for a while now....Hooters-style restaurants are thriving despite the weak economy - duh! That's how men deal with problems - get drunk and stare at hot girls! NYC made #1 on the priciest US cities - thank you to the usual suspects! And yet another study came out claiming that drinking might improve the quality of your life - duh! again.
Some bikini updates: Megan Fox showed her baby bump in a bikini - again, had trouble remembering who Megan Fox was. And an Olympic swimmer is in hot water because of some "controversial" bikini photos - oh, for effs sake - she is a swimmer; a bathing suit is a bathing suit! And J.Lo was "frolicking on the beach" with her kids and a new beau - who looks slightly younger than her. 100K a month is not a good a salary as it used to be - great surprise and thanks to the usual suspects. And Charlie Rangel won the primary in his district - big bloody surprise! His district clearly deserves him - unfortunately, the rest of the country is forced to suffer him as well.
Britney Spears vowed in sleek red dress - good for her. Size 6 somehow joined plus sizes, and Paula Dean lost 30 lb - I see an interesting trend in the news, and refuse to read further in order to enjoy what's left of good weather.
Interesting study just in - as soon as the woman attached to Tom Cruise turns 33, she splits up with him - any connection to the late jc? Maybe he should just marry an old hag and be done with it? And in the wind of this, here is another interesting tidbit - new trend for "man-gagement" rings; which proves that some of us still have money to waste, which, I guess, is good. And then there are "top 10 lies men tell women" - only 10? And, speaking of money, there are instructions of how to buy your own private island - is it going to be big enough to deport all the America hating bastards from this country? Let them sit there and have their socialist commune with free healthcare, fresh organic food, zero environmental impact, no greed, no money, and no military - ah, the dreams...
New study - red meat and eggs are vital for the health of your hair; in other news - don't listen to all the studies, eat everything in moderation, and enjoy to good health! Jane Fonda makes a splash in a "glitzy" red dress - looks like being a traitor and America-hater pays rather well. In the same vein - Alec Baldwin got married to his yoga instructor - congratulations to another unhinged liberal celeb. Finally, some recommendations on men's swimwear - a little rest from all the bikini discussions. Mexico elected a new leader - who, I am sure, will collect all his criminals and the great unwashed from our country instead of having the chutzpa to berate us in our Congress, no less, about persecuting his citizens.
The biggest concern in the nation right now - what will happen with tomcat's real estate; heck, I don't know - let's pool our resources together and buy some? Things you can get cheaply in July - swimsuits, furniture, jewelry, and computers - interesting combo, that...Just went through a list of 9 things not to say to working moms - only 9? I thought people are usually much more moronic than that. And Naomi Watts is going to play Princess Di - another earth-shuttering concern and great discussion. And on totally unrelated note - don't ask me why I took packing tape to the laundromat.
It looks like Chris Rock once again proved not only his own idiocy, but his deep racism as well - I am officially surprised. A dude in Missouri was repairing his wiring and discovered a century-old whiskey bottle under his floorboards - gentlemen, being useful around the house pays! And it looks like quarter million bees made their home atop Waldorf Astoria - environmentalism as work once again. And a mayor of a Utah city let his constituents decide if he should keep or shave his mustache - good call. Also, kids loose about 2 months of learning during summer - it's summer, dumbbells! Plus, what is where to loose - all the indoctrination done by the members of National Teachers Union? That's not a loss.
This just in - mutual empathy is a key to a happy marriage..well, duh!!! Cruise/Holmes fight is all about custody of Suri - duh again. "A breakfast item left uneaten by Prince Charles on the day he married Diana is going under the hammer" - oh, for effs sakes! I just ate breakfast. Denise Rich gave up her US citizenship to save on taxes - please, Father, all ungrateful, America-hating, self-proclaimed liberal and progressive swine to follow shortly!
Don't keep your social security card in your wallet - duh! it says on it to sigh and keep in your wallet - do the exact opposite of what federal bureaucrats tell you, and you are safe. Plus, don't keep a stack of receipts in your purse - empty is out each night; basically, OCD pays. 9/11 was the most "powerful event in TV history" - really, that is all it was? Jessica Biel claimed that her fiancé has better taste than her - ah, Jessica, we should all have your problems and concerns. Houston is the best city to "stretch your buck" - a bit tempted to move to Texas, but refuse to surrender my position to libtards and invading barbarian scum.
The stink is slowly disappearing - hopefully, the same will happen to the stink left by the 111th Congress. Vera Wang split with her husband - hopefully, her gowns will not jinx its wearers. And the "stirring controversy" pictures from Will and Kate's honeymoon surfaced, showing her in black bikini and him in flowery swimming trunks - I guess they wanted to give the finger to the Muslims terrorizing the Brits; and what better way to do this than that? A couple right here in Brooklyn found a comfortable way to live in a 240 sq feet apartment - gosh, who loves Brooklyn that much? Miley got a new tattoo - circuses, here we go. TNT is re-running old Charmed episodes - good trips down memory lane, since you can see the bands popular in your salad days; case in point - Cranberries are on. A woman in TX owes $179,596 for constantly zipping past toll booths - lady, even dealing with a-holes usually manning toll booths is worth not paying that much money to the government! And a man flew through the sunroof of his car without suffering any injuries - hello, Clark Kent!
New Twilight footage was released - stand by for hordes of swooning teen girls. Katie Holmes stepped out in leather pants and high heels - stand by for hordes of swooning middle-aged men. Demi Moor's real name is Demetria - the said piece of knowledge is much more useful to modern youth than the understanding of The Bill of Rights. Jolie twins turned 4 yesterday and already well traveled - at least they traveled on their parents' dime, unlike Malia and Sasha, who are well traveled on ours. Justin Bieber earned less than Taylor Swift - I guess he should have kept his long hair. Giant sinkhole near Colorado mountain turned out to be caused by a rail road tunnel that was abandoned more than 100 years ago - I shudder to think what damage Comrade Obama's garbage will cause 100 years hence. Fastest cars for 2013 are Bugatti, Ferrari, and Dodge - I still prefer Hammers and Jaguars; color me strange.
And now, for the earth-shattering news: Charlie Sheen quits Twitter - stop the presses! LA is the worst city for the traffic jams - color me extremely surprised. There are 5 hybrid cars on the market to skip - if you ask me, skip all the hybrids. Wedding registries are mostly filled with things couples will never use - color me surprised yet again. And some kind of posh British designer claimed that Diana's wedding gown was hideous - dude, it was the 80s, for effs sake! All clothes were hideous - and I would gladly wear them if we get the same leaders that USA and Britain had in the 80s.
Jessica Biel is now a brunette - for whatever reason, she looks better than blond. Our dear mockery of a Secretary of State was pelted with tomatoes - couldn't have happened to a better person. "Gang truce cuts country's homicide rates in half" - deport all the illegal members of the gangs, and see what happens next. Women over 40 are running more health risks than men partially because they usually end up being caregivers - another sign of Y-chromosome's selfishness and uselessness. Retailer's secret - designer bags in the outlets are of lower quality - oh, bummer! Kim Kardashian looks better in leather pants than Katie Holmes - such useful news during the election year.