Next person to tell me that we are on our last bottle of water will be waterboarded using this remaining bottle!!
May 26, 2010
I love working with creative people! For a few months we have been looking for office camera, and nobody knew where it was; today, yours truly opens the storage and is promptly assaulted by a flashlight; after remembering all the choice words in step-mama language, I replace the flashlight - and, lo and behold, here is the effin camera!! Good thing I was not efficient enough to trash the recharger...
June 21, 2010
This is post number eight hundred on this blog - honestly, wow!
As per established tradition, I dedicate this entry to something - or, rather, someone - special; in this case, my wonderful niece, my Beloved Sibling's oldest, to whom, if the memory serves me right, I have been referring as Mini Beloved Sibling. The following is the speech that I gave at her Bat Mitzvah; granted, three years passes since, but who is counting? Also, after delivering the said speech I was advised to become a motivational speaker - laughs galore.
Good Evening, Everyone
My apologies – as any self-respecting American, I will speak in English.
Mazal Tov to my dear niece, to my sister, my brother in law, and all our extended families!
I was your first official babysitter, sweetheart, – but I will refrain from the usual stories that loving aunts so enjoy to impart. Well, maybe one – when you were all of eight months old, we had to go to the Court House, where not one, but two judges pronounced you smarter than 90% of the jurors they got.
Now, to get a little more serious, I want to talk about the special time of your birth. You were born on Chanukah. If you look at our holidays, Chanukah is considered a minor one – well, nice American gentiles think that it’s a major Jewish holiday, because it happens in the winter…well, it’s a minor holiday when we remember the miracle of the oil and gain about 5-10 pounds by eating latkas and sufganiout. We also periodically forget what precisely we are celebrating, because it’s not just the miracle of the oil - it’s a miracle of defeating our enemies against all odds; the miracle of our spiritual survival; the victory in the bloody civil war that our ancestors fought against other Jews who refused to be Jews
If you look at the more modern history, nothing reminds of Chanukah more than the Communist regimes. They were also going to build a glorious new world - only, unlike Hellenists, whose culture became the foundation for the magnificence that is Western civilization, Communists destroyed culture; and, tragically, a lot of the Communists were Jews. Jews that disavowed religion as the opium for the masses - and were actively trying to erase any and all religious observance, beginning, of course, with Judaism.
This, my beautiful girl, was the country where your mother, your aunt, and your uncles were born. Being a religious Jew was an almost impossible task; there was no Torah education; teaching Hebrew was punishable by jail; same went for being a Zionist.
But our family managed to leave, to find freedom, and to re-discover our heritage. You were the first member of our family to be born on free soil – and you were born on Chanukah, the holiday on which we celebrate our spiritual survival.
You, my dear niece, your brother, your sisters – you are the biggest blessings; you are also our victory dance! Here, tonight, in the Holy Land, we celebrate your bat mitzvah! Believe me, nothing else says “we won” like this evening!
I want to thank The Heavenly Father for all the blessings that He bestowed on our family, and for His constant protection.
I wish you health and much happiness, my beloved niece! May you continue to be sweet, loving, talented, and wonderful; may you grow up to be a great bat Yisrael, and may The Heavenly Father bless you!
Checked freezer to see what can be had for brunch; examination revealed ice, assorted ice creams, low fat pan cakes, something called "pirogi", assorted frozen veggies, a big bottle of rum and an even bigger bottle of some kind of extra killer vodka - and due to the current state of different affairs am not actually averse to getting plastered so early in the day - just not on the day off.....
August 1, 2010
You name the category: I send a fax to my esteemed Representative in Congress (for whom, of course, I did not vote), concerning my opposition to his support of illegals. I get a personalized letter thanking me for my support of his support of green house gas emission legislature - which I adamantly protest as well, but did not fax him about. Good thing I did not shred it straight away!
August 24, 2010
The beauty of logic: saw an old acquaintance in the laundromat yesterday; she informed me that she is afraid to bring her sheets there because of fear of bedbugs. Can just imagine bedbugs running around in the bowels of something or other "Idiot, that's a shirt, you can't go in there!" "You are a moron, too! That's a towel, not a blanket!"
November 11, 2010
Today is February twenty fourth in the year two thousand twenty one according to the Gregorian calendar, and according to the Hebrew calendar it is the twelfth day of the month of Adar in the year five thousand seven hundred eighty one; in my hometown of the rotten apple, aka New York city, it is a little bit more than twenty four hours till the start of the Purim holiday.
The world we live in is “being FedExed to hell in a handbasket”. The pandemic caused by arrogant scientists and the communist regime in China is still with us; the economic and emotional devastation is incalculable; the death toll is high; and the shameless politicians continue to take advantage of it and milk as much political capital as they can. On top of that, Jews are once again accused of creating this virus, spreading this virus, not inoculating poor “Palestinians” - our enemies are nothing if not consistent.
The internet, that amazing gift that allowed us to connect to each other across the Globe, and to have unlimited access to the combined knowledge of humanity - that blessing was turned into the curse by human idiocy and lust for power.
The anti-scientific and mankind-hating environmental policies forced on us for decades by the power-hungry idol-worshippers are bringing chaos, devastation, and death.
Socialism and communism, humanity’s most immoral and deadly creations, are considered fun and hip once again by the pampered youth of the West.
The anti-Semitism is very much alive and well, and growing by leaps and bounds, thanks mostly the the Muslim invasion of the West, as well as the growing popularity of Marxism among the uneducated masses.
Here, in America, the unprecedented election fraud resulted in the unlawful removal of President Donald Trump (one of the best friends and allies we ever had in the American politics); in his stead the Democrats (who by now are firmly the official party of the American anti-Semites) installed the puppet regime of Joe Biden, and are now in the process of returning back the Obama cabinet - the most corrupt, anti-American, and anti-Semitic cabinet in the modern American politics.
As far as we, the Jews, are concerned, the things are pretty dire. We are still very much mefuzar u’mefurad - with the vast majority of Jews either not knowing that they are Jews, or completely lacking in understanding of what being a Jew really means. Most of the Jews today are still happily involved in anything that sounds good (and usually is the exact opposite of good) - as long as it’s not Judaism and/or Zionism. They would still gladly go to the feast that celebrates the unfulfilled prophecy of Jewish return to the homeland, and they would proudly drink from the sacred vessels pillaged from our Holy Temple. They have no true pride in our religion, traditions, or heritage - but instead worship at the altars of the modern idols.
Even the rulers of the modern State of Israel could not get rid of their schtettel mentality in almost seventy three years - as if they feel almost apologetic for the Jewish return to our ancestral land; and their decisions are repeatedly ruled by this irrational state of mind.
In light of all this turmoil how could we really find it in our hearts to truly celebrate Purim with happiness, merrymaking, and the light in our hearts?
Because, you see, we are still here - despite all logic, statistical probabilities, and historical precedent! We are still alive and kicking - against all hopes and prayers of our enemies that do rise in every generation (and usually with much more frequency than that).
The very tall gallows would always be the eventual fate of all our emeries, no matter how high they would climb and how much power they would amass.
We are back in our ancestral home; we have the ability to defend ourselves and to fight back.
We can still arm ourselves as proud American citizens - even here, in the thoroughly corrupt city of New York.
There are still courageous Jews who plant vineyards, olive trees, and flowers in the ancient soil of Judea and Samaria.
There are still brave Jewish men and women who refuse to bow down to our enemies despite anything - and who are always ready and willing to risk their lives in order to save their people.
There are the Jewish children - our miracles and our victory dance - that keep dressing up as Mordechai and Esther, shaking their noise makers (thus making the souls of our enemies writhe in purgatory), and stuffing their abundantly cute faces with Purim sweets.
So, yes, let’s celebrate the holiday of Purim, and our very survival! And never forget - Amalek hates us not because we are the smartest, the cleverest, the most educated, the go-getters, the best in business, etc; Amalek hates us because we are the messengers of Gd! We are the ones who brought truth and light into the world - so, be proud of it; always stand tall and always be true to what being a Jew is!
Purim Sameach, brothers and sisters Jew-faces! L’Chaim!
I am not exactly sure what contributed to this tirade (although I have a pretty fair idea)....
"I am sick and tired of men in general, and the overall stupidity, insensitivity, whining, constant hypochondria, petty complains, unyielding natures, and selfishness in particular. The presence of Y chromosome somehow translates into boorish behavior, doors slammed right in your face, two and a half allotments of personal space, and the genetic inability to possess facial tissues."
August 6, 2009
This was another grumbling I posted on Facebook during my tenure as an admin in an architectural firm that had a lot of contracts with the NYC.
"Idiocy coming from city workers never stops: they can not approve a bs piece of paper because position has to come after a name, not before, and borders put around the whole thing. Plus, I, apparently, used the wrong font. Again, Mike, how about firing about 75% of your staff - a wealth of funds freed right away, and city operating much more efficiently?!" August 13, 2009
I found this among my old rumblings on Facebook, all the way from August 14, 2009
"OK, "kids" were served their usual Friday bagels with a whole bunch of spreads and jellies provided by yours truly; the usual nonsense of spoiled American brats was exhibited as to "I like it, I don't like it, I feel it, I don't feel it, blah, blah, blah" It's free food, you moron - take it or leave it! In the brilliant words of The King of Siam "when one has nothing to say, it it time to be silent""
This was yours truly grumbling about her job at the architectural firm. The comment from Beloved Sister was priceless: "please drink your coffee before posting (you'll sound your age:))"