MORNING UPDATE - MARCH 11

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Second day of @#$& DST! The weather is cloudy, but warm enough for flippies. The crazy upstairs is quiet again - did she start medicating? George officially welcomed me back! Last night he came up for his usual session of cuddling and blanket molestation; and now he is laying in my bed, hugging my book, and washing his paws. It also looks like he reclaimed the cat house! Sniffles is in his usual late morning routine - running around like nuts with the tale fluffed to 5 times its usual size. Interesting developments from the White House (as usual) - due to their "dog ate my homework" sequester excuse, Comrade Hussein cancelled the White House tours (even though they are stuffed by volunteers) - and, most importantly, not minding the fact that White House belongs to us and he and his lady fair are only renting it. Sara Palin offered to have bake sales around the country in order to keep the tours going, and added that she makes a "mean baked Alaska" - forget them, Sara, I want one! And, I am sure that the mere mention of the words "baked goodies" would twist parteigenosse Michelle's ugly new wig. Incidentally, she just announced plans for her upcoming birthday bash - so far Beyonce (no surprise) and Adele (barf) are going to sing at her special celebration. Hey, Michelle! I heard you love the little people so much - I didn't yet get a chance to celebrate my "special" birthday - because I knew I was about to loose my job. So, how about you through me a bash also? I would love Bond to perform - with Hayle, not the new girl, mind you! Currently trending at #8 - former Detroit mayor convicted on a bunch of charges, including corruption and fraud - which, unfortunately, would not help Detroit, but, hopefully, would teach people not to elect Democratic mayors - yea, I know, I can dream. Queen Bess, in "historic move", signed some kind of pro-homosexual piece of legislation - which once again shows that, by the time you are 86, it's way past time to quietly retire from public life. On the other hand, I see her dilemma - her son would be a bigger embarrassment at any age. As per her granddaughter-in-law - it looks, after all, that she did not reveal that she is having a girl, and she was blasted again by some kind of comedian for not having a "single opinion" -ah, leave the poor preggo alone, for effs sake! A new study also suggests that even mummies have clogged arteries, way before burger joints and smokes - people, rejoice! There are 4 more asteroids on the way to Earth - could one of them hit DC this time around?!! And, surprisingly, the first advantage of being single - you are more hire-worthy; well, news to me. Elle Macpherson if "off the market again" - she has just gotten engaged! And, finally, Justin Bieber "cancels Portugal show due to "unforeseen circumstances"! Coffee this morning in my green funky mug from Yves Rocher.

LAST SEASON (CONTINUATION)

Previously, on Barb's World the following took place:

(Part 2)

Aside from becoming a part of the unemployment statistics, a few other things happened to me in that time gap of non-blogging, the most notable of which was my 2010 Birthday.

Drum roll please! Here comes a huge confession! OK, enough with the drum roll – I turned 40 in 2010.

Here is a little known fact about me: I was, of course, named in the Jewish tradition – after a relative; only usually the relatives we are named after are at least one generation removed – unless that name is a “special” case. Well, my name was. I was named after my father's younger sister - who died from hunger in infancy during WWII.

Now, when I was young(er), “old people”, especially women, always claimed that at a certain point birthdays cease being fun or something to look forward to – or to celebrate. I can definitely attest to this fact...Not that I don't enjoy birthdays once they come, but I definitely stopped looking forward to them. And on this one I kept thinking about a particular novel by Lisa Kleypas. Amanda from Suddenly You had a bit in common with your humble servant; not only this, but I was tempted to do something on the par with the crazy thing she did for her thirtieth birthday (which, in Victorian times, equaled 40 in ours, I guess)...alas, things that happen in novels we read to escape the real life rarely, if ever, happen in real life; that is why we read those books.

Not only was I not especially looking forward to that Birthday, but by the time it came, I was slightly approaching comatose state – due mostly to the happenings described in the previous chapter. I did not even get myself a customary “Happy Birthday To Me” present. Never the less, my family, as always, tried to make it as special as possible. My mom sort of took care of it on Shabat, and my sister and brother-in-law took me out for a fantastic meal at La Marais (which happens to be a smashing stake house). We were later joined by a dear friend of the family and his wife; my mom graciously baby set the munchkins (as traveling to Manhattan is not a lot of fun for her), and I got to break out my new evening bag from Vera Bradley (purchased, of course, on e-bay). My dad and Baby Bro, being stoic men, offered me heart-felt congratulations, and gave sweet, from the heart, gifts. All in all, it was a good birthday, even if without much bang (which, frankly, I did not want at all).

Now, when you reach a certain age, you are (hopefully), at that level of maturity when you feel you learned something from life – and where (sometimes) you feel the need to start dispensing unsolicited advice to young whipper-snappers.

I don't feel like dispensing any kind of advise – solicited or otherwise – but here are some things (in no particular order), which I think I realized with approaching years.

Your parents are always right. You still feel the need to make your own mistakes and listen only to your experiences and your gut, but something in them – love, intuition, prophetic knowledge, greater wisdom (who the heck knows) – will always see the best path for you.

Loving family is paramount to happiness – plain and simple.

Energy level does decrease; it creeps up pretty stealthily, and you don't notice it right away - but all of a sudden you feel more like staying at home in your pjs then getting dressed and doing something fun outside. On top of that comes realization that you can't sustain yourself on 4 hours of sleep anymore, the way you did in college and long after.

Body very slowly, but very surely, also begins to go south. The more you look in the mirror, the more lines you see on your face (and somehow breakouts still happen!). Every time you get a haircut, you notice more gray hairs. Joints begin to creak. All the small injuries that you forgot about in your twenties and thirties all of the sudden start reminding about themselves oh so quietly. And one day you realize that your vision may not be 20/20 anymore.

You begin to realize that when “old people” were talking about good health as a greatest of blessings, they weren't talking nonsense.

Friends are really important. Good acquaintances are nice and needed as well, but real friends – people who would be there for you no matter what – you really, really need them. And once you get one true, fantastic friend – fight tooth and nail in order to preserve that friendship.

I don't think anyone reached my age and did not experience at least one major disaster in their lives; for me those were my parents' break up, my mother's cancer, and 9/11 – and some less major, but not less painful things. Also, through no fault of my own, I lost some important components in my life – and even though I never loose hope of regaining those intangible components, in my darker moments I become afraid that I never will.

Men are not the enemy. They are annoying, exasperating, selfish, obtuse...believe me, the list of adjectives is long. But Mr. Darcy does exist – even today; you just have to wade through a lot of Whickams, Collinses, and even Bingleys before you find him. The results are not guaranteed – but without mutual love and respect there is no happy marriage.

Being a woman is a blessing and a curse. It is (and probably always will be) a man's world – despite the suffragettes, feminists, and the natural progression of the Western Civilization. We feel more – and much deeper; care more; take on way more responsibilities; and are way more vulnerable – both emotionally and physically. But we do have the ability and the power to bring love, kindness, and caring into the world – under any circumstances.

Children are the biggest blessing in life there is. Long time ago, in my salad days, I attended a lecture about different levels of happiness that a human being can attain in this world. Being able to imitate The Almighty – creating something – is one of the highest levels; but no other attempt at creation even begins to approach the creation of a child! And nothing on this Earth equals a moment when a child smiles at you, looks at you with an unreserved love, and hugs you with his or her tiny, pudgy arms. And every time you listen to them, you get to remember and partially re-experience the exuberance only they have for exploring the world – and the innocence with which they see it.

I am sure there are many more things I have learned – just can't remember them now. The important thing in life is to take whatever you have learned so far and build up on it towards the general fulfillment and happiness. But, in the best Jewish tradition, I can't just look forward – I have to constantly look behind and analyze everything again and again.

Everyone who knows me personally can vouch for the fact that I am a confirmed non-conformist – pun not intended. But very few, if any, know that that does not steam from my need to defy authority – I just want to lead my life according to my own logic, and not the norm accepted by the mediocrity at large. All the seemingly crazy things I do come from that – and sometimes from the desire to observe Burke's famous uttering.

Long time ago, in college, at one of the psych classes taught by the prof that I hated and everyone else loved, we had a discussion about compromises as opposed to staying true to one's conscience. My naive self claimed that by not compromising your principles you get to sleep at night – to which the esteemed educator responded that at that particular course a person usually ends up sleeping on the bench. And everyone in that particular group agreed!

Irony of ironies – I tried to lead my life opposite to that cynical remarks; but sometimes I think that if not for my family, Gd bless them, few times in my life I would have ended sleeping on the park bench. So, the introspection and the soul searching go on.

Back to the origin of my name. A few years ago, couple of well-meaning relatives who enjoy dabbling in Kabalah, told my mom that I should change my name or add to it – because my poor aunt, who never really had a chance at life, is jealous of me – and that explains the present (not completely satisfactory) state of my life.

Now, being a stubborn mule (see above), I categorically refused to play with my name – and not only because I personally believe that our parents don't just name us – it does come to them in a certain prophetic way. You see, knowing my father's family, I am firmly convinced that she is not jealous; but sometimes I am afraid that I don't really give that much luster to the name.

So, here I am – armed with my Jewish stiff neck and (hopefully) some acquired knowledge and wisdom, I am hopefull that I will yet make her proud of me. Happy UnBirthday!

HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY, MINI NOT ME!

Editor's note: Due to the usual circumstances beyond my control, this post appears today, as opposed to yesterday.

Happy Birthday to my delicious nephew! May Hashem bless you, with your smart eyes, professor's head, pinchable checks, huggable everything, and mischievous smile!

Love you much!

Hugs and kisses,

Your Papi

Happy Birthday, Mini Me!

Here is to my wonderful niece! May Hashem bless you, and may you always be a blessing and a source of joy to us and all the Jews!

Many Happy Returns, little one!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING

When I was a kid in a late, unlamented step-mother country, I always resented the fact that my Birthday was in the end of November, meaning in the middle of nowhere: after the break for the Celebration of the Glorious Revolution, and before the New Years and Mid-Winter break. Basically, I did not like to go to school on my Birthday.

I still do not like to go to school, or worse, to work, on my Birthday, but the appreciation of the timing of my arrival into this world changed dramatically: now it is close to Thanksgiving, so it always puts me at least in a good mood, if not exactly festive. So, here is to another year of my life! As always, this year was filled with things both wonderful, the most notable of which was my first trip to the Caribbean, and the opposite of wonderful, one of which was my friend of nineteen years proposing the break up via e-mail.

As a whole, I was really not in a mood to celebrate this year; but, as always, I did attempt. My attempts consisted of taking the day off, having a relaxed and very enjoyable breakfast out with my sis, and then going on the town and blowing my non-existent money on my favorite things: books and chocolates. My wonderful mom also hosted a family get-together with magnificent and plentiful food, and my siblings threatened me with presents coming in the immediate future. Again, my plan to get drunk was nixed this year, and again due to my being on meds: this time it was not just antibiotics, but a combo of antibiotics and anti-inflammatory. But, thank G-d, the meds worked, and in the process my MD discovered my B12 deficiency, so, hopefully, more energy coming up pretty soon:)

But, honestly, celebratory spirit was really quiet low this year, and mostly it was due to (yes you guessed it) the election results. I know I have already offered my opinion on it, and I know it may sound illogical; I really do not care. To me these results signified only one thing: people who do not appreciate the beauty of this country, or do not realize or appreciate the multitude of blessings that come to us simply by living here, have summarily surrendered USA to people who openly hate it and are proud of it. So, while waiting for Thanksgiving, I could not stop thinking about very familiar, but not the less lamentable for it, human trait of not appreciating the multitude of good things we do have. And then came the Thanksgiving itself, and the horrible murders in Mumbai, the thoughts of which still bring tears to my eyes.

As I mentioned before, I am slowly approaching middle age. So, naturally, a person is expected to gain certain wisdom at this point. So, what did I gain in all those years so far, aside from becoming increasingly sarcastic, jaded, and pessimistic? The cornerstone of wisdom actually came to me when I was twenty two, in that memorable summer of taking statistics and secretarial courses (at the same time, but in different schools), meanwhile battling a strep of a six months duration. Anyway, while studying the bell curve, and especially its application to the matters of human IQ, there is a simple and clear pattern, and remembering it usually saves you from numerous occasions of pre-hypertension blood pressure: 64% of human population (the ones between first standart deviations on each side) has very average intelligence. That's it!

And that is the wisdom for the ages! Majority of population consists of people whose outlook on life is, well, just average. They never ponder the deep meaning of anything, and will swallow any and all lies, providing that the lie will guarantee them quite existence and fatter wallets, to which end they aspire their whole lives anyway. Then add to this the fact that even if people were born with good brains, they were not necessarily taught to expand and exercise those brains; moreover, around half the people with decent brains and educations use those to commit sins against the rest of humanity. This picture, of course, is very rosy, but, once you absorb it, the life becomes that much easier.

What else did I learn? It's wonderful not to conform and live according to logic, and not the opinions of Mr. and Mrs. Jones next door. Unfortunately, the people who will most suffer for your uniqueness, aside, of course, from you, are the ones who are closest to you and love you the most. It is fantastic to be a woman, but it is a man's world, and you will not have an easy lot, no matter which road you will choose. Nobody, and I mean, nobody cares about your level of eruditeness or your college GPA, but everyone will comment on your style of dressing yourself (or the supposed lack of thereof). Your good manners will not impress the scofflaw; moreover, those manners will get you pushed away, pushed around, and stepped on your toes. Very few good deeds are appreciated, and even fewer go unpunished. And commitment to work earns you the opportunity to pick up the slack for all the not so committed co-workers, plus ulcers and the above-mentioned hypertension. Basically, to quote one of my favorite movies: "The world is being FedExed to hell in a hand basket" (and has been for a while, by the way).

And then you remember Stendhal’s quote about the fact that there are many more great people than you think (at least I think it was Stendhal’s). And every morning, on the way to work, you see your old neighbour patiently waiting for Asses-A-Ride, so he can go to his wife in a nursing home. And on the way from work, you see a girl with a crutch giving her seat on the subway to a pregnant woman. And another guy on the subway rides extra four stops, so he can try and pick you up because he was fascinated by you repeatedly laughing out loud while reading a romance. And every 9/11 anniversary, you remember ordinary people like Todd Beamer and Amy Sweeney, who acted with courage and patriotism in the face of horrible odds.

Oh, and the character from the movie? He found out that he is about to be a father right after uttering that wonderful sentence.

So, here is to another year, better things to come, and all the G-d's Blessings! L'Chaim!

BELATED BIRTHDAY MESSAGE

I really wanted to write this message on my Birthday (since I have treated myself this year and took that day off), but, due to unforeseen (or foreseen circumstances), mainly, my roommate monopolizing the computer for the entire weekend, I am writing it now.

To tell the truth, I really did not feel like celebrating this year at all (last few years, as a matter of fact). I mean, what to celebrate? I am fast approaching middle age without any kind of significant accomplishments of any nature. Then it dawned on me: the simple fact that I am alive and well should be celebrated!

Like any normal human being, I keep forgetting all the blessings bestowed on me. So, in honor of my crossing yet another year towards the Big Four Oh, I have decided to try and list all the things for which I am eternally grateful to the Creator.

So, here they are (in random order):

My parents: even though I probably would never forget the wonderful "present" I got from them around my thirtieth Birthday (their separation), I am very grateful for my Mom and Dad. They are very sweet, loving, and caring. They remember our ages only when they remember our marital status (the rest of the time we usually did not reach the age of fifteen). They still make sure we eat (and eat properly), supply us with groceries, cooked meals, and treats, check the condition of our winter attire and our respective dwellings, and make sure we take proper care of all our health needs (of course, constantly neglecting theirs). May you both live till hundred and twenty, happy and healthy!

My siblings: for constantly explaining to me exactly what kind of Psychological disorders do I suffer from, how they manifests themselves, and how they could be treated. For making constant fun of me, my wardrobe, my hair, and my cooking experiments. For never forgetting my Birthdays and always getting me great gifts. For allowing me to be the clucking hen of an older sister and trying to take care of them in my annoying and bumbling fashion (and, in return, always trying to make sure my life is on the right track). For always taking care of me when I am sick, bringing me soup and tea, and always making sure I do get well (and Sis, as I type this, I keep remembering that only due to your therapy are my hands well and whole). I am blessed to have you, guys!

My cutie pies of nieces and nephew: enough said:)

My friends: close or far, each in your own unique way, you enrich my life and prevent me from becoming a total misanthrope and recluse.

My health: the more I live, the more I can appreciate what a wonderful and unique blessing it is.

My job: yes, it is boring, sometimes annoying, and I definitely hate the hours; but it gives me the ability to support myself, and sometimes buy toys for my niece and nephew, and even an occasional book.

My apartment: roof over my head and depository for my meager wardrobe and way not meager library of romances.

My five senses, which allow me to appreciate art and good food.

All the trips which I took, and, hopefully, all the future ones.

All the sunsets and sunrises that I was able to see and enjoy (and, G-d willing, many more to witness).

Being born a Jew and discovering precisely what it means: all the headaches, responsibilities, and clarity of purpose that comes with it.

Being a woman: hopefully, I do not have to explain that one:)

Being a naturalized American: I am free, but I was born in jail, which gives me extra opportunity to appreciate and enjoy that freedom (and this year my Birthday was actually a day before Thanksgiving, so, extra thanks).

The sheer beauty and pleasure of being alive.

For all these, and many more things I was blessed with, I am really and truly grateful. Thank You, G-d! I will try not to disappoint You.