Since I work for a private company, my employers were hit pretty hard recently (just like the rest of the private sector). So, as a result of some implemented economizing techniques (some sensible, some not), we are now subleasing part of our office to some kind of small outfit that looks like it is involved in real estate investment (more I do not know and do not really care). One interesting feature about these people is impressive noise level they seem to generate (mainly, of course, due to the owner and his peculiar way of communicating).
Anyway, that, as Sir Percy would say, was just the title. At a certain point a new guy joined their ranks and increased the noise level by about 300%. Aside from the volume, the contents of this gentleman’s s speeches (and the multiply repetitions) were, forgive the cliché, the good equivalent of nails on blackboard. One day I was chatting with a co-worker about this interesting development. He told me that it was the amount of sheer bull s--- in the dude’s soliloquies that annoyed him the most. “Who buys this BS?” – He wondered. At this point I had to keep myself very hard from displaying my own incredulity. You bought the idea of Barak Hussein Obama as American President, sir! That was probably the biggest load of BS unloaded on American populace in the entire history of this country; and yet you are wondering as to who would buy the bovine fecal matter produced by that poor schmuck?
I belong to I pretty large circle of friends and close acquaintances who are all presently observant Jews and all had their childhoods enriched by the tender love or Russian communists. By my calculations, I am the oldest member who also spent the longest time in the loving embrace of those benevolent individuals. But this too is just the title.
Recently, some members of our circle seem to have felt the echo of the old regime right here, in the United States. Interestingly enough, they did not feel it coming from the left of the political aisle, which is famous for crashing any and all dissent, be it political or scientific. Who is furthermore famous for depraving everyone else of the freedom of speech while screeching about protecting it; who lately displayed disgusting misogyny in viciously attacking prominent conservative women, and, the irony of ironies, that movement is comprised of basically atheists and agnostics who preach that religion is “opium for the masses” and a root of all evil. Nope, the feeling of step-mama regime did not come from there; it came from “rigid political right” with Governor Brewer putting a nice (please forgive another cliché) acing on the cake of bitter memories. To quote one of my favorite movies: “Funny? Very not funny!”
Showing posts with label life's irony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life's irony. Show all posts
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
ANOTHER HEART-FELT CONGRATULATION
This time my sentiments are addressed to the esteemed 14th Dalai Lama. The following speaks for itself.
"Q: You have often stated that you would like to achieve a synthesis between Buddhism and Marxism. What is the appeal of Marxism for you?
A: Of all the modern economic theories, the economic system of Marxism is founded on moral principles, while capitalism is concerned only with gain and profitability. Marxism is concerned with the distribution of wealth on an equal basis and the equitable utilization of the means of production. It is also concerned with the fate of the working classes--that is, the majority--as well as with the fate of those who are underprivileged and in need, and Marxism cares about the victims of minority-imposed exploitation. For those reasons the system appeals to me, and it seems fair. I just recently read an article in a paper where His Holiness the Pope also pointed out some positive aspects of Marxism.
As for the failure of the Marxist regimes, first of all I do not consider the former USSR, or China, or even Vietnam, to have been true Marxist regimes, for they were far more concerned with their narrow national interests than with the Workers' International; this is why there were conflicts, for example, between China and the USSR, or between China and Vietnam. If those three regimes had truly been based upon Marxist principles, those conflicts would never have occurred.
I think the major flaw of the Marxist regimes is that they have placed too much emphasis on the need to destroy the ruling class, on class struggle, and this causes them to encourage hatred and to neglect compassion. Although their initial aim might have been to serve the cause of the majority, when they try to implement it all their energy is deflected into destructive activities. Once the revolution is over and the ruling class is destroyed, there is nor much left to offer the people; at this point the entire country is impoverished and unfortunately it is almost as if the initial aim were to become poor. I think that this is due to the lack of human solidarity and compassion. The principal disadvantage of such a regime is the insistence placed on hatred to the detriment of compassion.
The failure of the regime in the former Soviet Union was, for me, not the failure of Marxism but the failure of totalitarianism. For this reason I still think of myself as half-Marxist, half-Buddhist."
I do not feel like wasting my time (and that of my four esteemed readers) by refuting this dodo sentence by sentence; just like to add two things.
One: if you are still (forgive me) idiot enough to believe that we have to respect all other religions and cultures and they are just as good as ours, this is a clear con argument.
Two: is his tiny brain so mashed up with tofu and vegetables that he conveniently forgot that millions of his devout followers in Tibet at this very moment are being persecuted, tortured, and killed by the Marxist regime?
"Q: You have often stated that you would like to achieve a synthesis between Buddhism and Marxism. What is the appeal of Marxism for you?
A: Of all the modern economic theories, the economic system of Marxism is founded on moral principles, while capitalism is concerned only with gain and profitability. Marxism is concerned with the distribution of wealth on an equal basis and the equitable utilization of the means of production. It is also concerned with the fate of the working classes--that is, the majority--as well as with the fate of those who are underprivileged and in need, and Marxism cares about the victims of minority-imposed exploitation. For those reasons the system appeals to me, and it seems fair. I just recently read an article in a paper where His Holiness the Pope also pointed out some positive aspects of Marxism.
As for the failure of the Marxist regimes, first of all I do not consider the former USSR, or China, or even Vietnam, to have been true Marxist regimes, for they were far more concerned with their narrow national interests than with the Workers' International; this is why there were conflicts, for example, between China and the USSR, or between China and Vietnam. If those three regimes had truly been based upon Marxist principles, those conflicts would never have occurred.
I think the major flaw of the Marxist regimes is that they have placed too much emphasis on the need to destroy the ruling class, on class struggle, and this causes them to encourage hatred and to neglect compassion. Although their initial aim might have been to serve the cause of the majority, when they try to implement it all their energy is deflected into destructive activities. Once the revolution is over and the ruling class is destroyed, there is nor much left to offer the people; at this point the entire country is impoverished and unfortunately it is almost as if the initial aim were to become poor. I think that this is due to the lack of human solidarity and compassion. The principal disadvantage of such a regime is the insistence placed on hatred to the detriment of compassion.
The failure of the regime in the former Soviet Union was, for me, not the failure of Marxism but the failure of totalitarianism. For this reason I still think of myself as half-Marxist, half-Buddhist."
I do not feel like wasting my time (and that of my four esteemed readers) by refuting this dodo sentence by sentence; just like to add two things.
One: if you are still (forgive me) idiot enough to believe that we have to respect all other religions and cultures and they are just as good as ours, this is a clear con argument.
Two: is his tiny brain so mashed up with tofu and vegetables that he conveniently forgot that millions of his devout followers in Tibet at this very moment are being persecuted, tortured, and killed by the Marxist regime?
Monday, January 11, 2010
VALIDATION OF MY “MADNESS”
There are many things that I do in performance of my everyday boring activities that garner raised eyebrows from the passers-by, good natured jokes from my friends, and snide comments from my so-called well-wishers. One prime example is my choice of footwear.
Anyone who knows me personally can vouch that I wear flip-flops around nine months out of twelve – lately around eight months (due to the results of catastrophic man-made global warming). Surprise of surprises – I actually do that for purely practical reasons, and not to reinforce my nonsensical non-conformism.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I forced myself to go to podiatrist – this time due to my innate klutziness that results in my frequent walking into walls and assorted furniture. While making an appointment, I was asked to make sure and prepare a list of all different kinds of footwear I use for different purposes. “Oh, brother,” – was my mental exclamation – “another lecture by a medical professional coming my way”. To further the irony, it rained cats and dogs on the morning of my appointment, so, instead of wearing my derided flip-flops, I borrowed a pair of sneakers from my baby brother and trotted off.
The doctor was punctual and friendly, and he reassured me that my klutziness produced no lasting damage. He was also duly impressed with the general condition of my feet; and then the conversation turned to the dreaded topic – the footwear. He asked me if I were sneakers as a matter of course; I explained to him the reason for the Nikes and my obsession with the “beach shoes”. “So, you wear flip-flips most of the time?” “Yes; even when it gets cold outside, I keep a pair at work to change into.” “And at home?” “Then I just go barefoot”. Guess what his response was to my dreadful confession? “That’s very impressive! I wish all my patients did this – it’s healthy for the feet to be exposed to sun and air for most of the time.”
The second episode occurred about three weeks later when I went for my infrequent hair-cut. To hair salon which I frequent is pretty friendly and informal, which suits me just fine. So, while my hairdresser began on my head, she continued chatting with her previous client. In the middle of this chat, the other lady complimented my hair, telling me that it looks very healthy. The hairdresser got really excited and confirmed that my tresses were very silky to touch (thanks, ladies, you are making me blush). “You know why?” – She continued – “It’s because Barb does not put anything in her hair. All she does is shampoo, condition, and get them cut; no chemicals, no dies, no blow-drying – zip!” The other client was duly surprised and impressed at the same time.
Now I have a slight dilemma – should I submit this story to Glamour, Vogue, In Style, Lucky, and a few other choice publications offering beauty advice to women? Nah, just kidding.
Anyone who knows me personally can vouch that I wear flip-flops around nine months out of twelve – lately around eight months (due to the results of catastrophic man-made global warming). Surprise of surprises – I actually do that for purely practical reasons, and not to reinforce my nonsensical non-conformism.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I forced myself to go to podiatrist – this time due to my innate klutziness that results in my frequent walking into walls and assorted furniture. While making an appointment, I was asked to make sure and prepare a list of all different kinds of footwear I use for different purposes. “Oh, brother,” – was my mental exclamation – “another lecture by a medical professional coming my way”. To further the irony, it rained cats and dogs on the morning of my appointment, so, instead of wearing my derided flip-flops, I borrowed a pair of sneakers from my baby brother and trotted off.
The doctor was punctual and friendly, and he reassured me that my klutziness produced no lasting damage. He was also duly impressed with the general condition of my feet; and then the conversation turned to the dreaded topic – the footwear. He asked me if I were sneakers as a matter of course; I explained to him the reason for the Nikes and my obsession with the “beach shoes”. “So, you wear flip-flips most of the time?” “Yes; even when it gets cold outside, I keep a pair at work to change into.” “And at home?” “Then I just go barefoot”. Guess what his response was to my dreadful confession? “That’s very impressive! I wish all my patients did this – it’s healthy for the feet to be exposed to sun and air for most of the time.”
The second episode occurred about three weeks later when I went for my infrequent hair-cut. To hair salon which I frequent is pretty friendly and informal, which suits me just fine. So, while my hairdresser began on my head, she continued chatting with her previous client. In the middle of this chat, the other lady complimented my hair, telling me that it looks very healthy. The hairdresser got really excited and confirmed that my tresses were very silky to touch (thanks, ladies, you are making me blush). “You know why?” – She continued – “It’s because Barb does not put anything in her hair. All she does is shampoo, condition, and get them cut; no chemicals, no dies, no blow-drying – zip!” The other client was duly surprised and impressed at the same time.
Now I have a slight dilemma – should I submit this story to Glamour, Vogue, In Style, Lucky, and a few other choice publications offering beauty advice to women? Nah, just kidding.
Monday, November 23, 2009
MISPLACED OPTIMISM
One very fine day during Chol Hamoed Sukkot, when MMM was a teeny tiny newborn; yours truly, overly excited by becoming an aunt yet again, went shopping. Remembering the copious salivating three months before at Daffy’s upon discovering that these fine retailers carry Absorba and Vitamins, my feet automatically carried me four blocks in that direction.
I was extremely successful – both in acquiring outfits in record time and preventing myself from buying half the store. So, off to the cashiers I trotted. Right in front of me there was an Israeli lady; and when it was her turn, she decided to inquire from the saleslady and the neighboring manager as to the absence of a Jewish child from the humongous billboards hanging right above the cash registers – the said billboards containing the prerequisite black, “Latino”, “Asian/Pacific Islander”, and a token “white” child (at least two of those were “females”). I just burst out laughing – I enjoyed this so much! She was asking two women whose male relatives, I can bet my last savings, were participating in the Crown Heights riots back in 91!
Upon exiting that fine establishment I was stopped at the traffic light by yells and screams – what the heck? At first I could only hear “Stay down! Stay down” from somewhere in the middle of a hefty throng of people. Before the light changed, the picture became crystal clear. Remember our senile Mayor’s idiotic decision of closing the car traffic at the busiest part of Broadway and making it a pedestrian only zone, completed with tables, chairs, and umbrellas? Well, one of those idiotic umbrellas was knocked down by a strong gust of October wind, in the process knocking off a pedestrian as well. At first, the poor woman was just trying to get up (and probably just shake off the whole sorry episode), but, given the overpopulation of ambulance chasers and the attached mentality, people were suggesting to her to stay down. As I was crossing, I saw a police car approaching to investigate: here goes few million out of busted city treasury! Car drivers, watch out for "brownies"!
I was extremely successful – both in acquiring outfits in record time and preventing myself from buying half the store. So, off to the cashiers I trotted. Right in front of me there was an Israeli lady; and when it was her turn, she decided to inquire from the saleslady and the neighboring manager as to the absence of a Jewish child from the humongous billboards hanging right above the cash registers – the said billboards containing the prerequisite black, “Latino”, “Asian/Pacific Islander”, and a token “white” child (at least two of those were “females”). I just burst out laughing – I enjoyed this so much! She was asking two women whose male relatives, I can bet my last savings, were participating in the Crown Heights riots back in 91!
Upon exiting that fine establishment I was stopped at the traffic light by yells and screams – what the heck? At first I could only hear “Stay down! Stay down” from somewhere in the middle of a hefty throng of people. Before the light changed, the picture became crystal clear. Remember our senile Mayor’s idiotic decision of closing the car traffic at the busiest part of Broadway and making it a pedestrian only zone, completed with tables, chairs, and umbrellas? Well, one of those idiotic umbrellas was knocked down by a strong gust of October wind, in the process knocking off a pedestrian as well. At first, the poor woman was just trying to get up (and probably just shake off the whole sorry episode), but, given the overpopulation of ambulance chasers and the attached mentality, people were suggesting to her to stay down. As I was crossing, I saw a police car approaching to investigate: here goes few million out of busted city treasury! Car drivers, watch out for "brownies"!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
LIBRARY TALES
Part 5
Today, despite the severely inclement weather (OK, torrential rain definitely qualifies as that in New York), I was determined to go out during my lunch break. Of course, I had to take into account the proximity of the destination; for which I had two choices - library of coffee shop. For reasons known only to The Creator, I decided on the first.
So, here I come, slightly resembling a drowned rat, holding my dripping Muggle umbrella in one hand and a book I wanted to return in the other. I approach The High Priestess, I mean the clerk, greet her, offer her my book and my apologies for it (the book) being slightly on the damp side. She Of The Supreme Power Does Not Great a Mere Mortal or Smile in Return. Instead, she looks at me with a straight face and intones the following: "Ma'am, I have to warn you, if you will bring books that are Too Wet, you will be charged for damaged books."
Yours truly, slightly taken aback by this display of Supreme Logic, automatically reaches for the self-defensive humor: "So, now I will be charged for the natural disasters and acts of G-d?"
The High Priestess, aka the clerk, does not appreciate or, for that matter, understand the mere mortal humor. She looks at me unblinkingly and repeats with the same intonations: "Well, Ma'am, I wanted to warn you that this time is OK, but next time you will be charged for a damaged book."
I just collected my receipt, thanked her (again with a smile), and departed for the reserve shelves. But here is my question: how did she know that I am a right wing Jew face? Because, let's face it, right wingers are always blamed for the results of the natural disasters, and Jews are always blamed for the results and for causing those disasters to begin with. Again, to quote Goshka, "Life!"
Today, despite the severely inclement weather (OK, torrential rain definitely qualifies as that in New York), I was determined to go out during my lunch break. Of course, I had to take into account the proximity of the destination; for which I had two choices - library of coffee shop. For reasons known only to The Creator, I decided on the first.
So, here I come, slightly resembling a drowned rat, holding my dripping Muggle umbrella in one hand and a book I wanted to return in the other. I approach The High Priestess, I mean the clerk, greet her, offer her my book and my apologies for it (the book) being slightly on the damp side. She Of The Supreme Power Does Not Great a Mere Mortal or Smile in Return. Instead, she looks at me with a straight face and intones the following: "Ma'am, I have to warn you, if you will bring books that are Too Wet, you will be charged for damaged books."
Yours truly, slightly taken aback by this display of Supreme Logic, automatically reaches for the self-defensive humor: "So, now I will be charged for the natural disasters and acts of G-d?"
The High Priestess, aka the clerk, does not appreciate or, for that matter, understand the mere mortal humor. She looks at me unblinkingly and repeats with the same intonations: "Well, Ma'am, I wanted to warn you that this time is OK, but next time you will be charged for a damaged book."
I just collected my receipt, thanked her (again with a smile), and departed for the reserve shelves. But here is my question: how did she know that I am a right wing Jew face? Because, let's face it, right wingers are always blamed for the results of the natural disasters, and Jews are always blamed for the results and for causing those disasters to begin with. Again, to quote Goshka, "Life!"
Thursday, June 11, 2009
AN EVENING OF HOME ENTERTAINMENT
Or My Short Response to Barack Obama
Tuesday night, arriving home at the un-G-dly hour of ten forty eight pm, after a relatively uneventful day at work and a very enjoyable evening spent with beloved sibling and munchkins, I came to a strange conclusion: the night is young, and going to sleep just to be refreshed for the next workday is passé.
So, in accordance with this plan, I spent about half an hour playing America's favorite sport: flipping the channels on my TV remote. On the thirty fourth minute I realized that I will probably not see anything even remotely worthwhile, so I decided to finish my latest Netflix arrival. That was "Music and Lyrics", and I highly recommend it as a very sweet, light-hearted, feel-good with happy ending romantic comedy; plus, it had very enjoyable musical numbers in the style of the 80s music (OK, I am getting on in years).
After finishing the movie, I decided to play a bit on the Youtube; another very pleasant and time consuming activity, during which I found a music video of Sara Brightman singing "Harem". Sue me, but, despite the objectionable words due to the objectionable subject matter of this song, I actually enjoy the music and the beat (hey, nobody said that I was sane).
Next morning, while trying to wake up in the shower after half the night spent on those home entertainments, I was suddenly struck by this freaky connection: the movie and the song represented something diametrically opposed.
Now, a lot of people more gifted than yours truly already wrote brilliant summaries and responses to Obama's latest round of Muslim bootlicking, excuse me, attempts at diplomacy. But here is my short and not humble two cents worth of personal opinion.
Despite the fact that our non-esteemed supposed President went to Ivy League schools, and yours truly went to "Dura" college, I am firmly convinced that I am more knowledgeable in history than he is, even though I majored in psychology. All his claims to Muslim achievements are in error; whatever they supposed to have brought to civilization was brought by other nations and other religions. And even though thousand years ago they were better at medicine than the Europeans, come on! Even I am better at medical knowledge than the people who were convinced that you can heal wounds by the means of a fried field mouse. And they, by the way, made significant advancements since then; as apposes to the supposed beacons of civilization who only know how to torture and kill practically with their bare hands, but not to heal.
But Muslims always were, are, and will be famous (or infamous) for their elaborate harems and the entire culture attached to it (although that also was invented before their time).
Americans, on the other hand, are famous for their constant and almost unwavering hope for a better tomorrow. The Kenyan bastard stole that concept, trivialized and cheapened it in his campaign. But the concept is alive and well.
Other countries also make movies that have a happy ending, and that extol the healing power of love, friendship, art, and hope; but somehow, American movies are still the best and mostly unique in that regard.
And that, my friends, is the ironic connection that my head made when it was trying to wake up while being shampooed.
Tuesday night, arriving home at the un-G-dly hour of ten forty eight pm, after a relatively uneventful day at work and a very enjoyable evening spent with beloved sibling and munchkins, I came to a strange conclusion: the night is young, and going to sleep just to be refreshed for the next workday is passé.
So, in accordance with this plan, I spent about half an hour playing America's favorite sport: flipping the channels on my TV remote. On the thirty fourth minute I realized that I will probably not see anything even remotely worthwhile, so I decided to finish my latest Netflix arrival. That was "Music and Lyrics", and I highly recommend it as a very sweet, light-hearted, feel-good with happy ending romantic comedy; plus, it had very enjoyable musical numbers in the style of the 80s music (OK, I am getting on in years).
After finishing the movie, I decided to play a bit on the Youtube; another very pleasant and time consuming activity, during which I found a music video of Sara Brightman singing "Harem". Sue me, but, despite the objectionable words due to the objectionable subject matter of this song, I actually enjoy the music and the beat (hey, nobody said that I was sane).
Next morning, while trying to wake up in the shower after half the night spent on those home entertainments, I was suddenly struck by this freaky connection: the movie and the song represented something diametrically opposed.
Now, a lot of people more gifted than yours truly already wrote brilliant summaries and responses to Obama's latest round of Muslim bootlicking, excuse me, attempts at diplomacy. But here is my short and not humble two cents worth of personal opinion.
Despite the fact that our non-esteemed supposed President went to Ivy League schools, and yours truly went to "Dura" college, I am firmly convinced that I am more knowledgeable in history than he is, even though I majored in psychology. All his claims to Muslim achievements are in error; whatever they supposed to have brought to civilization was brought by other nations and other religions. And even though thousand years ago they were better at medicine than the Europeans, come on! Even I am better at medical knowledge than the people who were convinced that you can heal wounds by the means of a fried field mouse. And they, by the way, made significant advancements since then; as apposes to the supposed beacons of civilization who only know how to torture and kill practically with their bare hands, but not to heal.
But Muslims always were, are, and will be famous (or infamous) for their elaborate harems and the entire culture attached to it (although that also was invented before their time).
Americans, on the other hand, are famous for their constant and almost unwavering hope for a better tomorrow. The Kenyan bastard stole that concept, trivialized and cheapened it in his campaign. But the concept is alive and well.
Other countries also make movies that have a happy ending, and that extol the healing power of love, friendship, art, and hope; but somehow, American movies are still the best and mostly unique in that regard.
And that, my friends, is the ironic connection that my head made when it was trying to wake up while being shampooed.
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