MORNING UPDATE, July 11, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The apartment is still stinky - kind of like the remnants of 111th Congress. 

Don't keep your social security card in your wallet - duh! it says on it to sigh and keep in your wallet - do the exact opposite of what federal bureaucrats tell you, and you are safe. Plus, don't keep a stack of receipts in your purse - empty is out each night; basically, OCD pays. 9/11 was the most "powerful event in TV history" - really, that is all it was? Jessica Biel claimed that her fiancé has better taste than her - ah, Jessica, we should all have your problems and concerns. Houston is the best city to "stretch your buck" - a bit tempted to move to Texas, but refuse to surrender my position to libtards and invading barbarian scum.

MORNING UPDATE, July 16, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Due to improved sleeping conditions, yours truly overslept for second morning in a row. Poor George, on the other hand, completely traumatized by the new door arrangements, just gave up on trying to get into the bedroom and slept on the guest mattress. Curry is doggedly working on demolishing the third window blind. And Twitter decided that I would like to follow Bill Maher - dear Twitter, I usually need a spittoon after just looking at him. 

Jessica Biel is now a brunette - for whatever reason, she looks better than blond. Our dear mockery of a Secretary of State was pelted with tomatoes - couldn't have happened to a better person. "Gang truce cuts country's homicide rates in half" - deport all the illegal members of the gangs, and see what happens next. Women over 40 are running more health risks than men partially because they usually end up being caregivers - another sign of Y-chromosome's selfishness and uselessness. Retailer's secret - designer bags in the outlets are of lower quality - oh, bummer! Kim Kardashian looks better in leather pants than Katie Holmes - such useful news during the election year.

MORNING UPDATE, October 21, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! The weather is nice and sunny. 

Kim Kardashian is currently trending at #1, because she announced that she always dresses with special care when her boyfriend Kanye is around - to make him forget that she a white girl? Comrade Hussein is trending at #3, because, apparently, he gave Jay-Z some parenting advice the last time they met - aw...where is the spittoon when one needs it? Daniel Radcliffe split with his girlfriend - my commiserations. Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake finally tied the know after only 5 years of dating, breaking up, making up, dating, breaking up...and in the best Hollywood tradition, they had to do it outside of USA (this time it was Italy) - well, mazal tov. And it turns out that green all-purpose cleaners do not perform as well as the "veterans" - gee, I am sooo surprised! 56% of men who cheat claim to still be in love with their wives - old Irish remedy readily comes to mind. And it is precisely 2 months to the Mayan apocalypse - I suggest we start to eat, drink, and be merry forthwith. 

Coffee this morning in my Happy Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE, October 22, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is pretty nice for mid-October. 

Mazal Tov to Adele on the birth of a son! There are 8 beneficial reasons for women to drink red wine - only 8? Plus, the main benefit - that of dealing with male idiocy - was not mentioned. There is also a long rant about the best workout for your heart - but this time the healing benefits of red wine were not mentioned. Seasonal jobs opened now - vampires; not to be mistaken for IRS agents, who work as vampires year around. Jessica Biel is trending at #3 because of her wedding ring, which is overshadowed by her enormous engagement rock - exiting piece of news that is. 

Coffee this morning in my Disney Dalmatian spots mug.