MORNING UPDATE, June 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather rocks! Dear complainers - please, please stop; you can wear an extra layer in this weather and be fine - you can't do squat once it gets to 3H - just trying to survive and not die (never mind the A/C bill). 

Today is the anniversary of the beginning of the 67 war - gosh, I can only hope that the spirit of that victory will infuse the current Israeli government! Prayers with Governor Walker - may he prevail over the union thugs! Brits are celebrating the Queen's Jubilee - long list of wishes there.   A young contender on Millionaire does not recognize Reagan's quote, but knows Google+ - no comment. Paltrow is in hot water because she supposedly called her buddies Jay-Z and Beyoncé n-word - couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people all around. 

Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass.

MORNING UPDATE, June 17, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there - beginning with mine!  The weather is far from promised sunny - but as long as it is not triple H, I am more than happy. Curry was threatened with sausage factory for his shenanigans - at which point he just looked at me and went on the fridge, where he is currently slumbering while hugging Aunt Jemima. 

Snooki's pregnant belly is getting so big that she is getting around in a scooter - the nation can sleep peacefully after learning this piece of breaking news. Oklahoma City was pronounced the most manly city in the USA, and San Diego - the least; I am surprised that San Francisco did not claim that honor; and our fair city of New York missed the mark for both 5 most and 5 least. LiLo was explaining the paramedics visit to her house - again, now we can rest easily at night. And Jay-Z claims that he discovered a softer side after becoming a father - awww; too bad he never apologized for the hospital shenanigans when that daughter was being born; his softer side will also, apparently, not cure his blatant racism. 

Coffee this morning in my white Target glass.

MORNING UPDATE, October 21, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! The weather is nice and sunny. 

Kim Kardashian is currently trending at #1, because she announced that she always dresses with special care when her boyfriend Kanye is around - to make him forget that she a white girl? Comrade Hussein is trending at #3, because, apparently, he gave Jay-Z some parenting advice the last time they met - aw...where is the spittoon when one needs it? Daniel Radcliffe split with his girlfriend - my commiserations. Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake finally tied the know after only 5 years of dating, breaking up, making up, dating, breaking up...and in the best Hollywood tradition, they had to do it outside of USA (this time it was Italy) - well, mazal tov. And it turns out that green all-purpose cleaners do not perform as well as the "veterans" - gee, I am sooo surprised! 56% of men who cheat claim to still be in love with their wives - old Irish remedy readily comes to mind. And it is precisely 2 months to the Mayan apocalypse - I suggest we start to eat, drink, and be merry forthwith. 

Coffee this morning in my Happy Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE - November 11, 2014

Good Morning, peep! Happy Tuesday! The weather is simply magnificent for a November day in NYC! Sniff and George are taking turns to enjoy the fresh air via the kitchen window.
Yesterday I sort of joined the 21st century, downloaded the Kindle app, and started using Amazon's services. Liberal a-holes in charge of our libraries, rejoice! You just delivered another customer to the greedy capitalist pig corporation!
The crazy upstairs is alive and very well.
Some kind of "bestselling author and and war-zone photographer" was telling a whole story about how she could not get a retail job in The Container Store - um, oh bright and genius writer and photographer, maybe working retail requires slightly different talents than the ones you displayed?
"Elizabeth Banks steals the show in dreamy gown" - a truly remarkable achievement!
"Chelsea Clinton on motherhood" - yea, considering what a shining example of motherhood she herself had growing up, good luck to her and to baby Charlotte!
Shailene Woodley might have a new boyfriends - eh, congratulations?
"What Americans crave more than sex" - sleep, baby, sleep!
"Calvin Klein calls size 10 model 'plus size'" - wow, am I surprised! You could have knocked me down with a feather!
"Male grooming tips" - "how to grow the perfect beard". Personally know a lot of people who can benefit from this advice.
"How to enroll in Obamacare" - oh, wait, wait, wait! It's not easy, cheap, and consumer-friendly? Wow!
Beyonce and Jay Z are hoping for a "Parisian pregnancy" - because, apparently, it is way different than, say, New York or LA pregnancy. Well, how about a Paris birth as well? Let them run their shenanigans in France.
According to some expert over at TMZ, Justin Bieber "could be a Pro Boxer" - I guess because he so looks the type.
And, finally, "Kaley Cuoco recycles her pink wedding dress" - who said you can't wear your wedding dress whenever the mood strikes?!
Coffee this morning in my Life is Delicious mug.

MORNING UPDATE - June 29, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Happy Rosh Chodesh! Ladies, please make sure to rest smile emoticon
The heat wave is on. Snow is snoozing in the shade.
Just saw a hummingbird!
Currently trending at # 2 is Hilary Clinton - because Time Magazine did a special on her with the following subtitle: "Since childhood, the former Secretary of State's Methodist beliefs have inspired public service and private devotion". I don't think they were dipping into half-legal MJ; this smells of heroin addiction - or possible lobotomy that a lot of progressives seem to have gotten.
And speaking of MJ - "Washington braces for serous pot shortage". Oh, come on, people! Just grow some more - or get from other states!
More in drug news: "Christie makes war on drugs personal" - I guess his diet has gone to his head ( and not in a good way). Just give the guy a donut and point out the really important issues.
"Kim K.'s plunging dress" - what else is new? When she does wear something that would be approved by the baptist ladies, then it will be truly shocking.
"Beyonce, Jay-Z flush Bieber mugshot at concert" - I don't even want to delve into this one.
"The essence of the modern bath" - uh, it's a place where you - how to put it delicately - bathe?
"Study: Kate Middleton Has a Perfect Nose" - you actually need to conduct a whole study on this one?!!

MORNING UPDATE - April 28, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is nice for now - though still got heat at night, and am not putting away the warm blanket.
Sniff looked extra surly this morning - just like OWSs, just with better hygiene. George is desperately trying to catch the sparrows outside my window.
Yesterday had to assists a drunk customer who desperately needed a book on the Intermediate English Grammar.
Currently trending at #7 is Penelope Cruz - because she turned 40! For reasons unknown, a naked picture of her with a huge snake popped up right after the birthday announcement.
Trending at #8 are Mile-high selfies - to the disappointment of men everywhere, everyone on those selfies is dressed.
Hairdo news of the day - Emma Stone. I honestly don't know what she did now, but it looks like she got bangs and streaked her hair. In my opinion, she should have just stayed a redhead.
"It's official: Beyonce and Jay Z to tour together!" - awww, how sweet!
Bieber landed in our fair city yesterday - rats! As if we don't have enough nutjobs running around loose.
And, finally, Will and Kate's third anniversary is tomorrow - man, how time flies! So, he presented her with a Cartier watch before their Australian tour; the special feature of the watch - sapphire to match her engagement ring.
Coffee this morning in my funky clear glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - April 14, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Happy Erev Pesach! The weather is beautiful - kein ain hara, pooh, pooh, pooh!
Poor felines have no idea of what the heck is going on in their domain - things constantly moving around! Spaces on counters opening! Spaces on top of the fridge closing! Boxes on which you can,t sit as more boxes pile up! So, in desperation, at first they escaped to Baby Bro's bed, then decided to hunt the sparrows again, and then just ate all the food offered. Sniff, of course, had to be a constant mashgiash and make sure that everything is properly prepared for the alien invasion.
All three effin TVs were turned on CNN - at least not loud enough not to be drowned by the noise of the washers.
Good luck to my co-workers today - as we run out of kiddie Hagaddas again (and the reinforcement may not arrive in time).
Currently trending at #1 is Jennifer Aniston - because she did something silly at the MTV awards.
Trending at #2 is Mila Kunis - who "showed off her baby bump" while accepting an award. I honestly don't know which one of these is more breaking and newsworthy and deserving of the top spot.
Jay Z is trending at #9 because he and Beyonce surprised their fans at some gathering or other together with Solange - who got to #8 because of it. Basically, all three of them were "rocking it" - whatever that means.
"Key to moist Passover brisket: dried onion soup" - cheap skates and inept cooks to boot! Key to moist brisket is lots of real onions and red wine!
"IRS audits lowest in years" - unless you belong to a Tea Party group.
And, finally, Kate played a round of cricket with Will - both did it in suits, and she was wearing heels to boot!
Coffee this morning in a disposable cup from local DD.

MORNING UPDATE - January 24, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather still shows all the signs of extreme global warming - thankfully, not working today as well. Sniff started meditating while sitting on a radiator. George just likes to snuggle somewhere more familiar.
The crazy upstairs adopted the post office motto and is unwavering in her routine. 
Currently trending at #2 is Khloe Kardashian - because "Kim Kardashian Reveals Khloe Never Wanted a Baby With Lamar Odom". OK, next time one of you air-headed moronetts complains about the lack of privacy - well, you hopefully would know whom to blame.
Trending at #5 is Ellen Pompeo - because she signed up for another two years with Grey's Anatomy. Heck, not only is this stuff still running, it will continue to run?
Beyonce and Jay-Z both have Roman number IV tattooed on their ring fingers because four has a very special meaning for them - why Roman numerals? I thought they did not believe in white culture.
Tori Spelling's husband went into rehab to deal "with personal issues" - what kind of idiotic times do we live in? Dude cheats on his wife and goes into rehab? What happened to the iron skillet over the head first?
"Justin Bieber exits jail" - damn, already?
And, finally, "Kate Middleton Angers a Drunk Camilla Parker-Bowles" - I guess some members of the royal family do take tips on behavior from our Hollywood elite.
Coffee this morning in my personalized mug from WB Times Square Store - really, really miss that place.

MORNING UPDATE - DECEMBER 6

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's rainy and blah-y again, but still warm - at least for the next day or two.
Sniff is up to his usual - sitting on Baby Bro's bed and giving everyone dirty looks. George is in a bad mood, and after doing his usual complaining, plus sneaking in a dirty deed, he is now snoozing in his huge Amazon box.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual as well.
NO CNN today!!! Just Channel 11 on mute - thank you, Gd!
Currently trending at #1 is someone named Porsha Williams - because she finalized her divorce. I wonder how many more people did precisely that today.
Trending at #6 is Mandy Patinkin - because he shaved his "iconic Homeland beard". Congrats, Mandy! You look infinitely better without it (never mind a few months younger).
And trending at #8 is Gwen Stefani - due to showing "Biggest Baby Bump Yet". Oh, please! Just drive east from my house for about 20 minutes, and you will see baby bumps that Gwen never dreamt of.
Jay-Z and Beyonce went on a 22 day vegan "spiritual and physical cleanse" that may not be good for their health - I am not worried. As some of Hussein's biggest buddies, I am sure they are exempt from Obamacare.
Another report claims that their little darling "dresses better than you do" - wow! No joke, Sherlock!
"Miley style conundrum" - what conundrum? What style?
Joey Fatone from 'N Sync is loosing his hair - hence he got a "new gig" as a spokesman for Bosley Hair restoration.
San Fran is number 1 city for hipsters - our fair city of New York is only at #5, even though we got the biggest number of them living here.
"Justin Bieber Is A Free Man After Being Detained For Drug Search In Australia" - what else is new?
And, finally, Kate took a break from wearing royal jewelry and wore a costume necklace to the movie premier - it still sparkled in the pictures.
Coffee this morning in a disposable cup from the bagel shop next to the blessedly quite laundromat.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week! The weather is almost back to normal, but still not scorching, which for August is also a yippee moment. George was extra demanding last night, so he ended up with something called "chicken, lobster, and herring delight" on his plate; a combo that, according to Baby Bro, would appeal only to a cat - or to someone who lives on Upper West Side. Sniff made sure his wounds were re-opened yesterday, and is presently sleeping on my bed.
My dad was treated to another lecture on the superiority of Russian culture and the beauty of Pushkin; he, in turn, asked the other party to read some of Shakespeare's sonnets (in original); when I asked why he decided to torture his unsuspecting friend, whose English skills are minimal, my dad responded that listening to the lectures on the superiority of Russian culture is a real torture - and I concur.
According to Channel 7, today is the 40th anniversary of Hip Hop, Gd help us!
Trending at # 1 is Nicki Minaj - because she modeled her own K-Mart collection. I am so staying away from that store!
Trending at # 2: Justin Timberlake, all because he dedicated a song to Trayvon together with Jay-Z - I can sort of understand Jay-Z's usual racism, but not Timberlake's moronism.
"Kylie Jenner's stylish 'Sweet 16' party" - thanks, but, once again, spare me the details.
Willow Smith "stepped out" in tie die t-shirt with matching hair - impeccable taste right here, what can I say.
In other news of fashion: "3 Stars Rock 1 Crazy Print 3 Different Ways" - basically, they showed up in outfits that looked like they were splattered with paint. How is that "rocking"?
According to Twitter, "Justin Bieber kant" spell - what a huge surprise!
And, finally, after 3 weeks of longing at her mother's house, Kate packed up Georgie and her mom and joined Will in their Wales estate - nice to be a Royal and have big enough house to accommodate your mummy-in-law.
Coffee this morning in my blue wine glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 21

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week! The heat wave is supposedly broken, and our temperatures are only in the 80s with haze and humidity remaining - gee, where is my woolen coat?! 
As usual, there are the infomercials for Guthy Renker on TV - at one point both channels 2 and 3 were both showing the same one at the same time; it was fun flipping them on the remote back and forth. Then, of course, there were infomercials for juicers and such, plus one for Sensa - very timely (insert sarcasm). And now channel 111 is showing Not Without My Daughter - how in blazes is this movie still allowed in the age of Hussein is a mystery to me.
George decided to sleep on the window sill he previously did not use for this activity. In the morning both of them jumped on my bed to snuggle and spent a surprising 2 hours without fighting. Now Sniff is back on my bed sleeping, and George is sleeping on another window sill - right in front of me. Yesterday they both participated in one of their favorite activities - chewing my blanket.
Royal Baby is currently trending at #1 - but there are no definite news, just speculations. Good luck, Kate! Keep hiding in your parents' house - that is the best choice for you now!
Jay Z is trending at #6 because he and his lady fair Beyonce attended a Trayvon Martin rally in New York - you know what, I changed my opinion. Not only any self-respecting "white" person should boycott these two and their so-called art, but any self-respecting American, no matter their race.
It turns out that today is National Ice Cream Day - yippee! Carvel, here I come!
Christina Aguilera is in the news for 2 reasons: she tripped in "sky-high" heels outside a Hollywood club, and she was pronounced the worst singer of the National Anthem - and both of them are, of course, of equal importance. Well, heels might be attributed to stupidity, but the Anthem - you have to love the country, and not just have a good voice, in order to truly perform it well.
And, finally, Selena Gomez is convinced that "Justin Bieber is 'The One'" - and that is after boasting on Letterman that she made him cry! Wow, you two deserve each other - and some enterprising psychiatrist can make a fortune on your combined craziness.
Coffee this morning in my black glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 26

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather rocks! Sniff continues his wicked habit of taking the tissues and napkins out of garbage cans. George is hunting something on my bed. Beyonce, Jay-Z, and Blue Ivy were lunching in Paris - awww; could they please stay there already? Celine Dion's son is trending at #2 because, like his mommy, he likes high heels - poor kid! In ordinary family those pictures would just be a fond memories of childhood - but his are splashed all over the net. Prince Harry is trying his hand at broadcasting - good for your, Your Royal Highness! Would you have the intestinal fortitude to report on the plight of those of your people who are the members of the EDL? Another news from England: Stonehedge is hiring! I am running there! Oh, wait - muslim invasion, high taxes, socialized healthcare - nah, I am staying put. There are talks of remaking Guys and Dolls with with Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt - thanks, Hollywood! Not only do you not produce anything decent and/or enjoyable, you are also on the path to destroy all of the gorgeous classics produced by the previous generations! Michael Buble was singing on the subway - heck, I missed it! "Virgin America promotes in-flight flirting" - how about just some old-fashioned leg-and/or butt room? Amanda Bynes is trending at #9 because she shaved half of her head - big deal! Baby Bro shaves his whole head about once a week! And, finally, Kate dressed her baby bump in a cute polka dot dress and, together with her hubby and brother in law visited WB studios in London - they did look cute waving the wands. Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 12

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Tomorrow is Baby Bro's Bar Mitzva parsha - man, time flies! The weather is rainy and blah-y, but they threatened with sunshine and 60 degrees tomorrow. Ladies, I hope you had a fantastic Rosh Chodesh, did not kill yourselves with housework, and got something sweet from your husbands - sarcasm inserted only partially as yours truly is an eternal optimist. George decided once gain that my bed is a fun place to be and came in this morning to snuggle. Sniff, on the other hand, decided to ignore me - will, at least I was not leaked with his incredibly scratchy tongue. A new French study suggests that wearing a bra is not good for you - I guess the study was sponsored by the 60s feminists who thought it would be more interesting not to burn them, but put a "scientific" stink on them. Gwyneth Paltrow claims that she tried Botox and it made her look like Joan Rivers - just looking at Joan Rivers did not stop her? Somebody who describes herself as "Mexican-American" (an oxymoron in itself) was complaining about the latest issue of Mexican Barbie, claiming that the doll's outfit is not authentic - here is a lesson for you, Mattel designers! Next time you add to your Dolls of the World collection, strive to produce only dolls from the civilized parts of the world - because no matter how much you genuflect to barbarians, they are never satisfied and just attack and belly-ache instead. Another so-called artist produces artistic projection of what our country would look like as a result of global warming - hell, what courage! How about photographing the people in Africa who suffer from malaria as a result of DDT ban? I triple-dare you! "Jay-z, White House at odds over Cuba Trip" - well, as despicable as Jay-Z is, my money is on Hussein lying, not him. "Beers to Drink if You Are Watching Your Weight" - oh, go to the warm basement! Selena Gomez is "hanging out" with Bieber's friends in order to annoy him - they really do deserve each other. And Kate Middleton enjoys watching "Keeping up with Kardashians" - I guess our similar tastes end up with color emerald. Coffee this morning in my green Target mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 9

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather continues to amaze - for now in a good way. The crazy upstairs is at it again. A post-Passover (or is it post-Easter) miracle occurred in our building - they are installing CCTV! Sniffles is closely following the noises from the hall. George is still enjoying his amazon box. Both of them are still hunting. Sniffles also meets me when I go out ofthe shower - and I can't figure out if it's his love for me or the newly rediscovered heating pipe. Also, somebody finally convinced our building manager that if he wears a shirt that looks clean and ironed, fits him, and is actually buttoned over his beer gut, that does not look like he is not working hard. Christina Hendricks was born a blonde, but dyed her hair red at the age of 10 because of "her obsession with Anne of Green Gables" - awww, how sweet! Kanye West is trending at # 6 because he is being sued for allegedly "sampling" the songs of the "late songwriter David Pryor" - interesting. What does sampling mean anyway? Not that I wouldn't put anything past Kanye, mind you. Joel Osteen is trending at # 7 because somebody decided to play an "elaborate internet hoax" and claim that he is leaving the church - people, yesterday was the 8th, not the 1st of April! Plus, the bigger joke would be to claim that a group of about 5 thousand muslims made a pilgrimage to the WTC site and loudly proclaimed "The bastard sons of the hyenas who did this perverted our faith! Our hearts go out for the victims and their families!" Yea, that would be a nice hoax! Osteen leaving the church - pfffft! Beyonce's and Jay-Z's Cuban trip was fully licensed, you haters! Of course it was - they are the court musicians at the Court of Obama! A dude in Texas decided to move the wedding up a few months without telling his bride because he did not want to delay the nuptials any longer - that's love, guys! According to Hollywood Life, Kim Kardashian is lying about her July due date and may actually have a baby earlier - sign of relief! Could you imagine her and Kate giving birth in the same month?!! Bieber and Selena are both "hooking up" with other people, and "it may be time to say goodbye to Jelena" - so say it already, for pete's sake! And Kate Middleton agreed to become a godmother to a new cruise ship for the Princess Cruises called Royal Princess - another hint that she is having a daughter? Coffee this morning in my Get a Grip mug - the first picture that is staring at me tells me that paradise is a state of mind - amen to that!

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 8

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is magnificent! George and Sniffles continue their hunt in the kitchen - the hunting zone was expanded to include the shelves and the surrounding area. "British actress Emma Watson gained a new respect for strippers after learning to pole dance for new movie The Bling Ring"; she also took her lessons "while studying literature at Britain's prestigious Oxford University" - good for you, Emma! Nice going...Dennis Rodman is trending at #2 right now because he was fired from the Celebrity Apprentice - oh, come on! The dude just went to North Korea as an ambassador, for effs sake! Give him some respect! Jenna Jameson is trending at #3 due to her being charged with battery - I guess all those pole dancing classes paid off in her case. Beyonce and Jay-Z celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary in Cuba - awww; the only problem is - they eventually came back. Duck Dynasty stars went "glam" for the ACM awards - go, rednecks! Too bad they did not bring their guns with them. Julian Lennon, John's son, just turned 50 - hell, do I feel old! Hollywood Life can show me how to get Kourtney Kardashian's glam braids in 5 minutes - thanks, but no, thanks. Also according to this august publication, Bieber got a new "sexy" haircut as a fresh start after Selena - oh, give me a break! That is how dude deals with a broken heart today?!! And, finally, US weekly, another intellectual publication, run a spread titled "Kate Middleton's Royal Pregnancy Style: How the Duchess Is Dressing Her Baby Bump" - frankly, all I could see was a succession of coats and jackets, plus a whole bunch of boots and gorgeous high heeled shoes. Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.