Or We Are in Great Company
One of my wittier friends periodically calls our religion “Taliban Light” – referring, among many things, to the deep misogyny pervasive in our circles. He does it mainly to irritate the logically challenged who are, alas, also pervasive in our circles. Unfortunately, it does not stop there.
I can not begin to tell you how many times I encountered a recurring theme of “if Jewish women were more serious about Tzniut, Mashiach will come tomorrow”, inevitably followed by a long discourses on hair coverings, importance of wigs, skirt lengths, stockings, necklines, nail polish, make up, gossip, loud laughter, career choices, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. As if, as my other friend pointed out with a nice snort, men are complete and total angels and do not need to change anything about them. I would just like to add to that a short memo to the distinguished male members of our community: “ If you are engaged in what is laughingly known as “chinuch”, please refrain from mental, physical, and sexual abuse of your students; if you would like to do something deemed inappropriate (like going to a peep show), please remove all signs identifying you as Jews; and please, for the love of all that’s holy, observe the basic rules of grooming and personal hygiene!”
The second memo is addressed to all the members of our community, male and female alike: please refresh your memories as to why, precisely, we are in this, the longest and the bloodiest, exile – it is not because of the modesty issues, my dear brothers and sisters. It is because of the baseless hatred of one another – a practice that is not only very much accepted, but encouraged by many of the “ultra” religious communities both in Israel and US. But, as usual, I digress.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago all the major internet sites were splashed with a headline quoting some “prominent” Iranian cleric. What got the poor guy’s turban in a knot? Apparently, Teheran is as prone to seismic activities as our great City of Angels. So, this religious luminary blamed women’s immodesty! It seems that it (immodesty) takes all men, especially the young ones, off the straight and narrow to the point of the earth literally trembling!
There is a great Russian word to describe these people - “mrakobesie”; the English equivalent of which I can not think of mainly because it is impossible to insult somebody in English the way you can do it in Russian; my learned friends are welcome to submit their suggestions.
I, however, rest my case.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
NEWS (BREAKING AND OTHERWISE)
I love opening the Internet with my first cup of coffee and perusing the headlines offered by MSM or Yahoo. It is especially entertaining on Monday mornings. Yesterday was no exception.
For starters, some entity or other, very influential and informed, published a list of ten countries whose occupants were the happiest. Unsurprisingly, USA did not make the list.
Hum, let's see. The productive part of us works pretty hard (hardest in the world, by the way). After that, three branches of government confiscate a nice chunk of it (from 25% to infinity) in order to support their own bloated apparatuses, all manner of deadbeats (homegrown and imported), around twenty millions of illegals and their progeny, unwashed hippies masquerading as intellectuals and college professors, hardened criminals on death row who bleat to all and sundry about the social injustice done to them, blood-thirsty thugs from UN, and all kind of other assorted ungrateful swine on our soil and around the world. If we protest this highway robbery, we are locked up in the federal pen (together with the above-mentioned murderers). Lately, we also managed to accumulate enough psychos and idiots masquerading as registered voters to end up with the Executive and Legislative branches we have today. We are dubbed "The Great Satan" by the most blood-thirsty mass murderers alive today. Anything to smile about? For me personally, and I am sure for millions of my fellow Americans, the fact that we are Americans is in itself a blessing. With G-d's help and blessing, we will overcome the above-mentioned menace as well.
Another bit of news: Miss California may lose her crown due to (insert the list of assorted nonsense). The truth is: she dared to speak against one of liberals' holy cows; which opened a floodgate of the vicious attacks by those self-described defenders of human rights. Burt Prelutsky, being his usual blunt self, added a great vignette to this: she is white, blond and blue-eyed. If she was black, her statement would not have been such an issue. As of "press time", Donald, for whatever reasons, deemed Carrie Prejean worthy of her title. The said piece of news makes me rejoice to no end: not as a fan of Miss America pageant, but as an American citizen.
The other piece of news from last week was not breaking, judging by the way it was covered (or, rather, not covered) by the kissers of Obama's behind (otherwise known as the media). Somewhere in the depths of the State of Louisiana an American citizen was stopped on the road by the police and detained for half an hour on suspicion of being a right-wing extremist. His horrible crime? A pro-Constitutional bumper sticker, O Horror Of Horrors! The witch hunt is officially on!
Lastly, His Holiness decided to visit the Holy Land and utter His Esteemed Opinion to the tune of there would be no peace in the Middle East if we do not have a Palestinian State (on the land currently belonging to Israel, aka The Little Satan, of course).
Previously, I already offered my opinion in regards to the utter cowardice and stupidity displayed by the heads of the Catholic Church. Allow me to re-iterate some pertinent points. One: how about first you guys clean your own house, which at the present is infiltrated with homosexuals, pedophiles, and homosexual pedophiles. Two: show some self-respect. Half-Kenyan, half-Muslim bastard agrees to speak at Georgetown only after all the references to what you call The Son are covered, and you do not boo. Self-same bastard, who claims that is it above his pay grade to save unwanted children who miraculously survived abortion (and if I am not mistaken, abortion is a serious abomination in your estimation) is invited to speak at Notre Dame; your simple flock is protesting (vehemently); the heads of Notre Dame (and their superiors) do not boo. I am not even starting about the religion of peace, from whose members' behinds your heads are due to be extracted surgically. Three: if you attack fiction books, at least read them first: in my humble opinion the biggest threat to you comes not from Dan Brown, never mind Harry Potter. The biggest threat comes from Philip Pullman, and he himself was surprised at how little he was picked on. Finally, contaminate your souls a bit and read Harry Potter. It will teach you the beauty of standing up to your convictions no matter the personal cost, and the bravery and the purity of soul necessary in order to fight and defeat the True Evil.
For starters, some entity or other, very influential and informed, published a list of ten countries whose occupants were the happiest. Unsurprisingly, USA did not make the list.
Hum, let's see. The productive part of us works pretty hard (hardest in the world, by the way). After that, three branches of government confiscate a nice chunk of it (from 25% to infinity) in order to support their own bloated apparatuses, all manner of deadbeats (homegrown and imported), around twenty millions of illegals and their progeny, unwashed hippies masquerading as intellectuals and college professors, hardened criminals on death row who bleat to all and sundry about the social injustice done to them, blood-thirsty thugs from UN, and all kind of other assorted ungrateful swine on our soil and around the world. If we protest this highway robbery, we are locked up in the federal pen (together with the above-mentioned murderers). Lately, we also managed to accumulate enough psychos and idiots masquerading as registered voters to end up with the Executive and Legislative branches we have today. We are dubbed "The Great Satan" by the most blood-thirsty mass murderers alive today. Anything to smile about? For me personally, and I am sure for millions of my fellow Americans, the fact that we are Americans is in itself a blessing. With G-d's help and blessing, we will overcome the above-mentioned menace as well.
Another bit of news: Miss California may lose her crown due to (insert the list of assorted nonsense). The truth is: she dared to speak against one of liberals' holy cows; which opened a floodgate of the vicious attacks by those self-described defenders of human rights. Burt Prelutsky, being his usual blunt self, added a great vignette to this: she is white, blond and blue-eyed. If she was black, her statement would not have been such an issue. As of "press time", Donald, for whatever reasons, deemed Carrie Prejean worthy of her title. The said piece of news makes me rejoice to no end: not as a fan of Miss America pageant, but as an American citizen.
The other piece of news from last week was not breaking, judging by the way it was covered (or, rather, not covered) by the kissers of Obama's behind (otherwise known as the media). Somewhere in the depths of the State of Louisiana an American citizen was stopped on the road by the police and detained for half an hour on suspicion of being a right-wing extremist. His horrible crime? A pro-Constitutional bumper sticker, O Horror Of Horrors! The witch hunt is officially on!
Lastly, His Holiness decided to visit the Holy Land and utter His Esteemed Opinion to the tune of there would be no peace in the Middle East if we do not have a Palestinian State (on the land currently belonging to Israel, aka The Little Satan, of course).
Previously, I already offered my opinion in regards to the utter cowardice and stupidity displayed by the heads of the Catholic Church. Allow me to re-iterate some pertinent points. One: how about first you guys clean your own house, which at the present is infiltrated with homosexuals, pedophiles, and homosexual pedophiles. Two: show some self-respect. Half-Kenyan, half-Muslim bastard agrees to speak at Georgetown only after all the references to what you call The Son are covered, and you do not boo. Self-same bastard, who claims that is it above his pay grade to save unwanted children who miraculously survived abortion (and if I am not mistaken, abortion is a serious abomination in your estimation) is invited to speak at Notre Dame; your simple flock is protesting (vehemently); the heads of Notre Dame (and their superiors) do not boo. I am not even starting about the religion of peace, from whose members' behinds your heads are due to be extracted surgically. Three: if you attack fiction books, at least read them first: in my humble opinion the biggest threat to you comes not from Dan Brown, never mind Harry Potter. The biggest threat comes from Philip Pullman, and he himself was surprised at how little he was picked on. Finally, contaminate your souls a bit and read Harry Potter. It will teach you the beauty of standing up to your convictions no matter the personal cost, and the bravery and the purity of soul necessary in order to fight and defeat the True Evil.
Friday, February 06, 2009
RELIGION 101
After getting hooked on Youtube, I have decided that both misery and bliss love company, and hooked my favorite gnomes on it too. The funniest part is that some of my favorite pieces became theirs as well.
Mini Me loves Hava Nagilah in all kinds of different interpretations. So, one fine day we were watching one of those; this one contained a collage of different pictures from the Holy Land. Being of the firm believe that the more information you impart on the younger generation, the more they learn and grow, I was giving explanations to the flushing snap shots. Few of them contained Western Wall, and I briefly touched on the destruction of the Temple. "But why did they destroy it, Papi?" Trying again to explain that the destroyers were "bad" people, who hated G-d and us as his representatives (not in so many flowery words). "But why?" Tried again, after which Golden Delicious just finished watching the clip with very serious eyes and an intense expression on her sweet little face.
Apparently, they were having some cursory discussions about the destruction in her play group as well. Now, whenever we are watching this clip, she keeps re-iterating that "Bais Hamikdash is beautiful, was beautiful", that "bad people destroyed it", and that "Mashiach will help us, Hashem will help us, Hashem will send Mashiach to help us build it again!"
Another discussion, unrelated to Youtube, happened one fine evening in the kitchen of my sister's house, where Mini Me was consuming her crackers with cream cheese in her clever attempts to evade her bed as long as possible. While she was thusly occupied, we were also carrying a very intelligent conversation about our mutual everyday concerns. During this conversation, we discussed (among many other things) our booboos. She was extremely concerned about my big ones on my legs (eczema) and urged me to go to the doctor and get cream for it. Eventually, her Mommy finished the basement chores, and yummy gnome agreed to go "upstairs" with Mommy. On the way there, she expressed her concerns about Papi's booboo, the necessity of going to the doctor and getting the cream, and finally pronounced, with unshakable conviction, that Hashem will make Papi better.
I get very emotional every time I recall those episodes. Her innocent faith touches me more than I can express. And I remember our Mom, whispering to us repeatedly not to tell anyone that we are Jews, her trying to host a Pesach Seder, and getting upset when we boiled franks in a little bowl she designated for milk.
Hear this, murdering Communist atheistic butchers? You did not succeed with my family!!!
Thank You, Heavenly Father, for allowing us to escape. Escape that horrible suffocating jail where we grew up, so that now we can freely teach Sh'ma to our little ones.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
ANOTHER STRANGE MEMORY
As a rule, I adore listening to the self-righteous prigs of any sex or denomination. They always provide me with unending entertainment and general wonderment.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading an article blasting the media; nothing new or objectionable in it, or even something I would have disagreed with, for that matter. But a phrase close to the end caught my attention; it was something along the lines of Jamie Lynn Spears choosing to have a child out of wedlock. Not that I am claiming that this young lady should be the role model for all our young ladies, but what gives? She choose to have sex out wedlock; once that resulted in pregnancy, obviously not planned or expected (we are talking about two dumb teenagers, after all), there was only one choice: the one that the author of that article and many of his like minded colleges spent their lives to oppose. So, again, what gives?
While I was pondering that strange composition, another, seemingly unrelated memory, popped into my mind. That went all the way to somewhere in 2001, back to when I was working for an organization peopled and run by the members of my own religious denomination. My department had the pleasant duty of covering the secondary reception desk, which everyone, aside from me, hated with passion. I, on the other hand, always welcomed the opportunity of basically reading for an hour on the company's clock. So, at one such reading break, another co-worker stopped by to chat; of course, the first question was about my reading material, which at that time was "Lord of the Rings". That, not surprisingly, led to questions about Harry Potter, which anyone who knows me will confirm as pretty dangerous to ask, since I tend to gush about it for about an hour. But since I was not in a mood to schmooze with her when I could read, I contained myself and just politely responded that I loved Harry Potter. To which she was compelled to reply that, although she herself did not read any of "Harry" books, she heard that they were objectionable due to the fact that the main personages from that series attend a "mixed" school where boys and girls are together during most of their days.
Stupidity by itself is very harmful; stupidity cloaked in religious observance - lethal.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading an article blasting the media; nothing new or objectionable in it, or even something I would have disagreed with, for that matter. But a phrase close to the end caught my attention; it was something along the lines of Jamie Lynn Spears choosing to have a child out of wedlock. Not that I am claiming that this young lady should be the role model for all our young ladies, but what gives? She choose to have sex out wedlock; once that resulted in pregnancy, obviously not planned or expected (we are talking about two dumb teenagers, after all), there was only one choice: the one that the author of that article and many of his like minded colleges spent their lives to oppose. So, again, what gives?
While I was pondering that strange composition, another, seemingly unrelated memory, popped into my mind. That went all the way to somewhere in 2001, back to when I was working for an organization peopled and run by the members of my own religious denomination. My department had the pleasant duty of covering the secondary reception desk, which everyone, aside from me, hated with passion. I, on the other hand, always welcomed the opportunity of basically reading for an hour on the company's clock. So, at one such reading break, another co-worker stopped by to chat; of course, the first question was about my reading material, which at that time was "Lord of the Rings". That, not surprisingly, led to questions about Harry Potter, which anyone who knows me will confirm as pretty dangerous to ask, since I tend to gush about it for about an hour. But since I was not in a mood to schmooze with her when I could read, I contained myself and just politely responded that I loved Harry Potter. To which she was compelled to reply that, although she herself did not read any of "Harry" books, she heard that they were objectionable due to the fact that the main personages from that series attend a "mixed" school where boys and girls are together during most of their days.
Stupidity by itself is very harmful; stupidity cloaked in religious observance - lethal.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
HOW TO CHOSE YOUR BATTLES
As evidenced before, I am a huge Harry Potter fan. As such, I get periodic updates in one of my e-mail accounts every time words "Harry Potter" are mentioned in the news. Usually, these news are tripe, like what happened to the stock of WB or Scholastic, or what exactly Daniel Radcliffe or Emma Watson are up to. Sometimes I get really funny tidbits, like a girl in England who watched the fourth movie 111 times, or a confused fan in Seattle who was standing in line hoping to see the latest Harry Potter movie, when in fact the line was for the latest Star Wars. And sometimes those news are from the laughter through tears category.
So, around September of 2006, I got a news blurb that basically stated that Vatican's Chief Exorcist is apposed to Harry Potter books due to the fact that said books lure young minds into witchcraft. Now, that in itself would have been nothing: after all, he is a religious leader (although his title definitely made me chuckle), and has full right to express his opinion on the matters of the said religion. What really matters is the date, because around the same time the Pope ended up in now very famous (or infamous) soup by quoting Manuel II. You all remember the fracas that followed, culminating in repeated apologies by the Pope and faithful Muslims of Somali showing how wrong the Byzantine Emperor was by fatally shooting in the back the sixty five year old Sister Leonella Sgorbati.
Then, few months ago, there was another major news upheaval before the first movie based on "His Dark Materials" was released. Again, Catholics have full right to protest books written by a guy who portrays them in very negative light and fully admits that his mission in life is to "kill god", but when you take it in the full context of the current battles coming from and around Vatican, it only serves as the fodder for more ridicule.
Anybody with a modicum of education ( and I am sure that the current Pope and Chief Exorcists have more than that) would see that the worst threat to Western values, Western civilization, heck, Christianity itself, always originated in the Muslim world. That which defines the West and comprises the best of it: the value of human life, progress, freedom, self-determination , and even the economic structure - all that is absolutely abhorrent to Islam (no, I did not forget the Crusades). And what exactly did that long-dead Byzantine Emperor say that was not true?
This New Year's I was flipping through the channels while waiting to see the ball drop (I know, I know, I am not a credit to my Bais Yacov Alma mater), and I stumbled on the brief report from Vatican about how the Pope urges the whole world to try and live in peace. Forgive me, Your Holiness, but are you delusional or just stupid? People who truly want peace are under constant attack, and have no choice but to defend themselves; and in case that was a veiled reference to the so-called Middle East crisis, then may I humbly suggest that you go to the warm basement and stay there?
And guess what actually prompted me to write this? I hope you guessed it right: a couple of weeks ago I got another news flash to the tune that the Chief Exorcist again spoke very strongly against the Harry Potter books. May I just make one small suggestion to His Holiness and his Chief Exorcist? The proposition is very simple: at the horrible risk of contaminating their souls with witchcraft, can they still try and read Harry Potter? If the danger from all seven books is too great, can they at least concentrate on numbers five and seven? That, I hope, will teach them the true meaning of courage, humility, selflessness, self-sacrifice, courage of conviction, and the necessity of fighting true evil.
So, around September of 2006, I got a news blurb that basically stated that Vatican's Chief Exorcist is apposed to Harry Potter books due to the fact that said books lure young minds into witchcraft. Now, that in itself would have been nothing: after all, he is a religious leader (although his title definitely made me chuckle), and has full right to express his opinion on the matters of the said religion. What really matters is the date, because around the same time the Pope ended up in now very famous (or infamous) soup by quoting Manuel II. You all remember the fracas that followed, culminating in repeated apologies by the Pope and faithful Muslims of Somali showing how wrong the Byzantine Emperor was by fatally shooting in the back the sixty five year old Sister Leonella Sgorbati.
Then, few months ago, there was another major news upheaval before the first movie based on "His Dark Materials" was released. Again, Catholics have full right to protest books written by a guy who portrays them in very negative light and fully admits that his mission in life is to "kill god", but when you take it in the full context of the current battles coming from and around Vatican, it only serves as the fodder for more ridicule.
Anybody with a modicum of education ( and I am sure that the current Pope and Chief Exorcists have more than that) would see that the worst threat to Western values, Western civilization, heck, Christianity itself, always originated in the Muslim world. That which defines the West and comprises the best of it: the value of human life, progress, freedom, self-determination , and even the economic structure - all that is absolutely abhorrent to Islam (no, I did not forget the Crusades). And what exactly did that long-dead Byzantine Emperor say that was not true?
This New Year's I was flipping through the channels while waiting to see the ball drop (I know, I know, I am not a credit to my Bais Yacov Alma mater), and I stumbled on the brief report from Vatican about how the Pope urges the whole world to try and live in peace. Forgive me, Your Holiness, but are you delusional or just stupid? People who truly want peace are under constant attack, and have no choice but to defend themselves; and in case that was a veiled reference to the so-called Middle East crisis, then may I humbly suggest that you go to the warm basement and stay there?
And guess what actually prompted me to write this? I hope you guessed it right: a couple of weeks ago I got another news flash to the tune that the Chief Exorcist again spoke very strongly against the Harry Potter books. May I just make one small suggestion to His Holiness and his Chief Exorcist? The proposition is very simple: at the horrible risk of contaminating their souls with witchcraft, can they still try and read Harry Potter? If the danger from all seven books is too great, can they at least concentrate on numbers five and seven? That, I hope, will teach them the true meaning of courage, humility, selflessness, self-sacrifice, courage of conviction, and the necessity of fighting true evil.
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