MORNING UPDATE, August 3, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! My phone still refuses to show the current weather:) 

And we finally have more medals than the Chinese, and just as much gold!! Yeppeee!! You go, girls and boys!!! R-Patz is #2 on trending list: he will keep to his public appearance schedule after hiding for a while - good going, Edward! Sparkle in the sun again! And #1? Macaulay Culkin, who's rep is denying the drug addiction rumors - I guess staying home alone in not healthy. #3 - Patrick Dempsey, who tweeted a spoiler picture from a future episode - come on, McDreamy, it's unethical! Unemployment is trending last - good to know we got our priorities straight. And, finally, today happens to be the Birthday of three of my good friends - happy Birthday, girls!

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MORNING UPDATE, August 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings!

 Bloody Chinese commies are ahead of us by 2 medals again! But we have the same amount of gold, at least - come on, let's beat the commies! And Yale researches did a study on how commuters on public transportation try to avoid seatmates - another example of Ivy League idiocy; I could have given them the whole shebang for a very reasonable price. Jon Gosselin claims that he is penniless and can't pay child support - him and millions of other dead-beats in the country. The best way to save money on designer jeans is to buy them used - duh! but then you would wonder whose germs are hiding in them. And an "eccentric millionaire" from Holland just completed a replica of Noah's Ark, all to Bible's specs - he wanted to make Bible "more touchable" ...interesting, that...

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MORNING UPDATE, August 6, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Bloody ChiComs are ahead of us again - hoping for the best in the end. Mars Rover landed on Mars to see, once again, if we are alone in the universe - good luck finding more intelligent species than ours! 50 shades is more popular than Harry Potter - witty and imaginative story about standing up to evil as apposed to, well...not much for the intelligence right here. And then there are some female athletes who have been called fat - give me a break, will ya?! All these people look like ugly solid blocks of muscle - where the hell does the fat come in?!!! And you might still be single if you are afraid to show off your vulnerabilities - good one! I should expose my jugular to the species that, at best, is a constant source of humongous migraines, and, at worst, have no printable words for - really, really good one!

MORNING UPDATE, August 7, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! 

ChiComs are still on top of us, and now stinking step-mama country is on the third place, hell damn fart! Come on, come on, come on - beat them!!! Mazal Tov to Natalie Portman on her marriage - which is trending as #4 now. Macaulay Culkin attended the wedding, which is trending as #6 - as always, we are focusing on serious things. Times Square is on the list of 10 places every American should visit - because the crows are not big enough there. And how can we not discuss the homes of Olympians - LeBron got one for 9 mil, with 6 bedrooms, infinity pool, and wine cellar. And soon US might be looking on the future without the post office - Sibelius, that's one way to lower everyone's blood pressure!

MORNING UPDATE, August 8, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Yesterday came to the sad, but inevitable conclusion - there is no escaping barbarians in our fair city. Last night, volunteered to do my mom's laundry and managed to loose 4 towels! My mom's reaction: it should be a kapparah; please go to sleep and forget about it! - love my family!!  

Bloody ChiComs are ahead of us again, both in medal count and and in gold - USA, USA, let's beat the commies!! Jennifer Lawrence's pay will skyrocket for the next installment of the Hunger Games - I am officially stunned! You can get great houses on the cheap in the cities hit hard by the economy - and than sit in this magnificent house and get hit hard by the economy as well. And the second important fact every mom should know: motherhood is a learning curve - gosh, what would we do without hearing all these affirmations over and over again?!!

MORNING UPDATE, August 9, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Was awaken today in the ungodly wee hours of the morning by a piteously mewing beast who kept licking my hand and touching my face with a not-quite-soft paw. Why, you would ask? Because his majesty does not like the food that sat in the bowl for the night. 

We are leading the ChiComs by the number of medals, but they got 2 more golds than us - USA, USA, last stretch!!! According to the learned opinion, David Schwimmer's career is the worst after Friends ended, and Jennifer Aniston's is the best - man, the useful knowledge we so totally need! Cameras are very busy with Michael Phelps' girlfriend - as long as it's not a boyfriend, I really don't care. Pink was photographed with a half bared belly - another earth-shattering piece of news! And speaking of the 90's shows: Jenny Garth slimmed down post -divorce - again, extremely important to know that. And Nicole Kidman is trending at #1 because she sold her West Village condo for only 16 mil - who told that real estate market is in a slump?

MORNING UPDATE, August 10, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! 

We are leading ChiComs both in the number of medals and the gold! Yes! Carry on!! Asking about vacation on an interview is a red flag for a potential employer - no kidding, Sherlock! The rich are hoarding cash, which is not good for the economy - make up your minds, people! Either their profligate spending is toxic, as I was taught by libtard professors, or their not spending is bad - but it can't be both (at least, for a logical person). The military plane spotted a strange formation in the Pacific - I guess Al Gore decided to travel to the South Pole and melt it a bit in order to support his asinine theories. And if you make French toast with a baguette, somehow it ends up being guilt-free - since when are you supposed to feel guilty while eating and immediately after? And what's with baguette? If you make French toast with French bread, it's better for your health?

MORNING UPDATE, August 12, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! 

It looks like we are beating ChiComs both in medal count and in gold! WooHoo! Step mama country is in the third place, but Brits beat them in gold! And British athletes cried the most - go figure. Guys who were young in the 90s - tune up your TVs for the closing ceremony! Spice Girls will perform! The Bourne Legacy is trending as #4 - I guess making anti-American movies is still popular. Gas prices are trending last - as usual, people have their priorities straight. And Jon Bon Jovi met his future wife in high school history class, and they are still together - aw; that definitely makes history.

MORNING UPDATE, August 13, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Olympics are over - we beat the ChiComs both in medal count and in gold!!! Yes!!!! Bloody step-mama country is on the third place, but Brits beat them in gold; as my dad derisively said, they became third with just "medyashky". Mazal Tov to Jennifer Aniston on her engagement - the specialists predict she may even beat Brad to the altar. Yesterday was Dominican Day Parade, resulting in usual nonsense in the City and in Washington Heights (wonder how many fights broke out between them and the Puerto Ricans) - I guess they needed a special day to be extra annoying as opposed to the other 364 days when they are just annoying. Miley "chopped off" her hair - which exiting piece of news is currently trending on #3. And a chimp in Las Vegas escaped for the second time in a row - I guess she wanted to join her less intelligent cousins in Senate and the White House. Which reminds me - judging by the amount of poisonous vitriol, which came out of the lefties over weekend, Romney's pick for VP was not too bad.

MORNING UPDATE, August 14, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Last week my phone finally decided to be brave and show the weather reports again. 

Cristina Aguilera highlighter her hair with purple streaks, which is now trending as #2 - well, purple is one of my favorite colors. Colorado is the "skinniest" state in the Union, while parteigenosse Michelle's home state of Michigan is among the top 5 "fattest" - Ma O, you still have a lot of work to do, which, understandably, you continued, while berating Gabby Douglas on national TV for celebrating with McDonalds' sandwich. A woman and her adult son stole about 2 mil worth of toys from Toys R Us - I guess some people never grow up, especially men. Houston is supposed to be the coolest city in the US - go, Texas! Our fair city of New York is only tenth on the list - heck, I guess we need a new mayor (or deport at least 90% of our illegals). Oh, and ChiComs' response to Olympic results: American physique tough to beat (unless we have a President who is hell bent to put us on our knees).

MORNING UPDATE, August 15, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Baby Bro shared the best joke with me last night - his school is offering a combined MA/MBA in Jewish Leadership; insert your own jokes as you see fit. 

Chelsea Clinton is trending at #3 now, because she is not averse to the idea of one day running for the office - because her mommy and daddy left such fantastic legacy to draw on, I guess. Halle Berry is at #4, because she turns 46 today - Happy Birthday, Halle! Will you one day make it widely known that you were raised by your white mother, and that you black father was nowhere in the picture? Nah, I guess calling yourself black is way more politically expedient. Retail sales are at #10: supposedly they are up, and so is the economy - which means the elections are very close, hence the puffed up numbers, because the economy is still very much in the toilet. And I committed the worst crime against my Russian heritage this morning - to use very non-kosher expression, I christened my new wine glass by drinking iced coffee in it.

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MORNING UPDATE, August 16, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday!  Today Show was doing the special on the Moon landing - and, somehow, forgot to curse that Chicago slime that basically ended American space exploration. Michelle Obama is trending at #7 due to her appearance on Leno and her "teasing comment" to Gabby Douglas - at least this time we don't hear about her elegant clothes. Immediately after, at #8, is dark chocolate - cosmic coincidence? And at #10, for reasons unknown, swine flu - go figure. And #1 phrase you should never utter while traveling is "do you speak English?" - because it might insult the locals; that basically confirms my snobby traveling policies - stay away from America-hating countries (which, frankly, encompasses most of the Globe), but this way you can enjoy your vacation and won't support assorted barbarian scumbags.

MORNING UPDATE, August 19, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Happy Rosh Chodesh Elul! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! It looks like Curry is finally loosing weight while eating weight-loss food - I guess the company could use him in their ads (he looks menacing enough). 

The day after Miley showed up her "edgy" hairdo, Ellen copied it - too much to say on this one, so feel free to insert your opinion. Parents in Illinois put a bat signal in their pool to indulge their son's love for the superhero - who says economy and real estate are not hopping? 10% of US population are allergic to sun - I didn't know you can identify corrupt politicians that easily. Melbourne is considered the "world's most livable city" - I guess they are not infested with illegal barbarians and our Muslim cousins.

MORNING UPDATE, August 20, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! After cursing my neighborhood yesterday, enjoyed having random rich snobs from UES going out of their way to open doors for me - and felt completely justified in expressing the earlier feelings. 

This just in - Midwest and "Red States" are not welcoming to single women, but Washington, DC, is wonderful for them - what Democratic strategist compiled this one? Hunger Games are outselling Harry Potter on Amazon - although I did not read the first and don't want to sound like a homo soveticus, I still feel that readers' taste went down. Kim Kardashian is trending at #4 because today would have been her wedding anniversary - big mazal tov to you, Kim! Birth control is trending at #10 - not sure why, but maybe somebody would start a campaign any day or sooner among the so called "baby mamas" - way overdue. And there are 8 ways to buy happiness: vacations being #2, and charity #7 - while freedom does not require money, only commitment to fight for its preservation.

MORNING UPDATE, September 21, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Went to Manhattan Children's Museum yesterday - in my opinion, not worth the price, and what the hell with English and Spanish signs?!! But munchkins loved it and spent hours running around - so, I guess, it was good in the end. 

There are special nutrients that help you loose weight faster and reduce emotional eating - they are called stress reduction in general and reduction of male bs in particular. Carmel, IN, is the best place to live in US - I guess there is something to be said for the "Red States". NYC's Dakota is the most exclusive building in the city - heck, I passed it so many times and did not realize its significance! All it was to me was a cool looking building on the way to the Met - go figure. And a couple repeated their wedding 23 times in 15 different countries - talking of stimulating the economy!

MORNING UPDATE, August 23, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! 

Paul Ryan's black ex is trending at #1 - and here I thought that we live in color-blind society, and that the election of Barak/Barry/Hussein signaled the end of racism in this country. Katie Holmes is at #3, as she would be showing her clothing line at NY Fashion Week - alimony not finalized? And Natalie Portman supposedly shed her conservative image in a nude ad - since when did she have a conservative image? Mel Gibson is trending at #6, because his new girlfriend was seen in a pair of scandalous jeans - no comment (or rather, too much to say). And the reason for the collapse of Mayan empire was environmental (and created by Mayans themselves) - damn, I didn't know IPCC could time travel..unless they just doctor history books.

MORNING UPDATE, September 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Babies are dominating the news: Snooki's baby is trending at #4, and Kourtney Kardashian's baby weight is at #2 - fascinating, simply fascinating! Jessica Alba's haircut is at #7 - our priorities are straight! Prince Harry is also floating around the breaking news - because nobody else gets naked in Vegas. And speaking of Brits and stupidity - Emma Watson has a collection of about 20 Bibles: gifts from religious idiots seriously concerned with witchcraft and its deadly influence on the young minds. Men shared their creative ways of saying I love you - how about just not being a jackass at least half the time? That would proclaim his love like no chocolates or perfume ever would. Another lengthy list - what to bring to college and what to skip; well, brain protection against liberal brainwashing from the professors and strong hide to withstand the tolerance of liberal students - that should top any freshman's list.

MORNING UPDATE, August 28, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Both of my cats, for reasons knows only to them, love to spend time in the bathroom and sit in the bathtub - go figure. 

Katy Perry's hair color is trending at #2 - well, hair and color are important, especially during the election year. Prince Harry is at #6: this time the question is as to the cost to the British taxpayers - big deal; just think about the cost of Obama family vacations to the American taxpayers - Brits got it on the cheep. At #1 is Dr. Phil's antique car that was stolen from the auto shop - for shame, steeling man's wheels! Christina Aguilera's skintight dress and pink hair are also on the minds of a lot of people - because this happened for the first time and she is the only one to ever do it. And there was a discussion on the Today about the vacation places to go and rejuvenate, and a place in Spain was mentioned: macrobiotic food and no coffee or sugar - what the heck kind of vacation is this without coffee or sugar, for effs sake?!! And last, but not least: Matthew McConaughey and his family were strolling along the Hudson on Sunday - heck, they took the idea from me! Am a blessed genius at family outings!

MORNING UPDATE, August 29, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! George got a new trick up his sleeve - he is trying to dislodge the blanket with his paw and get my hand from under it so he can be petted. Curry chewed through another re-charger, so I am phone-less once again - blinking Democratic infiltrator. 

Chipotle cheating is trending at #1: it looks like the chain was cheating customers out of their pennies - amateurs! IRS, EPA, and other highway robbers openly take way bigger sums out of the populace in order for the other government robbers to support stuff the majority of US openly opposes - pennies out of dinner bill, my coccyx! Then there are 10 states that are the best for young people: New York, California, DC, Oregon, or Washington did not make the cut - so much for hip places. And Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, got a new boy friend - why is that news? No spouse-cheating politicians for this week? And Louboutin collaborated with Disney in order to create an ideal pair of Cinderella shoes - ladies, get in line! There were only 20 pairs produced!

MORNING UPDATE, August 30, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Curry is running all over the place hunting something or someone. 

Katie Couric is trending at #1 - more yellow journalism and attacks on conservative women to deliver? Also very important are reports on Cameron Diaz and her legs, which are fabulous even in casual outfits - don't remember which one of my guy friends are leg men. Hundreds of pigeons mysteriously disappeared over North East of England - people visiting this region, please be careful while consuming chicken pies. And it looks like there are many ways to order scotch - while sober, tipsy, drunk, and very drunk? Michael Jackson is trending at #4: his fans are celebrating his birthday - how many crazies are running loose, I want to know. And bad news for Justin Bieber - he reached a 100 in Klout score, but now fell to 90 - below Barak Obama; his number of Twitter followers is also second to Lady Gaga - sheesh, poor guy can't catch a break!