MORNING UPDATE - MARCH 21

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is once again, well, not spring-y, and there were rumors flying yesterday that Phil committed suicide. The crazy upstairs is still quiet - hurray for meds! (Or did someone sneak in and break her vacuum cleaner again?) Last night George decided to snuggle in with me, which resulted in 2 nice scratches on my arm - Baby Bro claims that it was his attempt at mutual grooming, a sign of love in the cat world. Sniffles is still avoiding the top of the fridge for now and is looking for alternative spots to warm up and meditate. Our Pathetic Excuse of a President arrived in Israel yesterday and began his tour in a limo that broke down in the middle of the road - my sources claim that Israeli TV is having a field day; well, couldn't happen to a nicer person. And Dennis Rodman, our recent ambassador of peace to North Korea, appeared on Leno Tuesday night wearing light blue training pants, t-shirt, and ladies black jacket with pink flowers and pink faux fur trim - don't blame me, I am just a messenger. Kardashian Baby is currently trending at #5 - his daddy Kanye decided on a name North, so the future kid, which, buy some reports is a girl, would be named North West. At #6 - Seth MacFarlane splits with his girlfriend. Was his hosting of the Oscars that bad that she decided to call it quits? A cop in Michigan got a shock of his life when he opened the trunk of a car and the deer jumped out of it; the driver said he thought the deer was dead, and he was taking it home to feed his family. Good going, deer! Bradley Cooper, "the sexiest man alive", was photographed with pink curlers in his hair - please insert your own pithy comment here. Drake Bell (whoever the dickens he is) "dissed" Bieber on Twitter; Bieber did not respond, but his fans did, proving once again that our concerns for the future generations are well-founded. In the Kate news: "The mama-to-be was spotted browsing the Séraphine maternity brand Wednesday evening at Peter Jones department store in London." According to the sources, she liked a plain, but elegant black dress which retails for only 55 bucks - capitalism rocks! Also, people are "excited to hear she may soon start showing more" - which line I will shove down the throat of the next person who would dare to tell me that I don't have a life. No coffee this morning as roommate forgot to buy milk - DD in the not too distant future.

MORNING UPDATE - MARCH 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is wintry once again - Punxsutawney Phil, you better hide from my wrath! Sniffles came to snuggle this morning, got bored, and decided to chew on the blanket - continuing from where he left off last time. This morning both of them were laying in wait by the time I got out of the bathroom - an interesting pyramid of fluff and expectant yellow eyes. It took me a little while to figure out that they wanted to be fed. Speaking of which, oh Beloved Pets - why do I have fresh scratches on my left shoulder? Signs of love? "Daniel Radcliffe's image as Harry Potter is fading" - well, fans have short attention spans. Plus, to me he never looked like Harry - sue me! The rumors about Emma Watson starring in 50 Shades of Grey made another round (I guess people have nothing better to do) - which interesting fact is currently trending at #6. She squashed those pesky rumors once again - but not to preserve her "wholesome image", because her latest movie, The Bling Ring, is anything but wholesome. In the History Channel's miniseries The Bible the Devil bears a striking resemblance to Comrade Hussein - too much honor (to Hussein, not the Devil). In the news of fashion: Khloe Kardashian had a "wardrobe snafu" - her dress ripped right before the opening of the X-Factor. Jessica Biel, Jennifer Hudson, and J. Lo all wore the same "nude" dress - not at the same time, though. Ladies, please fire your wardrobe designers, assistants, or whoever - that dress looks like somebody stole granny's lace tablecloth and draped it over your unmentionables. Kim Kardashian also wore lace - black maternity dress, which produced mixed reactions in me as well. David Hasselhoff is currently trending at #10 - he was protesting the removal of the last of the Berlin wall (some enterprising souls actually want to build apartments there). Dude, you are a moron! People have short memories, and whenever that wall will be in the museum, or remain where it stands - they will still hate Americans, won't remember how precious freedom is, or who Ronald Reagan was. So, chill and let the builders build. On the Kate front: her hill got stuck in the grate during the St. Patrick's Day parade - said news currently trending at # 9, I kid you not! Also, she claimed she has no idea whom she is having, but is hoping for a boy - while Will would like a girl. Well, that's unusual, in my experience - usually during the first pregnancy the mother wants a girl, and the father wants a boy - and only after the baby's arrival do they change their minds. Also, "The pregnant Duchess is craving 'chocolate, biscuits and cake'", and the proud parents to be call their baby "Our Little Grape" -aw! That one I never heard before. And, finally, in the Bieber news - he is loving Paris, toured the Eiffel Tower with a bunch of "friends", and "had his arm around this cute girl" - I guess his "bad stretch" is over. Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug - hello, LA, the capital of fruits and nuts!