MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 22

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather seems to be improving, but Sniffles was still hugging his pipe - which means it is still pretty cold. Also, yesterday he had an opportunity to sneak stuff from the Chinese take out - and he went for snap pea and a piece of broccoli! Well, I guess as a Democrat, it behooves him to listen to the edicts of parteigenosse Michelle. And speaking of food - Passover napkins are, ahem, not up to par. Happy Earth Day! Enviros - your many victims bear witness to your sins against humanity! The gun control advocates claim that "NRA is more powerful than ever" - up yours, bastards! That's what happens when you step on the jugular of American citizens! And now, to important stuff. Reese Witherspoon is trending at #3 right now: her hubby was arrested yesterday for DUI, and she - for disorderly conduct. Basically, when police stopped their car, she decided to "stand by her man" and asked the police if they knew who she was - which, of course, they did not. To give her credit, she apologized this morning - but, come on! As the host of Today show very nicely pointed out - if you are drunk, just call for a cab! Trending at # 5: Delta terminal at our very own JFK was evacuated yesterday because, yes, you guessed it - someone managed to avoid TSA's watchful eyes yet again, and a passenger raised an alarm. Good job, TSA, exceptional job! And yet another picture of Jesus was perceived by another faithful - this time in spilled fabric softener. Wow! I mean, I enjoy doing laundry - but I never realized it could give someone such sublime bliss as to see a face of deity in fabric softener! And Jennifer Lawrence is trending at #10 right now: at GLAAD Media award she "flubbed" Clinton's name and called him Gil. Honestly, I am more disgusted by her appearance at anything related to GLAAD than her mixing up Sleek Billy's name. Bieber "cuddled" with Gomez in instagram photo - once again, if they really are together, they are an ideal couple. And on Kate's front: her mulberry coat "showed off her baby bump" during the scouts visit - are they more concerned with her wardrobe or her figure, I wonder? No decision on coffee mug yet.