MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 4

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is supposed to be improving and getting warm - we may even hit 60 next week! Again, I'll believe it when I see it. Sniffles takes every opportunity he gets to climb in the cat house; George was issued a new Amazon box, which he is enjoying presently. One enterprising real estate agent (ours, of course) calculated that the approximate value of Hogwarts castle in today's market would be $204,102,000 - well, we can always redistribute the homes of every single eco-hypocrite like Gore, Di Caprio, Streisand, et al, and come up with the needed sum in no time. Reese Witherspoon is currently trending at #7 because she went brunette - shocking indeed, as we have grown so accustomed to her sun-kissed locks. Hayden Panettiere, meanwhile, got in the news because she "sparks breast implants rumors" - I wonder who is more interested in this, men or women. JWoww, the godmother of Snooki's son Lorenzo, gave him a "surprising gift" - she started a college fund for him. Well, considering the combined IQ of Lorenzo's parents, I think the gift is a tad premature - but then you have to take into account the pathetic state of our educational system, and the offering looks very appropriate and quite generous. An artist recently created Lohan's portrait using stuff he found in the trash - I kid you not! He claims to love Lindsay, and hopes that, as a person who loves controversy, she would also love his work. NBC made it official that Jay Leno will "step down" next spring - I guess the dude dared to go too much off script by occasionally criticizing comrade Hussein, which, of course, in NBC book is worst than treason. And speaking about going off script - Vera Wang introduced black wedding gowns a little while ago, and the trend seems to have caught on. I wonder what would a black wedding gown represent - Cruella DeVill's statement about marriage ruining more women than all the natural disasters combined? Chris Brown in a recent radio interview said that he is praying for Justin Bieber, and also claimed that he and Bieber have their treatment by the media in common - to paraphrase a popular book, Freud would commit suicide trying to deal with this. Kim Kardashian would not attend first day of her divorce trial because she has to be in NY promoting her new perfume - would dearly love to know what Freud would make out of this charming tableau. And, finally, Kate and hubs "kick off two-day charity tour of Scotland" where Kate looked "stunning" in tartan coat and high-heeled black boots - happy trails, kids! Coffee this morning in my funky glass Cappuccino mug.