MORNING UPDATE - August 14, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is unusually beautiful for NY August - if this is global cooling, I am taking it!
Sniff was running around the house as if possessed by the devil, and is now taking a noisy bath on my bed. George is doing the same thing, but quietly.
The crazy upstairs is relentless in performance of her routine, although my sis claims that the said individual moved into her building as someone was vacuuming there for about 2 hours nonstop.
Baby Bro warned me in advance, claiming that seeing page 3 of the latest Glamour is guaranteed to raise my hackles. All it did raise was my incredulity - as page 3 proofed that Hillary Clinton is still very much a feminist icon.
And speaking of Hillary - according to the new revelations from the Secret Service, being assigned to her is "a form of punishment" and "no worse assignment". Well, once a menace, always a menace.
Currently trending at #1 is Valerie Bertinelli - for reasons completely unknown and shrouded in mystery.
Scott Disick is at #2 - because he is "Obsessed With Burgher King's Chicken Fries". Wait - he was not running around naked anywhere and/or did not sleep with anyone's wife, and he jumps to #2? I guess food preferences are also extremely important.
Halle Berry is at #10 as today is her 48th birthday - come on, give the birthday girl the first spot!
"King of Pop dethroned" - "Nicki Minaj tops Michael Jackson". This if from the "scary and scarier" files.
"North West makes her modeling debut" - as I said before, having her parents is also "a form of punishment".
"Why Khloe Kardashian Might Fire Kris Jenner as Her Manager" - who dives a rat's tail about this one?
"OJ Simpson Has Kim Kardashian Pics On His Prison Wall" - I really don't want to know more.
"Cups you can compost - or eat" - enviros are on the warpath again.
And, finally, Kate was "spotted" while she was "hunting" for the bargain clothes for Georgie - no such news regarding parteigenosse Michelle.
Coffee this morning in my glass Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug from LA.

MORNING UPDATE - June 18, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The temperatures are still climbing. Snow is sunning herself and ignoring the birds that are singing around her.
Currently trending at # 1 is Jenny McCarthy - because she and Donnie Wahlberg "Talk Wedding Plans". Does that translate into another book?
Catherine Zeta-Jones is trending at # 2 - because Michael Douglas admitted that "he took her for granted". Admit it to her, you moron, not to the reporters.
"What spoiled Kim Kardashian's honeymoon" - who gives a flying banana?
"Halle Berry sparkles in curve-hugging dress" - mighty empowering.
"For peace of mind consumers should look for the "USDA Organic" seal (on body care products), a specialist says" - the said specialist can take any and all "USDA Organic" seals from food and body care products and stick it where the sun does not shine.
Mike Sorrentino, aka The Situation of the Jersey Shore fame, got arrested for fighting with his brother at the family tanning salon - interesting family squabbles.
"One man's quest for fast-food perfection" - entertaining date he would make.
Chanel No. 5 has 80 ingredients, "including one that blossoms in France only three weeks a year" - is that the one that gives it a distinct stink that produces headaches?
"Prices for US consumers rise significantly" - ya think?!!! Where were you for the past 5 years?!
"Uruguay national team's dulce de leche shipment confiscated by Brazilian authorities" - this takes the term "bureaucratic stupidity" to a whole new level.
And, finally, Kate is scheduled to meet a woman who worked as a decoder with her paternal grandmother during the WWII - I really envy the Brits sometimes! The granny of their princess was actively involved in the defeat of the Nazis; the grandmother of our prez was a commie! Plus, to add insult to injury, the mother of our so-called first lady supposedly never served cake to her kids!
Coffee this morning in the other flowery mug.

MORNING UPDATE - March 5, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! It's actually warm and sunny outside! Poor Phil - last year he was sued for inaccurately predicting an early spring, and this year people are hunting him because he accurately predicted a late one.
Our fair city now has only 315,998 potholes as our dear Mayor personally repaired two.
George is hunting the sparrows from my window; Sniff is sleeping in the cat house - without stretching to the radiator.
Currently trending at #2 is Halle Berry - who, after giving birth to her son, claimed that she is "not quite where she wants to be with her body". I can only assume that her mind is also not quite where we would like it to be.
Trending at #8 is Oral-B toothbrush as it "launches interactive oral care app for kids to increase brushing time". I got a sneaking suspicion that the people working on it have no kids.
"Worst states to die in" - I don't even want to know.
"Low key spring breaks" - buster, it's either low key or it's a spring break; you can't have both at the same time!
"9 signs you are about to be audited by the IRS" - well, let's see...Belonging to a tea party group; membership in the NRA; flying American flag; anti-Obama bumper stickers - you get the point.
The latest on Bieber is too gross.
And, finally, Kate's and Will's itinerary for their Australian trip was "revealed" - I guess so that the locals would know in advance which areas to mob (or to stay away from).
Coffee this morning in my Get A Grip mug.

MORNING UPDATE - OCTOBER 8

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather improved vastly from yesterday. Sniff was extra frisky again last night, running around and making more noise than a small horse. This morning he came in to snuggle and, surprisingly, did not attempt to eat my blanket. George still does not know what he wants to eat; his latest was eating fresh diet kibble. Now he is sleeping on my bed, and, also surprisingly, also did not molest my blanket.
Baby Bro postulated that the tortoise that lives in Prospect Park Zoo moonlights for Brooklyn Public Library as a book deliverer. Considering how long it takes them to fill in some of the holds, the theory makes perfect sense.
Currently trending at #1 is Matt Lauer - because he interviewed Miley Cyrus, who, in turn, postulated in that interview that people over 40 don't have sex anymore. How did she come to that conclusion, and why is that the focal point of the said interview I don't really know and really don't want to know.
In similar news, Miley's mom "stole her pose" recently - no wonder the kid is so messed up.
Trending at #2 is Ashley Judd because she may have reconciled with her husband - as long as she stays away from politics and self-proclaimed fight for women's rights, I don't care about anything else she does.
Halle Berry announced that her new son's name is Maceo-Robert - another celeb baby with idiotic name. The usual prediction would be "poor kid, he is so getting killed later because of his stupid name"; but, considering, how many famous people give their offspring the most moronic names imaginable, the only kids who are in trouble are the ones with the "usual", "boring" names.
The fountain at the Bellagio in Vegas is supposedly one of the 8 greatest in the world - congrats to me, I have seen it both by day and by night!
Jerry Seinfeld became a latest celebrity in a long line of them to offer his two cents on what his secret to a happy marriage is - well, considering the rate of celebrity divorces, I simply marvel at their audacity to still blab about the topic.
Today's hairdo news come to you courtesy of Jada Pinkett Smith, whose "edgy" new look consists of a head that's half shaved and half covered in braids - classically elegant, what can I say.
Avril Lavinge got "all gussied up" for a night out with her hubby - considering her usual, hum, attire choices, that is a sure sign of love, ladies and gents!
And, finally, according to Slate Magazine blog, Bieber's "New Song Is Better Than You Were Probably Expecting It To Be" - which basically confirms my firm believe that anything that comes out of Slate is not to be believed.
Coffee this morning in my white glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 14

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Hope this will be a great week for all of you! The weather is, once again, triple H - eff it!
George spent most of the night on my bed and kept trying to groom me - my repeated assurances that I am not a cat did not work. Also, I think that he is a glutton for punishment, because he mainly sleeps by my feet and, I am sure, gets kicked plenty while I am sleeping. Sniff finally proved to be a decent hunter last night. Right now both of them are sleeping in their designated spots in my room.
The morning on TV started with about 3 infomercials from Guthy Renker, and then moved on to about 5 or 6 infomercials for different juicers - which was still more interesting than Meet The Nation with Reid vs. McConnell.
Yesterday Dad was burning to write a letter to NYPD informing them that their traffic division is comprised of people who are either dumb or blind or both (as he got ticketed for not having his registration displayed on his car, when, in fact, the registration was displayed in almost comically huge size right on his windshield) - we wisely disabused him of this notion.
Guess what's trending at #1 right now? Donnie Wahlberg - because he is dating Jenny McCarthy! Nice to know that so many people have their priorities straight!
Trending at #2 - Tara Reid; right after a bunch of her images (all of them half-naked), there is a great piece of news confirming that "she is up for a 'Sharknado' sequel" - again, great to know!
Miley Cyrus made fashion news - she went to Trader Joe's wearing what I can only describe as half-naked dress made of dollar bills. Thanks for trying to ruin my fave store, Miley!
Beyonce "honored" Trayvon Martin during her concert in Nashville - confirming, once again, that not only is she a racist, but that any "white" person who supports her in any way is a self-hating masochist.
Halle Berry finally got married after only about 2 years of dating and being engaged - Mazal Tov!
"Justin and Selena are back together and more in love than ever" - spare me, please!
And, finally, Kate's official due date passed with no baby so far. She went to her family's home supposedly to avoid the head in London - good luck, Kate!
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug (the newer version).

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 13

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's raining and pouring once more, and Baby Bro surmised that it must be the fault of the Jews, as we pray for rain - and we got it.
Feline companions are extra sleepy again, and right now George is sleeping on my bed, so Sniffles is taking advantage of it and sleeping in the cat house. Both of them were also deemed by our resident cat expert fit enough to be served full fat food together with their usual weight loss chow.
Melissa is cooking meal full of pork products - so, I guess that when she was living in Paris, Muslims did not attack non-Muslims for eating pork - or maybe she feels safe cooking it here.
Jennie Garth is trending at #2 because she finalized her divorce. She also took the "unusual approach to it" - the divorce was quite and civilized; that is unusual!
Trending at #9 are the skyrocketing sales of "1984" - huge surprise! The only unusual factor is that the book did not become extra popular about 5 years ago.
"Honey Boo Boo's Mom Sports 'Baywatch' look" - spare me, please!
"Betty White's Unusual Lunch" - hot dogs and fries! Oh, come on, people! She is 91, for goodness sake! Let her enjoy it!
Happy 27th Birthday to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen! How to tell them apart? Ask for their autograph - Ashley is right-handed, and Mary-Kate uses her left one.
"Jessica Alba rocks retro swimsuit" - in order to really "rock" a 60's swimsuit you got to have the glamour and femininity of the 60's stars, which is totally absent from modern Hollywood, so, stop swooning, guys.
Halle Berry's fiance accidentally blabbed their baby's gender (they are having a boy) - I wonder how many nights did he spend on the couch because of it?
Kris Jenner is getting her own show - and here I thought the collective IQ of their audience could not go any lower.
Speaking of which - another scandal is rocking the nation! It looks like Kanye cheated on Kim! Of course, he is denying the accusations - but who would believe him, anyway?
"What's The Deal With Justin Bieber's Crazy Car Collection?" - um, allow me to go on a limb here and postulate - crazy owner?
And, finally, Kate attended the naming of the Princess Cruise's new ship, after which she is supposed to go on maternity leave - rest well, Kate, and good luck!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 23

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is improving, but still a bit too warm for my comfort. We got a fresh amazon box for the feline's delectation - and it's huge, as their food and litter came in it  They both love the box, and, like mature cats that they are, they take their turns in it - almost without fighting. Also, Sniff came in to snuggle few times last night.
Alton Brown was talking about green beans - still can't look at him the same way after I saw his picture with a huge gun! Marc Summers had a special on sandwiches, and Ina and Melissa both made rice dishes - yummy!
Daniel Radcliffe claimed that he finally put Harry Potter image "behind him" and also "revealed" in an interview that he was given a step by step instructions on how to film a homosexual scene - yea, no joke, Sherlock! That is so not Harry Potter - and please don't start yammering to me about Dumbledore! Yuk and barf!
Target is now offering wedding gowns; prices are from 99 to 129 bucks - take that, snobs!
Trending at #2: "Halle Berry baby bump" - as in she recently showed it, so, stop the presses!
Trending at #7: Janet Jackson officially joined the billionaire club - as in she married a billionaire from Qatar and in the process converted to Islam. Janet, just staying in the millionaire club was not enough?
Amanda Bynes was banned from a private jet flight somewhere in Jersey after she tried to google herself as a proof of id - enterprising.
Hussein's PR team decided to release his senior prom photo - I guess to lighten the mood. Thanks, but no, thanks! What I really want is a much, much longer list of real documents.
Among the best airlines, JetBlue and Southwest are mentioned for their free check in luggage - this dinosaur remembers the times when you could check in your luggage free on ALL the airlines!
Maria Sharapova is "gushing" about her younger boyfriend - she herself is 26, for eff's sake, not 66!
An 11 year old girl in London is such a talented ballerina that she was recently accepted into the Royal Ballet School - but she is also a black belt in taekwondo! You go, girlie!
And, finally, in Kate news - she attended queen's annual summer garden party, as always looking the picture of elegance, in high heels, gorgeous pearl earrings (emphasis mine), and the cutest hat that is now being discussed all over the place.
Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 23

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is cold and dreary, but, as I told before - no rain, no complain. Sniff was very lazy today and did not come to great his greatest fan. George decided to hide in the closet and not show up even for the breakfast bell. He also abandoned his old amazon box, and was issued a new one. The crazy upstairs is doing her stuff. Ina's show is dedicated to cakes and desserts - paging you know whom. 8 ways to be happy - unfortunately, the main one: staying the hell away from morons, was omitted from the list. But, on the other hand, interesting tidbit: the happiness is highest at 65! So, friends, rejoice - we got lots of hope yet! In the light of Witherspoon's recent antics, OMG compiled a list of celebrities "bizarre" responses to being arrested. Lohan, in my estimation, takes the cake: she was stunned at being arrested after she punched a psychic in a nightclub. Bieber deleted his "cozy" picture with Selena off twitter after twitting it - oh, for pete's sake, make up your minds already! "5 secrets men keep from women": #5 being that he would like to jump in the sack on the first date - since when is this a secret? A dude wanted to jump in the sack with me after lecturing me on weight loss, for eff's sake! "The best pools in Vegas" - how many people go to Vegas for the pools?!! Halle Berry's new X-Men costume is designed to hide her baby bump - interesting twist in the X-Men saga! A bride in Australia walked down the aisle in a dress made out of 10,000 bread tags - and here I thought that beading, petticoats, and long train make a wedding dress uncomfortable! "Jennifer Lawrence debuts short hairdo" - stop the presses, ladies and gents! Kris Jenner borrowed Kim's red lacy dress, trying to prove that she can do anything better and that she is "the queen of f-king everything" - and here I thought that usually daughters played with their mothers' dresses and make up (never mind the classiness of the whole clan). And, finally, people are very exited that Kate finally looks like she is pregnant - ladies and germs, if you are so busy bump-watching, how about combining business with pleasure and making sure all preggos get seats on our subways and buses? Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh and Friends mug.