MORNING UPDATE - January 22, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather outside reminds me of my childhood in step-mama city, only I don't feel like ice skating - ravages of being middle aged, what can I tell.
Feline companions are snoozing in their respective corners. Sniff keeps trying to escape and explore the great big freezing outdoors. On Sunday he wanted to go to work with me.
The crazy upstairs continues with her usual routine.
Currently trending at #1 is Wendy Williams - because she cried on her show, claiming that her son does not like her anymore. Jewish and Italian mothers, take notes!
There is a list of 5 jobs that people regret taking - politician is not on it, of course; but than, politician is not a real occupation.
"Why Lindsay Lohan keeps getting acting roles" - who gives a flying banana?
"How to apply false lashes" - why would I want to do that?!!
Katy Perry believes in aliens. She claims that she has a theory about extraterrestrials, and she would like to ask President Obama about it - how about first asking him why he scrapped the planned mission to the Moon, and then sending both of them into outer space to explore any bloody theory they want.
And, finally, "Donatella Versace Hails Kate Middleton as the Queen of Couture" - thanks, Donatella, for not giving this dubious honor to our dear and pathetic excuse of a First Lady, whose "birthday bash" is still being discussed.
Coffee this morning in my funky glass Cappuccino mug.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 6

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Happy Rosh Chodesh Elul! Ladies, as always, please remember - VERY LIGHT housework and a gift from your husband.
The weather is gorgeous! Everyone is wishing for it to stay till November; this, of course, will not happen, but today is definitely park day.
Sniff probably decided that he got kicked enough and spent last night in the cat house. He did his banshee routine in the morning and is now resting on the kitchen window sill. George slept with me, impersonated my secretary in the morning (which resulted in the house phone hiding somewhere on the bottom of the entertainment center), and is now longingly looking at the kitchen pantry - for reasons unknown to humans.
Last night I went on a long overdue visit to Stop & Shop, and I am happy to report that everything made it to my house safely, without falling victim to the local barbarian population.
Guess who is trending at #1 right now? Kim Kardashian! And not because of her clothes - but because it looks like she is planning to design baby clothes! Well, judging by her "whale dress" and her flowery curtains number, Gymboree, Baby Gap, and Carters have nothing to fear.
Trending at #2 is Al Roker - because he overslept! Dude oversleeps for first time in 39 years, and it's all over the net! Sheesh...
Some poor sod accidentally snapped a finger off the medieval Italian statue, and, because he was "an American tourist", it's all over the headlines. The damage poor Muslim immigrants do every time they riot, meanwhile, somehow always skips the news.
Sara Jessica Parker "finally" opened up about her marriage, when in the past she was "nasty" about it - anything to keep the reporters close by and to stay in the headlines.
Lindsay Lohan guest-hosted Chelsea Lately and took at swipe at Kristen Stewart - not that I am a big fan of Stewart, but that was definitely classy.
Mariah Carey showed up in leather and studs - something new and exiting for her.
"'Hottest' politicians in the US" - here is another oxymoron for your.
And, finally, the company that produced the now famous blankey in which prince George left the hospital is headquartered right here, in Brooklyn, NY! Go, my smelly, stinking borough!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 5

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather rocks and does not feel like August at all! There is some kind of strange drilling going on outside my windows. Both cats spent at least half the night on my bed - and both by my feet. I guess they enjoy being constantly kicked. George is sleeping on my bed again. Sniff slept on the suitcase, did his banshee routine, and is now snuggling with Baby Bro. His battle wounds are almost healed - all bets are off on when they will re-open again.
John Cusack is currently trending at #1 - in his new movie he is playing a serial killer who uses S&M in his killing rituals (which, apparently, angered S&M aficionados). As long as he keeps away from politics, I don't care whom and where he is playing.
Tiffani Thiessen is trending at #2. When I tried to find out why, aside from a bunch of her pictures, I got this funny tidbit: "Tiffani Thiessen tops morning headlines for no apparent reason." Wow!
Lindsay Lohan was interviewed by Oprah - I honestly despise Oprah more. Lohan is just a crazy addict as opposed to Oprah who is a very sober jackassess and Hussein supporter.
"Big Change Coming to FB" - oh, not again! What is it, change #25 or so?
"Fergie's Sassy Maternity Style" - it looks like she decided to squeeze into a pair of leather pants. Lady, wait for the kid to join you, and then wear leather.
A nice town of Dorcet, Minnesota, last year elected a 3-year old to be their mayor, and this year they re-elected him. I hereby nominate Neffie Pooh for a mayor of NY!
"How to be happily married with children" - wow, somebody actually put out a manual on this one?
"Kendall Jenner's on-camera meltdown" - I don't even want to know the details.
"For comics, the joke is on Obama now" - too little too late.
"Justin Bieber's visit to Southampton club ends in a fight" - serves them right; club management didn't know not to admit that punk?
And, finally, Will officially signed his son't birth certificate about 3 days ago; the said certificate lists parents' jobs as "Prince" and "Princess" - grins.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 23

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is cold and dreary, but, as I told before - no rain, no complain. Sniff was very lazy today and did not come to great his greatest fan. George decided to hide in the closet and not show up even for the breakfast bell. He also abandoned his old amazon box, and was issued a new one. The crazy upstairs is doing her stuff. Ina's show is dedicated to cakes and desserts - paging you know whom. 8 ways to be happy - unfortunately, the main one: staying the hell away from morons, was omitted from the list. But, on the other hand, interesting tidbit: the happiness is highest at 65! So, friends, rejoice - we got lots of hope yet! In the light of Witherspoon's recent antics, OMG compiled a list of celebrities "bizarre" responses to being arrested. Lohan, in my estimation, takes the cake: she was stunned at being arrested after she punched a psychic in a nightclub. Bieber deleted his "cozy" picture with Selena off twitter after twitting it - oh, for pete's sake, make up your minds already! "5 secrets men keep from women": #5 being that he would like to jump in the sack on the first date - since when is this a secret? A dude wanted to jump in the sack with me after lecturing me on weight loss, for eff's sake! "The best pools in Vegas" - how many people go to Vegas for the pools?!! Halle Berry's new X-Men costume is designed to hide her baby bump - interesting twist in the X-Men saga! A bride in Australia walked down the aisle in a dress made out of 10,000 bread tags - and here I thought that beading, petticoats, and long train make a wedding dress uncomfortable! "Jennifer Lawrence debuts short hairdo" - stop the presses, ladies and gents! Kris Jenner borrowed Kim's red lacy dress, trying to prove that she can do anything better and that she is "the queen of f-king everything" - and here I thought that usually daughters played with their mothers' dresses and make up (never mind the classiness of the whole clan). And, finally, people are very exited that Kate finally looks like she is pregnant - ladies and germs, if you are so busy bump-watching, how about combining business with pleasure and making sure all preggos get seats on our subways and buses? Coffee this morning in my huge Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 11

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Happy Rosh Chodesh! Ladies, again - LIGHT housework and presents from your husbands! The weather is still crazy and much colder - no word on Ohio prosecutor filing new charges against Phil. The crazy upstairs is alive and kicking. George still prefers his amazon box to my bed, unless he wants to be petted - in which case it has to be done on my bed. Sniffles dropped Survival Cracker box from the top of the book case, then fluffed his tail 6 times its usual size and ran around the place like crazy. Last night Baby Bro re-arranged the canned goods in the pantry - because my neurotic arrangement of them was irritating his neurosis. Argentina's President will not be invited to Iron Lady's funeral, which "political snub" will further diplomatic antagonism between 2 countries - who needs good diplomatic relations with Argentina anyway? Back in 2010 Taylor Swift claimed that black eyeliner is one "beauty tool" she can't live without - and yet she appeared on the latest issue of Wonderland magazine without it! Kelly Clarkson, on the other hand, appeared with a bunch of black dots on her face - 18th century fashion taken to idiotic extreme. Ellen Pompeo showed up in pants strongly resembling pajamas - and here I thought only guys rolled out of bed and went straight to their destination. Karlie Kloss (some kind of Victoria's Secret supermodel) got an "it" hairdo which VS fans do not appreciate - somehow I never envisioned Victoria's fans concerned with hairdos. Basically, there are so many fashion-related news - stop the presses! Charlie Sheen appeared on Leno and talked about doing an episode of his show with Lindsay Lohan - all I can say is, I can't figure out who has more class, Charlie or Lindsay. PETA is trying to scare kids off milk by claiming on their billboards that drinking milk increases zits - why don't you starve yourselves and leave the kids alone, you jackals?!! In California police arrested 5 men who were rubbing banks "Hollywood style" - big whoop; if they robbed the bank Obama-style, that would have been a height of skill! Kim Kardashian is sticking to all black outfits for the third trimester - I guess her stylist was dispatched to Jewish Brooklyn for style tips. "Justin Bieber is only half as popular as he seems on Twitter" - there is still hope for the younger generation. And last, but not least in the fashion news - "Kate Middleton Helped Make Emerald the Color of 2013". Wow, did not know that the duchess and I have similar taste - at least in colors. Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Bag Plush with Mickey and Friends mug.