MORNING UPDATE - September 19, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Ever Shabat! The weather is beautiful - a treat in our fair city.
Sniffy decided that my bed is fun and comfortable after all. George demanded "human" turkey last night, which he practically inhaled - should I notify Empire that their cold cuts are beloved by cats?
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual.
The latest celebrity to publish a picture book - Keith Richards! So now we have extra strange and bohemian types wondering our floor, muttering "F--k, where is it?!"
A book by Nietzsche was discovered by yours truly about 3 weeks ago in the biography section and was put into a pile of books improperly shelved. A genius colleague of mine decided to re-shelve it in the history section, where I re-discovered it this week. If I find it again on our floor, this book will have an official title of The Wondering German.
Currently trending at #6 is free coffee - it looks like some outfits actually do offer free coffee this Friday!
"J. Lo's python 'Barbie Outfit'" - Jennifer, don't even try, as nothing will beat your green dress!
"A look back at the Spears-Federline marriage" - why?!!
"Hilary Clinton didn't feel independent until age 53" - America, on the other hand, is forever saddled with the legacy of her dear hubby's presidency.
"9 ways to kill time waiting in the iPhone 6 line" - or you can just go home and get a life.
"Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber cook dinner together" - really hope they did not poison each other (or maybe I do?)
And, finally, Prince Harry helped a little girl enjoy the concert by putting her on his shoulders - the concert was during a closing ceremony for the games for the wounded vets, and the girl's father was one of those vets.
Coffee this morning in my huge Disney Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - August 14, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is unusually beautiful for NY August - if this is global cooling, I am taking it!
Sniff was running around the house as if possessed by the devil, and is now taking a noisy bath on my bed. George is doing the same thing, but quietly.
The crazy upstairs is relentless in performance of her routine, although my sis claims that the said individual moved into her building as someone was vacuuming there for about 2 hours nonstop.
Baby Bro warned me in advance, claiming that seeing page 3 of the latest Glamour is guaranteed to raise my hackles. All it did raise was my incredulity - as page 3 proofed that Hillary Clinton is still very much a feminist icon.
And speaking of Hillary - according to the new revelations from the Secret Service, being assigned to her is "a form of punishment" and "no worse assignment". Well, once a menace, always a menace.
Currently trending at #1 is Valerie Bertinelli - for reasons completely unknown and shrouded in mystery.
Scott Disick is at #2 - because he is "Obsessed With Burgher King's Chicken Fries". Wait - he was not running around naked anywhere and/or did not sleep with anyone's wife, and he jumps to #2? I guess food preferences are also extremely important.
Halle Berry is at #10 as today is her 48th birthday - come on, give the birthday girl the first spot!
"King of Pop dethroned" - "Nicki Minaj tops Michael Jackson". This if from the "scary and scarier" files.
"North West makes her modeling debut" - as I said before, having her parents is also "a form of punishment".
"Why Khloe Kardashian Might Fire Kris Jenner as Her Manager" - who dives a rat's tail about this one?
"OJ Simpson Has Kim Kardashian Pics On His Prison Wall" - I really don't want to know more.
"Cups you can compost - or eat" - enviros are on the warpath again.
And, finally, Kate was "spotted" while she was "hunting" for the bargain clothes for Georgie - no such news regarding parteigenosse Michelle.
Coffee this morning in my glass Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug from LA.

MORNING UPDATE, June 30, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! It's hot again. Snow jumped over the neighbor's fence - to eat her rival's Friskies?
Idiot-proof stuff eludes me - after being unable to remember how to make videos on my camera, switched the phone to camera mode. Now have to take pictures with camera only as still don't remember how to switch to video, and use the phone for videos only as unable to figure out how to switch back to pictures.
Currently trending at # 1 is Kendall Jenner - because it looks like she was drinking at her sister's Khloe birthday party. Big deal - at least she was dressed.
"Choosing the perfect brush for your hair" - you go to the drug store or Target, look at brushes, get the cheapest one, and you are done. You don't need a whole article on this!
Jessica Simpson was "sizzling" again - please, save it for the winter! Too effin hot right now!
"Uproar over Hilary Clinton's speaking fees" - just the fees? Not her deeds and not the fact that she is still not in jail and is invited to speak at college campuses instead?
"Challenges for Washington's legal pot industry" - what effin challenges? Just run a bunch of ads in New York to the tune of "come and smoke MJ legally". Challenges, my foot.
"Celebs who defy aging" - oh, please! Find me "real people" who defy aging, then we will talk.
"Delectable desserts across the U.S." - did parteigenosse Michelle approve of any of them?
If you have an extra 25 mil stashed somewhere, you can buy Heidi Klum's LA house.
And, finally, it looks like I totally mastered the art of using the coffee maker.

MORNING UPDATE - June 29, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Happy Rosh Chodesh! Ladies, please make sure to rest smile emoticon
The heat wave is on. Snow is snoozing in the shade.
Just saw a hummingbird!
Currently trending at # 2 is Hilary Clinton - because Time Magazine did a special on her with the following subtitle: "Since childhood, the former Secretary of State's Methodist beliefs have inspired public service and private devotion". I don't think they were dipping into half-legal MJ; this smells of heroin addiction - or possible lobotomy that a lot of progressives seem to have gotten.
And speaking of MJ - "Washington braces for serous pot shortage". Oh, come on, people! Just grow some more - or get from other states!
More in drug news: "Christie makes war on drugs personal" - I guess his diet has gone to his head ( and not in a good way). Just give the guy a donut and point out the really important issues.
"Kim K.'s plunging dress" - what else is new? When she does wear something that would be approved by the baptist ladies, then it will be truly shocking.
"Beyonce, Jay-Z flush Bieber mugshot at concert" - I don't even want to delve into this one.
"The essence of the modern bath" - uh, it's a place where you - how to put it delicately - bathe?
"Study: Kate Middleton Has a Perfect Nose" - you actually need to conduct a whole study on this one?!!

MORNING UPDATE - April 4, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's raining again - but still not bad, so I can wear my flippies.
Sniff got his usual maggot-in-the-brain attack around 5 am this morning (as opposed to the usual 9-10 am), and ended up waking me up while doing his crazy horse routine around my head, my bed, and my night stand. George just did his normal whining for breakfast.
All three TVs were on, but silent!! YAY!!
Currently trending at #1 is Kate Gosselin - without any explanations, just a bunch of photos.
Trending at #4 is Darth Vader - who, apparently, wanted to become a president of Ukraine. Alas, Ukraine does not want him - bummer, as he is much less corrupt than their own government.
"How Mark Zuckerberg is spending his billions" - wow, he has something else to spend it on, aside from campaigning for the illegals? Nice to know.
Snooki is pregnant again - does this mean another book on pregnancy is in the works?
"Hillary Clinton on sexism" - "double standard is alive and well". Of course it is! Only hard-core feminists like her allowed to do the stuff she did to Bill's former girlfriends, and still be lionized by the feminist establishment.
Jon Hamm is also all over the net because somebody unearthed his early appearance on some kind of dating show - with bad hair! Ouch! Stop the presses - John Hamm had bad hair!!!
Coffee this morning in a disposable cup from an overpriced bagel shop next to the blissfully quiet laundromat.

MORNING UPDATE - OCTOBER 16

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Today is a bit cloudy, but still warm - yay! George eats dietary dry food - as long as it's fresh by his exacting standards. Sniff continues to amuse us by occasionally eating with his paw. He also decided that Baby Bro's room is still better than mine and spends a lot of his sleeping time there.
The minds of Hussein's supporters are interesting and terrifying places to visit.
Observing some parents is scary as well, just in a different way.
Yesterday was, apparently, National Grouch Day - man, and I missed all the festivities!
Currently trending at #7 is Jon Cryer - because he and Ashton Kutcher are currently the highest paid actors on TV. Well, figures - working on a raunchy, misogynistic, and just plain disgusting sitcom pays! The usual suspects, otherwise known as self-proclaimed protectors of women's rights, are, of course, silent. However, Linda Carter had to defend her portrayal of the Superwoman because that WAS offensive to feminists.
Ivanka Trump did not keep her fans in suspense and shared her baby's pictures right away - thanks, Ivanka! Considering how many other concerns people have in their daily lives, at least this one was alleviated immediately; of course, now the interested parties will engage in the discussions as to whom the kid resembles most, so, never mind.
Kim K.'s ex-husband auctioned off the engagement ring - sniff; he also got much less for the dratted piece of jewelry than is was worth - double sniff.
Hillary Clinton was "slapped" with a parking ticket in London - pffffft! Also, considering her track record, I don't think she will end up paying it.
The next target in the war on drugs will be Oreo cookies - because they are as addictive as cocaine. I think we officially lost the right to make fun of superstitious inhabitants of the Middle Ages - I mean, we are "waging a war" on cookies, for pete's sake!
And, finally, it looks like Will and Kate were a bit naughty in their second year of college when they were sharing an apartment - because the landlady had to break the "no boys" rule.
Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Bag mug with the 7 Dwarfs.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 30

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather was actually nice enough to sleep without a/c - but it's warming up again. Sniff went back to his waiting by the bathroom door routine. This morning they already had a chance to fight over breakfast, and are not snoozing - George on my bed, and Sniff on top of the rucksack. 
Was too lazy to go up to check on the progress of the incinerator battle - but very tempted to add some oil to the fire.
J. Lo is celebrating her 44th birthday - gosh, had it been so long already?
In the news of fashion - Kelly Osbourne wore shoes with heels looking like ice cream cones; does she like ice cream that much?!
"Sharon Stone reveals how aging changed her" - thanks, I really don't need the details.
Clintons are "upset" by being compared to Wiener's scandal and Hil is trying to "distance" herself - no honor among thieves, I see.
US border patrol agents found pot on Bieber's tour bus - but there are no indications that it's his.
And the latest rave on the royal baby is his upcoming christening - wonder if it would correspond with some kind of muslim rioting.
Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 11

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is New York summer, @#%&!
Feline companions are doing their usual extra sleeping - this time in Baby Bro's room. Also, Sniff has no sense of self-preservation - his battle wound was fresh once again last night.
According to my intelligence sources, CVS stores in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts no longer offer tobacco for sale, only the smocking secession products - did Bloomberg get to them as well?
Someone actually bought a 30 seconds ad sport on CBS; the ad was against Obamacare - nice job!
Khloe Kardashian is trending at #1 right now because she was defending her hubby after his recent dust-up with paparazzi - aw, how wifely and domestic of her!
Yet another hairdo made the news - this time it was none other than our dear Hilary Rodham Clinton! Well, the cut itself is a great improvement over what she had before, but she still looks butt ugly - and it has nothing to do with her physical features.
According to Laura Prepon, her former co-stars Mila and Ashton would definitely get married - let's hope Ashton is not going to cheat on Mila after they walk down the isle.
A dude in Tennessee got robbed after an attractive woman showed up and wanted to skinny dip in his pool - I hate to say it, but if it ain't broke, why change it? It worked from the beginning of time and still delivers.
A Saudi princess living in California was arrested for human trafficking - why the hell was she living in Orange County and not Riyadh?
And, finally, it looks like Will wants to break the official protocol and call his grandma on an encrypted phone line as soon as the baby is born, instead of the usual complicated rigmarole - this is what comes out of marrying a commoner.
Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass.