MORNING UPDATE - MARCH 20

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Happy First Day of Spring! I think Phil got scared a bit, and the weather improved - well, at least it's sunny. The crazy upstairs is quiet again for the second day - I think the medication is working. Georgie is slumbering in the cat house - gorgeous ginger sphinx. Sniffles got me a bit worried yesterday as he appeared to be under the weather - upon which he decided to prove me wrong by running around the apartment for the next 2 hours like a demented stag, and this morning created an almighty stir in the kitchen by dropping the hot water urn from the top of the fridge (no urns, cats, humans, or fridge magnets were hurt). My personal fave: the "assault weapons" ban failed - eat that, Feinstein! This morning the public was offered to see Lindsay Lohan's mugshot #6 - thanks, but no thanks. The lawsuit against Dr. Oz is trending at #3 right now: the good doctor is being sued by "a New Jersey man who claims that an insomnia cure promoted on The Dr. Oz Show resulted in third-degree burns on his feet" - and here I thought all the fatsos finally organized and sued his butt off for calling us the biggest threat to US national security. At #5: "The state Department of Natural Resources will shot down one of Wisconsin's nude beaches on weekdays to reduce illicit activities taking place on the sandbar and in nearby woods" - duh!! What do you expect next to a nude beach - evangelical choir practices? And at #1: "Ashley Judd Wows in Teal Dress at Olympus Has Fallen Premier" - earth-shattering indeed to deserve the first spot! The new Pope likes informality: so when he made his first call to Vatican, the receptionist thought it was a prank and answered something to the tune of "yes, and I am Napoleon"; I sort of feel sorry for the dude (the receptionist, not the Pope). Interesting news from Greece (no, not the austerity or banking collapse): one of their islands brews some kind of special coffee that promotes longevity. I don't care about any kind of methods, special or otherwise: cook the brew and pass it around - it might even protect us from Obamacare. Tina Fey decided to make fun of Sarah Palin once again - what's wrong, Tina? EW did not mention you for the last month or two? 30 Rock ended? What exactly prompted this need to once again revive your career by making fun of somebody smarter and better than you? And this just in: "Justin Bieber vs. Selena Gomez: Fans Takes Sides After 'Letterman' Diss"! And once again: they deserved each other and their idiotic fans. We, on the other hand, do not deserve such huge bunch of moronic teenagers. The latest from Kardashians: "Whoa! Look How Big Kid Kardashian's Baby Bump Has Got This Week!" Once more, spare me! Kate Middleton's uncle Gary gave an interview to the Hello magazine, claiming, among other things, that when he first met William, he thought that Will and Kate would make a great couple - I guess the local Jewish chevra can persuade him to moonlight as a shadchan. His happily pregnant niece, meanwhile, took a short trip on the tube together with her grandma-in-law. Kate was also given a pin that says "Baby on Board", which, apparently, preggos are encouraged to wear on the tube so that the decent peeps will know for sure that the dudess is pregnant and not fat, and would give up their seat - nice thought, that. Wondering if it really works in London - a city overrun by barbarians as much as our fair city of New York. Coffee this morning in my huge Disney Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - MARCH 6

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is blah again, and tonight it is supposed to snow, hell take it! Today I glanced at the calendar and realized that I did not claim my February freeby from Godiva - again, damn it! Today Sniffles decided to show his chutzpah and sat on my desk - smack dab on my laptop! The crazy upstairs is silent again. The left's war on women and their constitutional rights rages on - no peep from my learned and open-minded friends and acquaintances on the left and in the center. The Venezuelan Dictator, excuse me President, cocked his toes yesterday, assisted by (no doubt) oh-so-superior-to-ours socialized medicine in Cuba. It did not take long for his successor to accuse USA of killing their Dear Leader - as I said yesterday, I am only waiting for him to insert the Jews in the story somehow. Needless to say, Sean Penn and Oliver Stone are in mourning. Also, yesterday, while browsing on youtube, I accidentally came upon the trailer for the new movie called Olympus Fallen - where White House is taken by North Korean terrorists and Morgan Freeman plays the Speaker of the House in charge of the bad situation - news flash, Morgan! The White House is already occupied by a terrorist - the one you supported. And now, to more important stuff: Jessica Simpson recently admitted that her second pregnancy is very different from the first. She has no energy and her favorite snack is Tums; but her fiance still can't keep his hands off her - all of this breathtaking information is currently trending at #6, by the way. And at #8 - Holly Madison had a baby girl! Mazal Tov - and thank Gd it's now, and not in the summer! Speaking of summer babies - it looks like Kate mumbled something that might be interpreted as if she is having a girl - which got English public riled, exited, and overwhelmed to no end. In the news of fashion: Rihanna was modeling the jeans from her new collection with which some arbiters of fashion did not automatically fall in love - and this time I tend to agree with them. In the same column: Tina Fey was photographed in her one-piece retro polka dot bathing suit - which incident she described as a nightmare. Tina, my heart officially bleeds borsch for you. Also in fashion: Selena Gomez "vamps up" - which basically means that she decided to ditch her Disney image and dress "hotter". And speaking of her former boyfriend: Bieber will not be fined for showing 2 hours late to his concert. Would be interesting to see how ordinary people could pull this one off by showing two hours late for work and escaping with just an apology and no penalty of any kind. Coffee this morning in my Disney Mini Bean Plush mug with the 7 Dwarfs.