MORNING UPDATE, June 30, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! It's hot again. Snow jumped over the neighbor's fence - to eat her rival's Friskies?
Idiot-proof stuff eludes me - after being unable to remember how to make videos on my camera, switched the phone to camera mode. Now have to take pictures with camera only as still don't remember how to switch to video, and use the phone for videos only as unable to figure out how to switch back to pictures.
Currently trending at # 1 is Kendall Jenner - because it looks like she was drinking at her sister's Khloe birthday party. Big deal - at least she was dressed.
"Choosing the perfect brush for your hair" - you go to the drug store or Target, look at brushes, get the cheapest one, and you are done. You don't need a whole article on this!
Jessica Simpson was "sizzling" again - please, save it for the winter! Too effin hot right now!
"Uproar over Hilary Clinton's speaking fees" - just the fees? Not her deeds and not the fact that she is still not in jail and is invited to speak at college campuses instead?
"Challenges for Washington's legal pot industry" - what effin challenges? Just run a bunch of ads in New York to the tune of "come and smoke MJ legally". Challenges, my foot.
"Celebs who defy aging" - oh, please! Find me "real people" who defy aging, then we will talk.
"Delectable desserts across the U.S." - did parteigenosse Michelle approve of any of them?
If you have an extra 25 mil stashed somewhere, you can buy Heidi Klum's LA house.
And, finally, it looks like I totally mastered the art of using the coffee maker.

MORNING UPDATE - FEBRUARY 4, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The horrendous effect of anthropogenic global warming continue to plague our fair city (incidentally, FB does not recognize the word "anthropogenic" - oh, the irony!). Yours truly also continues to impress - yesterday a woman in Greenwich Village was horrified upon gazing at my bare calves towering over my Hot Socks and Baby Bro's snow boots.
Also, students do not make good snow plowers.
George continues to show signs of his OCD by refusing to drink from his fountain unless it is full to the brim. Sniff continues to demolish my hot pink flippies.
Heidi Murkoff also wrote a book called something like What to Expect When Mommy is Expecting a Baby - did not yet have a chance to see the sales records on this one. Fergie (the former princess, not the singer) wrote a children's book against bullying.
Currently trending at #8 is Britney Spears - because she met up with Lady Gaga in Vegas. Nevada's latest freak show, Harry Reid non-withstanding?
"Gwen Stefani's 'chunky' teeth photo irks fans" - wow, the problems some people have.
Miley Cyrus "wants to let girls know it's OK to be themselves" - really?!!!!
"Scary things caffeine can do to your body" - not as scary as the results of listening to this constant rigmarole.
According to the latest poll, DC is #10 of "the least religious" states in the country - really? Somebody needs to check their raw data - because no way are there 9 states that can beat DC in this area.
Kathy Ireland was proclaimed the #1 of SI swimsuit models, with Kate Upton at #2 and Heidi Klum at #5 - gentlemen, let the battle of opinions begin!
And, finally, rumor has it that The Queen wants Kate to "tone it down a bit" (meaning her wardrobe), but, as Kate's style "already evolved", the point seems to be moot - lady, with all due respect, just concentrate on really important stuff, like maybe Kate's papa in law.
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the new version.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 7

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's rainy, yuk-y, and blah-y - well, it's November. According to Baby Bro, Jews have only themselves to blame for this weather, as have been praying for rain three times a day for the past month and a half.
Sniff is extremely amusing to observe during his food consumption. George got yet another nice box - this time from Brawny paper towels.
Yesterday dude came all bunched up and prepared for an altercation as he asked for the new Rush Limbaugh book - little did he know 
Crazy upstairs got another competition from somewhere else upstairs in the form of incessant banging.
Breaking News! Both Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lawrence cut their hair! Stop the presses, ladies and gents!
"Kate Upton knocks off Kate Middleton look" - as it had nothing to do with "jiggling" breasts, Upton looked simply ridiculous. Sports Illustrated did not comment one way or another.
FDA, eager to prove that they are pretty essential, came back in full steam and banned the trans fats - thanks, guys and gals! What would we do without your wise guidance as to what we are supposed to put or not put inside us?!
"Supperrich Klum drives modest car" - she is not a guy, for pete's sake!
"Marvel comics introduces Muslim superhero" - suicide belt not included.
Some enterprising soul bought Napoleon's will for half a million bucks - interesting investment of money.
Our esteemed Vice President congratulated the wrong person on being a mayor-elect of Boston - since when is this news? If, on the other hand, he would have called the right person - that would be front-page material.
"Bieber allegedly filmed sleeping by girl in Brazil" - what is so film-worthy in any adult sleeping, especially Bieber?!!
And, finally, speaking of hair, there was a whole article dedicated to Tom Brady's "hair evolution" - oh, give me a break! Now we are interested in the guy's hair?!!
Coffee this morning in my funky glass Cappuccino mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 10

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is usual for the beginning of the hurricane season, even though this is New York and not Miami.
Feline companions are sleeping for a change - on my bed and in the cat house respectively. They also got a new box yesterday and fought a bit about the ownership of the said box. Final tally - George got the box, and Sniff got a chance to sleep on my bed. His latest battle wounds, acquired last week, are finally showing the signs of healing.
Cozi TV is running 40 Pounds of Trouble, which, in case you did not see it, is one of these 50's movies that makes you yearn for the good old times of innocence and also wonder how it would be made if it was produced today. I suspect that it would be some kind of "gritty" drama about pedophiles in the gambling establishment as opposed to the original story about a little girl who ended up stranded in the casino and the entire staff fell in love with her and took care of her (with blatant health code and union rules violations).
Shift dresses work best for any kind of figure - duh! You just figured that one out?
Cynthia Rowley came up with a new bracelet: for a mere 225 USDs you can have a piece of costume jewelry that doubles as an alcohol flask! Can she now come up with a bracelet that can double as a mini Kindle with a book or two or ten for the next wedding reception I would be obliged to attend?
Heidi Klum's "racy" billboards were banned in LA due to nudity - wow, who the heck woke up over there?
Kris Jenner does not want to be called Grandmother because it sound a bit "funky" to her - yea, she is right; she and her progeny are beyond funky.
Stacy Keibler, Clooney's latest ex, apparently got more Hollywood cred while being his girlfriend, so, that is probably the reason women are eager to date that jerk.
"Obama 'Broccoligate" Kerfuffle Sparks Mockery" - just savor this one!
Justin Bieber's new "prank" - peeing in a bucket inside a nightclub. If I was a club owner, I would simply make him mop the entire club using this bucket - after, of course, he would have thoroughly disinfected it.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 9

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Triple H once again - blessed July in New York! Ladies, I hope that you had a fantastic Rosh Chodesh yesterday and did not burden yourselves with too much housework. As we are in the middle of 9 days, your husbands were excused from giving you the requisite presents.
Feline companions declared detente and are trying to keep to their respective corners and ignore each other as much as possible - but Sniff is constantly tempted to brake the truce and go on the offensive.
Emma Watson revealed in a recent interview that when she was a child, she took her inspiration from Emma Bunton, aka Baby Spice - and so the chain continues.
"Heidi Klum debuts superfrizzy hairstyle" - well, it is summer, and a lot of women I know complain of frizzy hair during the summer, so, maybe Heidi wants to become one with the masses?
Brad Pitt is, apparently, jealous of Matt Damon, because Damon can walk his kids to school (as his wife is not a famous actress), and Pitt (who is shacked up with a very famous one), can't - aw, poor baby! My heart bleeds borsch for his plight - and my head hurts when I remember how many morons actually think that anything this jackass says is worthy of listening to, never mind repeating.
George Clooney broke up with his latest girlfriend - oh, come one! The dude declared time and again that he is a confirmed bachelor and does not believe in long-term relationships, so what kind of airhead would want to be with him to begin with? Ah, why am I asking - after all, there are plenty of dunces from both sexes who actually think that he is a talented actor and a handsome guy.
Princess Beatrice (Will and Harry's cousin) claimed that she loved Harry Potter books so much that it helped her overcome her dyslexia - another muggle rescued by Harry's magic.
Bieber's mother is worried about his bad behavior - duh!
And, finally, Kate and Will's baby got an official royal title - let the kid appear in peace, for goodness sake, then worry about the names and the titles.
Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass - yes, I know, sacrilege galore!

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 5

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's July in New York, so triple H till after Labor Day, eff it!
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual routine, plus there are some strange noises coming down besides the usual vacuum roar.
A sign that you are living a a ghetto - men in undershirts walking in and out of your building.
George, as usual, came in to snuggle, to be petted, and also to lick and nibble. Sniffles and I had a staring contest in between him staring outside through the hole in the blinds he made for himself earlier this year.
Eva Longoria joins a list of celebs dating a younger man - which I profoundly don't care about, as long as she stays away from fighting for the civil rights of illegals.
"Heidi Klum shares patriotic July 4th bikini shot" - if this passes for patriotism, this country is in huge trouble.
Here are the 10 most wonted airport amenities: "1. Cinema 2. Sleep pod 3. Library 4. Park 5. Vanity area 6. Kids play area 7. Pool 8. Gym 9. Man-made beach 10. Bikes " People, you get to watch the movie on the plane, you can schlepp your own reading materials, you don't need beaches, but all of us really need TSA to disappear!
Dude decided to run a mile in 129 degree heat wearing a Darth Vader suit - all for seeing the shocked looks on people's faces. No comment.
Babies born on the same date with Kate's baby will receive a special commemorative coin in a blue or pink pouch - I wonder how many of those would survive till kids' graduations.
Coffee this morning in my white glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 25

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is triple H once again - summer is here. George was hunting for the birds outside of one window earlier today, and Sniffles was investigating the view from the other one. Now they are both sleeping in my room in the usual spots: George on my bed, and Sniff in the cat house.
The crazy upstairs was especially diligent today.
The Food Network and Cablevision still can't synchronize their computers: the display claims that it's Paula Deen's show, when in reality it's someone else. Also, it's interesting to watch Giada doing summery cocktails on a fast day.
Monica Lewinsky is trending at #1 right now: her lingerie, letters from Slick Willie, and other souvenirs of their affair are being auctioned off! "Look, honey, look what I got! It's Monica's black negligee! Do you think it's going to fit you?" And I am sure, being that Clinton was a Rhodes scholar, that his letters were rivaling Shakespeare's sonnets and should really be preserved for posterity and future literary studies.
Heidi Klum is slowly working on removing her ex's name tat on her arm - you have his kids, genius! What does a tattoo matter?
Miley Syrus is sending threatening tweets to her dad - because we did not know enough of their family's secrets.
A video is going viral showing a gorilla who had enough of idiots yelling and making faces at her in the zoo, so she made a face back - good for the primate!
"Khloe Kardashian's Teal Nails - Get the Look" - thanks, but, no thanks.
According to Kris Jenner, Kim's daughter North is happy and healthy - of course she is! She is a baby and does not know yet what wonderful parents she is stuck with.
"Justin Bieber Banned From Indoor Skydiving Facility In Las Vegas" - I don't even want to know what he did to deserve this honor.
No coffee today as it's fast day.