MORNING UPDATE - April 2, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! It is a whole 44 degrees outside! Almost swimsuit weather! 
Sniff decided that sleeping in the middle of my bed is fun and worth being kicked repeatedly. I, on the other hand, have to sleep diagonally as he also hugs my blanket. George continues to hunt on my window.
Yesterday a pair of unshot aging hippies politely asked me for Jane Fonda's new book - really hope my face said all I could not say. On the other hand, some enterprising soul decided to make a whole picture book out of Kipling's poem If - so now we have another very un-PC book in that section.
Currently trending at # 7 is Rosie O'Donnell - because she is going to get an honorary Tony award. Poor Rosie - not even a real Tony!
According to Emma Watson, "fashion industry is 'dangerously' unhealthy" - well, duh! What a profound and original statement!
Meanwhile, in rural Brazil there is a wild hunt for "a new Giselle" - one is enough, thank you very much!
"Trump rallies against gun control in New York" - thank you, Donald! Once in a blue moon you still tend to be useful.
"Justin Bieber DUI case on brink of plea deal" - oh, what a relieve!
And, finally, Kate was "spotted" buying baby clothes for Georgie at the Gap - Kate, their quality if not what is used to be, unfortunately.
Coffee this morning in my personalized mug from Hershey.

MORNING UPDATE - February 6, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's freezing again outside, but at least the sun is shining. Sniff keeps trying to join Baby Bro for a smoking break. Yesterday he also wanted to help us unload groceries from the car, and later Sniff and George both played mashgichim for the pantry packing.
Recently got another costumer who for some insane reason thought I would love to hear her talk in Russian.
Currently trending at #2 is Brad Pitt - whose latest family photos with Angelina and the brood we are privileged to see if we so desire; I personally don't.
Trending at #8 is Dwayne Johnson as he is beginning to shoot "new TNT reality series" - sometimes I am grateful that at present I don't have TNT.
Emma Watson painted a "stunning self portrait" - as long as she stays out of politics, I don't care what else she does with her free time.
"Not all of the bathrooms in Sochi are awful" - that headline alone is priceless.
"Even Walmart is too pricey for some Americans" - once again, comrade Hussein, thank you for that!
Selena Gomez spent 2 weeks in rehab for "emotional trauma" - aw, poor little famous brat! When the rest of us suffer from "emotional trauma", we still have to wake up every morning and carry on as if nothing happened.
"Valentine's gifts you definitely won't get this year" - how in blazed do you know what I will and won't get?
"Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen trade harsh words" - I wish both of them would just go away, but I know it's not going to happen any time soon.
"How to watch Olympics" - well, you pick up your remote control, put the TV and cable box on, find the channel that broadcasts it, and watch.
"The most frequently overlooked tax breaks" - not crossing the current administration must top the list.
"Justin Bieber parties on" - gee, what a surprise!
Coffee this morning in my huge Disney Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - SEPTEMBER 15

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Shana Tova! The weather rocks! I hope your Yom Kippur was as uplifting as mine. Here is to hoping for a fantastic, happy, healthy, sweet, blessed, prosperous, and peaceful year! In honor of the last High Holidays before Rabbi Cohen's retirement, our congregation had a whole hour and a half break before Mussaf and Mincha!! 
Sniff slept with me for the past two nights, which is pretty unusual for him; but then he would transfer into the cat house towards the morning and greet me with his usual "I am the master, puny human" look. George got a whole bunch of wet food and is getting even whinier in his old age. Right now he is taking a quiet bath on my bed.
One of my idiot barbarian neighbours is cooking bones - welcome to the hood.
Happy Anniversary to my family! Today makes 25 years on the Hebrew calendar of our arrival to this blessed country in the smoking compartment of the Pan Am flight from Rome. Thank you, Father, for this blessing!
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is currently trending at #1 because she started at Fox and claims that it "feels like home" - well, duh!
Emma Watson's hairdo is in the news again - this time it's a "fresh take on a classic bob" and one of the "must-have looks for fall"; thanks, but I am staying with my present hairdo.
"Aniston dares in strapless dress" - wow, what a heart-stopping headline! But why is this news? It's not like it's the first time she put on a strapless dress...just saying.
Bieber was "spotted with a brunette" who is supposed to be a singer who is supposed to have been his girlfriend before Selena - I wonder by what moniker he went before Jelena.
"Krispy Kreme changes its doughnut strategy" - how about to just coming to New York, for starters?
And, finally, there was a speculation about Kate's hair - are they naturally curly or not; the conclusion was that, yes, they are. People must have really boring lives.
Coffee this morning in my funky clear glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 9

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Triple H once again - blessed July in New York! Ladies, I hope that you had a fantastic Rosh Chodesh yesterday and did not burden yourselves with too much housework. As we are in the middle of 9 days, your husbands were excused from giving you the requisite presents.
Feline companions declared detente and are trying to keep to their respective corners and ignore each other as much as possible - but Sniff is constantly tempted to brake the truce and go on the offensive.
Emma Watson revealed in a recent interview that when she was a child, she took her inspiration from Emma Bunton, aka Baby Spice - and so the chain continues.
"Heidi Klum debuts superfrizzy hairstyle" - well, it is summer, and a lot of women I know complain of frizzy hair during the summer, so, maybe Heidi wants to become one with the masses?
Brad Pitt is, apparently, jealous of Matt Damon, because Damon can walk his kids to school (as his wife is not a famous actress), and Pitt (who is shacked up with a very famous one), can't - aw, poor baby! My heart bleeds borsch for his plight - and my head hurts when I remember how many morons actually think that anything this jackass says is worthy of listening to, never mind repeating.
George Clooney broke up with his latest girlfriend - oh, come one! The dude declared time and again that he is a confirmed bachelor and does not believe in long-term relationships, so what kind of airhead would want to be with him to begin with? Ah, why am I asking - after all, there are plenty of dunces from both sexes who actually think that he is a talented actor and a handsome guy.
Princess Beatrice (Will and Harry's cousin) claimed that she loved Harry Potter books so much that it helped her overcome her dyslexia - another muggle rescued by Harry's magic.
Bieber's mother is worried about his bad behavior - duh!
And, finally, Kate and Will's baby got an official royal title - let the kid appear in peace, for goodness sake, then worry about the names and the titles.
Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass - yes, I know, sacrilege galore!

MORNING UPDATE - JULY 7

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a great week! 
It's triple H again, @#%&!
A half-naked old dude was walking under my window earlier spaying something - I assume the bushes, which management planted last year trying to make this place look better.
The battle for sovereignty over our place continues between George and Sniff. Yesterday George re-established his mastery over the top of the bookshelf, which now joins my bed and the cat house on the list of places Sniff can only visit when George is not there.
How many beauty products is Guthy Renker making already? At least 3 infomercials at the same time, and at least 2 infomercials for juicers - interesting, that.
Emma Watson claims that she is in love with Britain and does not want to live in LA - lady, you can travel all you want for work, make airlines happier, and be another proponent of healthy environment who leaves a healthy carbon footprint. You can also exert yourself and speak up against the vicious invaders that are killing everything that is good about Britain - at an alarming rate.
Solange Knowles is currently trending at #1 because she and her dear sister Beyonce did not show up for their dad's wedding - classy yet again.
Nigella's hubby wants a divorce because she did not defend him after pictures of him grabbing her neck in a public place were making headlines - duh! You are trying to choke your wife in a public place, and she is supposed to defend you?
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez reunited on the 4th of July, after which Bieber twitted about "great night" - what kind of idiot pills is Jelena taking anyway?
Aniston's make up artist "revealed" her secrets - I think she did that in Glamour about 4 yeas ago, but who is counting anyway.
And, finally, the paparazzi are lining up in front of London's St. Mary's hospital in anticipation of the royal baby's arrival - gosh, these people are worse than the Star Wars fans, even if they are being paid for it (supposedly).
Coffee this morning in my black glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 27

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is - well, it's summer in New York, hell damn fart!
Sniff was running around last night - which he stopped doing since the beginning of the heat wave. He also got a new box - courtesy of Amazon selling 36 rolls of toilet paper (no need to worry about local barbarians stealing it). So, this morning Sniff was familiarizing himself with the new toy. And now both of them are sleeping in my room in their usual designated spots.
Someone finally switched the TV in our laundromat from ABC to Nick Jr. - and as much as Nick Jr. is a bunch of stupidity, the ability of not seeing the moronettes on the View is vastly appealing.
According to Ina, you can't make meringues in rainy or humid weather - it's sunny and clear, ladies! Let's make meringues! Because that's the first thought that pops into your mind on sunny and clear day!
Happy Birthday, Dobby! I wish your spirit would rub off on people from my step-mama country who can't appreciate the freedom they were granted!
Emma Watson claims that she owns only 8 pair of shoes - give me a break! Even I have that much! That stunning revelation, by the way, came after Emma was supposedly shocked when she saw the contents of Paris Hilton's closet. Who cares about the contents of either of their closets?!!!
Gwyneth Paltrow is trending at #3 because she was "flaunting" her "hot body" in "sexy lingerie" - at least she was not advising anyone on government policy.
Stanford, CA was proclaimed the smartest city in the US - New York did not make the list. But what surprises me the most is that any place from California made it on this list to begin with.
Kristen Bell proposed to the father of her baby via Twitter - aw, how sweet! Apparently, she could only do that after DOMA "was struck down" - what is it, another idiocy a la Brad Pitt?
Kris Jenner showed the picture of baby Kim, and even haters have to agree that she was an adorable baby - almost all babies are adorable, idiots! Unfortunately, that rarely translates into adulthood.
A farmer in Washington is feeding his pigs pot - the craving for bacon among some of the people I know just intensified 
Justin Bieber's monkey is about to be released from quarantine in the German Zoo - unfortunately, the Bieber itself not quarantined from the general population.
And, finally, the renovations on Kensington Palace that were done in anticipation of Kate's baby cost British taxpayers around 1.5 million bucks - hum, Brits, if you think that's a lot of lettuce, do you want to exchange? We could send you Hussein and Michelle, and you can send them on vacations, and we will pay for Will and Kate's house.
Coffee this morning in my white glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 26

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! We are officially experiencing the first heat wave of the summer - @#%&! 
Yesterday I realized that one of my dear pets scratched my face while I was sleeping - George is the likely suspect since he spends more time on my bed, but Sniff is not off the hook either. Last night George again slept with me, while Sniff slept on my office chair. Now they are sleeping again - George on my bed, and Sniff in the cat house.
Food Network and Cablevision finally fixed up their computers, so they don't say that there is Paula Deen on when in reality it's someone else. Also, they (Food Network) claim that after you open a bottle of wine, you really have to finish it within a day, or it will go bad - I guess they never visited my house.
ION keeps showing Mercury Rising - curioser and curiouser.
Emma Watson claimed that she did not really realized how famous she was till she went to college - she needed a college education for that? Wow!
Snooki is sharing her workout photos with us - thank you, I will skip.
Miley claims her wedding plans are still on - good luck to you, and especially to any and all progeny!
"Celebrities with half-shaved heads" - another one I really don't need to see.
"Haircuts that work best for round faces" - just ask my sister to give you a cut, or go to my hairdresser in Midtown.
A crazy couple in Connecticut could not settle on a name for their unborn baby, so they asked costumers in local Starbucks - the result beat North West by a long shot.
And, finally, "Kate Middleton is being called on to breast feed the royal baby to set an example for new moms everywhere" - idiots galore.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 17

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is once again in triple H, darn it - well, summer is here.
George came in to snuggle this morning, and this time he decided not to groom me in the manner of all felines; instead, he wanted to play my secretary and answer the phone that was blaring from the night stand. Sniffles was taking the air on the window sill in the kitchen and giving us his usual glance of utter disdain. One look at him and I postulated that that was probably the precise pose and look that made the ancient Egyptians start worshiping cats; Baby Bro was in complete agreement.
Ina was making some kind of mouth-watering porterhouse with another chef in California. After grilling it they "bathed" it in clarified butter with garlic and herbs!
ION is showing Mercury Rising once again - I wonder if they are doing it just because, or in the spirit of current events (not that that was a profound movie or anything).
Second of five things you did not know about Emma Watson: she was the youngest person (at 15) to ever appear on the cover of Teen Vogue - another magnificent piece of historical trivia without which your life simply won't be complete.
Kim Kardashian is trending at #3 for the obvious reasons, but no additional news on the baby - millions of fans biting their nails in anticipation!
Channing Tatum, on the other hand, just shared the pictures of his baby daughter - oodles of satisfied fans on this front.
In the news of fashion: "Bjork outdoes Swan Dress" - with a head dress that completely blows, in my estimation! Plus, I kind of dug the swan dress too.
Justin Bieber won big in some kind of awards - more girlfriends for him?
Kate attended Queen's birthday parade in pink, which to people in the know meant that she was saying her baby is a girl - ah, the profound things in life people are concerned with!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING REPORT - JUNE 16

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there! The weather is a bit iffy, but not bad. Sniff keeps trying to escape the apartment and explore the hallway; George was trying to hunt some birds earlier today.
The Singing Slavs disappointed us last night and did not perform as scheduled.
The news of monumental proportions - Kim K. gave birth to her daughter yesterday! No details available yet, aside from the fact that the baby supposedly looks like her mommy and her name will begin with K; the hard-core fans usually come equipped with a lot of patience, so, they will wait for the rest of the information as it comes along.
Second important piece of news: Jennifer Connelly's hair are now shoulder length - well, she does look a bit younger with the new style. In the same vein - blonde is not Olivia Wilde's best look.
Pope blessed hundreds of Harleys this morning - interesting. So now we should stop calling the bikers "organ donors"?
Among the things "you don't know about Emma Watson" is the fact that she was born on April 15 in Paris and lived in France till the age of 5 - congratulations! You just learned a very important bit of historical trivia.
Paris Jackson hates Justin Bieber - aw, poor Justin!
And, finally, Kate does seem to be enjoying some quite time.
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 12

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather rocks! 
Happy 25th Anniversary to my family! Gd bless USA and the memory of Ronald Reagan!
And, now, to weightier matters.
Feline companions are enjoying the good weather - they are less sleepy and more aggressive. George also became more vocal (it that is possible) since he re-acquainted himself with wet food - the requests are frequent and very loud. Sniffles is much less demanding - at least in this area. For now they have divided the spheres of influence in Baby Bro's room: Sniff is on his bed, and George is in the huge Amazon box.
Godiva send me a reminder about upcoming Father's Day - they are obviously not that familiar with my dad and his personal taste in chocolate if they are seriously suggesting I buy some of their stuff for him.
Emma Watson "stole the show" in a low cut dress - spare me. If any female celebrity "steals the show" dressed like a Mormon or a lady from PB, that would be news; this is not.
Heidi Klum is currently trending at #3 because of her drunken argument with a boyfriend - already? I guess the bliss did not last that long.
Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer finally revealed the names of their twins after 10 months! Their poor fans! And here I thought that the few days it took for the Tatum's fans to find out about his baby were hard!
"Snooki's Most Elegant Look" - here is an oxymoron for you.
"Surprisingly useful things to do with vodka" - don't embarrass yourselves, people! You just figured those out?!! Russians have known it for centuries!
Justin Bieber was caught flirting with Miley Cyrus - I guess the Jelena is over once again. What would it be now? Melena? Cyber? Jumi? The possibilities are endless.
"Even the hermit who spent 27 years alone can't escape the Kardashians" - ouch!
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug - in honor of the magnificent weather 

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 11

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather seems to be improving, but still threatening with rains. Yesterday Baby Bro casually asked if it actually rained for about 40 days now and maybe he should start building something or other.
The owner of the fangs that left impressions in my arm Saturday night still did not come forward. Yesterday, as I was about to go to bed, Sniff, unlike George, did not come in to snuggle; instead he decided to run around like a horse and yowl loudly. He also got cat's tuna today - thankfully, without the adverse effects of human tuna.
Crazy upstairs is not only up to her usual tricks, but it sounds like they are moving furniture - in the morning as well as around 1:30 am; well, strictly speaking, that's also morning.
Melissa is making tabbouleh with Israeli couscous - her husband is from France; doesn't she know that it's dangerous to irritate our dear first cousins?
Godiva sent me a reminder about this month's as of yet unclaimed freebies - ah, how sweet! (pun not intended)
Emma Watson is "gracing" the cover of the latest issue of W in "old glamour" shot - funny, I don't remember old glamour shots with just a jacket.
Amy Adams departed from her "conservative" style at the premiere of "Man of Steel" - translation: she put on black dress with lace and "peekaboo details" in the back.
Katy Perry also made into the news of fashion and also with black: she showed up in goth-channeling ensemble.
"14 "Game of Thrones' insults" - I really prefer Shakespeare, but hey, that's what you get with proud products of our educational system.
In suburban Atlanta a monument erected there about a year ago and dedicated to parteigenosse Michelle's ancestor was toppled - I guess average rednecks got tired of the cult of personality.
7 odd things that thieves love to steal: Bibles, pregnancy tests, Nutella, hair extensions, high end vacuum cleaners, energy drinks and Tide! Feel free to compose a limerick in order to make sense of this. The whole list makes me laugh, especially Bibles. Come to think of it, Nutella, Tide, and preggo tests also take the cake.
And, finally, gamblers are betting big bucks on Kate's baby - sex, hair color, names; but, most importantly, will it come before or after Kim K.'s baby. And people tell me I that I have no life!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 7

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's pouring outside - but, thank Gd, no triple H! Feline companions are not very happy about the weather, though, and sleep more than usual. George dragged the confiscated from Claudio and recently re-discovered mouse to my room. Sniff got into the pantry again and re-sniffed all the cans there. The crazy upstairs is back with a vengeance.
Happy 6th Birthday to my sweet nephew! I love you tons, my big boy!
Happy National Donut Day! Of course, my faves are not available in this here neighbourhood. But, for those concerned with the issue - I finally finished all my Godiva freebies this morning.
Emma Watson is planning to go back to Brown - everyone is waiting with baited breath and wondering if the second time would be the charm for her.
Khloe Kardashian is currently trending at #4, but I can't figure out why - ah, who cares.
"Recipe for a perfect yellow cake" - if I am not mistaken, isle 12 in Stop and Shop has Duncan Hines, and yellow cake mix is usually on sale.
The valedictorian who ripped up his approved graduation speech and said a prayer instead made the national news! They also did not forget to mention that the audience applauded, but the teachers did not look pleased - eat it, liberal hacks!
On the lighter side, another high school published a year book with a picture of a dog in it - his picture was the cutest from all the others shown.
"Putin announced split from his wife on state TV" - I know people speculate a lot on what happened, but I, frankly, don't give a flying banana.
"Hottest shoes for the summer" - if they are not comfy, I don't care how hot they are.
"Celeb Vacation Spots for Less" - I don't want to see them on ordinary days, why would I want to vacation in the same area?
"Justin Bieber Announces Latin America Tour Dates" - what would it be? Another monkey? Or maybe a rare parrot? Another swooning fit? The fans are on tenterhooks of anticipation!
Another designer, this time Roberto Cavalli, offered his two cents worth of opinion on how Kate could be dressing - he thinks she could be "bolder" in her choices.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 6

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is still rocking! George is back in his Amazon box; Sniff came in to snuggle this morning. People usually stare at my feet because I am wearing flippies in 40 degree weather, but now they are staring at the weird design, which is the result of Sniff's nibbling - thanks, kitty! Also, Baby Bro and I had a slight disagreement regarding George's full name: according to me, he is George Hamilton Borukhov; according to Baby Bro, he is either George Borukhov (as per vet's records), or he is George Ffuffikin Hamilton - I guess the decision of the judges is final, as he (George) is officially my roommate's kitty.
Emma Watson "debuts a new hair style at the movie premier" - translation: her hair is now shoulder-length.
Trending at #3: Drunk governor - Massachusetts governor admits to getting drunk after the marathon bombings. Brilliant signs of a true leader - not only being a wuss, but proudly admitting it!
Jennifer Aniston "recycled" a dress - number one - isn't recycling good? Number two - give her a break; whatever she is guilty of, I am sure that being married to Brad Pitt goes a long way towards redemption.
A woman in Duluth got horrible back pain, which resulted in a baby on the next day - she claims she had no idea she was pregnant whatsoever; plus, her hubby had a vasectomy - I guess somebody somewhere has some splainin to do, beginning with the doctor who performed that said vasectomy.
"Steal Style Ideas from Celebrities Kitchens" - thanks, but no thanks.
Daniel Radcliffe would like to have children - good luck, dude!
Justin Bieber is planing a trip to space - I thought he already came from there.
Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug - which reminds me: Central Park is beginning to look like The City By The Bay - too many men holding hands (yuk and barf).

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 5

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Weather rocks once again! Last night Sniff decided that maybe it might be my week as well and came to snuggle, lick, and head butt - all, of course, while I was sleeping.
Marc Summers was talking about midnight snacks and munchies - in honor of college graduations?
Yesterday I observed a following tableau: a little boy of about 4 or 5 was walking in Central Park together with his liberal UWS daddy. He (the boy) had a piece of soft pretzel in his hand - but that was too boring. So, he started waving it in the air and yelling: "Look, daddy, this is my gun!" - take that, libtards and Bloomberg! Boys will be boys, and they love to play with guns!
Daniel Radcliffe would like to star in Star Wars - that would be an interesting battle of different nerds and crazies.
Adele is trending at #3 because Rolling Stones would like to perform together with her - again, that would be an interesting mix of differently disturbed people.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is pregnant and engaged (to the father of her future child) - mazal tov!
A dude claims to have lost 250 lb on the 99c store diet - I believe it's called semi-starvation.
Emma Watson almost had a wardrobe malfunction at the premiere of her latest movie - here is my thought: with some many clothes "malfunctions" of the stars lately, maybe it's time to rethink the clothing choices?
Among the 10 best foods for you salmon is mentioned once again - is it why it's so effin expensive?
"Katie Couric isn't as nice as you think" - yea, no joke, Sherlock! Right wingers have known this little tidbit for a while.
Amazon is expanding into online grocery business - so now we would be able to do a one stop shopping for both mind and body.
And, finally, Kate "recycled" her outfit from the Diamond Jubilee to the 60th Anniversary of coronation with a minor difference: her baby bump - oh, what a profound observation!
Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 31

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is in triple H again - and it looks like some crazies are actually enjoying it! You can also smell the hot weather - literally - on the subway.
Last night there was some kind of commotion under my windows involving running, shouts of "stop, police", radio squawking, etc. - this neighbourhood is becoming too interesting.
The crazy upstairs is doing her usual noisy deeds.
Felines are not crazy about the weather, but don't like the a/c either. Baby Bro attempted to clip their claws this morning - no success.
Emma Watson admitted to constantly feeling "inadequate" as an actress - well, she is, but then she is in good company, as most of actors and actresses today are inadequate.
Daniel Radcliffe claimed that he was a big fan of the musical Oliver while growing up and always wanted to try picking pockets - interesting, that.
Jennifer Aniston is trending at #1 as she "detailed" her yoga workout - yoga enthusiasts, feel free to chime in.
Kim Kardashain is trending at #3 because of her "swollen ugly feet" in flip flops that was considered a latest "fashion faux pas" - ah, eh, news flash! She is effin pregnant! It's hot! And preggos do get swollen feet - a lot!
There is also a suggestion of doing jumping jacks in your cubicle in lieu of coffee in order to feel more awake at work - I sometimes wonder if people writing this stuff ever held a "real" job.
Then there is a list of 10 points on how to keep your home secure - 2 points from me: get a gun and post about it on your door!
A friend of the groom at Louisiana wedding decided it would be a good idea to unleash a T-rex on the wedding party - thereby proving, once again, that men have only two stages of development: childhood and old age.
Bieber denies the latest paternity claim - no comment.
Coffee this morning in Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 26

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! The weather is sunny and breezy - enjoying it!
The Singing Slavs did not disappoint either last night or the week before: last week they were dancing on the corner by the music emanating from a parked car and rivaling in volume a 747, and last night they were singing on top of their lungs and jiggling bottles. 
My friend recommended introducing the crazy upstairs to FB, thereby eliminating the sound of her vacuum cleaner forever - a sound idea.
Feline companions continue their on again, off again battle for the new amazon box.
Emma Watson recently joked (referring to her latest movie) that she is no "pro" at the pole-dancing - a skill worthy of acquiring, I am sure.
If you are impatient to find out if Kim Kardashian is having a boy or a girl, tune in to the next episode of her show - thanks, but I think I would prefer to remain in blissful ignorance.
Apparently, there is such a thing as "Bieber Salute" - ignorant me! It consists of dear Justin pulling up his top and showing off his "washboard abs" - where is the spittoon when one needs it? Also, it looks like he got himself a new leopard print car - why specifically leopard? Why not tiger or zebra?
8 year old Zahara Jolie-Pitt is tired of her parents' smooching - she is not yet aware of the fact that that is the least of her dear parents' transgressions.
And, finally, Kate and Will are preparing a nursery that will probably be "modest" - by whose standards?
Will is also "exited" for Kate to give birth - duh!
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 22

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is approaching bla-y conditions, with intermittent rains and double H turning into triple - thank Gd for first floor apartment in the old building, with windows facing north!
Right corner of my laptop bears an unmistakable impression of the feline fangs - thanks, George! I also committed a tactical error 2 nights ago - left my ear buds on the desk overnight. Thank Gd they are still working - George, you have been a very naughty old cat indeed!
Emma Watson claims that she was watching Kardashins show in order to portray a socialite in her new movie - interesting, if completely flawed, research. 
Brad Pitt is trending at #2 right now due to being an extremely classy guy: he claims that his marriage to Aniston was "pathetic", he "got burned out" , "was wasting his opportunity" and got out - so, let me get this straight: you publicly cheat on your wife, shack up with your new squeeze, have a few kids with that one, do not propose marriage for a number of years using the most pathetic excuses, finally propose marriage, still trash your ex publicly, and then have millions of women swoon over you and consider you the sexiest man alive?! No wonder "regular" guys think that being a disgusting pig would get them "more chicks".
Trending at #6: Kim K.'s baby shower invites - I don't even want to know.
Trending at #7: Bieber threatens to sue his own party guests to the tune of 5 millions if they "snitch" - interesting hospitality laws not mentioned by Emily Post.
He is also besties with Chris Brown - they definitely deserve each other.
And, his monkey now officially belongs to the Germans - good going, krauts! Once in a blue moon you actually showed some humanity.
Finally, in Kate news: a "prominent feminist" Joan Smith "dedicated" a chapter to Kate in her latest book, claiming that she (the Duchess) is just an unambitious, bland individual, who had done nothing with her life after college but played a supporting role to her boyfriend, married him, and now gotten pregnant. Now, I understand that for any self-proclaimed feminist today just falling in love, marrying, and having children is an anathema, but I, in my tiny non-progressive brain, prefer women pursuing that as opposed to "fighting" for killing the unborn babies, defending perverts, and kissing up to the muslim invaders.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 20

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather seems to be improving, but rain still threatens. Feline companions seem to have divided the apartment into the spheres of influence, although Sniff, in a true democrat fashion, continue to break the convention.
Alton Brown was talking about meringue, and Ina was cooking something delish with cream on one side and flavored butter on the other - yum!!!
Emma Watson claims that she does not care about sex appeal - what about W cover and that over cover "channeling" Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?
Trending at #2: "Stewart Pattinson split" - poor twyhearts, the seesaw you are subjected to!
Trending at #7: "Bieber Gomez" - these ones seem to be attached for now; they were even sitting together at Billboard Awards with Taylor Swift towering over them (in more ways than one) - so, I guess what happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas, and Jelena is back on for now. Selena also "dared in diagonally slit dress" at that star-studded gala - this is what's passing for empowered woman now a day?
At the same shindig J Lo appeared in red leotard that, according to a fan's tweet, channeled a Big Red Chicken from Dora - to me she looked like a strange witchy incarnation that somehow managed to misplace her skirt.
And, finally, Kate has been taking cooking classes from her Italian housekeeper in order to impress her hubby - I only wonder when is she going to actually put her newly acquired knowledge to use.
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 2

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is magnificent! But Sniff is still hanging by his pipe in the bathroom when he is not hanging by Baby Bro's bed, or eating my flippies, or just making a general nuisance of himself. I went to the library to check if my reserves were ready - they were not, but somehow I came back with 8 books (well, at least I did not have to pay for them). Alton Brown was talking about celery - I wonder what secret service told him when they visited him on parteigenosse Michelle's orders. But Marc Summers was talking about stuffed foods, beginning with hostess cakes - yay! And Ina made a dessert of sweetened berries, meringue, and whipped cream for Mariska Hargitay! Of course, camera did not show Mariska actually eating it, but still fun. Daniel Radcliffe is "set to play in Tokyo Vice", and Emma Watson is the highest paying actress in Hollywood - ah, the magical world of Harry Potter that keeps enriching even the mediocre actors! Trending at # 1 - David Tutera filed for divorce from his husband; the filing by the husband alleges that Tutera has a "sex addiction" - homosexual marriage is such a wonderful thing, because, according to the people in the know, homos are the most loyal lovers. Yuk and barf - they are the most promiscuous part of the society! Aniston is postponing her wedding so she won't get married close to Jolie/Pitt knot-tying - lady, give it a rest! You were married to a bastard who cheated on you in front of the whole country! Don't give him another thought! And believe me, both - or rather- all four of you will get plenty of attention to satisfy your narcissistic needs. Trending at #4: Leo DiCaprio is planning to take a break from acting - hurray for not seeing mediocracy for a while; what bothers me, though, is the fact that he won't just be enjoying his millions in peace, but indulge in envirowacoism on a rather large scale. Bill Clinton admitted that his fave movie is "Who Is Your Daddy?" - to quote a popular book "the rich seam of humor that I could mine from this is endless." Justin Bieber caused trouble in Istanbul airport - big deal! What else is new? According to Hollywood Life, Kate is making sure to avoid stretch marks by using coco butter with vitamin E - yea, whatever. Stretch marks are as sure occurrence as the corruption is in politicians. And HuffPo also run a piece titled "Secrets of the Royal Nursery" - duh! It's a crib, a dresser, and a bunch of toys - secrets, my gluts! And, finally, a former military man in Wisconsin made his daughter a custom camouflage-themed prom dress - go, military dad! Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - MAY 1

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather continues to rock - yay, sun! Even though George is officially Baby Bro's kitty, and Sniff is officially mine, Sniff prefers his bed and George - mine. Cantankerous psychotic pets! Last night, while flipping the channels, I got to Grimm and discovered that now the sword of Mohamed is also considered a special and powerful object in the lore of supernatural/fantasy/horror shows - oy, gevalt! Rejoice, of fans of Downton Abbey - Lily James was chosen as Disney's Cinderella since Emma Watson turned down this role. Jennifer Lawrence is trending at #1 because she is dating! Um, she is an adult past the age of consent - why is this news? Demi Moore is trending at #5: she reunited with her daughter Rumer during and after yoga class - serenity now! Photos of young Angelina Jolie resurfaced and are making waves: not only because she was "breathtaking", but also because her younger version is a dead ringer for Mila Kunis - same plastic surgeon? For the love of all that's holy, people, just go to the museum of "white art" and rediscover for yourselves what truly beautiful looks like! Sara Jessica Parker refuses to own a cell phone - that affects me how, exactly? "Movie studio hires a trainer for Carrie Fisher" - grandma Leia in a bikini chasing grandkids over Mikonos together with currently vacationing there Kardashians? That's going to be one heck of a movie! NASA apparently has a "huge tab" with Russia - why the hell are our own space shuttles in the bloody museums while we are paying huge tabs to those degenerates?!! Lack of friends can shorten your life span - duh! "Has Justin Bieber's Latest Reunion with Selena Gomez Put Her Pals in Crisis Mode?" - as the old Jewish saying goes, I should have such problems! And rumors are flying that Kate is already planning a second baby - good luck, Your Highness! Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the newer version.