MORNING UPDATE - June 24, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The sun is shining once again. Was trying to figure out whose cat was eating Snow's food - turned out it was next door neighbor's ( I guess our Friskies is tastier).
Got medium eggs instead of large after trying to figure out why the same 18 eggs cost differently - language barriers.
Currently trending at # 1 is Bruce Jenner - because he got highlights!
Trending at # 7 is Nick Cannon - because he and Mariah Carey might be "headed for divorce". Why? Because of her younger selfie? And, more importantly, who wants to know?
J. Lo. refused to remain heartbroken and was spotted with a new flame - Maxim Chmerkovskiy. I wonder if their dancing styles really mesh well.
Hayden Panettiere is the latest celebrity to go on a Babymoon - a nice vacation in the middle of pregnancy. I wonder how many plain mortal preggos would like to follow suit.
"Obama encouraging family-friendly work policies" - trying to figure out how many of his underpaid female staffers are working on this one.
"Michelle Obama won't pursue politics" - on behave of my country let me just say "Phew!".
"Pub-crawling through the Magic Kingdom" - ah, come on, people! Magic Kingdom is fun even when you are solo and sober (speaking from personal experience)!
"Selena Gomez: Helping Justin Bieber Become His Old Sweet Self Again" - good luck with that one!
And, finally, "Prince George Beats Kate Middleton for Title of Best-Dressed Royal" - I guess Kate went the same route all mothers do and played "dress the dolly" with her first child to perfection.

MORNING UPDATE - May 6, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather continues to be almost appropriate for May - enjoying all we can get. 
George decided that once the cat house is his, he can safely snooze on my bed. Sniff was guarding 8 boxes of my romances, and my attempt to pet him was greeted with an attempt to bite me and a nice hiss.
The crazy upstairs is...well, she is.
The fact that it is the beginning of the month made me realize that once again I missed my Godiva freebies.
Some kind of a new chick on the FoodNetwork is claiming that after you tried the fries with aioli, you will forget ketchup - well, duh!
Why am I getting personal e-mails from Rand Paul?
Just found out yesterday that our dear parteigenosse Michelle was here, in New York, cutting the ribbon at the Met - have to give myself time to avoid the Met before the stench disappears a bit.
Taylor Swift almost lost her gown for that Met Gala to her her cat's claws - damn! And here I thought that Sniffles was a menace for destroying my Disney sheets.
Trending at #8 is Kendall Jenner - because she "documented her first Met Gala on Instagram". Longer wait to visit the Met, although little slime left by Kendall and her attempts to oversexualize herself is nothing compared to our pathetic excuse of a First Lady.
Brad Pitt is trending at #7 - because he and Angelina "will re-unite on the big screen". Well, at least they can't cheat on anyone this time.
Angry Birds are trending at #9 - because their creator "developed preschool program to promote learning through fun". The best program to promote learning is reading - and, yes, it's loads of fun!
Once again, America is one of the worst countries to be a mother in - unless, of course, you are an illegal alien (which fact was, of course, removed from the study).
Seth Rogen "is not a Belieber" - my respect for him just grew!
Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug - the new version.

MORNING UPDATE - March 20, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's officially the first day of spring - and I was able to open a window in the kitchen! Wow! Sniff is enjoying it to the fullest; George is snoozing on Baby Bro's bed.
Currently trending at #2 is John Stamos - because of the long explanation of why he and Lori Loughlin never dated in real life. Apparently there are a lot of people who cared about that one.
Trending at #5 are KitchenAid mixers - no idea why.
Our dear parteigenosse Michelle is off to China with her dessert-hating mommy and her darling daughters - and she will avoid discussing politics during her visit. Gee, how magnanimous of her!
"Selena Gomez: Don't Even Think Of Having A Baby With Justin Bieber" - thanks for the tip, Selena!
And Kate and Will finally found a new nanny for Georgie - congrats!
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - January 17, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is beautiful - at least for today. Sniff is sleeping on Baby Bro's chair and occasionally opening his eyes in order to send dirty looks our way. George is sleeping on my bed and occasionally waking up to whine.
Crazy upstairs is producing different noise for a change.
2 big articles: one about "decent wines for under $5" and another one on how to open a whine bottle without a corkscrew - OK, how bad is the economy if we have to discuss dirt cheap wines and can't even afford corkscrews?!!
Meryl Streep is planning to star in a new movie that supposedly will make NRA "wish they weren't alive" - this is just another illustration to everyone who was wondering why Streep is on my long list of Hollywood celebs whose "art" I boycott.
"5 big problems retails face in 2014" - hum, let's see: Hussein's continuing efforts to destroy our economy is the only one that comes to mind.
"Michelle Obama turns 50: Her life in photos" - aw, sweet. I assume all her racist and America-hating papers and speeches are not included.
"Justin Bieber's iPhone seized in egging probe" - wow, the story is getting bigger and bigger, and the hits just keep on coming.
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - January 15, 2014

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is OK so far. Cats are awake. George surprisingly did not hunt Baby Bro's cereal. Sniff relocated to the big closet - from which he sleepily fell out yesterday in order to great me.
Crazy upstairs is at her post.
Currently trending at #1 is someone named Jennifer Nettles - who released some kind of debut album and also stripped for it. Feminists are silent for a change.
"Lopez looks better than ever in leather, lace" - a proud achievement indeed.
Michelle Obama was talking about possibility of botox and plastic surgery in her future - will we have to pay for it as well as her birthday present from dear Barack?
The search of Bieber's home is trending at #7 - with a whole discussion of whatever or not the search was justified.
Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug - would not mind being in LA today; of course, Aruba would be better.

MORNING UPDATE - DECEMBER 10

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! It's cold, snowing, and yucky outside. The cats, once again, decided to hibernate -George on my bed, and Sniff on Baby Bro's chair. Of course, first they had to have at least two good fights.
The crazy upstairs is up to her usual - also first thing in the morning.
Currently trending at #1 is someone called Kandi Burruss - because she not not currently speaking to someone else called Mama Joyce - that's what is called top news?!!!
Trending at #2 is Adam Sandler - because, according to Forbes, he is the most overpaid actor in Hollywood. I disagree - there are so many more so-called actors in Hollywood who deserve this title much more than Sandler.
Winter coats are trending at #8 - I think they deserve the top spot.
Diamond earrings are trailing at the last spot on #10 - really should be number 2, right after the winter coats.
"Michelle Obama's chic emerald gown" - the cult of personality lives on, and the feast during the plague is raging full force.
TSA sank to the new low by confiscating a toy gun from a Sock Monkey.
The is a calendar of NYC cabbies on the market - please, my eyes!
"Bieber visits Philippines" - poor people! Typhoon was not enough?!
"Candy Crush is too popular for its own good" - I don't think they mind much.
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug - I wish I was there right now.

MORNING UPDATE - NOVEMBER 29

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Happy Second day of Chanukah!
The weather improved slightly from yesterday, but still pretty chilly. Feline companions are in hibernation mode - which, of course, did not prevent George from a bit of whining in the morning, and Sniff from making a mess with food and fighting with the old guy.
As it's Black Friday, I am staying home - totally away from the madness.
Currently trending at #3 is Nicki Minaj - because her "Selfie Exposes Ample Cleavage". If something exposed her brain or education, that would be news. Her, um, generous attributes, on the other hand, are very much old news.
Trending at #7 is Victoria Beckham - as she "guest-edited" the last issue of Paris Vogue. I guess this is becoming another one of her career choices, as she also guest-edited an issue of American Glamour earlier this year - and, needless to say, breaking news.
At at #9 we have Mariah Carey - because she claimed to have baked a pie, hence the whole discussion ensued as to whatever she really did or did not make it.
Our wonderful First Lady claims that she does not want her daughters to be on the Facebook - it's OK, Michelle! The deep disgust we feel for you and your dear husband is expressed outside the Facebook as well.
Justin Bieber left his "artwork", otherwise known as graffiti, in a hotel in Australia. The hotel is proud, but the mayor ordered him to "clean up his mess" - poor Bieber! The dude just can't catch a break!
Kate attended a charity gala while Will was supposedly on babysitting duty - aw!!! The royal family got so poor that they could not afford a babysitter so those two can go together?
Coffee this morning in my huge Disney mug with Pooh and Friends.

MORNING UPDATE - OCTOBER 3

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is a bit iffy, but not bad for an early October.
Woke up yesterday with scratches on my foot; both George and Sniff were questioned, but neither admitted to the deed. George is enjoying both his new Amazon boxes: the humongous one and the tiny one. Sniff is racing around the apartment. Earlier he decided to play mashgiach again and supervise the bathroom cleaning; hence he was locked up for his trouble.
According to Men's Health, red apples are the best for your health. Dudes, if I eat an apple at all, it's already an achievement; plus, I don't like red apples, period, so, leave me alone with your statistical data.
In the same august publication was a whole set of instructions on buying a bra for a girlfriend - because that's what we really, really want to get as a gift: underwear!
The country survived another day of the government shutdown with poor parteigenosse Michelle announcing that due to it her Twitter account would not really be updated - aw, cry me a river!
Currently trending at #6 is Chelsea Handler - because she split up with her boyfriend and also because she showed off "bikini body". The public wants to know if these incidents are related, and if yes, what was the cause and what was the effect? You can't just report something like this without further explanations!!
"What Kate Gosselin did with all her money" - does anyone really want to know?
A lot of brides would like to marry on 11/12/13 - I assume because getting married on a specific silly date is a guaranteed foundation for a happy and solid marriage. But, hey, the wedding goods purveyors are happy, at least.
George Clooney "revealed" that he had to wear Spanks for his latest movie - please get that picture out of my head.
Britney Spears "found it tough to play 'sexy' now" - because she is a mother. Congratulations on maturing, Britney!
The world's most expensive car costs only 52 mil - what kind of a whopper of the midlife crisis do you have to hit in order to get this one?!!
And, finally, Bieber announced that he will release a new song each Monday for the 10 consecutive weeks - just when you thought Mondays can't suck more than they do already.
Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug.

MORNING UPDATE - AUGUST 16

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is still nice, but Wednesday was simply magical. Feline companions are still enjoying it. Sniff did his usual running around and playing with everything, and is now reclining on my bed in the pose of Egyptian deity. His battle wounds seem to be healing once again - till the next major scuffle, I guess. George got used to getting treats with his meds and is now sitting next to the pantry every morning and demanding them in the most heartbreaking meow imaginable.
This morning got duly impressed with BPL and their system - for once I found the book I wanted precisely where they promised it would be! Simply wow!
Trending at #1 - Scott Disick; why? Because the DNA test proved that he is the father of Kourtney K.'s son Mason - the whole world can breathe a collective sigh of relieve!
Trending at # 8- Pepsi flavored Cheetos that are currently being sold on Japan. Why Japan? That's every single ESPN addict's dream! Bring them here!
Beyonce just got another haircut! Stop the presses, ya all!
Kanye West got booed - at least sometimes he gets what he deserves!
Trending at # 4 - "Coffee mortality". Now they are saying that drinking coffee is not good for your health! Oh, give me a break already! Drink coffee, don't drink coffee! Go stuff your heads where the sun does not shine!
"Why Michelle Obama ditched her bangs" - because she looked even uglier with them would be my educated guess.
"New Ways to Drink Rum" - OK, you either drink it from a glass or from a bottle. How else can you do it?!!
According to a new study, Russians are drinking less vodka, Italians are drinking less wine, and Germans are drinking less beer - the end of the world is indeed very, very near us!
Coffee this morning in my striped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is iffy again, but still tolerable - although feline companions are not happy. They don't like heat, rain, or a/c, for that matter - they like everything to be just perfect, spoiled brats. 
Paula was making some delicious southern stuff using 3 different kinds of flavored butter, Ina assembled home made granola that I would love to try (and I hate granola), and Melissa used 2 different flavored butters - go butter!
Godiva just sent me a email: they are trying to encourage people to spruce up their communities over this coming weekend - aw, how sweet (no pun intended). Well, the only way to improve my community is to deport all the illegals - for starters; and, somehow, I don't think Godiva wants to get behind this one.
Kim and Kanye's baby is trending at #1, and, according to the people in the know, her name is Kaidence Donda West - could you imagine poor kid on her first day of school?!
Trending at #2: Sofia Vergara (who, apparently, is 40 years old) donned s string bikini, got photographed in it, and posted it online - I wonder if I should have done the same around my 40th birthday; then, maybe, I would be a bit richer now?
An enterprising 4th grader right here, in our fair city of New York, secretly filmed his school lunches and basically called them "yuck" - where are you, nanny Bloomy and parteigenosse Michelle?
"Best Toilet Paper Brands" - only in America! In dear step-mama country ANY toilet paper was almost as precious as vodka!
"Young Celebs Bring Back Body Chains Look" - their claim to fame that's not even an original idea? Truly an achievement!
Justin Bieber hit a paparazzi with his Ferrari - who the heck issued him a driver's licence and why does he still have it?
And, finally, a union boss in England was making a "fiery speech" against welfare cuts and accused Kate of being a "young woman having babies to get state handouts" - and here I thought union bosses could not get any slimier or moronic.
Coffee this morning in my huge Disney Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE - JUNE 4

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather rocks!!! It's definitely not my week in Sniff's estimation - he hardly looks at me. George, on the other hand, alternated between my bed and the cat house last night.
Ina is baking cookies and making sandwiches with herb butter - yum!
Baby Bro and I were discussing the constant overabundance of emergency vehicles outside. He postulated that it was either a)proximity to the hospital, b) the amount of elderly neighbors, c) the amount of degenerates in the area - we both settled on c.
Daniel Radcliffe admitted to being a "fussy eater" and barely eating any fruit or vegetables - in light of these horrible truths coming out I don't see any way for parteigenosse Michelle to allow him to hang out with her daughters.
Katie Holmes is trending at #4 because it looks like her ex is missing her - well, dude, maybe if you kept up with your anti-psychotic meds, you wouldn't be single now.
Bradley Cooper is trending at #6 because he traveled to DC to listen to Barry Hussein's opening comments at the National Conference on Mental Health - another one in need of meds (Cooper, not Hussein).
Channing Tatum's fans finally found out that his wife had a girl and that her name is Everly - congratulations! I hope it was worth the wait!
Advise for a wedding gift: don't give baby clothes! Who the heck does that?!! Oh, yes, of course, it was in My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Probably also popular in some of our circles.
Maria Carey was spotted in "belly baring ensemble" again - why is this news again?
Bieber was spotted with a "mystery brunette" who is not Selena Gomez - I guess his bout of crying over his breakup with Selena is over. Incidentally, Tatum's "paternal instincts are kicking in" as he claims that he is worried over Bieber - dude, stick to your own progeny.
Coffee this morning in my Boston mug.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 30

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather seem to be improving - sun came out, yay! Sniff re-discovered the cat house, and George is, once again, snoozing on my bed. The crazy upstairs is back with a vengeance. Baby Bro got himself a Galaxy Note - congrats to him! Which also brought to me once again the realization of what a dinosaur I am - because I hate touch-screens, and it looks like no one is making new phones with keypads anymore. Marc Summers is talking about movie time snacks - watch out, Marc! There are 4 - FOUR - benefits to a late-night snaking - go figure. The Kingdom of Netherlands got a new king, who "pledged to use his ceremonial position as head of state to help steer his country through uncertain economic times" - Your Majesty, how about remembering the glorious past of your freedom-loving country and dealing with the muslim scourge? Out of 12 top America's boom towns 4 are in Texas - go, Lone Star! Of course, DC made it on the list as well - as I said before, cowardice, treason, and hatred of America pays big time. Out of 13 ways to lower your blood pressure, #1 is not putting more than 41 hours a week for work - yea, and then you are going to develop hypertension on unemployment. Good news though - dark chocolate and red wine lower your blood pressure as well, yeppeee!!! Kelly Osbourne claims that hula hooping, which she did as a child, helps her keep in shape; among other hoop aficionados, however, are parteigenosse Michelle and Beyonce - thanks for ruining my childhood fun for me! Frankenfish spotted in NY city - oh, big effin deal! We got Andrew Coumo for a governor, Michael Bloomberg for a mayor, and Chuck Shumer representing us in the Senate, plus untold millions of barbarians invading our city - frankenfish, please! Who gives a flying banana?! "Miley Cyrus gives Justin Bieber some much needed advice" - yea, speaking of lame leading the blind, or however you want to describe it. While in Greece on vacation, Kardashians were dancing and smashing the plates the Greek style - here is an image for you. And, finally, this is how Will and Kate spent their second wedding anniversary: he was on duty with his squadron, and she visited children hospice - so far, they are shaping to be so much better than his parents! Coffee this morning in my black Target glass.

MORNING UPDATE - APRIL 18

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! It's cloudy and not so cold outside. The crazy upstairs is pacing herself - meds do work! Both psychotic cats came in to snuggle this morning; now they are in peaceful slumber: George on my bed, and Sniff in the cat house - he got lucky again. According to Ina, anyone who makes brownies without butter should be arrested - beware, the owners of kosher bakeries! Also, she gave a whole lecture about how cooking with different alcoholic beverages adds a "depth of flavor" to your cooking and baking - music to my ears! Speaking of which - Cat Cora was arrested for DUI yesterday, which is trending at #7 right now - too much cooking with wine? Happy Birthday to Suri Cruise! According to her crazy daddy, her name means "princess" in Hebrew - spare us your idiocy, Tom! Trending at #3 are "Rihanna rumors": she cancelled a few of her shows, and people are now speculating on her being pregnant - if she is, I wonder if she will design her own maternity clothes, and if they will get a much criticism as her jeans. And speaking of preggos: guests at Jessica Simpson's shower got contraceptives as party favors - why?!! As in "don't repeat my mistakes" stuff? Pamela Anderson claimed that she never really felt beautiful - SOS! Baywatch fans to the rescue! According to the cast of Temptation, Kim Kardashian can really act - I guess that comes as a surprise to more people than the members of the cast of Temptation. Justin Bieber cancelled his concert in Oman due to low ticket sales - why did he want to perform there to begin with?!! And Kate ended up on Time's list of 100 most influential people - considering the others on this list (like parteigenosse Michelle), the honor is dubious at best. Coffee this morning in my smiley faces mug.