MORNING UPDATE, June 29, 2012

Hello, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Last week I was dared to post  half an hour before Shabat - this is the best I can do;) Triple H is here - who was it again who was complaining on Tuesday that it was cold? MTA keeps adding elevators to train stations - for the convenience of lazy asses who push in in front of elderly, disabled, and people with strollers; and there is only one segment of population doing it that's local; the rest of them are invading barbarians. 

Holmes and Cruise are splitting up - I guess nothing is worth the life with a crackpot Scientologist. Sharon Stone turned heads in some kinds of crazy top, and other celebrities turned heads in short shorts - I guess heat wave is affecting them as well. And there is a bottle of cabernet on the market that's worth 168 Gs - here is to good drinking. And Adele is pregnant - mazal tov! Shabat Shalom, peeps!

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MORNING UPDATE, July 1, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you fantastic week filled with His blessings! "Fantastic" weather for the whole week - gosh, do I hate summers! By the way, Stop and Shop seltzer was on sale in cans - up yours, enviro wacos! 

Interesting study just in - as soon as the woman attached to Tom Cruise turns 33, she splits up with him - any connection to the late jc? Maybe he should just marry an old hag and be done with it? And in the wind of this, here is another interesting tidbit - new trend for "man-gagement" rings; which proves that some of us still have money to waste, which, I guess, is good. And then there are "top 10 lies men tell women" - only 10? And, speaking of money, there are instructions of how to buy your own private island - is it going to be big enough to deport all the America hating bastards from this country? Let them sit there and have their socialist commune with free healthcare, fresh organic food, zero environmental impact, no greed, no money, and no military - ah, the dreams...

MORNING UPDATE, July 2, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Another hot day - but, thank Gd, relatively low humidity...basically, will be much happier when fall arrives;) Yesterday got not one, but two Met employees who were friendly, helpful, and humane - nice surprise, that...And I now have an official following who also complains about "environmentally friendly" public bathrooms and pronounced people who designed them "stupid". 

New study - red meat and eggs are vital for the health of your hair; in other news - don't listen to all the studies, eat everything in moderation, and enjoy to good health! Jane Fonda makes a splash in a "glitzy" red dress - looks like being a traitor and America-hater pays rather well. In the same vein - Alec Baldwin got married to his yoga instructor - congratulations to another unhinged liberal celeb. Finally, some recommendations on men's swimwear - a little rest from all the bikini discussions. Mexico elected a new leader - who, I am sure, will collect all his criminals and the great unwashed from our country instead of having the chutzpa to berate us in our Congress, no less, about persecuting his citizens.

MORNGING UDPATE, July 3, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! One more day without humidity - we have officially entered another period of global warming. 

The biggest concern in the nation right now - what will happen with tomcat's real estate; heck, I don't know - let's pool our resources together and buy some? Things you can get cheaply in July - swimsuits, furniture, jewelry, and computers - interesting combo, that...Just went through a list of 9 things not to say to working moms - only 9? I thought people are usually much more moronic than that. And Naomi Watts is going to play Princess Di - another earth-shuttering concern and great discussion. And on totally unrelated note - don't ask me why I took packing tape to the laundromat.

MORNING UPDATE, July 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! No comment on the weather:) Hope everyone had a fantastic Independence Day and celebrated America's birthday in style:) Also, it looks like Malia Obama was born on July 4th - Heavenly Father does have a sense of humor. Here is my wish list: hammer with personal driver, central a/c, and daily cleaning help, plus custom-made book cases - I don't need much for happiness. Yahoo has a list of companies donating big cash for politicians - and according to them, 71% of Goldman Sachs's donations went to Republicans - what have they been smoking? Eva Longoria is dating another jock - as long as she stays away from fighting for the "right" of the illegals, I don't care what else she does. Also wandering how long Cruise/Holmes divorce is going to be chewed on and analyzed from all angles - well, we still have bread, so circuses it is.

MORNING UPDATE, July 6, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Again, no comment on the weather for about 2 more months:) Happy National Fried Chicken Day - The Food Police is silent so far, but, I am sure not for long. 

It looks like Chris Rock once again proved not only his own idiocy, but his deep racism as well - I am officially surprised. A dude in Missouri was repairing his wiring and discovered a century-old whiskey bottle under his floorboards - gentlemen, being useful around the house pays! And it looks like quarter million bees made their home atop Waldorf Astoria - environmentalism as work once again. And a mayor of a Utah city let his constituents decide if he should keep or shave his mustache - good call. Also, kids loose about 2 months of learning during summer - it's summer, dumbbells! Plus, what is where to loose - all the indoctrination done by the members of National Teachers Union? That's not a loss.

MORNING UPDATE, July 9, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! Three weeks started - let's hope this time around our people will remember why we are in exile. As you can see, my computer did not go dark - thank Gd! Also, my next door neighbor told me that we had break-ins just couple of days ago, and that I should make sure and lock my door properly - I do; and I also got the mezuzah. Recently re-discovered the fact that there is a beach 2 stations away from my house - and I have been avoiding it due to barbarian infestation...well, to hell with it - I live here too! And, once again, the only bodies that resemble the models belong to teenagers. My niece told me that I am cool because she loves everything I have - draw your own conclusions. The cover for the new Rowling book was unveiled recently - after Harry Potter, not really interested.

MORNING UPDATE, July 10, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! I feel very accomplished this morning as I finally zeroed in on a source of mysterious stink in the kitchen and eliminated it. George continues to sleep in the bathtub. Saw a Mormon church in Chelsea yesterday - interesting, that. Also, it looks like I missed a no-bra day yesterday - honestly, I have no idea what idiot feminists have against this piece of unmentionable wear...unless they are all A cups. 

This just in - mutual empathy is a key to a happy marriage..well, duh!!! Cruise/Holmes fight is all about custody of Suri - duh again. "A breakfast item left uneaten by Prince Charles on the day he married Diana is going under the hammer" - oh, for effs sakes! I just ate breakfast. Denise Rich gave up her US citizenship to save on taxes - please, Father, all ungrateful, America-hating, self-proclaimed liberal and progressive swine to follow shortly!

MORNING UPDATE, July 11, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The apartment is still stinky - kind of like the remnants of 111th Congress. 

Don't keep your social security card in your wallet - duh! it says on it to sigh and keep in your wallet - do the exact opposite of what federal bureaucrats tell you, and you are safe. Plus, don't keep a stack of receipts in your purse - empty is out each night; basically, OCD pays. 9/11 was the most "powerful event in TV history" - really, that is all it was? Jessica Biel claimed that her fiancé has better taste than her - ah, Jessica, we should all have your problems and concerns. Houston is the best city to "stretch your buck" - a bit tempted to move to Texas, but refuse to surrender my position to libtards and invading barbarian scum.

MORNING UPDATE, July 12, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! 

The stink is slowly disappearing - hopefully, the same will happen to the stink left by the 111th Congress. Vera Wang split with her husband - hopefully, her gowns will not jinx its wearers. And the "stirring controversy" pictures from Will and Kate's honeymoon surfaced, showing her in black bikini and him in flowery swimming trunks - I guess they wanted to give the finger to the Muslims terrorizing the Brits; and what better way to do this than that? A couple right here in Brooklyn found a comfortable way to live in a 240 sq feet apartment - gosh, who loves Brooklyn that much? Miley got a new tattoo - circuses, here we go. TNT is re-running old Charmed episodes - good trips down memory lane, since you can see the bands popular in your salad days; case in point - Cranberries are on. A woman in TX owes $179,596 for constantly zipping past toll booths - lady, even dealing with a-holes usually manning toll booths is worth not paying that much money to the government! And a man flew through the sunroof of his car without suffering any injuries - hello, Clark Kent!

MORNING UPDATE, July 13, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! I realized yesterday that I decided to impersonate Professor Horatio Smith and lost Thursday. 

New Twilight footage was released - stand by for hordes of swooning teen girls. Katie Holmes stepped out in leather pants and high heels - stand by for hordes of swooning middle-aged men. Demi Moor's real name is Demetria - the said piece of knowledge is much more useful to modern youth than the understanding of The Bill of Rights. Jolie twins turned 4 yesterday and already well traveled - at least they traveled on their parents' dime, unlike Malia and Sasha, who are well traveled on ours. Justin Bieber earned less than Taylor Swift - I guess he should have kept his long hair. Giant sinkhole near Colorado mountain turned out to be caused by a rail road tunnel that was abandoned more than 100 years ago - I shudder to think what damage Comrade Obama's garbage will cause 100 years hence. Fastest cars for 2013 are Bugatti, Ferrari, and Dodge - I still prefer Hammers and Jaguars; color me strange.

MORNING UPDATE, July 15, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! I finally got an a/c in my bedroom - Thank You, Hashem! And thank you, dad, for getting and installing it!:) Now my feline companions are thoroughly confused: their fave window and window sill are completely transformed, and, most distressingly, the door was closed! After pathetic meowing, the door was opened, felines let in, and the door promptly closed, which produced another wave of confusion - the said confusion still present and hard to deal with. 

And now, for the earth-shattering news: Charlie Sheen quits Twitter - stop the presses! LA is the worst city for the traffic jams - color me extremely surprised. There are 5 hybrid cars on the market to skip - if you ask me, skip all the hybrids. Wedding registries are mostly filled with things couples will never use - color me surprised yet again. And some kind of posh British designer claimed that Diana's wedding gown was hideous - dude, it was the 80s, for effs sake! All clothes were hideous - and I would gladly wear them if we get the same leaders that USA and Britain had in the 80s.

MORNING UPDATE, July 16, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Due to improved sleeping conditions, yours truly overslept for second morning in a row. Poor George, on the other hand, completely traumatized by the new door arrangements, just gave up on trying to get into the bedroom and slept on the guest mattress. Curry is doggedly working on demolishing the third window blind. And Twitter decided that I would like to follow Bill Maher - dear Twitter, I usually need a spittoon after just looking at him. 

Jessica Biel is now a brunette - for whatever reason, she looks better than blond. Our dear mockery of a Secretary of State was pelted with tomatoes - couldn't have happened to a better person. "Gang truce cuts country's homicide rates in half" - deport all the illegal members of the gangs, and see what happens next. Women over 40 are running more health risks than men partially because they usually end up being caregivers - another sign of Y-chromosome's selfishness and uselessness. Retailer's secret - designer bags in the outlets are of lower quality - oh, bummer! Kim Kardashian looks better in leather pants than Katie Holmes - such useful news during the election year.

MORNING UPDATE, July 17, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Feline companions decided that sleeping in a room with noisy apparatus is not fun, and only come in in the morning for the usual petting sessions. Which brings me to the next topic: there is a town in Alaska who has a cat for a mayor, so I hear by officially nominate George Hamilton for a mayor of NYC. He is loyal, has no vices, and will not tell anyone how to live and what to eat. 

A dude in Minnesota accidentally destroyed his 40,000 sq ft lawn - and here I thought that killing a cactus was an all time achievement. Anne Hathaway attended the premier of The Dark Knight in a "daring" gown - she is playing the Cat Woman, duh! A wealthy couple in Florida has a house with 9 kitchens - let me guess: meat, dairy, pareve, Pesach meat, Pesach dairy, Pesach pareve, one non-kosher for live-in help...OK, I give up - what are the remaining 2 for? McDonalds is the most popular fast food chain in US, with DD being #7, and Starbucks is #3 - wait, since when is Starbucks a fast food chain? Dollar stores are gaining enormous popularity and attracting upscale shoppers - a fine testament to the state of our economy. And a South African version of Marie Claire airbrushed Kate's picture - you could have knocked me down with an f, I am so surprised!

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MORNING UPDATE, July 18, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Feline companions are slowly getting used to the strange noisy machine and returning at night. George Hamilton is still running for the Mayor of NY; after winning this election, he will run on the VP ticket with the cat who is currently the Mayor in Alaska - just see how quickly our country will prosper. 

Rupert Grint is supposed to carry the Olympic torch - Hogwarts uniform not included. FDA approved yet another weight loss drug - ambulance chasers are hiring an army of under-paid underlings in preparation for the future mega lawsuits. The pictures of the new boyfriend of J. Lo just "surfaced" - may I just say ugly? "Global warming denials got new ammunition" - well, duh!! A dude drowned his buddy's BMW - real test of manly friendship. And a young star buys a home with waterfall in the backyard - waiting for the lectures on our horrific carbon footprints from the said star any day or sooner.

MORNING UPDAT, July 19, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! "A disturbed man with long ties to Muslims" blew up a bus full of Israeli teenagers - news worthy of the sixth spot on the search list. #1 - Emmy nominees are announced, and Mad Men are leading the pack; no comment. Jay Leno had Newt and Snooki on last night - gosh, what a show did I miss! Mila Kunis claims it was a horrible idea to pose provocatively while still in school - my heart bleeds borsch for her troubles. There is also a protracted discussion on Willow Smith's past and present wardrobe - circuses, here we come. And yesterday I found out that Justin Bieber has a ladies' perfume on the market - be still, my heart.

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MORNING UPDATE, July 22, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all you of a fantastic week filled with his blessings! 

Al Capone's house is on the market; he bought it for 40,000 - it is now worth 10 mil - all I can think of is inflation. Toni Robbins is in "hot water" because 21 people got burned on hot coals during a "motivational exercise" - stupid is as stupid does. GM is making some kind of "funky" cars that you can't get in the US - interesting, that, especially considering the "stimulus"...And, of course, plenty of tips on how to save on a/c - the only thing that makes sense to me would be moving to Alaska.

MORNING UPDATE, July 23, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

There is world's tiniest house that is 1 sq ft and accommodates one person - I guess for enviro waco bachelor. Our dear mockery of a President visited Colorado - where is the spittoon when you need one? And there are "myths about saving gas" - bio fuels being the first of them. And then there are dorm room essentials - cleanliness, for some reason, is not on the list. And Charlize Theron is "not embarrassed of nudity" - another one we could really be proud of. Bangladesh is the largest country to never win an Olympic medal - and that should bother me why?

MORNING UPDATE, July 24, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Happy Birthday to Amelia Earhart! 

People who are looking for peace and quiet are recommended to avoid Coney Island - no kidding! Tom Cruise's son is sporting a new mohawk - we really needed to know that. Olympic beach volleyball players might have to ditch the bikinis and cover up - surprisingly, not because of our shirking cousins, but because it is too cold in London to play otherwise. And Kutcher and Kunis were caught kissing, despite their protestations of being a couple - aw...And last, but not least - Maria Carey has replaced J. Lo on the "Idol" - another stop the presses moment.

MORNING UPDATE, July 25, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! 

Another list of gadgets that suck power is out - again, the biggest power sucking gadget is the green movement, without which we could have way cheaper power and more of it. Scandal that rocked the world: Kristen Stewart cheated on R-Patz - Bella, how could you do this to Edward, the love of your life?!!!! And celebs are sporting short shorts for the summer - at lest they are not naked...Tiny apartments are just as fascinating as extravagant homes - yea, you get claustrophobia attack just by looking at pictures, as opposed to the usual envy, so, I guess it's good for the soul. And Snooki was booed at the Mets game - which proves that the booers are a bunch of sissys.. I dare them to boo parteigenosse Michelle at her next public appearance promoting her ideas of our healthy living - that would take true courage.

MORNING UPDATE, July 26, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! 

Jackson's kids have new guardian - hope he or she has a long experience in child psychology. We finally know who got between Bella and Edward, uhm, Stewart and R-Patz - we now have a better target for our cursing than The First Couple. Alexa Vega shed her child star image - another earth-shattering piece of news. And there is some kind of "secret Dark Knight actress" who speaks out - way more interesting to find her secrets than figuring out what government is doing with our tax money.

MORNING UPDATE, July 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! For over a month now, whenever I tried to check the weather on my phone, I kept getting a message "sorry, weather not available" - I guess my phone knows what's good for him, because if I knew every weather report every single time, I think I would have smashed him. 

Sad news of the morning: R-Patz moved out - Bella and Edward are over. Duchess Kate appeared in a $60 dress - I love how the journalists keep breaking protocol and calling her Kate. And there is an Olympian that's 8 months pregnant and she is going to compete; will just ask her baby not to kick - no comment. And a mother woke up her newborn from coma with a loving embrace - that's the kind of news I need to round up my week.

MORNING UPDATE, July 30, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Shavua Tov! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! Hope everyone had a meaningful fast; here is to praying that our people realize the importance of ahavat chinam, and this would be the last year we mourn. 

Now, on to the important things...Dutch women's field hockey team is supposed to be the best looking team in this year's Olympics - go, Dutch! Let's hope you remember what else your country was famous for. Schwarzenegger's house had been on the market since January, but no bites so far - it looks like the housing market did not rebound as well as expected. And J. Lo seems to have committed a bunch of fashion fax pas - oh, how the mighty have fallen! And one dude walked 7 miles in the rain, barefoot, to win the love of his girlfriend back - for reasons unknown, it somehow does not shake my un-romantic heart.

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MORNING UPDATE, July 31, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! 

Our Dear Idiot Mayor now decided to force-promote breast feeding - no peep from the so-called protectors of women's rights, the right to choose, etc. The rumor is that Emma Watson is going to star in the movie version of 50 shades - good bye, Hermione, brilliant, compassionate, valiant witch; hello...well, whatever. US and China both have 17 medals so far, but China leads us in gold - come on, more Star Spangled Banner, please! "Jada Pinkett Smith defies her age in bikini" - big whoop; anyone can do that - just put on bikini. Matrix director is now a woman - I guess he/she/it is hiding from the angry fans, especially after the third movie. And then there are sighs of man genuinely liking you and having feelings for you - undecided on the validity of this one. And police and DEA intercepted a delivery of drugs into the UN building - I will not utter another word against DEA if they just evict the entire UN out of our country ( they can keep the confiscated coke for the "after" celebration).

MORNING UPDATE, August 1, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! 

Olympics, of course, are dominating everyone's preoccupation - USA got more medals than China, but less gold...Oh, come on, gals and guys! Emma Watson said that the rumors about 50 shades are totally false - yay, Hermione!? Daniel Craig was spotted together with his wife, Rachel Weisz, which is supposedly a rare occurrence - did not even know those two were married to each other. Kobe Bryant's wife is mad after pictures of her shirtless hubby surrounded by groupies surfaced on the net - ah, lady, you are married to Koby Bryant, for effs sake! And Miley shared her "bedhead" photo - big whoop! I am sure she looked just as disheveled as any other woman first thing in the morning (unless it was an attempt to convince us that she is "one of us", in which case she failed, together with parteigenosse Michelle).

MORNING UPDATE, August 2, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! 

Now both China and us have 30 medals each, and we are only 4 golds short of their record - come on, come on, come on! More Star Spangled Banner!!! R-Patz is #1 on the trending list: he is hiding out at Reese Weatherspoon's place - now he is in his Water for Elephants role. Selena Gomez's hair is trending on #4 - well, hair is very important...have no idea why Selena's new bangs are producing so much excitement though...Some kind of tree-hugger couple from Colorado bought land in Costa Rica and created a thriving tree house village - please, please, please!! all the enviro wacos to follow suit forthwith!! And, apparently, winning Olympic gold brings with it a huge tax bill - confirming an old adage that nothing is certain aside from death and taxes. And Lady Gaga falls to only #3 of most liked celebrities on FB - I guess we need more meat dresses.

MORNING UPDATE, August 3, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! My phone still refuses to show the current weather:) 

And we finally have more medals than the Chinese, and just as much gold!! Yeppeee!! You go, girls and boys!!! R-Patz is #2 on trending list: he will keep to his public appearance schedule after hiding for a while - good going, Edward! Sparkle in the sun again! And #1? Macaulay Culkin, who's rep is denying the drug addiction rumors - I guess staying home alone in not healthy. #3 - Patrick Dempsey, who tweeted a spoiler picture from a future episode - come on, McDreamy, it's unethical! Unemployment is trending last - good to know we got our priorities straight. And, finally, today happens to be the Birthday of three of my good friends - happy Birthday, girls!

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MORNING UPDATE, August 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings!

 Bloody Chinese commies are ahead of us by 2 medals again! But we have the same amount of gold, at least - come on, let's beat the commies! And Yale researches did a study on how commuters on public transportation try to avoid seatmates - another example of Ivy League idiocy; I could have given them the whole shebang for a very reasonable price. Jon Gosselin claims that he is penniless and can't pay child support - him and millions of other dead-beats in the country. The best way to save money on designer jeans is to buy them used - duh! but then you would wonder whose germs are hiding in them. And an "eccentric millionaire" from Holland just completed a replica of Noah's Ark, all to Bible's specs - he wanted to make Bible "more touchable" ...interesting, that...

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MORNING UPDATE, August 6, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Bloody ChiComs are ahead of us again - hoping for the best in the end. Mars Rover landed on Mars to see, once again, if we are alone in the universe - good luck finding more intelligent species than ours! 50 shades is more popular than Harry Potter - witty and imaginative story about standing up to evil as apposed to, well...not much for the intelligence right here. And then there are some female athletes who have been called fat - give me a break, will ya?! All these people look like ugly solid blocks of muscle - where the hell does the fat come in?!!! And you might still be single if you are afraid to show off your vulnerabilities - good one! I should expose my jugular to the species that, at best, is a constant source of humongous migraines, and, at worst, have no printable words for - really, really good one!

MORNING UPDATE, August 7, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! 

ChiComs are still on top of us, and now stinking step-mama country is on the third place, hell damn fart! Come on, come on, come on - beat them!!! Mazal Tov to Natalie Portman on her marriage - which is trending as #4 now. Macaulay Culkin attended the wedding, which is trending as #6 - as always, we are focusing on serious things. Times Square is on the list of 10 places every American should visit - because the crows are not big enough there. And how can we not discuss the homes of Olympians - LeBron got one for 9 mil, with 6 bedrooms, infinity pool, and wine cellar. And soon US might be looking on the future without the post office - Sibelius, that's one way to lower everyone's blood pressure!

MORNING UPDATE, August 8, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Yesterday came to the sad, but inevitable conclusion - there is no escaping barbarians in our fair city. Last night, volunteered to do my mom's laundry and managed to loose 4 towels! My mom's reaction: it should be a kapparah; please go to sleep and forget about it! - love my family!!  

Bloody ChiComs are ahead of us again, both in medal count and and in gold - USA, USA, let's beat the commies!! Jennifer Lawrence's pay will skyrocket for the next installment of the Hunger Games - I am officially stunned! You can get great houses on the cheap in the cities hit hard by the economy - and than sit in this magnificent house and get hit hard by the economy as well. And the second important fact every mom should know: motherhood is a learning curve - gosh, what would we do without hearing all these affirmations over and over again?!!

MORNING UPDATE, August 9, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Was awaken today in the ungodly wee hours of the morning by a piteously mewing beast who kept licking my hand and touching my face with a not-quite-soft paw. Why, you would ask? Because his majesty does not like the food that sat in the bowl for the night. 

We are leading the ChiComs by the number of medals, but they got 2 more golds than us - USA, USA, last stretch!!! According to the learned opinion, David Schwimmer's career is the worst after Friends ended, and Jennifer Aniston's is the best - man, the useful knowledge we so totally need! Cameras are very busy with Michael Phelps' girlfriend - as long as it's not a boyfriend, I really don't care. Pink was photographed with a half bared belly - another earth-shattering piece of news! And speaking of the 90's shows: Jenny Garth slimmed down post -divorce - again, extremely important to know that. And Nicole Kidman is trending at #1 because she sold her West Village condo for only 16 mil - who told that real estate market is in a slump?

MORNING UPDATE, August 10, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! 

We are leading ChiComs both in the number of medals and the gold! Yes! Carry on!! Asking about vacation on an interview is a red flag for a potential employer - no kidding, Sherlock! The rich are hoarding cash, which is not good for the economy - make up your minds, people! Either their profligate spending is toxic, as I was taught by libtard professors, or their not spending is bad - but it can't be both (at least, for a logical person). The military plane spotted a strange formation in the Pacific - I guess Al Gore decided to travel to the South Pole and melt it a bit in order to support his asinine theories. And if you make French toast with a baguette, somehow it ends up being guilt-free - since when are you supposed to feel guilty while eating and immediately after? And what's with baguette? If you make French toast with French bread, it's better for your health?

MORNING UPDATE, August 12, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing all of you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! 

It looks like we are beating ChiComs both in medal count and in gold! WooHoo! Step mama country is in the third place, but Brits beat them in gold! And British athletes cried the most - go figure. Guys who were young in the 90s - tune up your TVs for the closing ceremony! Spice Girls will perform! The Bourne Legacy is trending as #4 - I guess making anti-American movies is still popular. Gas prices are trending last - as usual, people have their priorities straight. And Jon Bon Jovi met his future wife in high school history class, and they are still together - aw; that definitely makes history.

MORNING UPDATE, August 13, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Olympics are over - we beat the ChiComs both in medal count and in gold!!! Yes!!!! Bloody step-mama country is on the third place, but Brits beat them in gold; as my dad derisively said, they became third with just "medyashky". Mazal Tov to Jennifer Aniston on her engagement - the specialists predict she may even beat Brad to the altar. Yesterday was Dominican Day Parade, resulting in usual nonsense in the City and in Washington Heights (wonder how many fights broke out between them and the Puerto Ricans) - I guess they needed a special day to be extra annoying as opposed to the other 364 days when they are just annoying. Miley "chopped off" her hair - which exiting piece of news is currently trending on #3. And a chimp in Las Vegas escaped for the second time in a row - I guess she wanted to join her less intelligent cousins in Senate and the White House. Which reminds me - judging by the amount of poisonous vitriol, which came out of the lefties over weekend, Romney's pick for VP was not too bad.

MORNING UPDATE, August 14, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Last week my phone finally decided to be brave and show the weather reports again. 

Cristina Aguilera highlighter her hair with purple streaks, which is now trending as #2 - well, purple is one of my favorite colors. Colorado is the "skinniest" state in the Union, while parteigenosse Michelle's home state of Michigan is among the top 5 "fattest" - Ma O, you still have a lot of work to do, which, understandably, you continued, while berating Gabby Douglas on national TV for celebrating with McDonalds' sandwich. A woman and her adult son stole about 2 mil worth of toys from Toys R Us - I guess some people never grow up, especially men. Houston is supposed to be the coolest city in the US - go, Texas! Our fair city of New York is only tenth on the list - heck, I guess we need a new mayor (or deport at least 90% of our illegals). Oh, and ChiComs' response to Olympic results: American physique tough to beat (unless we have a President who is hell bent to put us on our knees).

MORNING UPDATE, August 15, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Baby Bro shared the best joke with me last night - his school is offering a combined MA/MBA in Jewish Leadership; insert your own jokes as you see fit. 

Chelsea Clinton is trending at #3 now, because she is not averse to the idea of one day running for the office - because her mommy and daddy left such fantastic legacy to draw on, I guess. Halle Berry is at #4, because she turns 46 today - Happy Birthday, Halle! Will you one day make it widely known that you were raised by your white mother, and that you black father was nowhere in the picture? Nah, I guess calling yourself black is way more politically expedient. Retail sales are at #10: supposedly they are up, and so is the economy - which means the elections are very close, hence the puffed up numbers, because the economy is still very much in the toilet. And I committed the worst crime against my Russian heritage this morning - to use very non-kosher expression, I christened my new wine glass by drinking iced coffee in it.

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MORNING UPDATE, August 16, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday!  Today Show was doing the special on the Moon landing - and, somehow, forgot to curse that Chicago slime that basically ended American space exploration. Michelle Obama is trending at #7 due to her appearance on Leno and her "teasing comment" to Gabby Douglas - at least this time we don't hear about her elegant clothes. Immediately after, at #8, is dark chocolate - cosmic coincidence? And at #10, for reasons unknown, swine flu - go figure. And #1 phrase you should never utter while traveling is "do you speak English?" - because it might insult the locals; that basically confirms my snobby traveling policies - stay away from America-hating countries (which, frankly, encompasses most of the Globe), but this way you can enjoy your vacation and won't support assorted barbarian scumbags.

MORNING UPDATE, August 19, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Happy Rosh Chodesh Elul! Wishing you a fantastic week filled with His blessings! It looks like Curry is finally loosing weight while eating weight-loss food - I guess the company could use him in their ads (he looks menacing enough). 

The day after Miley showed up her "edgy" hairdo, Ellen copied it - too much to say on this one, so feel free to insert your opinion. Parents in Illinois put a bat signal in their pool to indulge their son's love for the superhero - who says economy and real estate are not hopping? 10% of US population are allergic to sun - I didn't know you can identify corrupt politicians that easily. Melbourne is considered the "world's most livable city" - I guess they are not infested with illegal barbarians and our Muslim cousins.

MORNING UPDATE, August 20, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! After cursing my neighborhood yesterday, enjoyed having random rich snobs from UES going out of their way to open doors for me - and felt completely justified in expressing the earlier feelings. 

This just in - Midwest and "Red States" are not welcoming to single women, but Washington, DC, is wonderful for them - what Democratic strategist compiled this one? Hunger Games are outselling Harry Potter on Amazon - although I did not read the first and don't want to sound like a homo soveticus, I still feel that readers' taste went down. Kim Kardashian is trending at #4 because today would have been her wedding anniversary - big mazal tov to you, Kim! Birth control is trending at #10 - not sure why, but maybe somebody would start a campaign any day or sooner among the so called "baby mamas" - way overdue. And there are 8 ways to buy happiness: vacations being #2, and charity #7 - while freedom does not require money, only commitment to fight for its preservation.

MORNING UPDATE, September 21, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Went to Manhattan Children's Museum yesterday - in my opinion, not worth the price, and what the hell with English and Spanish signs?!! But munchkins loved it and spent hours running around - so, I guess, it was good in the end. 

There are special nutrients that help you loose weight faster and reduce emotional eating - they are called stress reduction in general and reduction of male bs in particular. Carmel, IN, is the best place to live in US - I guess there is something to be said for the "Red States". NYC's Dakota is the most exclusive building in the city - heck, I passed it so many times and did not realize its significance! All it was to me was a cool looking building on the way to the Met - go figure. And a couple repeated their wedding 23 times in 15 different countries - talking of stimulating the economy!

MORNING UPDATE, August 23, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! 

Paul Ryan's black ex is trending at #1 - and here I thought that we live in color-blind society, and that the election of Barak/Barry/Hussein signaled the end of racism in this country. Katie Holmes is at #3, as she would be showing her clothing line at NY Fashion Week - alimony not finalized? And Natalie Portman supposedly shed her conservative image in a nude ad - since when did she have a conservative image? Mel Gibson is trending at #6, because his new girlfriend was seen in a pair of scandalous jeans - no comment (or rather, too much to say). And the reason for the collapse of Mayan empire was environmental (and created by Mayans themselves) - damn, I didn't know IPCC could time travel..unless they just doctor history books.

MORNING UPDATE, September 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Babies are dominating the news: Snooki's baby is trending at #4, and Kourtney Kardashian's baby weight is at #2 - fascinating, simply fascinating! Jessica Alba's haircut is at #7 - our priorities are straight! Prince Harry is also floating around the breaking news - because nobody else gets naked in Vegas. And speaking of Brits and stupidity - Emma Watson has a collection of about 20 Bibles: gifts from religious idiots seriously concerned with witchcraft and its deadly influence on the young minds. Men shared their creative ways of saying I love you - how about just not being a jackass at least half the time? That would proclaim his love like no chocolates or perfume ever would. Another lengthy list - what to bring to college and what to skip; well, brain protection against liberal brainwashing from the professors and strong hide to withstand the tolerance of liberal students - that should top any freshman's list.

MORNING UPDATE, August 28, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Both of my cats, for reasons knows only to them, love to spend time in the bathroom and sit in the bathtub - go figure. 

Katy Perry's hair color is trending at #2 - well, hair and color are important, especially during the election year. Prince Harry is at #6: this time the question is as to the cost to the British taxpayers - big deal; just think about the cost of Obama family vacations to the American taxpayers - Brits got it on the cheep. At #1 is Dr. Phil's antique car that was stolen from the auto shop - for shame, steeling man's wheels! Christina Aguilera's skintight dress and pink hair are also on the minds of a lot of people - because this happened for the first time and she is the only one to ever do it. And there was a discussion on the Today about the vacation places to go and rejuvenate, and a place in Spain was mentioned: macrobiotic food and no coffee or sugar - what the heck kind of vacation is this without coffee or sugar, for effs sake?!! And last, but not least: Matthew McConaughey and his family were strolling along the Hudson on Sunday - heck, they took the idea from me! Am a blessed genius at family outings!

MORNING UPDATE, August 29, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! George got a new trick up his sleeve - he is trying to dislodge the blanket with his paw and get my hand from under it so he can be petted. Curry chewed through another re-charger, so I am phone-less once again - blinking Democratic infiltrator. 

Chipotle cheating is trending at #1: it looks like the chain was cheating customers out of their pennies - amateurs! IRS, EPA, and other highway robbers openly take way bigger sums out of the populace in order for the other government robbers to support stuff the majority of US openly opposes - pennies out of dinner bill, my coccyx! Then there are 10 states that are the best for young people: New York, California, DC, Oregon, or Washington did not make the cut - so much for hip places. And Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, got a new boy friend - why is that news? No spouse-cheating politicians for this week? And Louboutin collaborated with Disney in order to create an ideal pair of Cinderella shoes - ladies, get in line! There were only 20 pairs produced!

MORNING UPDATE, August 30, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! Curry is running all over the place hunting something or someone. 

Katie Couric is trending at #1 - more yellow journalism and attacks on conservative women to deliver? Also very important are reports on Cameron Diaz and her legs, which are fabulous even in casual outfits - don't remember which one of my guy friends are leg men. Hundreds of pigeons mysteriously disappeared over North East of England - people visiting this region, please be careful while consuming chicken pies. And it looks like there are many ways to order scotch - while sober, tipsy, drunk, and very drunk? Michael Jackson is trending at #4: his fans are celebrating his birthday - how many crazies are running loose, I want to know. And bad news for Justin Bieber - he reached a 100 in Klout score, but now fell to 90 - below Barak Obama; his number of Twitter followers is also second to Lady Gaga - sheesh, poor guy can't catch a break!