MORNING UPDATE, January 18, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! The weather continues to rock, so, another load of laundry :) Cute South-African neighbors are playing some kind of nice toons. For the past 20 hours can not locate half a bottle of canola oil - damn you, muggle-hating wizards! Speaking of which, completely missed Snape's b-day, which was on the 9th - but since I never really warmed up to him, the point is moot. 

Betty White is trending at #5 right now also due to her b-day: she is turning 91. In light of her advanced age, I guess I should forget about her support of Hussein; the guests at her Birthday bash include Clinton and Couric - double barf; but, heck, it's not my party. Parteigenosse Michelle is "debuting a dramatic new hairdo" - my only wish is that her and her hubby's next dramatic debut would be in court, being tried for felonious thefts and treason. Michael J. Fox does not approve of his son dating Taylor Swift - dude, take it easy! If your son decided to date a popular singer, she is the best on the scene right now. Ian Fleming supposedly modeled the Bond girl on his mistress - how original. According to some posh interior designer, a great kitchen needs 11 things - according to yours truly, a kitchen needs a bit of space, decent dishes, some food, and the absence of hungry men behaving like unreasonable children. And, finally, the great state of Texas is welcoming NYers and their guns - thanks, the great people of the Lone Star State!!! But we could not continue to surrender our positions to the haters of this country and their goons! 

Cappuccino made with love in the biggest mug! And a part of this report was typed with one hand, while the other was holding somebody very yummy.

MORNING UPDATE, January 20, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! Shavua Tov! Wishing everyone a fantastic week filled with great news for America and Israel! The weather is rocking once again, and the middle-Eastern bastard surrendered (at least for now). I am continuing to breath like a stalker. The oil was located!! The role of the wizard was played by my esteemed bil; the mystery of the disappearing kugel, on the other hand, is still not solved. Yours truly once again incurred the Royal wrath, and this time was evicted from the Royal Tucker-Inners; and, even though I was forgiven later, I was still not admitted to the Royal Bath. Also, according to FB, I am supposed to attend a parenting class today - for the reasons that somehow elude me. And today marks the first time in known history when I washed a tomato with soap. 

Handbags and wallets are the #1 counterfeit in America, and about 80% of it originates in China - damn you, fashion mags! "Obama's firearms ban ignites pro-gun rallies" - wow, no joke, Sherlock! There is also a list of careers for people bored with their current jobs - wow! There are actually people who are bored with their jobs, and not just grateful to have one? And where in the world is Bieber? What happened to Gaga - no wardrobe eruptions in a whole week! And how goes Kardashian pregnancy? Very slow news day! 

Cappuccino in a medium cup.

MORNING UPDATE, February 4, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is sunny and cold - well, at least it's sunny. I spent 8 hours in Amsterdam without going anywhere close to Mary Jane - hell, am an embarrassment to geeks everywhere! Also, in completely un-American fashion, totally ignored Super Bowl and Super Bowl attachments yesterday - and it looks like missed some excitement in the bargain. Although, no one lost their clothes, so, nothing to report. In completely unrelated news, Dumbledore's official title is now Menahel. 

And now, for the Earth-shuttering events: Kate's baby bump was officially witnessed by paparazzi! (which event is currently trending at #1). She was - what else - shopping for the maternity clothes; well, good luck, lady - both with the shopping and the paparazzi. Conspiracy theorists claim that Beyoncé flashed an Illuminati sign during her performance - I don't think that woman has education enough to know about Illuminati (of course, there is always the distinguished works of that cheep scribe, Dan Brown, so, the debate stands). According to the Epicurious, Whole Food's vanilla is the best ice cream - no comment, as never tasted; however, I strongly disagree with their second runner-up - Breyer's - no taste at all! Haagen Dazs rules! Super Bowl swearing is trending at #8 - because Raven's QB apparently expressed himself in non-printable terms; spare me - did you ever take a bus full of "inner city" kids dismissed from school? Raven's Quarter Back got nothing on them! New advice from Match.com: 10 reasons to dump a guy; number 2 - if he is mama's boy; lady, you obviously are not familiar with the Jewish dating scene - 98.9% of them are mama's boys! If we dump them or don't date them, who is left? And where in the world is Bieber?!!! Although I recently learned (quite by accident) that he was performing at the 2012 Victoria's Secret annual fashion show - hum, go, Bieber? 

Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 7, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is, well, seasonal...According to Baby Bro, my coffee can strip the paint off the walls - and after tasting some from a local shop yesterday, I sort of got what he is saying - hurray for my cooking skills! Curry is officially renamed Mr. Sniffles - also compliments of Baby Bro.  In case you missed it, archaeologists finally unearthed the remains of Richard III - and the guy did have a bad case of scoliosis! Lucy Lawless is trending at #6 now because she was sentenced to 120 hours of community service and $547 fine for trespassing on an oil tanker - I guess she realized that only peeps as old as I or older remember who she is, so she needs to boost her image for the younger generation by showing what a wonderful envirowaco she is. The new study shows that people can "guess your age, gender and income" looking at your shoes - yea, if you gaze at my flip flops and see my feet, you can sort of guess my gender and income; age might be another story. The longest married US couple lives in CT and have been married for 80 years - congrats! And, of course, her wedding dress, veil, and bouquet look stunning! There is also someone's hair in the news - this time it is Aniston's, who was wearing "platinum wig" in her new movie - truly important update, without which we could not possible go into weekend! There are also detailed instructions on how to hunt for a python - who is that bored or stupid? Also, never fill up in a Thursday, because it looks like the prices are highest on this day - or the entire time we have an America-hating President in the office. No news on Royal or Kardashian pregnancies, and Bieber is missing in action as well - I guess that makes it a very slow news day.  Coffee this morning in my Disney Dalmatian spots mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 10, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Shavua Tov! Happy Sunday! Happy Rosh Chodesh Adar! Ladies, please remember - VERY light housework and presents from your hubbies!! The weather is NY February...and there is a nice pile of snow outside my window. The miscreants from sanitation, probably fresh from the lawsuits from the last snow fiasco, are now making rounds every half an hour (even though there is nothing to clean anymore). George comes to snuggle every evening and every morning; Snuffles comes when he feels like it, walks over my hair, and goes to the cat house. 

Astrology.com "reveals what's in store for your career, wealth, relationships, and health" for the Year of the Snake - I think this belongs in "do not disturb the disturbed" file. Chris Brown is trending at #1 because he crashed his Porsche before the Grammys and blamed the paparazzi for it - the fact that this is trending at #1 has more shock value than a crashed Porsche. Yet another celeb hairdo is in the news (currently trending at #9) - Ethan Hawke has gone blond; personally, I never thought he was that hot looking, but now he just looks downright strange. Then there was a whole video of affordable valentine chocolates; the best suggestion? champagne truffles from Jacques Torres - affordable, my coccyx! Speaking of Valentines - White Castle offering to make reservations for that day is not a myth; saw it with my own eyes! Preggo celebs are keeping mum - disappointing. Also, there is a whole bunch of Grammy-related stuff, on which I can not offer an educated opinion, as I don't listen to their music, and not familiar with half of musicians and bands at all - sorry to disappoint, folks. 

Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug - with I was there now.

MORNING UPDATE, February 11, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Happy Rosh Chodesh Adar! Ladies, another reminder - very LIGHT housework!! And remind your husbands that they have another day to redeem themselves and get you a present. The weather is, once again, NY February, and the snow under my window is turning grey and slushy. 

Bieber is back!!!! He is currently trending at #1 - surprise, that. It looks like he hosted the latest SNL, and jokingly apologized for his "weed bust" - teens and tweens, rejoice once more! In regards to Grammys - I went through their red carpet shots last night, and, in my unprofessional opinion, this lot looks even scarier than the Oscar parade, and in the immediate need of psychiatric help. Oh, and their wardrobe choices mostly stink, with rare exceptions. Adele looked cute - but then, she is the only real looking person in there. J. Lo came half-naked - big news, that. And "Brown, Rihanna snuggled together" - one more proof of need for anti-psychotic meds. Pope is stepping down; his replacement is supposed to take over by the end of March - I wonder if the new guy will continue with HP obsession and Muslim butt-kissing. And a "dirtier side" of solar energy revealed - it looks like this particular industry is producing a whole bunch of hazardous waste; gee wiz, I am simply floored with astonishment! There is also a whole advise on how to prep your house for winter - for whom, Australians? In case you missed it, guys, we are in the middle of February; the time for winter preparation is kinda over. And, finally, another celeb hairdo makes it into the news - this time it's Helen Mirren (currently trending at #9), who "debuted" pink hair - trying to fight the old age? 

Coffee this morning in my Aruba mug (yea, I know, once again).

MORNING UPDATES, February 12, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Ladies, I hope Rosh Chodesh rocked, and you got nice presents from your hubbies! The weather continues to be NY February, and the snow under my window is almost gone - mainly slush left. George got jealous when Sniffles cuddled up with Baby Bro, and was giving them dirty looks. The crazy upstairs did not disappoint - the vacuuming session just finished. 

Everyone is concerned as to who is going to be a new Pope - since when is everyone a Catholic? There is a rumor going on that Bieber photocopied his, um, family jewel during the SNL rehearsal, and sent it to Hilary as a Valentine card - there were no comments or confirmations from Bill on that particular topic. There is also a huge asteroid coming our way that's supposed to "brush" by Earth, or, in worse case scenario, destroy DC - why is that a worse case scenario? I just want to warn Bachmann, Cruz, and couple of other half-decent politicians to stay away - and it would be a best case scenario. Again all the famous preggos keep mum - frustrating, that. And, finally, the President of Chechnya declared war on witches and seers - I guess that is the biggest problem his country is facing today, and the rest of them were solved long time ago. 


Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 13, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather improved slightly, and there is no more snow under my window. Got a bit scared in the night when I heard somebody else snoring in the room till I realized that I was Snuffles sleeping in the cat house. 

The latest issue of my monthly bible featured Dakota Fanning on the cover - and let me tell you, boys and girls, she looks mighty scary. The same publication also claims that 67% of guys do not mind leg stubble - mighty generous of them. And, finally, the publication released the information on Kardashians' 2 step-sisters who are ready to take on the world - world, get a bit more scared! Paparazzi got Kate's baby bump, and will release it, or rather the pictures of it, very shortly! Rejoice, oh world, because nobody saw a tall, skinny, 30 year old preggo in expensive clothes before! And this just in - Alec Baldwin's current wife is pregnant also, and, like Kate and Kim K, also due this summer - hell, where should we all hide this summer? Shortly after Pope announced his resignation, the Vatican was struck by humongous lightning - insert your own comment, as everyone else is busy doing just that. Taylor Lautner turned 21 - which happy event is currently trending at #8; the birthday bash included bowling and Kristen Stewart as guest. Congrats, Taylor! I hope the legally served beer was enjoyable. Our fair city is one of 5 US metro areas where there are way more single women than men - I guess that explains the singularly unappealing state of NY single men. In the same vein - our very own Brooklyn Botanical Garden is considered New York's most romantic location. Wow, could have fooled me, because every time I go there, it is full of local barbarians and their progeny, along with "inner city" kiddies and barbarian curses. Yea, I can see myself swooning in romantic embrace there. 

Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 14, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather seem to be rocking for NY February. Well, today is Valentine's day, and I, frankly, never understood either the reverence of the hatred surrounding it. You want to feel loved and appreciated? Honestly, you don't need overpriced candy or lingerie for that - and there are other 364 days to express love. On the other hand, if you don't want to celebrate it, don't , for eff's sake! There is no need for so much virulence and hot air! Enjoy the sale on yummy chocolates and cute accessories the day after - I usually do ( providing I have time and/or money :)). And my erudite Jewish friends, please spare me the necessary lectures - as I have been known to crack a book or two, or even, in my salad days, attend a few classes. 

More Americans are leaving the country because of taxes - please don't let the door slam you on the way out! Also, do us all a favor, and get all the other ungrateful swine with you, beginning with liberals and Hussein supporters! Calcium can increase women's chance of a heart attack - well, here is a thought: how about we eat everything and just enjoy life? SI's swimsuit issue is upsetting some guys, because the spread looks to be, well, not really PC - oh, for crying out loud! Either enjoy those absolutely unnatural-looking models like a normal dude, or don't embarrass yourself and keep quite! In honor of today, there is also a list of celebs "looking for love" - spare me! Bieber is quiet once again, but Kate's pictures of her "baby bump" are "drawing ire" from the Palace - Bess, give those bastards a break! Believe me, that's not the worse they are capable of! There is also extreme silence from the Kardashian front - scary, that.

Coffee this morning in my big Pooh and Friends mug.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

On June 12, 1987, President Reagan made his now famous "Tear down this wall" speech; on June 12, 1988, our family boarded the plane to Vienna; our final destination - freedom.  We were not allowed to take much, and Baby Bro ended up leaving that accursed place in a cast.  That did not matter to us - our shackles were finally lifted. This day was and is special to our family, and today I would like to address all these hoards of America's domestic enemies that are now screaming, looting, and doing their damnedest to destroy this country.  Dear brainwashed, uniformed morons and ungrateful swine - you have no idea how blessed you were to be born here!  Every time you yell to someone else about "checking their privilege" - just look at yours!  American flag that you hate so much was, is, and always will be a symbol of freedom to every single person languishing under a tyrannical regime!  You, on the other hand, worship some of the worst tyrants and mass murderers in history, and dream about establishing totalitarianism here!  You don't know how to create, only how to destroy - and you dream of erasing our history, and destroying all memory of founding fathers!  They pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to the cause of freedom - you want to destroy the lives of everyone who dares to disagree with your brown shirt mentality, establish your goals by robbing everyone else of their fortunes, and you have no inkling of the concept of honor - sacred or otherwise!  You think that you got your wish - not so fast; this country and everything it stands for is worth fighting for!  Freedom is worth fighting for!  We, the political refugees from the worst regimes on this planet, will not surrender!  May Gd bless America, and may He protect it from all the enemies, foreign and domestic!

MORNING UPDATE, January 16, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Considering the time of the year, the weather is simply rocking - but not for long, as, you know, global warming and stuff.
George is alternating between turkey and tuna. Sniff "helped" me clean.
The offensive t-shirts were laundered and are waiting for the warmer weather and the continued chances to offend.
Speaking of laundry - only one TV was on; that one was turned on channel 5. The so-called news were not as bad - but then there was Wendy Williams Show. Oh, sweet mercy!
The crazy upstairs is on her post.

Currently trending at #2 is Nick Cannon - because he officially filed for divorce from Mariah Carey. I wonder how much their lawyers are going to rake in.
Emma Stone is at #6 - because it looks like she is planning a summer wedding. More money into the economy - just into slightly different channels.
"Medicare chief is latest Obamacare casualty" - still waiting for the actual Obama to become the Obamacare casualty.
"Slain Charlie Hebdo editor blamed for attack" - wow, that was over a week in coming!
"Simple way to cook fish" - if you know how to cook, it's simple, geniuses!
"Why men are starting to embrace makeup" - yuck and barf!
"Tips to declutter your kitchen for good" - what planet are you from?
Kate Moss turns 41; still does not look real - or gorgeous, for that matter.
And here is an interesting twist - "George Clooney has a problem - and it's Amal". Why? Because his political aspirations might be derailed by his new bride's open Antisemitism. Big effin deal! My dear moronic brothers and sisters will still continue to sponsor Democrats and vote for them.
And, finally, "Prince Harry tops 8,000 pounds outfit with 1.66 pounds socks" - how do you know the precise prices? And, most importantly, why is this important?

Coffee this morning in disposable cup from the bagel shop next to the laundromat.

MORNING UPDATE, January 23, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is pretty decent for a January Day - but the big storm is expected to hit our cost, because, you know, global warming and stuffs.
George refuses to eat turkey now - tuna is still OK. Sniff re-discovered my bed last night, but this morning he decided to relocate to his favorite radiator.
This morning I decided to balance my checkbook and pay my bills before coffee and brunch - I wonder if straight jackets come in lavender, my favorite color.
Crazy upstairs did a short version of her routine today - I wonder if she is OK.

Currently trending at #1 is Jon Gosselin - because he "scores DJ gig". Wow, who knew the dude was so multitalented!
Trending at #2 is Kendall Jenner - because she "shows off some serious leg". Oh, come on! Since when are we so Victorian-minded as to swoon over some girl's legs? Plus, hers look pretty good, but I have seen better on the subway - and those were not airbrushed and/or photoshopped.
Trending at #3 is Kerry Washington - because she "could only trust" Louboutin's shoes when she was pregnant. Nice to know that those shoes are so "balanced" - will have to speak to the management about adding a book about Louboutin heels to our pregnancy section.
Katy Perry, on the other hand, went to the LA Fashion Awards in all pink outfit that included bubblegum pink Adidas' classic Duramo slides - OK, if a celebrity shows up in flip flops anywhere, I can sue for copyright infringement.
Here is another interesting tidbit - according to the study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, "an individual’s Twitter behavior is a better predictor of coronary heart-disease than “smoking, diabetes, income and education — combined.” Wow, I am speechless!

Coffee this morning in my Get A Grip mug.

MORNIBNG UPDATE, January 26, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! It's snowing! It's supposed to be a historic snowstorm - let's see if our dear Mayor will plow UES this time around.
Cats are extra sleepy - wish I could do the same. Sniff continues to sleep on my bed most of the night, but now he is on his fave radiator, so George took up my bed.
The crazy upstairs is strangely silent - maybe she is also extra sleepy?

Currently trending at #8 is Kim Kardashian - because she published a new book. Wow! She also arrived in DC "bundled up in fur", but in sandals! Hum - should I sue this one for copyright infringement?
"Rodman: N. Korea wasn't involved with Sony hack" - as always, paging psychiatric help for this dude.
"Match your favorite diet to your skincare" - that also needs psychiatric intervention.
"Mountain-size asteroid set to buzz Earth" - who cares about asteroids? We got terrorists, environmentalists, and politicians that are doing bang up job of buzzing the Earth.
"The best winder fitness gear of 2015" - what bloody fitness in the winter?!!
And, finally, Will, Kate, and Georgie are sunning somewhere - one of the few times I envy royals.

Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE, January 30, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! For now it's a beautiful January day, but more cold and snow predicted.
George got it into his head to meow piteously when he is not demanding food, but just wants to be brushed. Sniff woke me up this morning by snuggling next to my head.
The little darlings at work hit me with about ninth different stain of rhinovirus, so I go around the house scaring the poor beasts with my sneezing and coughing.
The crazy upstairs performs her routing sporadically - I guess even she is adversely affected by the winter.

Currently trending at #1 is Peyton Manning - because he is not sure about coming back next season. I am sure it's a breaking and earth-shattering development, but as I am completely disinterested in any kind of sport, can't really offer my personal opinion on that one.
All-inclusive resorts are trending at #3 - that's what should be at #1!!!
"Dartmouth takes drastic step" by banning all hard liquor on campus - that's not drastic, that's idiotic. Refusing to brainwash students and actually educate them - that would, indeed, be drastic.
Our dear Secretary of State John Kerry was fined 50 big ones for "failing to shovel snow" - aww, poor guy! I am sure it was very painful for his wallet.
"What It's Like To Go A Month Without Alcohol, Sugar, And Caffeine" - why? Why? Why? Why would you do something like this to yourself?!!!
And, finally, Kate's younger brother was bitching about, er, claiming that it can be really "frustrating" to be in her shadow - um, dude, I hate to break it to you, but your sis ended up being a princess and a mother of the future king, so it's sorta hard to top that. Just man up and be a decent human being - that's all anyone can do anyway.

Coffee this morning in my NRA mug.

PS - as I was typing this, the crazy upstairs woke up and performed her routine straight over my head.

MORNING UPDATE, February 13, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! It's sunny, windy, and bloody cold outside - I guess the ice caps on the North Pole melted completely and cooled the Gulf Stream (or something to that extent). Cats are not happy about the cold either; George completely refuses to eat poultry, and Sniff broke my fave soup mug during his morning exercise routine.
Yesterday wanted to watch a movie on Netflix - ended up watching Stardust because Netflix suggested it. Enjoyed it just as much as I did the first time around.
The crazy upstairs is awake and active.

Currently trending at #1 is Khloe Kardashian - and if you click on her name, the following headline comes up: "Kardashian Cleavages Battle: Kim vs. Khloe". Leaving that for the dudes to figure out.
Correction: Charlie Sheen just jumped to #1 with the following statement: "Brian Williams, you're my hero!" Brilliant! A pathetic drunk with extremely mediocre talent and history of attempted murder of his wife is defending a lying Obama supporter! Pass the popcorn - this is a very, very amusing show!
Rosie O'Donnell is at #10 so we can find out all about her last day hosting The View - good riddance to Rosie, and hopefully soon, good riddance to The View!
Ruth Bader Ginsburg admitted that she fell asleep during Hussein's latest speech because she was not "completely sober" - for once, I sympathize with her. How can you survive any of his speeches being completely sober?
"Things to avoid when traveling abroad" - try to avoid traveling to countries that do not like Americans.
"Guilt-free napping" - the words "guilt" and "nap" should never be connected!
"Edible aphrodisiacs" - spare me.
And, finally, a woman named Ellen Smith celebrated her 100th birthday by playing gold - you go, grandma!

Coffee this morning in my NRA mug.

MORNING UPDATE, March 6, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Shushan Purim! It's nice, sunny, and cold outside; and the streets are covered in somewhat pristine snow - a perfect March day! (for Moscow). Felines are tired of the long winter as well - they are just sleeping. George also decided that turkey might be OK sometimes, but tuna is definitely the food of the Egyptian gods. Sniff increased the amount of meditating he does over the food bowl.

Youtube decided - for the reasons unknown - that it has to bombard me with ads featuring Jennifer Aniston and the latest free gift with purchase at Estee Lauder. Um, guys, your data collection engine is misfiring big time!
Yet another "New York Times bestselling author" of picture books for kids - Beth Stern! Of course, my naïve mind did not make the connection till I actually saw the back side of the book (pun not intended).
Currently trending at #3 is Kendall Jenner - because she was "Nearly Trampled By Crazed Fans In Paris". My barely existing respect for the French just plummeted even further.
Alex Baldwin is at #2 - because he is supposed to play NYC Mayor on HBO. Well, he is as loony as our own Mayor, and just as lefty, so, it works.
Tax preparation is trending only at #8 - I guess it's only March, hence it's not on top yet.
"Eva Longoria sizzles in tight grey dress" - as always, it's not her intellect that "sizzles".
"The jobs recovery is weaker than it seems" - wow!! You don't say!!
"Why it pays to be semivegetarian" - not when you tally the astronomic prices of fruit and veggies!
"Nostalgic dessert is making a comeback" - since we are talking about Jell-O, I had no idea it ever "went away".
"Good news for milk drinkers" - oh, hell, I forgot that milk might be bad for you!
And, finally, the fans of Downtown Abbey, rejoice! Kate is scheduled to visit the set of the show to celebrate its success.

Coffee this morning in my Disney Bean Bag Mini mug with Mickey and Friends.

MORNING UPDATE, March 8, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! It's actually warm outside!! I mean, it's windy, and the snow looks blah-y, but the temperatures are normal for March - wow...
George is sleeping after whining for and partaking of his tuna (and having a scuffle with Sniff). Sniff is also sleeping after trying to run out about 6 times, chasing the devils - and picking up a fight with George.
By the strange quirk of our new scheduling system, yours truly got a day off today - which I am enjoying to the fullest (e.i. just being a lazy bum).
Today is The International Women's Day - which to me personally means some funny and weird childhood memories and even funnier Jewish lore.
Today is also the first day of Daylight Savings Time - for which bounty I would like to curse once again everyone responsible for this travesty and twice yearly abuse of our bodies.
The crazy upstairs is strangely quiet - I guess she did not change her clocks on time.

Currently trending at #1 is Carrie Underwood - because of her newborn baby boy. Mazal Tov!
Trending at #5 is Nail Polish - I think people are anticipating the season of sandals and pedis!
Trending at #9 is Amal Clooney - because she is "to teach at Columbia Law". How lame and unoriginal!
Wedding Invitations are trending at #10 - love is in the air?
"'American Sniper' now top-grossing film of 2014" - which kinda proves that Americans still "need a hero", despite all the bloviating and propaganda from the Left.
Our fair metropolis is at #7 amongst "The 10 richest cities in the U.S."; San Francisco is at #1 - which probably explains the success of one specific branch of Lefty propaganda.
"The 7 Taxes we hate the most" - really? I would think by now we hate all taxes, not just any specific ones.
In the news of hairstyles - Raven Symone "Is Experimenting With a Platinum Blonde Hairpiece".
And, finally, Kate's fave designer was talking about "dressing her baby bump".

Coffee this morning in my Disney Dalmatian Spots mug that my sis got for me.

MORNING UPDATE, May 8, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is sorta summery - we want spring!! Cats finished their morning sessions of whining for food, fighting, hunting local barbarians, and running around the house - and are now happily snoozing in their respective corners.

Mark Kelly is busy producing children's books - in between the times devoted to deprive us of our constitutional right.
Recently astonished a bunch of friends by telling them that I don't think Colin Firth made a decent Mr. Darcy.

Currently trending at #3 is Shonda Rhimes - and, surprisingly, not because people are gunning for her for killing McDreamy.
Gifts for mom are trending at #5 - no comment.
Chevy Volt is at #10 - someone is still moron enough to buy it?!!
Some moron in Virginia posted his demand note on Instagram before going in to rob a bank - insert your own joke here.
In the news of hairdos - it looks like Katie Holmes' haircut at the infamous, excuse me, famous Met gala was a wig. Could have told you that from the beginning.
Tina Fey took off her dress in honor of her last appearance on the Letterman - hurray for women's lib!
"Bieber's couture look" - there is just so much that's not right with this headline!
"Benefits of measles shot" - like, really?!! You need to know the benefits of the measles shot?!!
"White House fence upgrade" - that is ironic on so many levels.
And, finally, it looks like the bonnet that princess Charlotte wore for her first public appearance was put on backwards - the culprit or culprits unknown.

Coffee this morning in my blue wine glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE, May 12, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather, well, not too put a fine point on it, sucks! There is nothing worse than this idiotic haze - which, by the way, settled on three weeks earlier! Sniff sits by the open kitchen window and observes his domain; George remembered his fondness for cereal and milk.
The crazy upstairs is very active.

The eminent writer known as Kim Kardashian West came out with a new book called Selfie.
Currently trending at #1 is someone named Erin Andrews - because she "swears she didn't roll her eyes Monday night when Noah Galloway proposed to Jamie Boyd on "Dancing With the Stars."" Wow! Just wow! That is number one?!!
Trending at #3 is Liam Neeson - who is " is in final negotiations to star in the terrorist-themed thriller A Willing Patriot." Good job, Liam! I am sure it's another movie glorifying gun control.
"Introducing Dr. Kanye West" - insert your own joke here.
"Taste-tasting the new McDonald's kale meal" - there is something seriously wrong with this sentence.
"Prince Harry 'would love to have kids right now'" - good luck, Your Highness! It's so easy to find someone you want to have kids with.
And, finally, the headline of the week: "Did Kylie Jenner Raid Justin Bieber's closet?"

Coffee this morning in my black cup from Target.

MORNING UPDATE, May 14, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather is absolutely gorgeous! George got his own version of spring fever where he just drives everyone bonkers. Sniff thinks that freshly cleaned table and counters were specifically prepared so that his royal highness can enjoy them as his personal couch.
The crazy upstairs is strangely silent.

White House is currently on the lockdown because some schlimazal decided to "pilot a drone over the fence" - once again, insert your own jokes here.
Currently trending at #1 is someone named Anastasia Ashley - who apparently is a "Sports Illustrated model"; and the reason she got the top spot is because she "has been named brand ambassador and is the face of Freedom for Finishing Touch, the number #1 hair remover for women in America." Wow! What a piece of earth-shattering news!
Trending at #3 is Blythe Danner - because she "defended Paltrow, saying, 'I know that she’s the most extraordinary girl who can do everything'". Of course a mother thinks her daughter is extraordinary, even when she is nuttier than a fruitcake. Why is this news?
Catherine Deneuve is at #8 - because she "has lamented the demise of old-school Hollywood glamour." You and me both, girlfriend, you and me both.
"Is Mexico safe for US tourists right now?" - why the hell would anyone want to go there in the first place?!!
According to latest studies, having more siblings makes you more creative, healthier, and less likely to divorce - another reason for loving mine! :)
"9 clever tricks to rid your home of odors" - how about at least one trick to defend yourself against the malodorous barbarians? Especially in the summer?!!
"3 models, 3 white-hot looks at Cannes" - once again, may I suggest a trip to the Met - or another museum featuring the art of dead white males? That will show what truly beautiful women and elegant clothes look like.
And, finally, "Prince George's hair grooming secrets" - that one just made me roll my eyes.

Coffee this morning in my personalized mug from Hershey Park.

MORNING UPDATE, May 19, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Happy Rosh Chodesh Sivan! The weather is a bit strange, but as long as there is no sun beating down on us through the fog of 85% humidity, this camper is happy.
Sniff sent us on a guilt trip by sitting next to his food bowl, chased the demons, destroyed the window screen some more, and is now resting in the cat house. George complained about food, ate some of it, fought with his roommate, complained some more, and is now sleeping on my spare blanket.
This morning was in dire need of some pastafarian reading materials as some extra friendly Russian-speaking missionaries who looked like they were from somewhere in Uzbekistan came knocking on my door.
The crazy upstairs is alive, kicking, and on top of her routine.

Currently trending at #1 is Kris Jenner - because "Bruce Jenner's transition has been tough on his entire family". My heart bleeds borsch for the entire family.
Paris Hilton is at #7 - as she "has broken the selfie ban on the Cannes red carpet." Self-absorbed much?
But, then, I would assume that self-absorption and general idiocy is not limited to the attendees of Cannes festival as "The Cannes Film Festival is coming under scrutiny for its strict dress code after women not wearing high heels were turned away from a premiere." Very French and deeply profound. "Naked dresses" were OK, by the way, as was clearly demonstrated by Eva Longoria.
Acura MDX is at #6 for reasons unclear.
"Taylor Swift jumpsuit drama" - there is just sooo much wrong with this headline, I don't know where to start.
"Why do men exist? Science (finally) has an answer" - I am sure the grant requests for that particular groundbreaking study were pretty amusing.
"13 clever ways to hide a microwave in your kitchen" - why?!!
"Worst casino decisions" - the first being actually walking into a casino.
And, finally, Will's paternity leave is over, but his mother-in-law is stepping in.

Coffee this morning in my musical notes mug.

MORNING UPDATE, May 22, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is fantastic! George continues to periodically complain about the general state of affairs. Sniff climbed on top of the fridge and meditated there for a while.
A bit earlier saw a dude walking his dog and singing.
The crazy upstairs is strangely silent - oops, spoke too soon.

Currently trending at #8 are used cars - why now, I wonder; maybe because the economy is still very much in the crapper?
Mattress sales are at #10 - because it's holiday weekend? Why such a spiked interest in mattresses all of a sudden?
Katie Holmes is obsessed with socks - because, according to her, she does not have enough, and she hates cold feet. OK, let's send her some socks for Christmas.
"Robin Thicke steps out with new girlfriend" - that's some quick work there. Wasn't he serenading his ex wife just a couple of months ago?
"Jennifer Love Hewitt embraces "sexy" motherhood" - why the hell does everything has to be sexy?!! Feminists? Anyone?
"Bathroom upgrades you never knew you needed" - interesting. I wonder what else I need that I don't know about.
"How Clinton can be 'small business president" - stop laughing already!
"Best beaches for 2015" - it's a beach!! Just enjoy it!

Coffee this morning in my funky green mug from Yves Rocher.

MORNING UPDATE, May 26, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather is typical for the end of May, damn it!

Our household was in a state of crisis last night and this morning - mainly, felines ate twice the regular amount of tuna (probably celebrating as well), so we ran out. George had to be given catnip - hilarity ensued. Sniff was just sitting next to the food bowl and sending his usual glances.
The crazy upstairs got well rested over the holidays and is back to her routine - vigorously, I should add.

"Gigi, Bella, Kendall, & Hailey rule Memorial Day Weekend Style" - here is an earth-shattering headline for you.
Currently trending at #8 is Liam Neeson - because "Ad executives looking for a celebrity to endorse their product can't do much better than actor Liam Neeson." I guess firearms are not included in the "products".

According to the Forbes' list of "world's most powerful women of 2015", the second place on this list belongs to Hillary Rodham Clinton, and the the tenth - to Michelle Obama. On behalf of women - yuck and barf!
"Kanye West Sends Kim Kardashian Gushing Anniversary Twitter Message One Day Late" - awww, how sweet and romantic!
"The exact right height to hang pictures" - seriously?!!
"Healthy leafy greens?" - really? Is there such thing as "unhealthy leafy green"?
"Amal Clooney steals spotlight in yellow silk dress" - a profound achievement.
"Lena Dunham Poses In A Bra And Underwear Because She Can" - a great day for the women's lib!
And, finally, a truly astonishing piece of news: "Islamic State pays for fighter's honeymoon." How, um, very romantic of them.

Coffee this morning in my funky glass Cappuccino mug.

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MORNING UPDATE, June 1, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! Happy first day of June! It's cloudy and rainy outside, but no humidity, so I am happy. George and Sniff developed a taste for minced dinners, which were previously ignored in favor of cubed ones.

Archbishop Tutu writes religious books for kids about love and peace - here is another definition of chutzpah for you. 

Crazy upstairs is strangely silent.

Currently trending at #5 are sandals for women - considering what else is trending, this should be the top spot (or maybe I just love sandals that much).
"Bruce Jenner Reveals Caitlin on Vanity Fair Cover" - good luck to both of their kids! Actually, never mind.
Speaking of which - Kim Kardashian is pregnant. That kid definitely needs all the luck he or she can get.
"Dress like Jane Fonda" - another lesson on how to be a traitor to the best country in the world and profit hugely from it.
"Paltrow's new competition" - "Apparently, being an actress, model, or reality TV star isn’t enough for some stars, and in the past couple of years several well known celebrities have diversified their career offerings towards advising you and I how to best live our lives." Basically, from "do not disturb the disturbed" category.
"Eco-conscious entertainers hoping to take the lead on water conservation talk proudly of their drought-friendly gardens." - give them all a  Presidential Medal of Honor!
"TSA agents fail 67 out of 70 security tests" - we should all feel sooo safe right about now.

And, finally, "The Royals Are Adorable Tourists" - they are just adorable.

Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug, new edition.

MORNING UPDATE, June 2, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! It's still rainy and cold outside - yes!! Today cats decided that minced tuna is not such fun after all, but relented in the end.

Here is another extremely talented guy who recently came up with a collection of poetry for kids - Nick Cannon!

Currently trending at #1 is Goldie Hawn - because she came up with the explanation of why she never married Kurt Russel. According to her, "a lasting relationship isn't about marriage". What can I tell you - it's always amusing to see when guys come up with explanations of why they never marry the love of their lives, but now I see that's it's doubly amusing to see a woman do the same.
Trending at #2 is Robert Downey Jr. - because he apparently needs his own furniture when he travels to movie locations. Interesting quirk, but very mild by Hollywood standards - especially if he pays the shipping costs.
"The complex Jenner-Kardashian relationship" - there are mental health professionals to untangle the "complexity".
"2015 hurricane season: What to expect" - um, hurricanes?
"How healthy is your bread?" - it's bread, you spoiled brats! Eat and enjoy!
"Broken leg won't sideline Kerry from Iran talks" - how courageous of him!
"4 Reasons You Shouldn't Buy A Diamond Ring" - ladies, have at them!

And, finally, "Chelsea Clinton’s Daughter May Own the Last Dress Oscar de la Renta Ever Made" - yea, this family is one of the working class, man, no denial about it.

Coffee this morning in my blue wine glass.

MORNING UPDATE, June 8, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is a bit strange, but breathable - and that's all I am asking of it, honestly! Cats demolished another can of tuna, had another fight, and are now sunning themselves.

The crazy upstairs is silent.

Currently trending at #9 are Father's Day gift - why not at #1?
"Starbucks celebrates Frappuccino's 20th birthday" - I officially feel old.
"How Beyoncé maintains her 'bootylicious' body" - aside from usual nonsense about diet and exercise offered to women this time, why is nobody offended by the word "bootylicious" itself?
"Personal side of Clinton" - here is a topic for a horror movie.
"Improved sales of whole-milk yogurts suggest a growing preference for minimally processed dairy products, experts say" - wow! My opinion is vindicated - again!
"Most underrated honeymoon destination" - as it's in Turkey, I sort of see why it's "underrated".
"Christie would crack down on pot as President" - great platform, Governor! You got my vote only under extreme duress!
"J. Lo. ditches 'nude' for new" - is it her attempt to counteract "my ass was too hot for Morocco" statement?
"Ariana Grande's Necessary Call For Feminism and Sisterhood" - predictably, she quotes Gloria Steinem, but mentions nothing about women being able to defend themselves.

"$20 bottled water is so popular it's sold out" - world never runs out of suckers.

Coffee this morning in my US Virgin Islands mug, aka "get a grip".

MORNING UPDATE, June 19, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is getting summer-y - and I would dearly love to kick everyone who was complaining about the cold two weeks ago. George decided that he likes pate after all - and Sniff decided to listen to the old coot.

For reasons unknown I have been listening to the Conquest of Paradise - a lot, and also contemplating on the Journey of Columbus.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the battle of Waterloo - here is another tyrant who was supposedly brought down by Russians.

Crazy upstairs decided to have extra fun and to perform her routine after nine p.m. EST.

Currently trending at #3 is Kate Mckinnon - because she, together with Melissa McCarthy (trending at #10), and Kristen Wiig (not trending), are filming "femme-powered Ghostbusters reboot'. Here is to female empowerment! We need more women to fight ghosts - or something.
Jerry Hall just jumped to #1 - for reasons completely unknown.
"7 shortcuts to a chick, sophisticated home" - oh, please. All you need is money.
"Feast your eyes on street food around the world" - all I can think of is "how sanitary was the prep process?"
"Russia willing to consider financial aid for Greece" - let's raise our glasses to the theater of the absurd!
"The Unexpected Beauty Product You Can Find at Starbucks" - their napkins "work great as blotting papers"! How poor are we getting already?!!
Naomi Campbell still fits into her dress from 1998 - and I still fit into my swimsuit from 2008. So, what's the big deal?

And, finally, Mary Claire UK did a whole spread on Kate's jewelry - you can find what her faves are, who designed them, what kind of stones went into it, and, most importantly, can you afford it or not.

Coffee this morning in the disposable cup from the bagel place next to the blissfully almost-quiet laundromat.