MORNING UPDATE, May 23, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! Our fair city is providing is with the weather we are so used to: rain leading to humidity. According to my dad, Curry is now bigger than George. 

This just out: NY is only #4 among the cities with the worst traffic congestion; surprisingly, LA took second place...#1? Honolulu! My guess is that has something to do with Comrade Barak Hussein's birth certificate...Prince William admitted that he was not really able to sleep on the night before the wedding - due partially to nerves and partially to all the crowds singing on the streets. Here is a picture - bobbies going around those crowds with megaphones and asking people to be silent so that the bridegroom can sleep...

Coffee this morning in my clear funky glass from Target - drinking it cold.

MORNING UPDATE, May 30, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather is a bit better than yesterday, thank Gd! Tonight - the cold front is coming; yippee!!! Am completely useless in this weather.

Cynthia Nixon's wedding was big news - aw...the whole special announcement about the pictures being released...In other wedding news, Prince William told Katie Couric that he was presented with a list of 777 people as potential wedding guests - and he did not know a soul; so, he consulted his grandma, and she told him to forget the list and think of whom he and Kate would like to invite first...but she gave him an ultimatum on what he was going to wear to the ceremony. Whenever I peruse this nonsense, I am always reminded of bread and circuses. Achtung, Parteigenosse Michelle! Paula Dean was making New Orleans' beignets with her brother in law! And now Ina is doing a whole segment on desserts!!! 

Coffee this morning in my stripped glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE, June 3, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! The weather is beyond fantastic - thank you, Hashem!!! Today is Israeli Day Parade - reminds me of two attacks of insanity when I volunteered for the parade two years in a row; good times! Psychotic cats continue to drink from the faucet, sleep with me, run around like horses at night, and wake me up early in the morning demanding attention. 

Brits are renaming Big Ben into Elizabeth Tower in honor of queen's jubilee. Really hoping that the spirit of the first Elizabeth will get into them. Was re-reading an old copy of Domino magazine - they were suggesting eggplants in clay pots as centerpieces; which still would not prevent my pets from trying to eat the said centerpiece. 

Coffee this morning in white Target glass.

MORNING UPDATE, June 5, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather rocks! Dear complainers - please, please stop; you can wear an extra layer in this weather and be fine - you can't do squat once it gets to 3H - just trying to survive and not die (never mind the A/C bill). 

Today is the anniversary of the beginning of the 67 war - gosh, I can only hope that the spirit of that victory will infuse the current Israeli government! Prayers with Governor Walker - may he prevail over the union thugs! Brits are celebrating the Queen's Jubilee - long list of wishes there.   A young contender on Millionaire does not recognize Reagan's quote, but knows Google+ - no comment. Paltrow is in hot water because she supposedly called her buddies Jay-Z and Beyoncé n-word - couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people all around. 

Coffee this morning in my Chivas glass.

MORNING UPDATE, June 19, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Last day of great weather - hopefully, will be enjoyed to the fullest! My democratic-leaning cat continues to meet me at the door and periodically lick with his extra rough tongue:) Got an update from Koshertopia yesterday - KD on Broadway is closing!! Wow! And the memories...

Parteigenosse Michelle was on Live with Kelly yesterday - where she claimed that when few months into living in DC her daughter came from school and said that she licked it here, Michelle finally let out a breath - because she was concerned for her kids (and nothing more) - awww..pee a bit more on our legs and tell us it's raining. Tiger Woods is not the highest paid athlete anymore - my heart bleeds borsch. Due to the week economy, there are new rules out there for buying the engagement diamonds - how about this: be a decent human being, love and respect me, and be half-decent to my family - and you don't have to buy me any jewelry. And British Royals were showing off their magnificent hats at the annual Order of the Garter service - how about honoring the tradition of personal freedom and protecting the members of EDL from constant persecution? 

Coffee this morning in disposable DD cup.

MORNING UPDATE, June 22, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! All of you who wished for this weather - well, I really don't want to enumerate what I wished for you in a moment of weakness. The Today show had a segment on rocking black and white outfits - I think they visited couple of Simcha Halls in our neighborhood. Another segment was on fun toys - you can get a toy that fills balloons with water, another one that helps you throw them, and yet another machine to blow bubbles - what happened to do it yourself? 

Octomom was explaining why she made naughty movie - I wonder how many people are interested. Two girls in Tacoma school district came home with sunburns, because, according to the state law, the teacher was not allowed to put sunscreen on them! Re-cap of Prince William's 30th Birthday Party, which was very low-key, as he tuned down debauchery with maturing years: "knighthood, commissioned art, a multi-million-dollar birthday check and and a party at dad's massive country house" - hey, he is a Prince, after all. And, it looks like I missed a massive yoga party in Times Square that celebrated summer solstice - gosh, why am I living in NY and not paying attention? 

Coffee in my clear funky glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE, July 12, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! 

The stink is slowly disappearing - hopefully, the same will happen to the stink left by the 111th Congress. Vera Wang split with her husband - hopefully, her gowns will not jinx its wearers. And the "stirring controversy" pictures from Will and Kate's honeymoon surfaced, showing her in black bikini and him in flowery swimming trunks - I guess they wanted to give the finger to the Muslims terrorizing the Brits; and what better way to do this than that? A couple right here in Brooklyn found a comfortable way to live in a 240 sq feet apartment - gosh, who loves Brooklyn that much? Miley got a new tattoo - circuses, here we go. TNT is re-running old Charmed episodes - good trips down memory lane, since you can see the bands popular in your salad days; case in point - Cranberries are on. A woman in TX owes $179,596 for constantly zipping past toll booths - lady, even dealing with a-holes usually manning toll booths is worth not paying that much money to the government! And a man flew through the sunroof of his car without suffering any injuries - hello, Clark Kent!

MORNING UPDATE, July 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! For over a month now, whenever I tried to check the weather on my phone, I kept getting a message "sorry, weather not available" - I guess my phone knows what's good for him, because if I knew every weather report every single time, I think I would have smashed him. 

Sad news of the morning: R-Patz moved out - Bella and Edward are over. Duchess Kate appeared in a $60 dress - I love how the journalists keep breaking protocol and calling her Kate. And there is an Olympian that's 8 months pregnant and she is going to compete; will just ask her baby not to kick - no comment. And a mother woke up her newborn from coma with a loving embrace - that's the kind of news I need to round up my week.

MORNING UPDATE, September 27, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! 

Babies are dominating the news: Snooki's baby is trending at #4, and Kourtney Kardashian's baby weight is at #2 - fascinating, simply fascinating! Jessica Alba's haircut is at #7 - our priorities are straight! Prince Harry is also floating around the breaking news - because nobody else gets naked in Vegas. And speaking of Brits and stupidity - Emma Watson has a collection of about 20 Bibles: gifts from religious idiots seriously concerned with witchcraft and its deadly influence on the young minds. Men shared their creative ways of saying I love you - how about just not being a jackass at least half the time? That would proclaim his love like no chocolates or perfume ever would. Another lengthy list - what to bring to college and what to skip; well, brain protection against liberal brainwashing from the professors and strong hide to withstand the tolerance of liberal students - that should top any freshman's list.

MORNING UPDATE, August 28, 2012

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! Both of my cats, for reasons knows only to them, love to spend time in the bathroom and sit in the bathtub - go figure. 

Katy Perry's hair color is trending at #2 - well, hair and color are important, especially during the election year. Prince Harry is at #6: this time the question is as to the cost to the British taxpayers - big deal; just think about the cost of Obama family vacations to the American taxpayers - Brits got it on the cheep. At #1 is Dr. Phil's antique car that was stolen from the auto shop - for shame, steeling man's wheels! Christina Aguilera's skintight dress and pink hair are also on the minds of a lot of people - because this happened for the first time and she is the only one to ever do it. And there was a discussion on the Today about the vacation places to go and rejuvenate, and a place in Spain was mentioned: macrobiotic food and no coffee or sugar - what the heck kind of vacation is this without coffee or sugar, for effs sake?!! And last, but not least: Matthew McConaughey and his family were strolling along the Hudson on Sunday - heck, they took the idea from me! Am a blessed genius at family outings!

MORNING UPDATE, February 4, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! The weather is sunny and cold - well, at least it's sunny. I spent 8 hours in Amsterdam without going anywhere close to Mary Jane - hell, am an embarrassment to geeks everywhere! Also, in completely un-American fashion, totally ignored Super Bowl and Super Bowl attachments yesterday - and it looks like missed some excitement in the bargain. Although, no one lost their clothes, so, nothing to report. In completely unrelated news, Dumbledore's official title is now Menahel. 

And now, for the Earth-shuttering events: Kate's baby bump was officially witnessed by paparazzi! (which event is currently trending at #1). She was - what else - shopping for the maternity clothes; well, good luck, lady - both with the shopping and the paparazzi. Conspiracy theorists claim that Beyoncé flashed an Illuminati sign during her performance - I don't think that woman has education enough to know about Illuminati (of course, there is always the distinguished works of that cheep scribe, Dan Brown, so, the debate stands). According to the Epicurious, Whole Food's vanilla is the best ice cream - no comment, as never tasted; however, I strongly disagree with their second runner-up - Breyer's - no taste at all! Haagen Dazs rules! Super Bowl swearing is trending at #8 - because Raven's QB apparently expressed himself in non-printable terms; spare me - did you ever take a bus full of "inner city" kids dismissed from school? Raven's Quarter Back got nothing on them! New advice from Match.com: 10 reasons to dump a guy; number 2 - if he is mama's boy; lady, you obviously are not familiar with the Jewish dating scene - 98.9% of them are mama's boys! If we dump them or don't date them, who is left? And where in the world is Bieber?!!! Although I recently learned (quite by accident) that he was performing at the 2012 Victoria's Secret annual fashion show - hum, go, Bieber? 

Coffee this morning in my Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 13, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Wednesday! The weather improved slightly, and there is no more snow under my window. Got a bit scared in the night when I heard somebody else snoring in the room till I realized that I was Snuffles sleeping in the cat house. 

The latest issue of my monthly bible featured Dakota Fanning on the cover - and let me tell you, boys and girls, she looks mighty scary. The same publication also claims that 67% of guys do not mind leg stubble - mighty generous of them. And, finally, the publication released the information on Kardashians' 2 step-sisters who are ready to take on the world - world, get a bit more scared! Paparazzi got Kate's baby bump, and will release it, or rather the pictures of it, very shortly! Rejoice, oh world, because nobody saw a tall, skinny, 30 year old preggo in expensive clothes before! And this just in - Alec Baldwin's current wife is pregnant also, and, like Kate and Kim K, also due this summer - hell, where should we all hide this summer? Shortly after Pope announced his resignation, the Vatican was struck by humongous lightning - insert your own comment, as everyone else is busy doing just that. Taylor Lautner turned 21 - which happy event is currently trending at #8; the birthday bash included bowling and Kristen Stewart as guest. Congrats, Taylor! I hope the legally served beer was enjoyable. Our fair city is one of 5 US metro areas where there are way more single women than men - I guess that explains the singularly unappealing state of NY single men. In the same vein - our very own Brooklyn Botanical Garden is considered New York's most romantic location. Wow, could have fooled me, because every time I go there, it is full of local barbarians and their progeny, along with "inner city" kiddies and barbarian curses. Yea, I can see myself swooning in romantic embrace there. 

Coffee this morning in my San Fran latte mug.

MORNING UPDATE, February 14, 2013

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Thursday! The weather seem to be rocking for NY February. Well, today is Valentine's day, and I, frankly, never understood either the reverence of the hatred surrounding it. You want to feel loved and appreciated? Honestly, you don't need overpriced candy or lingerie for that - and there are other 364 days to express love. On the other hand, if you don't want to celebrate it, don't , for eff's sake! There is no need for so much virulence and hot air! Enjoy the sale on yummy chocolates and cute accessories the day after - I usually do ( providing I have time and/or money :)). And my erudite Jewish friends, please spare me the necessary lectures - as I have been known to crack a book or two, or even, in my salad days, attend a few classes. 

More Americans are leaving the country because of taxes - please don't let the door slam you on the way out! Also, do us all a favor, and get all the other ungrateful swine with you, beginning with liberals and Hussein supporters! Calcium can increase women's chance of a heart attack - well, here is a thought: how about we eat everything and just enjoy life? SI's swimsuit issue is upsetting some guys, because the spread looks to be, well, not really PC - oh, for crying out loud! Either enjoy those absolutely unnatural-looking models like a normal dude, or don't embarrass yourself and keep quite! In honor of today, there is also a list of celebs "looking for love" - spare me! Bieber is quiet once again, but Kate's pictures of her "baby bump" are "drawing ire" from the Palace - Bess, give those bastards a break! Believe me, that's not the worse they are capable of! There is also extreme silence from the Kardashian front - scary, that.

Coffee this morning in my big Pooh and Friends mug.

MORNING UPDATE, January 16, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! Considering the time of the year, the weather is simply rocking - but not for long, as, you know, global warming and stuff.
George is alternating between turkey and tuna. Sniff "helped" me clean.
The offensive t-shirts were laundered and are waiting for the warmer weather and the continued chances to offend.
Speaking of laundry - only one TV was on; that one was turned on channel 5. The so-called news were not as bad - but then there was Wendy Williams Show. Oh, sweet mercy!
The crazy upstairs is on her post.

Currently trending at #2 is Nick Cannon - because he officially filed for divorce from Mariah Carey. I wonder how much their lawyers are going to rake in.
Emma Stone is at #6 - because it looks like she is planning a summer wedding. More money into the economy - just into slightly different channels.
"Medicare chief is latest Obamacare casualty" - still waiting for the actual Obama to become the Obamacare casualty.
"Slain Charlie Hebdo editor blamed for attack" - wow, that was over a week in coming!
"Simple way to cook fish" - if you know how to cook, it's simple, geniuses!
"Why men are starting to embrace makeup" - yuck and barf!
"Tips to declutter your kitchen for good" - what planet are you from?
Kate Moss turns 41; still does not look real - or gorgeous, for that matter.
And here is an interesting twist - "George Clooney has a problem - and it's Amal". Why? Because his political aspirations might be derailed by his new bride's open Antisemitism. Big effin deal! My dear moronic brothers and sisters will still continue to sponsor Democrats and vote for them.
And, finally, "Prince Harry tops 8,000 pounds outfit with 1.66 pounds socks" - how do you know the precise prices? And, most importantly, why is this important?

Coffee this morning in disposable cup from the bagel shop next to the laundromat.

MORNIBNG UPDATE, January 26, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Monday! It's snowing! It's supposed to be a historic snowstorm - let's see if our dear Mayor will plow UES this time around.
Cats are extra sleepy - wish I could do the same. Sniff continues to sleep on my bed most of the night, but now he is on his fave radiator, so George took up my bed.
The crazy upstairs is strangely silent - maybe she is also extra sleepy?

Currently trending at #8 is Kim Kardashian - because she published a new book. Wow! She also arrived in DC "bundled up in fur", but in sandals! Hum - should I sue this one for copyright infringement?
"Rodman: N. Korea wasn't involved with Sony hack" - as always, paging psychiatric help for this dude.
"Match your favorite diet to your skincare" - that also needs psychiatric intervention.
"Mountain-size asteroid set to buzz Earth" - who cares about asteroids? We got terrorists, environmentalists, and politicians that are doing bang up job of buzzing the Earth.
"The best winder fitness gear of 2015" - what bloody fitness in the winter?!!
And, finally, Will, Kate, and Georgie are sunning somewhere - one of the few times I envy royals.

Coffee this morning in my Harry Potter mug.

MORNING UPDATE, January 30, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! For now it's a beautiful January day, but more cold and snow predicted.
George got it into his head to meow piteously when he is not demanding food, but just wants to be brushed. Sniff woke me up this morning by snuggling next to my head.
The little darlings at work hit me with about ninth different stain of rhinovirus, so I go around the house scaring the poor beasts with my sneezing and coughing.
The crazy upstairs performs her routing sporadically - I guess even she is adversely affected by the winter.

Currently trending at #1 is Peyton Manning - because he is not sure about coming back next season. I am sure it's a breaking and earth-shattering development, but as I am completely disinterested in any kind of sport, can't really offer my personal opinion on that one.
All-inclusive resorts are trending at #3 - that's what should be at #1!!!
"Dartmouth takes drastic step" by banning all hard liquor on campus - that's not drastic, that's idiotic. Refusing to brainwash students and actually educate them - that would, indeed, be drastic.
Our dear Secretary of State John Kerry was fined 50 big ones for "failing to shovel snow" - aww, poor guy! I am sure it was very painful for his wallet.
"What It's Like To Go A Month Without Alcohol, Sugar, And Caffeine" - why? Why? Why? Why would you do something like this to yourself?!!!
And, finally, Kate's younger brother was bitching about, er, claiming that it can be really "frustrating" to be in her shadow - um, dude, I hate to break it to you, but your sis ended up being a princess and a mother of the future king, so it's sorta hard to top that. Just man up and be a decent human being - that's all anyone can do anyway.

Coffee this morning in my NRA mug.

PS - as I was typing this, the crazy upstairs woke up and performed her routine straight over my head.

MORNING UPDATE, March 6, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Shushan Purim! It's nice, sunny, and cold outside; and the streets are covered in somewhat pristine snow - a perfect March day! (for Moscow). Felines are tired of the long winter as well - they are just sleeping. George also decided that turkey might be OK sometimes, but tuna is definitely the food of the Egyptian gods. Sniff increased the amount of meditating he does over the food bowl.

Youtube decided - for the reasons unknown - that it has to bombard me with ads featuring Jennifer Aniston and the latest free gift with purchase at Estee Lauder. Um, guys, your data collection engine is misfiring big time!
Yet another "New York Times bestselling author" of picture books for kids - Beth Stern! Of course, my naïve mind did not make the connection till I actually saw the back side of the book (pun not intended).
Currently trending at #3 is Kendall Jenner - because she was "Nearly Trampled By Crazed Fans In Paris". My barely existing respect for the French just plummeted even further.
Alex Baldwin is at #2 - because he is supposed to play NYC Mayor on HBO. Well, he is as loony as our own Mayor, and just as lefty, so, it works.
Tax preparation is trending only at #8 - I guess it's only March, hence it's not on top yet.
"Eva Longoria sizzles in tight grey dress" - as always, it's not her intellect that "sizzles".
"The jobs recovery is weaker than it seems" - wow!! You don't say!!
"Why it pays to be semivegetarian" - not when you tally the astronomic prices of fruit and veggies!
"Nostalgic dessert is making a comeback" - since we are talking about Jell-O, I had no idea it ever "went away".
"Good news for milk drinkers" - oh, hell, I forgot that milk might be bad for you!
And, finally, the fans of Downtown Abbey, rejoice! Kate is scheduled to visit the set of the show to celebrate its success.

Coffee this morning in my Disney Bean Bag Mini mug with Mickey and Friends.

MORNING UPDATE, March 8, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Sunday! It's actually warm outside!! I mean, it's windy, and the snow looks blah-y, but the temperatures are normal for March - wow...
George is sleeping after whining for and partaking of his tuna (and having a scuffle with Sniff). Sniff is also sleeping after trying to run out about 6 times, chasing the devils - and picking up a fight with George.
By the strange quirk of our new scheduling system, yours truly got a day off today - which I am enjoying to the fullest (e.i. just being a lazy bum).
Today is The International Women's Day - which to me personally means some funny and weird childhood memories and even funnier Jewish lore.
Today is also the first day of Daylight Savings Time - for which bounty I would like to curse once again everyone responsible for this travesty and twice yearly abuse of our bodies.
The crazy upstairs is strangely quiet - I guess she did not change her clocks on time.

Currently trending at #1 is Carrie Underwood - because of her newborn baby boy. Mazal Tov!
Trending at #5 is Nail Polish - I think people are anticipating the season of sandals and pedis!
Trending at #9 is Amal Clooney - because she is "to teach at Columbia Law". How lame and unoriginal!
Wedding Invitations are trending at #10 - love is in the air?
"'American Sniper' now top-grossing film of 2014" - which kinda proves that Americans still "need a hero", despite all the bloviating and propaganda from the Left.
Our fair metropolis is at #7 amongst "The 10 richest cities in the U.S."; San Francisco is at #1 - which probably explains the success of one specific branch of Lefty propaganda.
"The 7 Taxes we hate the most" - really? I would think by now we hate all taxes, not just any specific ones.
In the news of hairstyles - Raven Symone "Is Experimenting With a Platinum Blonde Hairpiece".
And, finally, Kate's fave designer was talking about "dressing her baby bump".

Coffee this morning in my Disney Dalmatian Spots mug that my sis got for me.

MORNING UPDATE, May 8, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Friday! Happy Erev Shabat! The weather is sorta summery - we want spring!! Cats finished their morning sessions of whining for food, fighting, hunting local barbarians, and running around the house - and are now happily snoozing in their respective corners.

Mark Kelly is busy producing children's books - in between the times devoted to deprive us of our constitutional right.
Recently astonished a bunch of friends by telling them that I don't think Colin Firth made a decent Mr. Darcy.

Currently trending at #3 is Shonda Rhimes - and, surprisingly, not because people are gunning for her for killing McDreamy.
Gifts for mom are trending at #5 - no comment.
Chevy Volt is at #10 - someone is still moron enough to buy it?!!
Some moron in Virginia posted his demand note on Instagram before going in to rob a bank - insert your own joke here.
In the news of hairdos - it looks like Katie Holmes' haircut at the infamous, excuse me, famous Met gala was a wig. Could have told you that from the beginning.
Tina Fey took off her dress in honor of her last appearance on the Letterman - hurray for women's lib!
"Bieber's couture look" - there is just so much that's not right with this headline!
"Benefits of measles shot" - like, really?!! You need to know the benefits of the measles shot?!!
"White House fence upgrade" - that is ironic on so many levels.
And, finally, it looks like the bonnet that princess Charlotte wore for her first public appearance was put on backwards - the culprit or culprits unknown.

Coffee this morning in my blue wine glass from Target.

MORNING UPDATE, May 12, 2015

Good Morning, peeps! Happy Tuesday! The weather, well, not too put a fine point on it, sucks! There is nothing worse than this idiotic haze - which, by the way, settled on three weeks earlier! Sniff sits by the open kitchen window and observes his domain; George remembered his fondness for cereal and milk.
The crazy upstairs is very active.

The eminent writer known as Kim Kardashian West came out with a new book called Selfie.
Currently trending at #1 is someone named Erin Andrews - because she "swears she didn't roll her eyes Monday night when Noah Galloway proposed to Jamie Boyd on "Dancing With the Stars."" Wow! Just wow! That is number one?!!
Trending at #3 is Liam Neeson - who is " is in final negotiations to star in the terrorist-themed thriller A Willing Patriot." Good job, Liam! I am sure it's another movie glorifying gun control.
"Introducing Dr. Kanye West" - insert your own joke here.
"Taste-tasting the new McDonald's kale meal" - there is something seriously wrong with this sentence.
"Prince Harry 'would love to have kids right now'" - good luck, Your Highness! It's so easy to find someone you want to have kids with.
And, finally, the headline of the week: "Did Kylie Jenner Raid Justin Bieber's closet?"

Coffee this morning in my black cup from Target.